


Death and Rebirth: New Moon Reimagined

by Jadiona



Series: Life and Death Continuation [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Fantasy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 14:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 97,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15974570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadiona/pseuds/Jadiona
Summary: A continuation of Beau and Edythe's story after the events of Life and Death. Edythe and Beau start to plan their future but as they do the reality of what was stolen from Beau when he was turned makes a forefront appearance. Edythe's guilt has her family leaving Beau behind in the night. Perhaps it will only be in death that they'll be able to be together.





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN:I became fascinated with Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined when it was released in September of 2015. I willingly admit that I read the entire book from start to finish within a matter of hours. On a political level, I agree with some of the critics that have come out by stating that the book defeated it purpose by some of the changes she made. But I still enjoy the book. To me, I read it as if it was it's own story, and I want to continue it, as if it is it's own story. Rather than rewriting the ending to Life and Death so Beau survives human and we can see the tragic and foolish human story unfold again through the eyes of a boy, I would much rather continue it right where it's been left off. I want to know what comes next. I will be using the same basic plot that was in New Moon for this tale, and here's why. Because I believe, that even though Beau is now a vampire, that Edythe would still find a reason to believe she isn't good enough and leave. Obviously, there will be some major differences, but the basic plot is in fact the same and it will be of a similar length. It will have a preface, approximately 24 chapters, and an epilogue. I had been waiting on someone else to do this idea, but while I've seen some people continue Life and Death, I've seen nothing like this.

**Preface**

I felt like I was trapped in one of those horrifying nightmares – though it had been so long since the last time I'd slept, so long since I'd been human – one of those nightmares that no matter how hard you try, you can never get to where you desire. I kept on trying to fight my way through the crowd without using my strength as that would draw attention to me that I could not afford to garner, not if any of us wanted to survive this endeavor. The hands on the clock tower refused to slow though as they turned with relentless, uncaring force toward the end. The end of everything.

But this was no dream, and, unlike in the nightmare, the stakes were very real. I was trying to save  _her_ life, without whom, nothing would matter, but I wasn't getting there quick enough, no matter what I tried.

Archie had said that we would likely all die today. Perhaps the outcome would be different if the one we were trying to save wasn't too stubborn to listen. Our only chance was me, the mental mute, but I couldn't get there quick enough, not with all the humans pressed shoulder to shoulder in my way.

Another group of humans stepped right into the only path I'd so far been able to use.

So it didn't matter to me that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my feet, I knew I was too late – and I was glad that my end waited in the wings. For in failing this, I forfeited any desire to live.

My only wish was that I could tell Archie to leave, as he did not have to share in our fate. The clock tolled again.


	2. Chapter 1 - Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 1 – Party**

The day started much like all my days start, not that my days ever have an end. At least now that I'm no longer human. I'd come to term, more or less, with being a vampire over the months of summer, but it was hard to adapt, not to the diet which had been easier for me than any other vampire under this roof. At least, that's what I'd been told.

Instead, what was hard to adapt to was the lack of rest, the lack of peace. Every night at about eleven or so I would lock myself in the room that had been turned into mine – Carine's old office as it so happened. Edythe and I were the only pair in the entire house that were not bedding down in the same room every night. The only mates not shacking up daily, literally.

Edythe was insistent though. She wanted to wait until we were married to be together intimately. We did kiss, exuberantly in fact, but that was all we ever did. There was no running the bases with her. We weren't getting anywhere close to first, forget about second or third. I respected her wishes though, she wanted to be married first, so that's what would happen.

Even If I did have extremely cold feet. In fact they were so cold that any time someone brought up the subject of marriage, even when it wasn't our impending one, I immediately contemplated running away. Mexico wasn't far enough, and that was where the split second visions Archie got when I contemplated it saw me ending up in. A fact that annoyed both Archie and Edythe to no end. It wasn't my fault that I couldn't control my thoughts, errant though they were.

The school year had officially started about three weeks ago. Only I couldn't go to school, and while Edythe could, she chose not to. She wanted to stay near me and make sure that I didn't make any life altering mistakes. Even though I'd proven several times already that I could resist human blood, and easily. She claimed that the outside world held no appeal to her with me stuck here, and of course there was the appearances that had to be kept up. The one that had it appearing that she was too distraught over my so called death to be in school.

Unfortunately for me, her decision to stay near me almost all the time left me feeling suffocated. I knew she was only doing what she thought was right, they all were in fact, but still, it left me choked.

How was I supposed to truly acclimate to this life of the undead if I was never given the chance to have the freedom to learn. Yes, I was still a newborn, I knew that, but I was a well behaved newborn. Sure, I had my flaws, just as much as the next vampire. I still had a hard time keeping my clothes from tearing when hunting and I was a bit messy, but by all accounts, being a clean eater was a learned habit. Most of my siblings claimed it took decades of practice. If they were going to wait until I had all the tiny nuances of being a vampire figured out to allow me to be on my own I was going to end up losing my figurative mind before then.

I'd even tried taking off out my window a few times, just so I could be alone for awhile. I never got far though, between Archie  _seeing_ me take off and everyone in the house being able to hear even my slightest movement, I just couldn't get away.

And if I really could turn on some human at any time then I supposed I was grateful. Similar to what Edythe had once told me, I didn't want to be a monster.

Perhaps, the biggest problem for me was that no matter the assurances I had been given by Edythe, I still couldn't fathom how, or why, she would want me for an eternity. Joss's video had struck a cord in a way that nothing else could have. That and the fact that it had been Edythe's first instinct to suck the venom out. If she really wanted me forever then why had that been her first course of action? She had told me why, her belief of us being soulless creatures, but still, I couldn't be sure. Even when Jessamine had assured me that Edythe's emotions for me were true... I still could not fully believe her.

...

I heard Archie throw something in the room beside me, his voice carried to me easily. "Where is that set of Armani Jeans? I only  _just_ bought them. Did you take them?"

Jessamine giggled lightly, it was still a weird noise to hear. Especially given what I now know about her history, but she made it often enough, at least around Archie. I couldn't say the same when she was near the rest of us. "It wasn't me that took them, they wouldn't fit on me even if I had."

Archie ground his teeth together for a moment before I knew the light bulb lit up, even though I wasn't watching the scene unfold. The longer I lived with my new family, the more predictable certain members got. "Beau? Did you take them?"

I snorted. "Why on earth would I take a pair of designer jeans that would be too short for me? Especially when I'm constantly begging you to  _stop_  buying me clothes of that variety. Old Navy would be so much more reasonable."

I didn't have to be in the room with Archie to know he was rolling his eyes. "You'll learn to have good taste one way or another, I swear."

I let out a small annoyed hiss, but otherwise didn't reply. There's no point. Archie would only listen to Archie when it comes to that stuff.

I looked out towards the garage, only semi-curious. I'd known that a new car had been brought in for one of them a couple of days ago. Like any of my siblings needed yet  _another_  car. There was already the BMW, the Mercedes, the Austin Martin, the Volvo, the Jeep, the Audi, and the Maserati. They'd asked me, several times, about what I wanted. But I didn't need a car, there was a whole selection to choose from.

Besides, it wasn't like they could get the vehicle  _I_  wanted anyways. I wanted my truck back, but it, like everything from my human life, had been destroyed. Incinerated in a ravine somewhere in Nevada with a cadaver's body inside that was roughly my size and age, burned beyond the point of recognition.

I sighed and headed to my door to open it, getting ready for another day of the modicum of normal and the tedium that I was coming to recognize to be a part of this life.

Archie chose that exact moment to come out of his room. "Happy birthday," he said cheerfully.

I rolled my eyes. "I thought we all agreed that it wasn't going to be celebrated. It's not like I'm aging anymore."

"You may have convinced Edythe." He lifted his chin in defiance. "That you don't want to celebrate your birthday, but I'm going to get the final say so here. There will be presents, everyone likes presents."

And if I thought for even half a second that he had gotten me presents that I actually wanted, like a notebook, simple clothes from normal stores, that kind of stuff – it might excite me. But I knew he hadn't. "I don't like surprises."

"Well you should." Archie stuck his tongue out at me and raced around, going down the stairs two at a time.

I shook my head.

From Archie's and Jessamine's bedroom, Jessamine spoke, "Let him have his fun. Yours is the closest to a real birthday that any of us have had in over seventy years."

I sighed, knowing I'd been defeated. Finally, Edythe came downstairs, her eyes meeting mine at the same time that mine did hers. I smiled, happy to see her. During the nights, it was easy to get depressed and start to regret some of the things that had transpired, but in the light of day, looking at Edythe, I knew it was all worth it.

"Let's go hunting," Edythe said, noticing my eyes were black.

I flinched at the sudden burning pain in the back of my throat, the reminder of the never ending thirst. I shook my head though, in spite of my eyes being black, I didn't  _need_ to go hunt, not yet. "It's only been two weeks, I'm fine."

"Only, he says," Edythe muttered. "And your only about six months old to this life. Most vampires your age can only go a matter of a couple days without being ravenous. I know you're the strongest newborn any of us have ever seen, but there really is no point in starving yourself like this."

I growled in annoyance at Edythe. "I am not starving myself."

"Yes, you are," Jessamine murmured from the bedroom. I turned to glare daggers at their bedroom door. Even though the number one rule of this household tended to be  _don't lie in front of the empath or the psychic._ Generally it also included Edythe, but I could get away with it with her, sort of, as she couldn't read my mind.

"Fine, let's go hunt some stinky herbivores." I hated the smell of the deer and elk found in the area. It was one of the reasons I was trying to put off hunting as long as possible. Even when we did go farther away to hunt cougars and bears the scent was only mildly less off-putting

"You could always try a normal diet," Edythe said almost as if she was reading  _my_ mind. "No one would blame you here, after all, you didn't agree to this life or this style."

We'd had this argument before, many times. "I've told you before, I don't want to hunt humans. Why do you keep insisting that I try it?"

"You once told me that it seemed natural to have a rebellious faze and want to be a normal vampire for awhile back when I told you my tale. I only feel that you deserve that same opportunity."

That was a new one, but I snorted. "I'm not old enough yet to need a rebellious faze. Give it about fifteen more years."

Edythe smiled at my words. "Fine then, let's go hunt." I followed her out of the house and ran with her into the forest.

...

I smelled the herd of deer before I heard or saw them, though I was fairly sure that Edythe had smelled them before me. For some reason, her senses seemed to be more acute than mine, perhaps because of her age, I couldn't be sure.

"That way," I said, whisper soft, pointing in the direction that the smell was coming from.

"Yes," Edythe agreed.

The smell, disgusting though it was, made me suddenly extremely thirsty. I took off in the direction of the smell. I could hear Edythe running behind me, though she was keeping her distance. We'd already learned that I was a bit... volatile when hunting.

The wind changed directions just as I was nearing the heard, which was rotten luck, as the deer all took off at  _my_  smell – the smell of a predator. I let out a frustrated hiss, but raced forward, I was faster than deer anyways.

As I ran the trees started to thin enough that I could see the herd. More specifically, I could see the alpha, the seven point buck that any human hunter would dream of catching, if nothing else than for the killer rack. It was my dream now though, and not because it would make for some fancy trophy, but because of it's size, which meant more blood.

I jumped up into one of the trees and started bounding from one to the next, passing the smaller deer by. Edythe could take the does for all I cared. I crouched briefly on a branch before, with a final lunge, I dropped down on the buck, ripping into his throat with my teeth.

I slurped up the blood thirstily, needing the relief from the pain even if the wild flavor of the blood was disgusting. It only took about a minute to drain the animal of his blood and then I was on my feet and diving at another deer, this one a doe.

After my third kill I was finally finished, it was enough. I was still a little bit thirsty, but I didn't want to drink anymore, I knew my eyes would be the same golden butterscotch as Edythe's.

Edythe looked at me and her lips twitched like she was trying to hold back a laugh before she turned to the side, her shoulders shaking slightly. I looked down at my shirt and groaned. It was now more red than white, at least it wasn't torn, this time. Muttering under my breath, I yanked the shirt off.

"Better?" I asked.

She looked back at me and eyed me for a second, the look positively salacious, before she replied far too casually. "At least your not quite as macabre now."

...

We ended up resting in a couple of trees, me in one, her in another facing me. It was then that she brought up my attitude towards this diet again. "You know, there really isn't any point in starving yourself the way you do. It's not like it does anything, other than make you volatile, that is. It's not exactly like we can starve to death."

"I know." I'd been told about Carine's beginning. She had gone for over six months without blood, before, wild with thirst, she'd taken down a herd of sheep.

"In fact, it's almost impossible for one of us to commit suicide," Edythe murmured softly.

I looked up sharply. "Where the hell did that comment come from?"

"I had to think about it once."

"What do you mean you had to  _think about it?_ " My voice was scathing. I couldn't believe she'd ever been that depressed. I started to wonder if I needed to talk to Carine about prescribing Edythe anti-depressants. Did such a thing even exist for a vampire?

"Back when Joss was hunting you... When I arrived in the airport in Phoenix, and found that you'd vanished. Obviously, I was trying to get to you while you were still alive, but there was a part of me that was preparing for a world where you ceased to exist." She flashed me a small smile, as if what she was saying was remotely sane. "Clearly, there was no point in me continuing my life without you."

"Why would you  _do_ that? I was human, and nearest I can tell, you never had any intention of ever making me immortal." A fact that still bugged me, even though I now was one.

"I already told you once, I always intended to join you after you died."

"That is screwed up on every level."

"And what would you do, if the table was reversed? If something had happened to me when you'd been human or even now."

I waved that off. Though I knew in my mind how I would answer if she insisted on that line of thought. It was different for me, no one would have really missed me, at least not for long. I wasn't anyone that was important. I deflected instead. "So what, you decided to pull a Juliet?"

"Hardly, Juliet and Romeo both have it so much easier than our kind does when it comes to dying. A vile of poison, a knife to the heart... even traditional forms of suicide for humans like a bullet to the head, a bottle of pills, or a hangman's noose. Our kind wouldn't be touched by any of it." She looked speculative for half a second. "Well maybe a RPG, but that would be difficult to test. Anyways, there are very limited ways to commit suicide."

I stared at her, stunned into complete stillness. I couldn't believe her words, how casually she was talking about this, as if it was a normal thing to think of.

She continued after a moment. "I knew, if you had died, that my siblings wouldn't help me to die. Even if they were willing... Carine would stop it, as would Earnest. So I thought about going to the Volturi." She looked up at me. "You remember the painting of Sulpicia, Athenodora, and Marcus. As I told you, they're the rulers of our world and I could have went to them to ask to die. Even if they didn't want to grant me my wish... I'm sure I could have convinced them. A car thrown through a department store window would work nicely."

I finally shook myself out of my stupor. "Enough of those kinds of thoughts." I snapped at her in irritation. "I'm immortal now, so none of that matters. I can't die, at least not easily."

She smiled genuinely then. "That's true."

...

It had turned to dusk by the time we headed back towards the house slowly, walking arm in arm. "I suppose I should warn you." Edythe started.

"Please do."

"Archie has decorated the house while we were gone. That's part of why I insisted we go out and hunt today, of course. He wants to celebrate your birthday. We all do actually."

I groaned loudly. "Why? I'm no longer aging just like the rest of you."

"It's your first birthday with us, and besides, your the closest to human of all of us." She was quiet for a few seconds before she continued. "And when I say all, I do mean  _all._ "

I blinked several times. "But Eleanor and Royal are in Africa on a hone...vacation." I couldn't even force the word honeymoon out of my mouth, because even though part of me wanted that with her, the requirement to get us to that point – I thought about running away again.

"They should have arrived home a couple hours ago." Edythe laughed. "Eleanor wanted to be here."

"But  _Royal?_ " I hissed his name.

"Royal will be on his best behavior."

I shuddered. We hadn't gotten along since I'd been changed, and by hadn't gotten along, I meant we'd had to be forcibly separated several times.

Up ahead, I saw our house, someone had wrapped the house and garage with blue christmas lights in the time we'd been gone. "Over the top much," I grumbled under my breath.

"Be nice," Edythe said before racing ahead and jumping over the creek.

I briefly glanced back into the forest, tempted to race off instead, but sighed and ran forward, jumping over the creek as well so that I could join Edythe. She took my hand again so that we walked up to the house together.

We went into the house through the huge sliding glass doors in the side, heading directly into the living room where our family was waiting.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY," Archie yelled. Most of the others said it as well at a far more reasonable octave. Archie rolled his eyes. "My family is the saddest lot of partiers. Ever." He raced over to a table where a handful of wrapped boxes were sat out, and quickly brought back a box that looked to be about ten inches by ten by about three high. He handed it to me.

It was, extremely, light. "It's clothes, isn't it?" I grumbled.

Archie's eyes glinted with a hint of steel. "Just open it, you'll love it, I promise."

"Fine." I carefully slid my finger under the paper and started to unwrap it. As soon as I finished unwrapping, I knew I was right, it was a plain white box designed to fit garments inside. I opened the lid and the first thing I saw was an envelope. I arched an eyebrow suspiciously. I picked up the envelope and underneath was a fold t-shirt with a Linkin Park logo on it. Underneath was a pair of faded jeans. "These the jeans you were looking for this morning?"

Archie laughed. "Inside the envelope are tickets for a concert to go see Linkin Park in early spring next year. Just one for you, and one for Edythe." I blinked once. "Your welcome."

"The rest of the gifts on the table can wait. I want him to see the good one." Eleanor said, her voice excited.

"Okay, okay," Archie said, his voice excited. It wasn't a half a second later that he'd pounced on my back. His hands covering my eyes.

"Hey!" I said in consternation, tempted to try and throw Archie off.

"I could have done that without any troubles," Edythe said.

"You might have let him cheat. Now take his hand and guide him.. err.. us out."

Edythe pulled me out of the house and across the grass in the general direction of the outbuildings and the garage. I knew everyone else was following behind by the sounds of their footsteps but couldn't understand why we were heading to the garage though it should have been obvious.

Finally we stopped a few feet into the garage and Archie jumped down. "You can look now."

I opened my eyes which I had closed instinctively when he'd covered them. In front of me was a fire engine red Chevy Camaro with a giant blue bow tied around it. My teeth snapped together fiercely.

I heard Archie make a noise of shocked worry a tenth of a second before I spun around and snarled loudly. "Why on EARTH would you get me this... this thing." I flung my arm out at it. "No, thing isn't the right word for it. Because  _thing_  was my truck. You know, the one that you guys destroyed. I don't want this. I've NEVER wanted this. I'm not a car person. I don't like muscle cars. I've never had a need for one, and I certainly don't need one now."

I took a quick breath as I was out of air, but I wasn't done, not by a long shot. "Don't you think that my life, or undeath or whatever you want to call it is hard enough without  _this._ I don't need the constant reminder that I will never truly have a place in this family. I'm not truly all that handsome or beautiful. I'm not wealthy or super smart, I don't even have any grand story to tell for as to why I'm now a vampire, unlike all of you. Hell. I'm not even normal for a vampire. I'm reminded constantly by all of you how I don't behave naturally. I'm just done." I threw my hands up in the air in frustration before racing around everyone and out of the garage faster than I'd ever moved before.

Behind me I heard the sound of flesh grabbing flesh. "Let him go, he'll come back on his own," Archie said.

"But..." Edythe started to say.

It was the last thing I heard before I was out of ear shot.


	3. Chapter 2 - Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 2 – Stitches**

I didn't come back home. Not that night anyways. I ran until I reached the meadow,  _our_  meadow. Edythe could surely find me if she really wanted to. I felt raw, flayed open with an emotional knife. I knew, on one level anyways, that I'd overreacted. It wasn't their fault that I missed my truck.

I missed a lot of things. Ever since I'd gone to the graveside memorial to see the casket that was supposed to hold me being lowered into the ground, it had felt like a part of me had been buried there. The good part.

I loved Edythe, it was true. I loved all of my adopted family, not that I'd ever admit it out loud. At the end of the day though, there was something that I was missing, a lot of somethings actually. Everyone else in my new family had a tale, a tragic and unavoidable reason for their current existence – from Carine's start as being the daughter of a man of god that was turned in an act of revenge to Jessamine's tale of being stolen out of her bed in the middle of the night by a vampire warlord to even Edythe's own tragic beginning when she was dying from the Spanish Influenza.

And what did I have? A foolish folly to try and one up a master manipulator. It would have taken exactly two brain cells to realize that Joss had never had my mother. Looking back it was so obvious that I'd been played for a fool, two finger fiddle and all that. If my coven ever did add another member to the family, my story wouldn't be one that was being told.

I couldn't even be a vampire right, I was supposed to be volatile, do unexpected things, want human blood so much that I would willingly go after my own family and friends to get it. I did, somewhere in the back of my mind, want to taste human blood but I was able to easily catalog it and push it aside, which wasn't natural.

All of my siblings, excepting Royal, had tasted human blood and even he had killed humans. It seemed that the only person I had actually killed was myself.

The time I had to myself at night I had been been using to keep tabs on my family via online searches even though I knew I could never see any of them again and that it did me no good other than to wallow in my own self loathing.

Archie, Jessamine, even Royal... they had all told me that trying to keep an eye on things would do me no good except to hurt me further. I knew it, but I couldn't help myself. My mother and her husband had settled into a fairly permanent residence in Florida because Phil had been signed by the Suns in Jacksonville. It was a minor league which wasn't surprising, but a regular contract for Phil was a good thing, like I'd always said, he wasn't  _good_  at playing baseball.

As for Charlie, I'd read the newspaper articles where he'd stated that he planned to retire by forty-five, citing an opinion that he no longer felt young or fit enough to continue as the chief of police past that. In the photos, he looked closer to sixty than the forty-one that he really was. I knew that it was my death that had aged him like that, and I constantly worried that the next article I would read would be one stating that he'd passed.

Meanwhile, most of the kids at school had all but forgotten my brief existence in Forks, WA. Jeremy Stanley was the favorite for becoming Valedictorian, but that was only because Archie deliberately missed certain things on his tests and homework. Something, that when we finally moved on and I got to restart school, I'd been advised that I would have to do too. It was bad for anonymity to make the newspapers if you became something like a Valedictorian or Salutatorian. We could be good, great even, but we couldn't be perfect.

Mr Weber, his son Allen, and the twin girls, Isis and Josie, had been featured on the front page of the Forks Forum on one of the weekly editions that had been printed in early July after Mrs Weber had tragically died in a car wreck in a Seattle pile up. A couple weeks later there was second article in the newspaper where Allen had been interviewed, stating that he was going to go to a Christian University in the winter as he planned to graduate early.

Meanwhile, as per Archie, Logan Mallory was the star quarterback this year. Not that Forks's football team had ever been all that boast worthy. Archie had informed me that him and Taylor Crowley were still a couple, unlike some of the high school couples, they'd actually survived the summer with their relationship intact.

McKayla Newton who had briefly dated Jeremy had broken up with him over the summer. Becca Cheney had started dating Allen sometime after I had supposedly passed away, but they were now on hold indefinitely as a result of Allen losing his mom. And Archie had informed me that Erica Yorkie had recently started dating Kane Marshall, a boy who had lived just around the corner from Charlie.

The only ones that I didn't know anything about were those on the res, the Blacks and the Clearwaters. I wondered about both often. As per Edythe's ability to read minds when we'd met them that night after my funeral we had found out that there were several other kids on the res that looked like they'd soon be changing, Julie Black was among them.

Even more importantly though, they blamed us (vampires) for their change, claiming that the Cullen's return to Forks had been what had started the transformations again. I couldn't help but wonder if Julie had shifted yet, if she now hated me as much as her mother clearly had. Did she now know that my death was a farce?

I doubted I would ever find out the answers, for though Bonnie had decided that the treaty hadn't been breached after all, it had also been made exceedingly clear that they would not interact with us, even though Carine had tried to convince them otherwise.

All of this knowledge had been safely pushed into the recesses of my mind because I'd been able to shield myself under the flimsy excuse of curiosity until tonight. The truth was though that my change had left a gaping hole in the form of massive amounts of regret, but as time had passed, I'd been emotionally stitched together. After having spent the summer with Edythe, focusing on our future, learning how to live this life.. it had healed me, at least at the time.

Tonight though had awoken all the festering wounds I'd compartmentalized. I wasn't a Cullen and I never would be, I was too much of a freak, even when living in a group of them. That thought, that realization left a a tear in the sutures I'd worked so hard on. Charlie.. another tear, Renee.. another, my friends, my truck. Every little thing was ripped open and bleeding. Not physically of course as I would never bleed again, but mentally and emotionally.

I could feel every tiny wound in my mind and I didn't know how to repair myself, not this time. None of my adopted family understood, not really. Oh sure, they all had regrets, all had memories that troubled them, but while they regretted the loss of  _their_ humanity,  _their_ mortality,  _their_  souls even... that wasn't what I regretted. I wanted to be a vampire. But what I regretted was all the things that were left unfinished, all the pain I'd left other people with, all the stupid mistakes that I could have avoided.

I had never fit in as a human among my peers and now it was clear that I would never fit in as a vampire either. Ever since I'd realized how important Edythe was to me, knowing what she was, seeing her family... part of me had always believed that I would make a better vampire than a human, that I would fit in more. It turned out I had been dead wrong.

It was easily proven in how I'd successfully managed to alienate myself from Royal within weeks of my change, not that it had taken much to do that...

– – –

Edythe and I were running back home after my successful kill of a bear, the first one I'd ran into, sadly my clothes hadn't fared all that well. I was about a month and a half old to this life, and for one of the first times since I'd been changed, I had truly enjoyed the hunt. The flavor of bear blood had been better, more satisfying, than the deer and elk that we normally hunted. I had yet to try a mountain lion, which I knew was Edythe's favorite.

"Oh look, it's the new favorite," Royal said from where he stood on the porch leaning against the wooden column.

Edythe hissed loudly, I couldn't be sure if it was at his comment or his thoughts. "Not now, Royal."

"I say it should be now. What right does this boy have to change our futures so irrevocably. He was changed, you've shown him the ropes, now it's time for him to move on. He has no place in our family."

"Beau is my mate, Royal. Our family is the  _only_  place for him now that he's a vampire."

"Really, he's your mate? Then why are you two staying in different rooms? Have you two even had sex yet?"

"Sex isn't all there is to loving someone. You know that."

"No but it tends to help solidify things. It also would make this ridiculous claim of you being mated more believable. Frankly, I still believe you're lesbian. After all, how else could you have not even noticed Taavi, Ivan and Kirill."

I froze where I stood, turning into a statue. I knew the names, of course. I'd been told about the Denali cousins, but I had yet to meet them, and it had never been mentioned to me before that the incubus brothers had taken a fancy to my Edythe.

"You're just jealous that I never liked  _you_ that way."

The first thing that I registered was that she didn't confirm or deny how she felt about them. I'd have to talk to her further about the Denali's.. later. Then what she really said registered in the forefront of my mind. I saw red.

Edythe reached out to grab me, probably because Archie had seen a vision in the house, but it was too late. I dived at Royal, leaping up the porch steps easily. I tried to grab onto Royal, but he'd already spun around the column, leaped over the railing, and landed down on the grass.

I crouched on the balls of my feet and pounced at Royal who dived to the side at the last millisecond. Then his teeth were at my throat, but they weren't there long as Edythe threw Royal off of me. Archie and Eleanor grabbed Royal, holding him back even as Jessamine and Edythe grabbed onto me to keep me from diving at Royal again.

In my rage I hadn't even noticed that the rest of the family had even come outside...

– – –

Royal and I got in four more fights over the next month and a half until Royal and Eleanor had taken off on their vacation in Africa, Eleanor had wanted to try hunting different game. They had also went to try and track down a coven that Carine was good friends with so they could give Amiyah and Kerem well wishes from Carine.

Based on the times they had called to check in with Earnest and Carine, it seemed that they hadn't been successful in finding Carine's friends, and now they were back home. I wasn't sure if they intended to stay or go back to Africa in a couple of days. I hoped it was the latter. For while I did enjoy Eleanor's company, the same could not be said for Royal.

He wasn't the only vampire that I had alienated in the family either. Jessamine too, to some extent, despised me. She was better at hiding it than Royal, and I knew it wasn't me per se, that she disliked, so much as my ease of control. Still there was a rift between us that didn't seem mendable. She knew more about newborn vampires than any of the rest of Cullen's and she had never met or seen a newborn with control even remotely similar to mine. She wasn't happy that her knowledge was in question.

I shook my head, looking around the meadow, remembering the first time Edythe and I had come here, back when I'd still been human. The memories were blurry, faded from the change to vampirism, but still there. I remembered Edythe showing off, running around the meadow too fast for my eyes to follow and then ripping a branch off of the tree next to her before swinging it into the tree she'd just torn it from. Both the tree and the branch had exploded from the strength of her swing. She'd been trying to frighten me, which she had. In that moment, she had never seemed less human.

Still, it was one of the memories I clung to harder than any other, wanting to remember the first time we'd been truly alone together and the first time she'd kissed me. We hadn't known it then, but as we'd discussed the potency of my blood to her and I'd ask if there was no hope, that there truly had been none. In the end, loving her as a human, had killed me – changed me in a way that I couldn't combat with.

Now, I would never be able to let my human family know that I was alright, that I was happy. I'd never be able to tell them that I got to keep the one thing that mattered more than anything else, they'd never know what the best part of my new life was. No one from my human life would ever truly realize that I was with Edythe still, they'd never know that leaving my human life behind was worth it.

I did know that though, I knew that everything I'd left behind, all the foreseeable problems in the future, my own weirdness.. it was all worth it, because I got to keep Edythe. Our love was worth all the regret and pain and fear. I could feel a small amount of my psyche scar over as I finally managed to come to terms with something that I had before just pushed aside.

As for my truck, a mere possession – which to an outsider it probably looked small and petty that I was giving it this much power over me – but it was about more than just the loss of the truck. It was about what the loss symbolized, about why it had to be lost. My faked death, using the body of a boy I'd never met, and burning both my vehicle and the body to the point of being unrecognizable. I understood why it had to be done, to give my family closure, to give the kids at school closure, and in the case of the kids at school, that was alright, I could accept that.

However, the closure it had given my parents.. seeing the pain and agony my death had caused them, I couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't have been better for them to just have believed that I'd run away. Perhaps then, my dad wouldn't have aged two decades in a matter of weeks, perhaps my mother would have believed that I'd finally developed some of her natural flightiness and thought I'd come back on my own. Instead, they were left reeling from the loss of their child.

It was the one major part that I still couldn't come to terms with. There had to have been a better way, there had to have been a more suitable option for the sake of my parents. They'd deserved better closure than believing I'd died in some tragic car wreck. It was one tear that I wasn't able to close, I didn't know how to close this wound again. I already knew I wouldn't be able to compartmentalize it like I had before.

As for the Quileutes, there decision to view us as enemies was not something I could control, so while it was an unfortunate reality, it was one I could accept, and with that a little bit more of myself became whole again.

Perhaps the most important thing that I needed to come to terms with was marrying Edythe. We were already together forever, what did it matter if we got a piece of paper and a couple of rings to prove it. In all reality, it shouldn't matter to me, no matter what I thought of marriage as an individual. Marriage might be a flawed institution, but if it was what Edythe needed to be at peace with us being together then it wasn't that big of a deal. I had to accept that.

I wasn't ready to stand in front of a justice of the peace with her, but I was ready to stop running from the thought. It was time for me to be an adult about our future.

I sighed, I knew that I still felt somewhat raw, there were still things I hadn't come to terms with or accepted, but I was better than I had been when I'd run away from my adopted family. I was ready to go back home.

I looked up, noticing that it was dawn.


	4. Chapter 3 - The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 3 – The End**

I didn't go straight back home, though it had been my original intention. Instead, I found myself racing through the forest in a different direction, albeit, not an unfamiliar one. I raced along the edge of the forest, glancing in every direction, knowing what I was doing was stupid. I was surprised that I still didn't see Archie or Edythe coming after me.

I knew if I was really going to harm him, then one or both of them would have already shown up by now. So I took that as a good sign, stupid or not, at least I wasn't going to cost him his life.

I finally made it to my destination, my house, Charlie's house. I could hear him snoring in the bedroom, could hear his heart beat steadily, and I could smell his blood. It smelled good, beyond good really, there was a sweet nectarine scent to it, promising to quench the thirst that I always felt, at least for a few minutes. In that first smell, I was tempted, but I shook it off. Charlie was my dad, I'd never hurt him.. at least not more than I already had.

The house was much the same as it had been when I'd last been here, but there were trellis vines that had grown up the wall on the side of the house. I remembered, vaguely, that when I used to visit that they grew like that every summer. This was the first time though that they hadn't been pulled down at the end of the season.

The lawn was unkempt and though I was no car expert, the police cruiser that my dad drove everywhere seemed in poor shape. It was strange since I knew from reading the newspapers that the police force in town had received two new cars this year. It had been placed explicitly in the budget because the older cruisers were out of date. They must have been given to the two deputies though, Mary and Silvia, as this was the same car that Charlie had originally driven me to Forks from the airport in.

I walked around the house, looking at my window curiously. I knew that Edythe used to sneak in my bedroom and watch me sleep at night, and I just wanted a peak. I checked to make sure that none of my family had arrived to stop me, but still nothing.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I dashed forward and jumped up, grabbing the outside windowsill. I pushed the windowpane up, which made a shrill squeak as I did. I winced, but Charlie's snoring didn't stop or falter in any way. It was as if he was oblivious to the world completely.

I slipped into my old bedroom, immediately noticing that everything was as I'd left it the night I'd ran away from my dad, ran away from Forks. Two of the dresser drawers were still partway open, the closet door still ajar, even the old computer was still turned on. I was sure that if I went into the search history, I'd see that one of my last searches had been for vampires. I probably should delete that, but I knew Charlie wasn't going to check, and even if he did, he wouldn't understand the significance of that search.

As I'd once told Edythe, none of my searches had really turned up anything that applied to them. Well, excepting one line about the  _Stregoni Benifici_ , which had more to do with the Volturi than the Cullens. Not that I'd known that at the time.

I walked over to my dresser, pulling out a white t-shirt. I knew it was foolish to steal from my own room, but I couldn't exactly continue to go around shirtless, talk about attracting unwanted attention.

Quietly, I opened my bedroom door and walked into the hall. I peaked into the bathroom, noticing the prescription bottles immediately as they were new. Neither Charlie nor myself had any health issues. I stepped in the little bathroom and picked up the two bottle that had pills in them, there were six other bottles on the counter, all empty.

The two bottles were for Restoril and Xanax, the descriptions explained that the one was a sleeping aid and the other an anti-depressant. I glanced at the other six bottles and found that there were three of each, the same types of pills as I was holding in my hand. I put them back down and quickly backed out of the bathroom, unable to look at the offending evidence of the damage my death had caused any longer. I turned around, intent to head downstairs and look around the house that I had once considered to be my home, but stopped short as I heard Charlie snoring in his bedroom.

I knew Charlie would be waking up and soon as it was already about seven fifteen am. He'd have to be going to work in not too long. I couldn't resist though, I needed to see him. I opened his bedroom door as quietly as I could but it still squeaked as it swung open, I winced.

Charlie was sleeping on his stomach, one arm hanging off the bed, the covers kicked most of the way off. I started to shut the door to let him sleep when my eyes landed on the half empty bottle of whiskey on his bedside table. It was true, Charlie liked his beer, and he'd always kept at least a twelve pack in the fridge, but this was new. It was also the most disturbing of what I'd seen so far. I didn't need a medical degree to know that hard alcohol and the medications he was taking didn't mix. I didn't know what to do though, it wasn't like I could flush the pills.. or the alcohol, then he'd know someone had been there.

I stepped in the bedroom, covering his body with the blanket again. "I'm sorry, Char...Dad. I'd stay if I could, but if I did I would surely kill you." Even as I spoke the words, I knew they were beyond true. As controlled as I was, there was no way I could live in this environment. His scent penetrated the house everywhere, the sound of his heartbeat was louder than the five ticking clocks located throughout the house, louder than the buzzing of my computer, and louder than the faint whir of the the refrigerator downstairs. Even if I could let him know I was alive somehow, I could never live in this house again or be a part of his life in any real way. I would kill him if I did, even if only by accident.

I sighed, and left his room, shutting his bedroom door behind me, trying to be as quiet as possible. It didn't squeak that time.

Inside his room I heard his breathing accelerate and then. "Beau.. Beau, is that you?"

I stood there, shocked into stillness. My father, unlike me, didn't sleep talk, which meant he was awake. He'd been asleep when I'd been in his bedroom though, of that, I was certain. Perhaps the clicking of the door or a breeze or something had woken him up. All I knew for sure though was that I ached to open that door and tell him that it was me, that I was home, that the last six months had just been a nightmare. All of this took me less than a tenth of a second to become aware of.

I didn't open the door though, instead I raced down the stairs and out the front door in less than a second, bolting into the woods. In that dash down the stairs and out of the house, I'd seen everything I needed to know. My father definitely wasn't taking care of himself. The coffee table in the living room was covered with beer cans, and several empty bottles of whiskey. There had been newspapers and magazine strewn on the floor and what I assumed to be pieces of the remote had been on the ground next to the tv. The kitchen was stacked with dirty dishes, the trash can filled with half eaten meals... I didn't know how I was going to help him, but I had to try, somehow.

I could hear Charlie moving around upstairs and booked it, I couldn't risk him seeing me.

…

I found myself in the forest surrounding the school, pacing just out of site. I could hear some of the kids already starting to pull in. Allen Weber's station wagon had already been in the student lot before I got the, the first car in.

The moment I'd arrived I could hear Allen and Mrs. Banner talking, and if I'd wanted to pay attention, I could have told you what they were talking about. I wasn't paying attention though because I was too busy trying to acclimate myself to all the scents that permeated the land, the building, even the immediate surrounding forest. I could smell freesia, lilacs, honey, nectarines, ginger, roses and so much more. Some of it was stale, dried and stagnant, where kids had scraped their knees or had a nose bleed at some point. I could smell it all, it was disgusting and revolting, and so appealing that it was taking everything I had to just pace in the tree line.

If this was how every school smelled then how was I ever going to be able to pretend to be a normal teenager again. I just couldn't see it. The fire in my throat was worse now then it had been even when I'd been mere feet from Charlie. These people, the students opening their doors as they got out of their cars, talking and laughing... they were kids I knew. Some of them were friends, others rivals, casual acquaintances or even enemies, but people I knew, nonetheless.

I recognized Kane Marshall's ugly beat up black pick up truck as it rumbled into the parking lot, almost as loud as my old truck had been. I could see Logan Mallory and Taylor Crowley leaning against Taylor's new SUV and playing handsy with each other. And I could even hear Jeremy trying to rap along to Eminem's When I'm Gone, he wasn't very good at it.

In spite of all that, it would take only one tenth of a second of a lapse in judgment for me to massacre them all. I knew that, and I knew if I was to make a mistake, it would be now. Still, Edythe and Archie were no where to be found, I couldn't believe that Archie couldn't see the volatile decisions I was barely fighting off. Why weren't they coming to stop me? I didn't get it at all.

I should leave, I knew that, but I didn't. Instead I forced myself to still and stop breathing, focusing on my classmates, reminding myself that these were human beings, their lives were important. They were not food. I'd seen and heard Archie go over this same process with Jessamine before... it wasn't really helping. Still, I refused to give up.

It wouldn't be too many more months and then we would all be moving on and finding a new town. I already knew I was going to be expected to join with the rest of my adopted siblings and go to school. I'd have to be in a hell of a lot of better control than I was at the moment if that was going to ever happen.

I took a deep breath, feeling the inferno in my throat. Edythe had once claimed the pain was like sticking a white hot branding iron down your throat, it didn't seem to be a strong enough comparison to me. It was more like swallowing a chunk of the sun, and the pumping hearts, the flowing blood – all only a couple hundred feet away – promised to satiate the pain.

I was trying to focus on breathing through the pain and get used to it when Ashford Dowling tripped and ran headfirst into Sean Wells's car.

"You alright?" Sean asked.

It was the last thing I really heard, because the smell of blood had intensified tenfold. I couldn't see where, but I knew Ashford was bleeding. I cut off my air again and stepped back, using everything that was left of my willpower to not destroy everyone. I spun around and raced deeply into the forest.

I knew without looking at my eyes that they were once again black. I didn't need Edythe or anyone to try and convince me to hunt this time. I needed blood badly. I was thirstier than I'd been in an extremely long time.

I took off, heading deep into the forest, intent to hunt until I found a cougar or a bear.

…

I ended up running for well over an hour and well into the depth of the Olympic forest where I hunted. I killed two bears and three dears over two days. I didn't even fully recognize the passage of the time except as a side thought.

I was enjoying my freedom that for some reason I was being given, it wasn't even really occurring to me to be worried. They'd all known I was unhappy about being hovered around all the time, perhaps they'd finally decided to give me the space that I'd been wanting. If they had, I was sure it had been because Archie had convinced them. I'd have to be gracious and open the rest of my presents without any type of indecent commentary to show my gratitude for them giving me the space that I wanted.

One of the bears had torn my shirt, but I left it on. It was better than going topless if a hunter or hiker happened to see me. As long as they didn't get close to me, it would be far less conspicuous to have a torn and bloody top on then to be topless. From a distance, my shirt would likely just look like it was red or something.

I jumped up into a tree and looked around but there was nothing worthwhile to look at, nothing that was all that interesting. I was just avoiding going home. If I went home, I would have to deal with Edythe's worry and censure. I was sure she had more than enough to make me feel guilty for wanting to have my freedom, to enjoy my immortality.

I also knew I'd have to apologize for my overreaction, though I had no idea what they thought would happen when they showed me that car. I couldn't believe that Archie hadn't seen it, he should have known that I wouldn't be okay with that kind of thing. Maybe he hadn't looked.

I looked down into the forest and watched as a bobcat took down a rabbit, predator and prey. My eyebrow arched a little, I had never tried a bobcat before, but in spite of being a predator itself, it was so tiny that I couldn't imagine the blood was all that appealing, besides, I wasn't Eleanor, I didn't need to try something just because it presented itself to me.

I closed my eyes for a minutes, breathing in the air of the forest. Then I opened my eyes and jumped to the next tree. It was past time to head home.

…

As I walked towards the house, I knew something was wrong. The house was pitch black, there were no lights on, and it was silent, far too silent.

"Edythe?" I raced the last few hundred feet to the house, concerned that she'd been hurt or worse. Why was the house as silent as the dead?

I stepped into the house through the same sliding glass door that I'd used just a few days ago for my birthday. The first thing I recognized was the smell. My family hadn't been in the house in hours, I'd guess in over a day. As I looked around, I noticed that paintings and pictures that had been on the walls were gone, even the tv was gone.

However, the table and the still wrapped presents were there with a new addition, a single, letter-sized envelope. I stepped towards the table and picked up the envelope. The outside read  _BEAU_ in Edythe's flawless handwriting. I opened it, though every instinct was screaming at me that I wasn't going to like what it was going to say.

_Dear Beau,_

_I am truly sorry for doing this to you this way, but it was the only way for us, my family I mean. I'm sure this will feel sudden to you, I know you assumed that you and I would be together forever. I apologize for the fact that I mislead you and allowed you to continue on with such a belief. Unfortunately though, it was time for my family to move on and you are not a part of it. I know, at least part of you, agrees with that feeling._

_I probably should have stayed with you longer as you are still a newborn, but you know how our world works now, you understand how to be careful. And in truth, you have more control than any of us, even Carine when she was your age. I am quite sure you will be fine, even without us in your life._

_We are leaving you with the house and the car we just bought for you as well as all your clothes and the presents that you haven't opened yet. You can stay in the house for as long as you feel the desire to stay. We can all understand why you might want to stay for awhile and watch over your father and the house will give you the anonymity to do that. However, if you do decide that you would rather leave, there is a cache of cash in both Archie's and Jessmine's bedroom, and mine. You are welcome to both and can take them to start over whenever you so choose. Jessamine has left documentation up in their bedroom for who to contact when you do decide it is time to leave and reinvent yourself. I can assure you that this person is reliable and will not sell your new identity to anyone, once the items are purchased from her, she cannot be bought. All of her clients rely far too highly on their anonymity._

_I want you to know that it was originally my plan to leave you with the place after your newborn year was up anyways. However, after the vision that Archie saw of your perfect control inside of your father's house and of you in the forest outside of school – even when Ashford broke his nose – we became certain that you didn't need us to stay for the entire year, there is no need._

_You will do fine on your own and you will have the chance you've been aching for to blossom and learn what it means to be immortal as you have desired since you were first changed. I think that by us leaving, it is the only way you will truly get that chance. If we stayed then I would have never given you the ability to flourish the way you surely will now._

_As a vampire, you will always remember us, and I'm sorry that this abrupt departure will taint your memory of these first few months, but in time you will be able to move past this. Our kind are easily distracted, and after you get used to it, you will be able to compartmentalize the memories so they are, practically, forgotten._

_I wanted to stay and explain to you in person why we were leaving, but Archie could see that that wouldn't be_ easier  _on you. He could see that had we stayed to explain, you would have fought to come with us, and ultimately it wouldn't have ended well for any of the parties involved. I do hope that in time you will come to understand. Perhaps someday, in the distant future, we will be able to meet again, and by then the bitterness and resentment will have hopefully faded enough for you to understand why we had to leave this way._

_For now though, I will try to explain as best I can in this letter, though I am sure that it will not be as thorough as you would like._

_As you have an eidetic memory now, I am quite sure that you remember the first fight you and Royal got into. At the time, he claimed that we couldn't possibly be mates as we still hadn't even been together, physically. It's been almost five months since then and still we have not been intimate in that way. I know that you would probably state that you had been more than willing to take the next step in our intimacy, but you were unwilling to meet me halfway and marry me. How could we possibly be mates if you were so unwilling to marry me?_

_More than just Royal's assessment though has led me to this decision. Right after you completed your change and we went on our first hunt you asked me about Joss's video. At the time you asked I want you to know that I did not lie, I truly believed that I wanted you for an eternity. In these last few months though I have come to understand that it wasn't you I wanted, so much as the idea of you. You were right. To me, you were the ideal mate when you were human, but now that you are a soulless monster just like myself... the appeal is gone. I do not love you the way you deserve to be loved._

_I do have two things to request of you. While I was there, I tried to encourage you to try human blood, mostly so I could be there when the grief hit. Now that I'm not there to help you with that, I ask that you don't, and if you decide you must, then do not kill anywhere near Forks, WA. The La Push pack will seek you out and destroy you if you do that near Forks. I would feel very guilty to discover that I somehow failed you if the wolves destroyed you. You must always be careful as long as you remain in Forks._

_The second thing that I'm asking of you should be quite simple for you. Flourish, be happy._

_I am truly sorry that things had to end this way,_

_Edythe_

I read the letter twice more, unable to fully comprehend what the letter was saying, but finally one line came in to resolution, actually just a part of a line:

_I do not love you_

The letter slipped from my suddenly numb fingers as my knees gave out. I barely recognized my knees hitting the floor, and I didn't fully notice as the piece of paper glided gracefully under the table. Everything was dimming and blacking out, it was as if someone had ripped my stone heart out of my chest, leaving me aching and numb. I couldn't find my lungs either, in fact, I had no desire to breath ever again.

As I kneeled there on the floor, my body colder than it had ever been before, I could not find the will to resurface.

I did not get back up.


	5. Chapter 4 - Waking Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: A bit of a long one, and I apologize for that, but I wanted to answer a couple of things. First of all, I wanted to explain why I thought them leaving made sense. In the traditional story of New Moon, they'd been willing to leave Bella behind. Something that has bugged me, especially in regards to Jasper, who had a much more visual knowledge of what the Volturi did to rule breakers. The more often I read New Moon, the less them leaving makes sense. But if they were willing to leave a human, who knew far too much about their kind, why wouldn't they be willing to walk away from a vampire with an unnatural amount of control? 
> 
> In other news, while in New Moon, Embry shifted before Jacob, this story is going to be the opposite. Two reasons for that. First of all, Jacob staved off the shift because he was happy to be spending time with Bella which is not the case for Julie, who believes Beau is dead. And secondly, because of writer's prerogative.

**Chapter 4 – Waking Up**

SEPTEMBER –  _tick, tick, tick_

…

 _tick, tick, tick_ –OCTOBER

…

NOVEMBER –  _tick, tick, tick_

…

 _tick, tick, tick –_  DECEMBER

…

Time passes, even when it seems impossible. Even when every one of the more than ten million six hundred thousand seconds that a small part of my mind had so far counted were more painful than the last. It passes, unendingly, in painful lurches and agonizing lulls, but passes it does. Even for me

…

…

…

If it hadn't been for the grandfather clock in the dining room that  _they'd_ left behind, I couldn't have been able to tell you how long I'd been kneeling there, but the continual mechanized ticking of the clock had allowed a portion of my mind to keep track even as I was trapped in a state of perpetual death.

I'd been kneeling in this same position for four solid months, to the day. I didn't care though, I could remain here for the rest of eternity and it still wouldn't be long enough to rid myself of the pain or even ease it.

_Tick, tick, tick..._

It was a constant noise, the only constant noise I could hear. It was true, every once and a while I heard a car driving down the highway and sometimes I even heard noises from the forest, but my only constant was the clock. I wished it would stop, I wished that I could be left to my misery, but it didn't seem to be possible.

_Tick, tick, tick..._

I would have to get up and go into the dining room to break the clock so it would shut up. I could not find the will in me to move though, so the noise continued. In truth, it was the only thing other than my torturous thoughts to focus on, so I should be grateful.

_I do not love you, I do not love you, I do not love you..._

Even though I had never heard her physically say the words, I could visualize it. I could see how her lips would form the words, I could even  _hear_  the words in her perfect soprano in my mind. I could imagine her turning her back on me. I could imagine her brother's cruel laughter. I could see it all, I could even imagine the conversation that had led to the decision. So the torture continued.

_I do not love you, tick, I do not love you, tick, I do not love you, tick..._

My own mind was my enemy and if I could only find the will to move my hands, I would reach up and try to rip my own brains out, but I had become a statue. I had no desire to do anything, all I could do was listen to the continued torture.

As the incessant ticking continued, a new noise was finally heard and this was a noise I hadn't expected and wasn't prepared for. It was a heavy thumping coming from a heartbeat, and I knew immediately that it wasn't human, but I couldn't believe that an animal would be foolish enough to come into this yard. I was sure that even after four months the smell of the predatory nature of my kind would still permeate the land.

Humans did not have strong enough noses to recognize the scent of predators, but animals did. As the the thumping continued, my mouth started to flood with venom, I hadn't fed in months and I was more thirsty than I'd ever before been. As I strained my hearing, another noise came into focus.

_Pad, pad, pad..._

It was the quietest of footsteps. Was it a mountain lion stalking it's prey? It seemed to be too quiet for that, but it was the only animal that I could compare it to. It was far too quiet to be a coyote or a wolf, and my limited interaction with the species of bobcat did not fit.

The thumping of the animal's heart continued and finally I could not remain still. I leaped up to my feet, moving with the speed and stealth that was more instinctual than mental for my kind. It wasn't even two seconds later when I was leaping over the banner of my patio.

I saw the prey that I heard, just as my eyes locked with the piercing black eyes of the solid black wolf. I pulled up short as suddenly as I'd started hunting. I stood up straight and took a shallow breath. "Samantha?"

She growled loudly at me.

I put my hands up in a show of complicate surrender. "I'm not going to hurt you. I don't speak wolf though. If you want to talk to me, you're going to have to shift back to human."

She growled again, this time looking pointedly at the house.

I took a guess at what she was trying to tell me. "They aren't here, they haven't been here in months. I have no one to translate for you currently." As I finished, I heard the sounds of two sets of paws racing through the forest, though they stopped before they came into sight. I took a step back, raising my hands slightly more, knowing I was outnumbered. "Please Sam? I haven't harmed anyone."

Sam looked at me for a moment and her lip raised in a snarl but then she spun around and raced a little ways into the forest. She stopped just out of my line of site, and then I felt a vibration in the land, almost imperceptible, but after growing so accustomed to not using most of my senses, the few that I hadn't been able to turn off were hyper sensitive.

A few seconds later she stepped out of the tree line, her arms crossed over her chest. She had on a pair of denim shorts and a tan t-shirt. "Why aren't you with them? The Cullen's?"

I froze at the name, pain ripping through my body in a way that had nothing to do with my incessant thirst. After a couple of seconds I forced myself to reply. "They left me behind. I wasn't actually one of them after all."

"They claimed that you were, we allowed them to remain here after agreeing that they hadn't broken the treaty. Don't you remember that?"

"What you just said is actually proof that I wasn't them." I took another scorching breath. "If I had truly been one of them then they would have definitely broken the treaty. I wasn't changed by them though, instead I was changed by a nomadic vampire intent on killing me. They simply saved my life is all."

"And then they took you on because you are psychic's mate."

I fought with myself to not shut down completely at her words. "At the time, we assumed that we were, but it turns out it was one-sided. Once they determined that I had control of myself and understood the rules, they left me behind. They said I could use the house until I'm ready to move on."

"That wasn't our agreement. We agreed that you guys could stay until the end of this school year for appearances sake and then you would all move on."

I hissed in anger. Couldn't she tell I was mentally breaking apart from this conversation? "Then give me until the end of the school year as you agreed with them and I will move on at that time. I will keep to the agreement, I can do nothing about their decision to leave before then."

"The agreement that was struck, was done with a Cullen, you just claimed that you weren't one of them."

"That is true, but I adhere to the same diet. I have never killed a human."

Sam looked at me fiercely, her anger clear in every line of her body. "If you were anyone other than a friend of Bonnie's, I'd order you dead here and now. As it is though, I don't know, I need to confer with her. You will probably need to talk with her yourself actually. I will go to her and discuss and you will meet us at the border in an hour and we will figure out what needs to happen next."

I swallowed reflexively, remembering the smell of Bonnie's blood from when I met her last, almost nine months ago. "That... isn't a good idea. I need more time than that as I need to hunt first."

"Putting this off isn't in your best interest."

"I haven't fed on blood of any kind in four months. I am extremely thirsty and if I were to meet Bonnie now, I would likely kill her, not because I would want to, but because I couldn't stop myself."

"You seem to be doing fine talking to me." Sam's voice was antagonistic, as if she didn't believe what I was telling her.

"You aren't human. Bonnie is. You smell like a wet dog to me, your blood holds no appeal whatsoever. But Bonnie isn't you and human blood is what I desire more than anything. The fact that I am choosing to reject that nature will not matter when I am this thirsty. I do not have that much control." I didn't bother to mention that in spite of the fact that I wasn't attacking her, I was currently salivating to take a bite because of how thirsty I was, nasty smell be damned.

Sam looked back to the forest and made a pointed grunt. "Very well, Jaelyn will go with you while you hunt to make sure you don't make any mistakes and to make sure you don't get lost or something. She'll get you to the border by the end of three hours." A brown wolf with black fur around it's eyes stepped out of the forest as she spoke.

I bit my lip in the same nervous habit that I'd once had as a human. "That isn't going to work. When my kind hunt, we give ourselves over to our predatory nature. As I stated, you aren't human and you don't smell it, but when compared to deer or whatever else I might find in those three hours, you smell more human than the animals. I would turn on her if she came with me. Also, I won't get lost, and I will return of my own volition, I truly have no desire to start some sort of war, Sam."

Sam seemed to think again. "Very well, you can go on your own, but you will be expected to show in two hours instead of three. If you take more than two hours I will consider whatever agreement we might have been able to come to as null and void and will come after you as we would any threat to our tribe as well as the town."

I swallowed, knowing it wouldn't give me much time and that I was really going to need more than the one or two animals I could probably get in that short of time. "I understand, Sam, I will be there."

Sam looked at me fiercely, her eyes so full of hatred and anger that I knew if looks really could kill then I already would be dead. Slowly she backed into the trees, the wolf she'd called Jaelyn spinning around at the last second and following her. A few seconds later, I felt the vibration again and I knew that Sam must have shifted back to her wolf.

I waited, rooted to the spot as I heard them race off before I spun around and raced in the opposite direction, two hours didn't give me much time.

…

I ran a good fifteen minutes before I finally started to focus, I needed blood if I was to come into contact with Bonnie again. I knew if I breathed her in now she'd be dead before the wolves could stop me and then I'd be dead.. and while I had nothing left to live for, I would not do that to Charlie.

My father didn't deserve to lose yet another person in his life, it was bad enough that he'd lost his only child. I stood still, rooted to the ground as I listened for something, anything, scenting the air for anything worthwhile to hunt. The first thing I smelled was fresh burning wood and I knew immediately that it was a distance away, because if it wasn't, I'd smell the human that was burning it. I ignored the smell and turned my attention elsewhere.

At first I didn't sense anything and then I heard the  _clack-clack_ sounds of antlers hitting other antlers. I turned and followed the direction of the sound, my feet silent on the forest floor as I raced towards my meal.

As I got closer and could truly start to smell the elk I slowed down, and finally when I got close enough to see them, I stopped breathing and watched as the two stags backed up a little and then rammed each other again – likely fighting to win rights to a hind. I curled my upper lip back viciously, what right did either of them have to find love and happiness?

I snarled loudly as I pushed off of the ground, pouncing at the one closest to me. My teeth sank into his jugular a second later and I started to swallow the blood of it. I was so thirsty I couldn't even tell you the flavor of it, it was just blood and it was starting to cool the raging fire in my throat.

Once it was drained, I turned my attention towards the other stag who had dashed deeper into the forest to try and escape me. I followed, seeking the scent that I was now attuned to. Every fiber of my being wanted the stag's blood, wanted to alleviate the pain a little bit more. I could smell the woodsy scent of the animal, a scent similar to crushed pine needles, which wasn't a  _pleasant_  scent, but it was what was available and it did promise to alleviate the agony in my throat a little.

I was almost on the creature, just one more jump, when the world tilted on it's axis and another scent hit me much harder. In my running, I'd gotten too close to the fire and I could now smell it, the much more promising scent of ambrosia, of  _human_ blood. I turned towards the scent without conscious thought and started heading towards it.

I wasn't going to be able to resist the blood, not this time, and in truth, part of me didn't want to. I started to plan ahead even as I followed the scent. After I killed the human I'd run home, pack a bag of clothes, grab the cash, and go. The wolves wouldn't follow me after I got far enough away, I was sure of that. I'd never be able to come back, at least not in this pack's lifetime, but that was fine, there wasn't anything left for me here anyways. At the moment, there wasn't any reason convincing enough to make me believe I should fight to stay.

I ran until I found a small clearing, or what would have been a clearing if it weren't for the clutter that the human had left in it. There was a small tent set up and a fire, the man, a hunter I assumed from his outfit of camo pants and a hunting vest, was sitting in front of the fire a metal prong with a weird box on the end held steadily over the fire in his hands. The scent of his blood was rich, the smell of vanilla and honey, and it promised to cure the burning agony in my throat. I wanted it.

I slipped even closer to the man, just barely in the cover of the trees, every sense working on overdrive, I could hear the thump, thump, thump of his heart, could smell his blood. I could taste his flavor on my tongue even though I hadn't bitten yet. I took another step forward.

"Don't do this, Beau."

I spun around, looking everywhere for  _her_ , for Edythe. I knew her voice so well, and that had been it, but I didn't see her anywhere. I looked around for her again before I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and tasting the promise of ten seconds of salvation from the pain in my throat yet again. I knew she wasn't here, if she was here I would smell her, and I would sense another predator encroaching on  _my kill._ And he was mine, consequences be dammed.

My eyes snapped open again, and I let the venom pool in my mouth, a conversation from my human life being briefly remembered, one from so many months ago, when Archie had told me his theory on how humans became vampires:

" _As predators, we have a glut of weapons in our arsenal–much, much more than we need for hunting easy prey like humans. Strength, spreed, acute senses, not to mention those of us like Edythe, Jessamine, and me who have extra senses as well. And then, like a carnivorous flower, we are physically attractive to our prey." He had paused for a moment, I couldn't remember fully as to why, though he might have been trying to impress or intimidate me. "We have one more, fairly superfluous weapon. We're also venomous. The venom doesn't kill–it's merely incapacitating. It works slowly, spreading through the bloodstream, so that, once bitten, our prey is in too much physical pain to escape us. Mostly superfluous, as I said. If we're that close, our prey doesn't escape. Of course, unless we want it too."_

It might be superfluous, as Archie had said, but he was right about one thing, my prey wasn't going to escape. I crouched down, preparing to pounce on the unsuspecting man...

"Remember the letter, Beau." It was Edythe's voice again I straightened immediately as if someone had shocked me with lightning. "Not this close to Forks."

I finally got it, I was hearing things. I was hearing her in my head and not in real life. I hadn't known that vampires could go mad, but it was the only logical explanation. The letter that had been left behind had made it clear to me that Edythe didn't care about me one iota.

I had no reason to believe she actually cared if I fed on a human. How many times had she even suggested that I try it? Too many times to count. Even if this voice in my head was some form of wish fulfillment on my part, I knew she didn't really care, therefore I had still lost it.

I focused back on my prey, intent to ignore this new development, it was tomorrow's problem. Today's only problem was going to be running away from giant wolves... after I killed my first human that was.

"And why does he to deserve to die for your thirst?"

Her voice again, velvet soft, and more annoying than she'd ever been before. "Shut up, Edythe." I muttered under my breath, far too quiet for the human to hear.

I crouched again. After all, what did her letter matter to me? She'd left me, they all had. What did my promises to myself matter? What did my vows to the wolves matter? What did my decision to be good matter? I was done trying to remember the human in me.

"You are stronger than this side of you. Turn around and leave."

I jerked upright angrily, her voice wasn't giving me peace. Besides, I couldn't help but obey her order, I backed farther into the trees before spinning around and running away from the human, and from her voice.

I ran until the scent of an animal caught my attention. It was a disgusting scent, similar to that of what I remembered compost to smell like, and I recognized the scent as belonging to a coyote. It wasn't much in the way of blood, but I was out of options and out of time.

Unless my time calculations were off, which they weren't, I had less than fifteen minutes to get to the meeting site. I dashed towards the smell, zoning in on my prey, which seemed to be gnawing on prey of it's own. As I eyed the small predator I couldn't help but wonder how much it weighed, thirty or forty pounds probably, surely no more than that.

I darted in and snapped the coyote's neck when I clamped down on it's throat, draining the thing dry in a matter of seconds. I knew it was only about a liter and a half, maybe two at the most, but it was all I was able to drink for now.

I looked down at myself, noting how bloody my shirt was, and knowing that I had to go home – no home was the wrong word, borrowed residence, that was better – before I raced to the meeting point. I pushed myself as I ran, willing myself to run faster than I had ever before.

…

When I finally reached the house I jumped up to my bedroom window, opening it from the outside and slipping in. On my bed was a set of denim pants and a plain black t-shirt. There was a sticky note on top with a simple line of text on it:  _Happy Birthday, Archie_

The scent on the clothes was old, no doubt the outfit had been left out for me months ago, probably while I'd been out hunting with  _her._  I hissed under my breath, grabbing the offending piece of paper and tearing it into a thousand slivers in seconds – I was sure the small pieces would make a shredder jealous.

I didn't want to wear the clothes that had been left out, but I wanted to go through my closet even less, so I changed into the outfit that had been left out and looked briefly in the full length mirror Archie had insisted on attaching to the door shortly after I'd taken over the room.

My eyes were still almost completely black, just a hint of smoky quartz to the irises from the two meals I'd managed to get. I knew that going to Bonnie in this state was a bad idea, but I was out of time to do anything more for it.

Sighing, I jumped back out the window and raced to the meeting place as quickly as I could.

…

When I could smell Sam, Jaelyn and Paula, I slowed down. It took a few seconds as they're scent was strong enough to mask Bonnie's, but I finally caught whiff of her scent and then I stopped breathing altogether.

I continued forward, slowing to a walk when I caught sight of them. All three of the wolves were in human form, but looked ready to shift at a moment's notice. They were all shaking slightly as they stood around Bonnie.

I stepped into the beam of headlights that were still on so that Bonnie could see me.

"You're late."


	6. Chapter 5 - Cheater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 5 – Cheater**

"You're late," Sam said, her arms crossing over chest.

I took a shallow breath to answer, forcing myself to ignore the smell of Bonnie's blood. "I had to change clothes before I showed up."

"Worried what we'll think? We already know you're a monster."

"I'm not human. That doesn't make me a monster though, it just makes me different." I didn't bother to add the fact that they were wolves and didn't really have any room to judge.

"You drink blood to survive, I don't know how you can define yourself as anything other than a monster."

"I actually don't, have to, that it. I could go indefinitely without blood if I so chose. I drink blood because I don't want to be in pain anymore. The blood is a desire, not a necessity, much the way chocolate or steak is for any of you."

"We don't kill for our food."

I opened my mouth to go into a tirade, my temper flaring, but Bonnie spoke. "Enough." She pushed her wheelchair forward a couple feet, separating herself from the wolves, her  _protectors_. "This is a petty argument, Samantha. We may not agree with what he has become but as long as he is not hunting humans then it is not our place to judge him."

I didn't know which one it was, but I still heard the,  _"at least not openly,"_ that Jaelyn or Paula muttered.

"I want to see your eyes."

"That isn't a good idea, Bonnie. Sam insisted that I show up after only two hours and it wasn't enough time to effectively hunt after not feeding for as long as I had. I am in control for now, but it only takes a momentary lapse in judgment for that to change." I paused, taking another breath of Bonnie's fire inducing scent. "Besides, my eyes are still almost completely black, I don't know if human eyes would be sharp enough to see the hint of gold in them."

"How do I know that you haven't been hunting humans if I can't see your eyes? That's the only tell that we are aware of."

She rolled her wheelchair even closer to me and I immediately skittered backwards. I could explain the other tells, the burning thirst that's never quite sated, the lesser strength and speed, but they were not tells that were really verifiable. "Bonnie, I am trying to keep enough distance that if I have a lapse in judgment, then Sam and the others will hopefully have enough time to stop me. I do not want to take a life, least of all yours. My dad has already lost far too much."

"His eyes aren't red, Bonnie," Sam finally said as she stepped closer to Bonnie.

"You say you don't want to take a life then don't."

"You make it sound so simple."

"Because it is."

Her words reminded me of a dozen plus conversations with Edythe from when I was human, my foolish insistences and beliefs. "I wish it was, but it isn't." I paused, seeing the judgment in their eyes, more so in Bonnie's eyes than Sam's whose were closed off and calculating. I knew Sam had already judged and condemned me, she didn't need to judge me anymore.

I took a breath, already regretting the decision I was about to make, but doing it anyways. I dashed forward, stopping only a couple feet in front of Bonnie a second later. All three of the wolves leaned forward, I barely noticed them, focusing only on Bonnie as I crouched so my eyes were level with hers.

"I want you to imagine eating a very hot pepper, say a habenero or a ghost pepper. Imagine the fire in your mouth, your throat. Now imagine there was a pitcher of ice cold water in front of you, promising to put out the fire. If you know anything about eating spicy peppers then you know drinking that water isn't a good idea, but at that moment, that wouldn't matter. I can't think of many people who would resist drinking that pitcher of water."

I was out of air so I took a breath of air, inhaling pure fire, as I crouched in front of her. I flinched and forced myself to continue. "That's what it's like for me, only a thousand times more potent. And unlike with the person drinking the pitcher of water, where it doesn't really help. Drinking human blood does. When my kind aren't thirsty, then the pain stops for a short while, though it never lasts."

I stood up and backed away fast. Bonnie's eyes were almost understanding, my analogy apparently being heard in a better way than I suspected the heroin one that I'd once been given would have. "I am trying to understand, at least a little, Beau. But if what you are saying is true then how do I know that you haven't been hunting. There's been a vampire in the woods these last couple of weeks."

"We haven't caught it yet," one of the girls that wasn't Sam said. I'm fairly sure it was the one she called Jaelyn, as the other was the one called Paula who had driven Bonnie the last time we'd met.

"First of all, until today, I hadn't moved at all in months, frozen in place like a statue. If Sam hadn't showed up on my property I'd still be a statue. Secondly, if I'd hunted a human in the last couple of weeks, my eyes would be red. As she already told you, there's no red in my eyes."

"What do you mean, a statue?"

"I was... shocked to find the people that I thought were my family had left me behind. It wasn't expected. Stillness is an involuntary reaction for my kind, similar to jumping for a human, or." I paused, testing it out in my mind before saying it out loud. "Shifting for the werewolves here."

"And why did they leave?"

I swallowed, knowing that the answer would cause me more agony than I was willing to deal with, but not having a choice. "Edythe and I assumed we were mates, and I think that – when I was human – we were. But change is hard for vampires to acclimate to. We are, in many ways, a living stone. Change is rare, and when it happens, it's often permanent. I believe Edythe changed when she met me originally. Unfortunately when I physically changed, she was unable to change again. I became too different from the human boy with the sweet smelling blood that she loved, at least that's how I've made sense of it." I winced every time I said her name, but kept talking. "They left a letter that I found and in it, it was made clear that without us being mated, there was no place for me in their family. I can understand that."

It wasn't exactly what the letter had said, but it was what I had come to understand from it after reading it and then having the four months with nothing else to think about.

"But you still lover her." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, my human life ended being in love with her... I was changed loving her. It's a part of me. I doubt it will ever change." I looked away, fighting with myself to not become a statue again. It was something I couldn't afford to do. Not here.

"Yet you haven't followed her."

"I would never disrespect their wishes in such a way. Besides, I am no tracker." I grinned wryly for a moment at my words, not that they would truly understand the reference I was making.

"It sounds like they didn't respect you, though."

"What does that matter? I'm not them. I–" lost the chance when I became a vampire "–will never be a Cullen." I flinched. "I'm just another vampire refusing to accept my natural desires. I will not hunt humans, Bonnie. I may not have a choice about what I have become, but I can choose to be good."

Bonnie's face steeled, becoming almost as cold as Sam's as I mentioned my nature. "And why are you still here, anyways? What are your intentions?"

"I'm here to watch over my dad." I lifted my lip viciously, snarling as I remembered the squalor I'd seen when I'd visited his home four months prior. "That thing you promised me  _you_ would do. I visited his house a few months ago, Bonnie. Is leaving someone a chronic alcoholic what you think of when you think of taking care of someone?"

"What did you expect? You were his only son, it hasn't been easy on him."

"I expected you to contact me if there was something I could do. If he's drinking that much, taking those type of pills that he is, not sleeping well, etc. Then he needs professional help. The Cullen's had the money to put him through rehab. All you had to do was tell me that he needed it."

"You just said that you aren't a Cullen though."

"It doesn't mean I didn't have access to their money while they were here."

"Hmph, well I don't exactly have you on speed dial, Beau."

I arched a sardonic eyebrow. "They've invaded the Cullen property, now my property, twice." I waved my hand towards Sam, Paula and Jaelyn. "I'm sure they would have come and spoke to me if you'd asked them to."

"Hmph," Bonnie grumbled again. "It's my understanding that you want to remain here until the end of the school year."

"I..." I paused, thinking it over. "No. You know what, that isn't enough. I am an innocent, Bonnie. I want to remain here, in the shadows, until my dad has either found peace with my death and moved on, or until he dies. I may not be able to do  _anything_  else for him. But I will protect him in the only way I can. I will not move to god knows where only to find out from some newspaper that I wasn't here to stop him from putting a bullet in his temple. All because his  _best friend_  is not helping him the way that she should."

Sam growled at me. "If you hadn't associated yourself with vampires then your father wouldn't be grieving you now."

"No, if I hadn't associated with vampires, then I'd just be dead, he'd still be grieving. They saved my life, more than once. Forget about what turned me into this, before that when I was in Port Angeles, I was almost shot and killed because a group of criminals assumed I was a cop. Actually, let's predate that event even. Only about a week after I started school here I was almost killed by a van running into my truck when I was standing right in the trajectory of that van. Both of those times, they saved my life.

"And if they could have saved my human life the last time with Joss, they would have, but I'd already been bit some minutes before they arrived and I was in bad shape. My femoral artery had been sliced open by some chunks of a mirror, I had a concussion and was bleeding from a head wound, and several of my ribs had been broken, at least one of which had pierced my left lung. They were originally going to try and suck the venom out, like with a snake bite, but it had spread too far already, even then... if there'd been the slightest chance that I could have survived, they would have gone through it. Reality is though that without the venom, I probably would have died well before they could have gotten me to an emergency room."

"A shooting? In Port Angeles? I remember nothing about that."

"It never happened, Bonnie, but it almost did. I got lost and turned down the wrong road. A group of people dealing drugs or weapons or something were at the end of the alley. Three of them came after me, and one pointed a gun after another claimed I was a.." I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the dim memory. "A pig, that's what one of them said to me. They would have killed me and walked away, but at that moment, Edythe drove up. She saved my life."

"That's horrible," Jaelyn murmured.

I looked straight at her. "What, you didn't think my species is the only monster that goes bump in the night, did you? Most murders are caused by humans." I turned my eyes back towards Bonnie. "You should know better than most, vehicular homicide wasn't it? That killed your husband."

Bonnie nodded. "And these people, what happened to them?"

"I honestly don't know. I know if I hadn't stopped Edythe then she would have killed them. She wanted to, she asked me to stay in the car and not watch, but by then I knew, or at least suspected, what she was. I'd been told ghost stories by your daughter just a few days prior, Bonnie. She of course assumed they were fiction. I took them a bit more seriously, and after being told that they only drank from animals, I didn't want her to do something she'd regret. So I stopped her. I assume those people are still out there somewhere."

"You  _stopped_ her?" The incredulity was high as Paula spoke. "At the time you were exactly what, a hundred and fifty pound human? Shy of offering her your wrist, I don't see how you could have stopped her."

"I told her if she got out of the car, then I would too. Looking back, probably a stupid idea, but it had the desired effect."

Paula snorted.

"You're asking for a lot, Beau," Bonnie said, going back to the reason we were gathered to begin with.

"I'm asking to be there for my dad in the only way left for me until something changes. It isn't that much."

"He's only forty-one. He could easily live another forty years. So that is a lot."

"Bonnie," I said, my exasperation clear in my voice. "I'm not a medical expert, but even I know, with the way he's drinking, he likely won't survive another five. There's so many diseases that come from being an alcoholic, not to mention the drugs that he isn't supposed to mix with alcohol but has been."

"That's still a lot. You have already explained how hard it is to control yourself."

"That would be my problem though, wouldn't it?" I looked at Bonnie, trying to convey how serious I was. "I will fight for my right to stay here and watch over him. I know I probably wouldn't win, I'd probably end up dead, but I would still fight. He's the only person left that gives my life, or undeath or whatever you want to call it, any amount of meaning."

Bonnie grumbled something unintelligible under her breath before Sam spoke. "Let him stay." The first words obviously directed at Bonnie, but she continued, this time speaking to me. "You will be bound by the same laws as the Cullen's, do you understand? That means no crossing onto our land, and most importantly, you are not allowed to bite a human under any circumstances."

"I understand," I said immediately. They didn't need to know I had almost already slipped. It wasn't like I was the first of the vegetarian vampires I knew to cheat.

"That means that when your father is on his deathbed, be that from old age, an overdose, or whatever the case may be, you will let him go. If you turn him, we will hunt down and kill both of you."

"I would  _never_ turn my father." I spat the words vehemently. "I am cursed to walk this Earth alone for eternity, do you honestly think I'd do this to someone else?"

My anger actually caused Sam to take a step back before she stopped herself, and stepped back forward, her face resolute. "If that is truly how you feel about yourself then it doesn't have to be eternity."

In my mind I could hear Edythe's wordless snarl at what Sam was suggesting.

I wasn't the one that replied though, instead Bonnie wheeled on her. "No, not without cause."

Sam looked down at her, a silent conversation going on between the two.

"Thank you, for the offer. But I actually do. You see, Sam, there is a price to associating with vampires, this is mine. An eternity of loneliness." I didn't add the  _I deserve it._ I was sure that they all heard what I wasn't saying though.

"Very well, but you understand the terms of our agreement," Sam said.

"I told you already that I understand."

"Paula, get Bonnie in the van." Paula came forward and picked up Bonnie, wheelchair and all, just as Sam turned her back on me, which I understood it for what it was, disrespect. She walked back over to Jaelyn, even as she put up one finger.

I tilted my head, confused, did she want me to stay?

It took Paula a minute, but she got Bonnie back in the vehicle and the door closed, going around to the other side and getting in the driver's seat. Sam turned to look at me again, her voice much more quiet, but no less cold. "One last thing, should you mess up, the Cullen's will also pay for your transgression."

I paused, not sure I had heard her right, though my hearing was perfect. "I cannot speak for them, Sam. Only myself."

"On the contrary, you may claim they aren't your family, but they left you their house, so you are, at the very least, an ambassador for them. If you stay, and you mess up, you will condemn them to the same fate as yours."

"That is too much to ask of me, Sam. You cannot damn seven innocents just because of a completely different person's actions."

"I actually can and I will. You have your terms, if you aren't gone by the end of month, then you will be agreeing to them." She turned her back to me and a second later, her clothes shredded, black fur bursting forth as a giant wolf landed on all fours and took off into the forest.

The van started up and backed away from me.


	7. Chapter 6 - Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: For the record, I know that some people may feel Beau's voice is extremely different from Life and Death, I wanted to respond to that. The truth is that we got to see so little of Beau's personality in the first book, and only a mere chapter and an epilogue was he an actual vampire. In all honesty, if I was to base Beau's voice solely on what we learned from Life and Death then Beau would have gotten 13 chapters of wallowing, which for a vampire could be so much more encompassing than what it would be for a human. Who here wants to read 13 chapters of tick, tick, tick? Seriously? So what I have to base it on is the original Twilight Saga. So much of Bella's character is actually discovered in the last three books. The things that we saw in New Moon, the grief, the sadness, the self-loathing, even brief flashes of temper (which we know from Life and Death that Beau has more of one than Bella did). This is what I have to bring forward in this book, while ramping every one of these emotions up to ten. In truth, we don't know how Beau would react to these situations or how his voice would change as a vampire that has no purpose left. Stephenie Meyer said in the Afterword that there would be struggles. Growing into himself would naturally be one of those major struggles. As a vampire, everything is more intense – emotions, reactions, etcetera, etcetera. I am trying very hard to keep the same essence of what Beau is, while still bringing forward the newborn vampire that he now has become.

**Chapter 6 – Friends**

I didn't head back home immediately, instead I stayed out, hunting animals and getting lost in the wilderness. I wasn't truly lost, with my mind the way it was now, I could find my way no matter where I was. But I was lost in thoughts that were spinning and tumbling out of control – a whole lot of _what ifs_ in my mind. It was easier for me, out in the open wilderness, than it was in the confines of the house that they had said I could stay in.

They didn't get it, I would give it all up to be with them – to be with her. If I had foreseen that my confusion and hesitation would have led to this, I would have been more decisive. Of course, I wasn't the one that had future sight. Instead, all I had was an unnatural control on my bloodlust, at least, that's what they believed. I still wasn't convinced.

It took three days, but I finally returned home, and my clothes were once again more than a little worse for wear, not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore, but I knew one thing, I couldn't stay, not with Sam's demands. It was one thing to risk _my_ life, it was another thing entirely to risk the people that I had once considered to be my family. I would stay as long as I could though, maybe in that short amount of time I could figure something out for the sake of my dad.

I didn't know what I could do, but I would figure something out, perhaps I could make it so he "won" a trip to some fishing excursion, or perhaps a trip to see some baseball team in person. Would he even believe it if he was suddenly sent a letter from some anonymous source with such a prize?

I knew that, before I died, he certainly wouldn't have believed it. He would never be that gullible.

I guess the better question was if Charlie would truly care if it was some sort of trap now. It wouldn't be of course, not when I was the one really sending it... but still. I also had no clue how to pull off such an elaborate scheme. Perhaps if I spoke to the contact I was left info on, then they'd be able to assist me with my plan.

I couldn't help but wonder if Archie had foreseen this, had he foreseen my troubles to accept that I no longer belonged in this world, or any world for that matter. I had no business wondering that though, not anymore. He wasn't my family. The letter had made that clear.

I sighed before heading inside the house, the table, with all it's gifts, was still set up. I glanced at them momentarily before looking around, looking for someplace to hide the reminders of all that I had lost. I didn't need the gifts. As the car in the garage had reaffirmed, they would be extravagant, useless, and unnecessary.

I didn't want the packages in my room. I didn't want the reminder. In fact, I didn't want them anywhere that I might see them. I finally remembered there was a pantry in the kitchen, probably still loaded with real non perishables, but it was all just a prop, set up to make it look like their family was human even though they really weren't. Just like I wasn't.

I dashed into the kitchen and opened the pantry door up, rapidly moving the cans and boxes of goods around so two of the shelves were completely empty. Then I darted back into the living room, picked up the presents and sped them into the pantry, shutting the door when I was done. I knew, from the annoying ticking of the clock that doing all of that had taken me less than two minutes. I was sure, if I was still human, it would have taken close to half an hour or perhaps even longer.

I headed back to the living room and folded the table cloth before picking up the folding table everything had been placed on and closing it. I leaned it against the wall and as I did I caught sight of the letter on the floor. I bent down and picked it up, deliberately looking away as I did so. I couldn't afford to become a statue again, and I knew, if I read the letter again, I surely would become one. Besides, it wasn't like I needed to read it again to remember it's exact words.

I put the letter in one of the kitchen drawers. I could have burned it. I knew I probably should, but I couldn't make myself throw away the last thing that she had ever given to me, even if all it was, was an eloquent goodbye letter.

I mentally determined the date, mid January. I had less than 2 weeks to find a way to save my dad from himself. It didn't give me much time to put a plan into action, but I wasn't going to allow my death to be the reason for his. When I'd ran off to Phoenix with Archie and Jessamine, my intent had always been that it would be only my life that I was risking. When the hunter had called, and I'd went to meet my fate, it was only supposed to end in my death. If I had told  _her_  no when she'd asked if I wanted to become like her, it would have. Well, mine and possibly Charlie's.

But now, instead of just costing one life, I'd destroyed a future for the Cullens as well. They'd never be able to return to this property, a home that they had all loved, especially Royal. With the town having over 300 days of constant cloud cover, it was as close to being human as the Cullens ever got to be. On top of that, Joss was dead.

I shook my head, forcing my thoughts to go down a different path as I went upstairs and entered Archie and Jessamine's room for the first time since everyone left. The room was almost completely empty. The only two things left were Jessamine's desk, and their bed. In spite of them being gone for four months now, their scent still permeated the room. It was as if they were still there. I forced myself not to look around. If they were actually here, I'd hear them, I'd taste them on my tongue, hell, I'd physically feel their presence. They weren't here, and they'd never be here again.

On the desk was a notebook. I had to assume that the notebook was where I'd find the info I needed for reinventing myself.

I went over to it, picking the notebook up, and read the first page.

Janice Jenks

Attorney at law.

Purveyor of Illegal Documents

An address and phone number were also listed, as well as a list of price. My eyes widened at the different costs. At the bottom was a note stating the cash they left for me was in the bottom drawer of the desk. I started to put the notebook down, but noticed at the last moment that there appeared to be writing on the next page.

I flipped the page, but there was no text. I flipped another, sure I'd seen more writing. Still there was nothing. I flipped a few more, and finally I found a note, six pages behind the info Jessamine had left for me. This note was written by Archie.

_Part of me wishes that I could honestly say I hadn't foreseen this possible future. Unfortunately, that would be a lie, I'd seen this future a couple months ago. It wasn't the only future I saw. In fact, it wasn't even the most likely one I saw._

_Thankfully, I did see it. So I had time to prepare. You will find a box under our bed with a set of documents for you already made. I don't know if you'll ever decide to use them or not._

_I've also set up a bank account under that false name in Port Angeles. It has enough money in it to help you out with whatever you or your father's needs might be. I know you may not want to use the money. But you very well may need to._

_Archie_

I grimaced. If he'd seen this, then why hadn't he warned me? Even if we weren't actual family, we had been  _friends,_  hadn't we? I had certainly thought so.

I stalked towards the door to the bedroom, intent on ignoring the info in Archie's note.

I made it into the hall before I sighed and turned around – my curiosity getting the better of me – heading straight for their bed, getting down on my hands and knees so I could reach under and pull the box out. My hand grabbed onto it and I yanked it out. It was a box slightly smaller than a shoe box, made of wood, on the top of the box was an elegant carving of a bat, a full moon, and a wolf. I frowned at the box, mystified by the design. Archie never did anything on accident, so what did it all mean? I opened the lid.

Inside, on the very top, was a driver's license with my picture, the name beside it read Geoffrey Beau McCarty. The last name was Eleanor's birth name, I was surprised by the reference to it. Underneath the driver's license was a birth certificate, social security card, passport, graduation records and so much more. It was a completely new identity. I had to assume it had been made by the person Jessamine gave me the info on, but if documents had already been made then why'd they left me her contact info? Unless Archie hadn't told anyone about what he'd done.

It was a bad habit of his, keeping secrets from the family members he had visions about just because he believed he knew best even though there was no proof to back it up.

I put all the documents in the box and went downstairs, my mind on other things even as I tried to figure out Archie's plans. I headed to the phone in the living room, reaching out to pick it up. Just then I heard the sound of running feet, running wolf feet specifically. They were headed here, I could tell by the fact that it was getting louder.

"What does Sam want now?" I grumbled under my breath as I headed to the door and went outside to meet them.

All three of them entered the yard, Paula and Jaelyn heading around to the sides of me. Even though, I hadn't really ever done any serious fighting, I knew I was being boxed in. I couldn't begin to guess why.

"Sam, what's going on?" I asked, looking between them.

Without warning, Sam lunged at me. I threw my hands forward, catching the weight of her upper body before should reach me, even as the nails on her front paws tore through my shirt.

I shoved her away from me, throwing her fifteen feet back into the yard.

"What's with this? I thought we'd settled on a truce, at least for the time being."

She snarled, crouching down in preparation of pouncing at me again.

" _Careful now."_  The voice in my head said. It took sheer willpower to prevent myself from looking around for her in hope.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Paula pounce just as Sam did. I stepped to the side at the last possible millisecond, hearing them crash together.

"Why are you attacking me?"

Another snarl was my only reply and my only warning. I raced forward, jumping as I neared the edge of the yard, landing in a limb 30 feet up the tree.

All three of them hit the tree at the same moment, causing the tree to shake violently, but it didn't crash to the forest floor, as I was sure had been their hope.

"Seriously, why are you doing this?" I shouted down as I contemplated climbing higher.

One of them, Paula, jumped, trying to get on one of the lower branches, but fell back to the ground, not quite able to get on the branch.

Sam let out a loud growl then slammed into the tree again. It once again shook violently.

I jumped out of the tree, flipping over them so I could land in the middle of the yard. I honestly didn't want them knocking over the old tree.

They all spun towards me.

"Stop and talk to me. I don't want to hurt any of you."

I also didn't have any particular desire to be mauled to death, but that was besides the point. It was unlikely I'd survive a fight against all of them, but I'd be sure and take at least one of them with me if they insisted on whatever this fight was about.

Jaelyn barked at Sam, but Sam just snarled back and then lunged for me.

" _Move."_ Edythe's voice, once again in my head.

I threw myself to the side at the last moment. Sam flew past where I'd been.

"Sam, her eyes are gold. Not red."

I looked towards the other two in shock and almost immediately looked away. Five foot, eight inches tall – and completely naked from head to toe – stood Jaelyn. I saw everything, and even though I jerked my face away quickly, I couldn't possibly forget it, not with a vampire's memory.

Sam growled loudly.

"Red? What are you talking about? I thought we already went over the fact that I wasn't responsible for anyone killed." I looked at Sam, because I didn't want to look at Jaelyn again. If I could still blush, I knew I would.

"Another person died, and your scent was at the camp." Jaelyn said behind me.

There was only camp I'd been near recently. The one I'd contemplated cheating at. "A man, probably in his mid thirties, wearing camo about five miles south of here?" I asked

"Yes. That's correct. You know who we're talking about." Her voice was sharp.

"Yes, I was there. Just before I met with you guys three days ago. I'll be honest, he almost died at my hands. Or my teeth, if you prefer. I was  _thirsty._  But I didn't go through with it. I left him alive and free of harm at his camp. I haven't been back there since then. I assure you."

Sam tilted her head at me. Her eyes sharper than the voice behind me.

"You let him live?"

"That's right, though it was just about the hardest thing I've ever done. I was much too thirsty to be safe around a human at that time. But if I had killed him, I wouldn't have showed up to the meeting. I just would have been gone."

"How did you walk away?"

"Guilt, willpower, humanity. Call it what you like. I didn't kill him."

Sam growled again.

I stepped forward, bending slightly so my eyes were level with hers. "I'm assuming the human was drained of blood. He wasn't mauled by a bear or his neck snapped or something. That's why you're here. Do my eyes even look the tiniest bit red?" I spoke softly.

Sam blew out a heavy breath, the warm air hitting my face.

"If I'd fed from a human in the last couple days, my eyes would be red. Very much so. The only thing I've killed recently are animals. You can see that. I am not a murderer, Sam."

Sam huffed out another breath. It almost sounded sarcastic.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I have never killed a human. That's not to say that it will never happen. To my knowledge, the only one with a truly perfect record, is Carine, but killing a human is not a path that I'm seeking out. It's not something I plan on intentionally doing."

Sam growled. I was pretty sure she was disagreeing with my assessment that Carine had never killed anyone. But I wanted her to voice the accusation so I could meet it head on.

"You know, talking to you in this form is just about impossible. You need to shift so I know what you're saying."

Sam's eyes took on a wicked glint and the air around her practically shivered. I immediately looked away.

"You act like you've never seen a naked woman before," Sam said.

Aside from the half second glance at Jaelyn earlier, I hadn't, but I wasn't going to tell her that. "Would you really like me to stare at you? That could be quite awkward, on both our parts."

Even though I wasn't looking at her directly, I could still see her in my periphery and so I noticed as she bent down and pulled a piece of cloth from her leg, and put it on.

"I'm decent." Her voice was cold.

I turned back towards her. She'd put on some sort of sarong style dress. It made her look almost civil, if I didn't pay too much attention to her eyes.

"You know, your words don't give me a lot of faith in you."

"Would you prefer honesty or pretty lies, Sam? I could lie and tell you that I have a hundred percent control, a hundred percent of the time, if that would make you breath easier. But I'd rather be honest with you. The Cullens never intentionally lied to you about who and what they are. I don't want to be dishonest with you either."

"What do you gain from being honest?"

"If you were someone else, or if we weren't two opposing supernatural species, perhaps a small amount of trust. But with you, nothing."

"I can tell you right now that I would never trust you or any of your kind."

"I know. I don't begrudge you your animosity, Sam."

"Do you have any idea who is killing the humans?"

"No, Even though I'm the only one still living here, the house still smells quite heavily of vampires. Most nomads aren't brave enough to just walk up to a place that smells like a fortress."

"You will tell me, if you find out who it is. So we can dispatch the vampire."

"How would I get ahold of you if I figure it out?"

"Come to the place where we've met before and wait there. It wouldn't take us very long to realize that you're there."

"Very well. I will do that."

She opened her mouth to reply, but just then, a howl was raised from the distance. Sam turned her head in the direction that it came from.

"Julie." A single name, uttered so quietly that I doubted Paula and Jaelyn could have heard her a few feet away.

The air shimmered again, suddenly pieces of her dress were fluttering to the ground. She took off in the direction of the howl. Paula and Jaelyn – who had apparently shifted back at some point – took off after her.

I stood there for a second, completely frozen before the name of my friend fully filtered deep enough to penetrate my shock. I took off after them, not caring what they'd think about being followed.


	8. Chapter 7 - Repetition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 7 – Repetition**

I followed the wolves as they headed in the direction of the howl. I could tell that was where they were heading because the wolf had howled again, except it wasn't just some wild gray wolf they were heading towards, it was Julie.

I wasn't a hundred percent sure how I knew that, I just did. Aside from a couple of people at school with questionable motives, Julie had been the only person I'd ever met who had actually liked me for me. So I didn't care how much trouble I got into with Samantha for following them, even as they crossed the border into Quileute territory.

I knew, thanks to  _her_  meticulously showing it to me. We'd walked the border half a dozen times after we met with the wolves that first time, even though I'd only needed it once to remember it permanently.

I didn't care about the border though as I followed them over it and into their territory. All I cared about was seeing Julie.

Paula spun on me, growling loudly, her teeth snapping, but there was more than a dozen feet between her and me.

"Either kill me or let me see Julie," I snarled the words at her, not in the mood to deal with her.

She took a step toward me, but then looked back towards Samantha who had stopped and was staring at both of us. I'm not sure what passed between them, but Paula turned her back on me and followed Samantha. I figured that was my okay to follow.

After another thirty seconds of running, we reached a small ravine, where a russet brown wolf was standing, feet planted wide apart. Black eyes – that I'd recognize even with my faded memories – stared back at me.

I stopped where I stood, unable to go closer to her, even though part of me wanted to.

I could see the emotion flit across her eyes even in her wolf form. The first emotion was obviously shock, followed closely by joy. Then she breathed in, her nose flaring and her eyes hardened to flint. She charged at me.

All three of the other wolves moved out of the way.

In the second and a half I had before she hit me, I debated what to do. I could have dodged the attack easily, or I could have met her force with my own, instead I simply raised my right arm as a shield.

Her teeth sunk into the arm as her mass sent me falling onto my back. I let out a grunt of pain.

In spite all of the horsing around I'd done with Eleanor and all the legitimate fights I'd had with Royal, I'd never been actually torn into before. Not since I had become a vampire. The very real, very harsh pain was a shock.

"Julie, it's me. It's Beau." I gritted my teeth to keep from keening as the pain became even sharper.

Julie snarled, with her teeth still latched around my arm. Her entire furry body was over mine. I supposed I should take it as a good sign that she didn't bite the rest of the way down. I could tell that she could, if she really wanted to.

"Really, Julie. I know I'm different, but it's still me."

She stared at me in the hardest glare that I'd ever seen, her teeth sunk in a little deeper and I winced. It wouldn't kill me if she tore my arm off. It wouldn't even be permanent as long as it wasn't destroyed, but the feeling of my skin torn open hurt.

Suddenly she released my arm.

For several seconds all she did was stare at me, I didn't dare break eye contact, instinctively realizing that this was some sort of dominance play that if I lost, it could quite likely cost me my life. I didn't know what she was looking for in me, but I knew if glanced away, she wouldn't.

After another few seconds she looked towards the other wolves.

The instant she did, I tried to scoot out from under her, but suddenly both of her front paws were on my chest, holding me down. I got the message loud and clear to stay still. I stayed.

I could feel the wounds in my arm slowly starting to heal and gritted my teeth together to keep from expressing the pain out loud.

There was some form of silent conversation going on between Julie and the others, but I had no clue what they were saying. I didn't know if Julie would fight for me or if she would agree with Samantha's judged, condemned and executed outlook. Would she even be wrong in agreeing with that outlook?

Sam looked at me pointedly then returned to staring at Julie who huffed back at her. What the hell did that mean?

"There any way all of you can switch form so I can find out what the hell is being said about me?" I grumbled.

Julie turned her head to stare down at me, growling softly.

"Guess that's a no. Can you let me up then? I won't run."

This time the growl came from Samantha.

"And that would be a no, too. Fine. Wake me up once you're ready to actually talk to me, or kill me, or whatever you're planning."

Jaelyn made a strange choking bark that I suspected was laughter even as Julie let out an unhappy whine. It was easy to guess that Jaelyn was laughing about the 'wake me up' comment, but it was less clear what Julie was whining about.

I closed my eyes, ignoring them completely.

…

My mind turned back towards Charlie and what I could do about him. Renee and Phil were doing alright, but that was because they had each other, they had a new home without hundreds of reminders of me, and they weren't in the constant presence of people that knew me. Charlie on the other hand was.

I couldn't fix the first part, there was no way for me to make him fall in love with someone, but perhaps I could fix the other two.

I hadn't checked the bank balance on the account that Archie had set up for me yet, but would it be enough to convince a police department elsewhere to offer him a job. There were certain things that Charlie loved. This town had once been one of those things, but my death had ruined that part. He still loved fishing though – even if he'd forgotten – and he loved beer and baseball.

His favorite baseball team were the Seattle Mariners and while he would never want to work or live _there_ , there were dozens of smaller towns close to Seattle, North Bend was less than five thousand people, Snoqualmie just a little higher, Fall City was a mere two thousand, Issaquah was about twenty thousand and Sammamish was right around twice that – all this knowledge was proof of the useless facts that my mind held on to now.

The good thing was that any of these towns would work, and the best part was that they were all less than thirty minutes from Seattle, so season tickets to home games would be completely possible.

Washington had beautiful lakes, ponds and waterways all over so there would be plenty of area to fish. It would take some work, and some serious politicking with the that lawyer I had the contact for, but I could make it work. All that would need to be done was get him an offer of a job paying better than here, moving expense and house already paid for, add in the baseball tickets and he'd probably agree for sure.

It would get him away from here, let him have a chance to move on with his life. The bonus, it would allow me to get away from the Olympic Peninsula as well. The wolves wouldn't be able to complain about me sticking near him and making sure he was alright if we weren't here.

For the first time since  _they_ left, I felt like I might be able to do something positive with my undeath – and the wealth that had been forced upon me.

…

Even as I thought about this with my eyes closed, some part of my mind had been keeping track of the four wolves – including the russet one making me stay still – so I knew when one of them took off, though I didn't open my eyes to see which.

I knew it wasn't Sam, who I was familiar enough with her pounding feet to know if it had been her, and I knew it wasn't Julie because she was still on top of me. In all honesty, the other two weren't important in this equation. I wasn't sure why I was certain of that, but I was.

Paula and Jaelyn were both submissive pack members, but Julie and Samantha were both dominant. I could smell that much as well as sense the vibrations of the confrontation the two were having in the air.

Unfortunately, I had no clue what the confrontation was about – though I could probably guess – and I wasn't sure who was winning.

I could also tell when the wolf that ran off came back, and I could tell when Julie backed up, stepping off of me.

My instincts were screaming at me to get up and run, or at least get up and fight, but I forced myself to ignore my instincts completely. I told them to wake me up when they were ready to deal with me. My hope was that they would at least talk to me in human form first. I knew that Sam had condemned me from the first time we met, but Julie had originally scoffed at the legends when she had told them to me – back when we'd both been human – it was my hope that since she was so new, her prejudices wouldn't be as strong, and that perhaps if I trusted her, she would trust me in turn.

I heard something light and soft drop to the ground, and my curiosity was killing me to find out what it was, but I kept my eyes closed.

I relaxed completely, hoping to feel the soundless shimmer of air that signified one or more of them had changed, and finally was rewarded as I felt not one but two of them shift, then I heard the two still in wolf form jog off, but not far, they stopped a little ways into the forest, just deep enough to not be easily spotted.

Should I construe that as trust? Or preparation for some sort of ambush?

Something was unzipped – I assumed it was whatever was dropped on the ground – perhaps a bag of some sort. It was followed by the sound of shuffling.

"I want to talk to Beau alone." It wasn't Sam, whose voice I knew. Was it Julie's, the last time we'd spoken we'd both been humans, innocent children in a world full of supernatural finalities. I wasn't sure if it was her, my memory was too hazy to know if the voice matched.

"No." That was Sam.

"You yourself have admitted he could have fought back at any time. He could have thrown me off of him. He could have fled. He didn't defend himself when I attacked other than flinging his arm in front of himself to prevent me from taking off his head. He's had ample opportunity to make a move against me and against you. He's done none of it. I want to talk with him. It's obvious to me that he won't hurt me." It was Julie then.

"This could all be a trap. Practically every time we have met, he has asked about you. You  _saw_ that. If I leave, what guarantee do I have that he won't kill you. I won't be the one responsible for telling your mom that you were killed because I foolishly trusted a parasite."

Did they forget I was still lying here? And listening to every word? It was getting harder to remain quiet, but no one else could do stillness quite like vampires could.

"I could order you to leave, Samantha. Don't make me do it. I  _saw_ that too. You were the first of us, and you have the respect of our sisters, but I have rights that were given to me by my blood. If you force my hands then I will do what is necessary. He came because he was concerned about me. We were friends as humans, and we could be again. He can be useful to us if there are others hunting these woods. He is immortal and we are not. Or do you want me to someday have to tell your Elliott Young that we lost  _you_ because you were too blinded by your own prejudices to take advantage of what we have right in front of us to use?"

"You really expect us to work with him? It's our duty to kill his kind. You may not have known the legends were real before, but you do know them."

"It's our duty to kill monsters. Nothing I saw in your mind leads me to believe he is one. No one is born a monster, their choices make them that. The way I see it, there's a way to help him choose a different path"

"You are naive."

"Am I? Or am I just willing to give him a chance because I haven't developed the hatred towards their kind yet that you have?"

"Don't forget, I saw your grief, Julie. You have blinders just as much as I do."

Julie must have gotten tired of arguing with Sam, because she was suddenly speaking to me. "Beau?"

I opened one eye, leaning up just enough to see everything clearly. There was an empty backpack on the ground, and both Julie and Sam were fully dressed, albeit neither one had shoes. They were facing each other, their arms crossed over their chests and Julie was only about an inch shorter then Samantha. She'd grown significantly since I'd last seen her, probably adding almost a foot of height.

"Am I allowed to wake up now?" My voice was wry.

"Sam thinks you can't be trusted and wants to stay here. Can you be trusted?"

I shrugged. "I have remained on the ground – with my throat quite literally exposed – for however long it has been now." About two and a half hours based on my own internal clock. I didn't say that. "I can stay on the ground if it makes you more comfortable, but I would prefer to sit."

Julie put her arms down, looking at my arm, the wounds still not completely healed, though a lot better than they'd been when she'd torn into my arm with her teeth. Then she looked at Sam again. "Sam, please let me talk to him alone. It is relatively clear he doesn't intend to harm me."

Sam glared at me, the message beyond clear. "Fine, I will leave you here with him. Mind you, I'm against this idea."

She walked off, but as she was still in her human form, it was extremely easy for me to trace where she was walking with my eyes and to notice as she stopped a little ways into the woods right beside a relatively hidden wolf.

I looked back towards Julie and opened my mouth to speak, but Julie held up her hand, her eyes on where Sam had stopped. I knew that from where Julie was standing, all she'd see was the tree, but she must have heard her stop moving as well.

"It's alright, they just want to protect you."

Julie turned her full attention to me. "It's not alright. I thought you were _dead_ , Beau. I thought I'd never see you again, and now that I find out that you're here, that you're alive, I'm not being allowed to have one stinking private conversation with you."

"Didn't Sam explain to you how it works when you were communicating in wolf form? I'm not alive, not really. My heart physically stopped when I became this. I am dead, living dead, but still dead."

"So what? You're still you. You're eyes are a different color now, but I can still see the shy boy who was as embarrassed to flirt with me as I was to be flirted with. You have the same face, the same hair, the same body... well, close enough." She paused for a moment. I didn't know how she could see any of that when I couldn't. "You can sit up now, you know."

I sat up, crossing my legs to make myself appear slightly more human. The truth was, I could sit with my body and legs in an almost perfect L shape for hours and be perfectly comfortable, but unless I was leaning against a wall or something, it didn't look in the least bit natural.

"I'm not really the same at all. Do you not see the wounds you made healing? If I was still a normal human, I wouldn't heal like that. I'm very fast, extremely strong, physically hard as granite, and I produce venom."

"Well apparently I can bite through granite now, so we're both freaks." She shook her head. "As for the quick healing, non-bleeding wounds, I'd say that's a good thing. If you'd been human and you'd received a bite like that, you'd have bled out relatively quickly. I wasn't exactly playing when I bit you."

"It's your job," I said the words softly.

"Yeah, well it's also my job to protect innocents. I'm not sure you don't qualify as one."

I blinked.

"Why'd you follow them across the border to get here, Beau?"

"Sam said your name after you howled. I was worried."

"And why is that? A monster wouldn't be worried."

I looked away. "I'm not sure."

"Yeah right. You're as bad at lying now as you were when you were human."

"I didn't want you to find out from Sam I was just some parasite that can't be trusted. I wanted you to see me with your own eyes. We had been friends. Before –" Before I died. Before I became a vampire. "Well, before all of this.

"And if I'd still just been a normal human when you arrived here, would you have killed me?"

"I'd have wanted to."

"Would you have followed through?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't with my mom, and your eyes were pitch black then."

She had to be talking about the meeting a few days ago, but... "How do you know about that?"

"Sam showed me when we were communicating in wolf form. She was trying to prove to me you were dangerous. It actually sort of proved the opposite."

"I was fighting my instincts with your mother, but it's –"

"And apparently with some random camper before that."

Was there anything she hadn't already been told? "Yes. It's hard though, and extremely painful, and there may come a time when I stop fighting it."

"If it's so hard and painful, why fight it at all?"

Hadn't I answered this to Bonnie and Sam? "Because I don't want to be a monster."

"And you've never killed anyone?"

"No."

"You've also never turned anyone." That wasn't a question. "I don't know. But it just seems logical that if you've never done anything wrong then you are still, in fact, innocent."

There was a snort in the background.

"I think the rest of the pack disagrees with you, Julie."

"Yeah, well they don't get a vote on this. The border was to stop the Cullens from crossing because they weren't innocent. They may have been... reformed, but they were still monsters, still killers. You are not. Not yet anyways, and maybe not ever. Maybe there's someway that we can help guarantee that you learn a way to keep yourself free from that carnage. Maybe there's someway that you can help us as well."

"They aren't monsters."

Julie stepped over to me, reaching down and grabbing my hands. She wouldn't have been able to haul me up to a standing position if I hadn't let her, but I flowed to my feet as she pulled on my hands. Her own hands in mine were burning, hot in a way that I was sure a human's wouldn't be. The temperature of a wolf perhaps?

"I'll forget for a second that at least one of them has turned humans in the past. Look me in the eyes, Beau, and tell me that none of them have ever killed a human and I'll believe you."

I looked away for a second before looking back at her. "Carine has never killed a human, and Royal has never fed on a human."

"Murder is still murder, even if there wasn't blood loss involved. As for Carine, she's the matriarch to that family, she was the one that turned them, correct? And possibly you as well?"

"She didn't turn me," I said vehemently. I would not have her believing they broke the treaty. I had told Bonnie that, back when I'd only been a couple weeks old. Had she not heard that part yet?

"Okay, that I believe. I've seen the memory of you telling my mom that back when your eyes were... pink. I couldn't be sure if you were telling the truth based on the memory." Julie looked back towards the woods as there was movement over where the wolves were and then looked back at me. "The fact is, even if I completely ignored the fact that they have killed in the past. I can't ignore the fact that they left you completely alone. That all by itself makes them monsters in my eyes."

"It was a reasonable choice on their part." i shrugged.

"When Sam found you. Had she been a post man, or some hiker lost in the woods... would they have survived?"

"The camper survived my visit. And I was as hungry when I ran into him as I was when Sam found me." I deliberately avoided her question, because the answer was a definite no.

"Which by then you'd been reminded of the price of killing a human from Sam showing up. If that camper had showed up at your house instead of Sam, would he have survived?"

I looked down where our hands were still gripped. "Why are you asking me this?"

"I'm making a point. Answer my question."

"I'd have killed him, alright? If he'd have just stumbled up to my house, there's no way I could have stopped myself. Is that what you want to hear?" I looked at her angrily.

"Yes. It is. If they hadn't left, you'd never have gotten to that place. That makes them complete monsters."

"They couldn't have known how I'd react." Well, Archie could have, but I saw no point in telling Julie that.

Julie was watching me closely then looked backwards purposefully. "As the descendant of Emmaline Black, I say he can come and go as he pleases. He is no monster."

Sam stormed forward suddenly, her words echoing through the forest before she even reached us. "You would risk the safety of the tribe for him?"

Julie let go of my hands, turning to face Sam completely. "What risk? He stopped himself from killing a total stranger when he was starving. He is not starving now and the tribe is our family. He knows us, and therefore by extension he knows our family. He won't kill them. Beside, it's not like he can actually come into town, not since he's supposed to be dead."

"Our ancestors would not agree to this."

"We can't know that. What we can know is that he has not killed anyone, and that he is fighting to retain what he can of his humanity even if he is immortal now. We turn our backs on him and it will be our faults if he ever kills, not his."

"How can you possibly reason that out?" Sam finally reached us, and she looked like she was a matter of seconds away from reaching out and trying to kill Julie.

"Everyone needs family, friends, support. You know that better than most, Sam. Or did you enjoy being all alone and stuck in wolf form for days the first time you shifted?"

"That's different." She was shaking slightly where she stood.

"How is it different? Perhaps if one of the old pack had still been here when it happened, you'd have been able to shift back in only a few hours."

"We're protectors. That's how it's different."

"And why can't he be a protector too?"

"Wait. What?" I managed to ask at the same time as Sam shouted, "Because he's a bloodsucking fiend."

"He hasn't tried to suck my blood yet, or yours." Julie turned towards me. "You heard me. Help protect this town. Help protect Forks. You're in a unique position even we aren't, and you can fight with us to defend against others of your kind."

"How would that even work?" I was bewildered.

"Obviously it wouldn't include the Cullens, if you don't want it to. But we have normal human killing vampires that pass through from time to time. Sometimes we even have ones that decide they like it here. Which is what appears to be going on now. So help us. Patrol the forest with us. Fight with us. Perhaps by being a part of protecting humanity it will help you keep hold of yours."

"Only one problem. I'm not much of a fighter."

"Then we'll teach you."

"But why?"

Sam folded her arms over her chest, obviously not liking the direction everything had turned in.

"I think you and I are both at a crossroads here, Beau. I think if you walk away from here and have no support then eventually you will give up. It probably won't be today, perhaps not even this year, but someday. And I think if I walk away without helping you then I'll be a more heartless monster than anything killing in the woods. More than that, I think if I someday had to kill you because I was too foolish to realize I could have saved you... Let's just say I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that."

Sam made a strange choking noise. Julie turned to look at her again.

"I'll talk with mom and the other elders, Sam. But I think they will agree with me on this."

"I don't see why they would."

"Because they'll realize the same thing I have. The world is changing. We have to change with it. There's never before been a pack as big as this one is very soon going to become. There's already four of us, and based on what I've seen in with my closest friends, at least three more will soon be joining us."

"He's part of the reason there's going to be so many of us."

"Is he? If you're blaming Beau for you becoming a wolf, then things have changed even more than I think they have. After all, he was human and halfway across the country when you first turned."

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"Don't be dense, Julie," she almost snarled the words.

"I'm not." Julie turned her back on Sam. "I need to talk with my mom, but before I do, say yes."

I shook my head. "I don't know. Can what you're suggesting even work?"

"All we can do is try. Say yes."

"Okay. Fine." I couldn't believe I was agreeing to her harebrained scheme.

"Good. Then you should go home for now. There are people I need to talk to in order for us to truly make this work. But I'll come there soon. I promise."

I didn't want to leave though, because on a personal level, if I left, I had no guarantee that she'd actually come. And there was the other issue. Julie was making waves, and I was relatively sure that none of the other wolves liked it.

"Will she be safe with you?" I stared straight at Sam as I asked.

"The only person she isn't safe to be with is you." Sam's eyes were hard as she spoke, her hatred towards me was more defined than it had ever been before.

"Make sure it stays that way. Or I  _will_  be finding out if werewolf blood is more satisfying than animal." I took off back the way I came before she could reply to my threat.

…

It wasn't until after I got back home that I started to wonder if during that conversation, had Julie only been talking about some strange alignment between them and me, or had she meant something else as well.


	9. Chapter 8- Adrenaline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 8 - Adrenaline**

I couldn't help myself. I paced. Julie had told me to return home and she'd come to me once she was done, and I'd listened. Foolishly, because that had been two days ago. She'd said that I was free to come and go between the two lands. Should I go find her?

I looked at the laptop I'd found in Carine's office. I'd already checked how much money Archie had left me with. The money figure was huge, and as I'd looked over the account details, I'd discovered an unsettling fact. The account had been set up months ago. In fact, it had been set up while we'd been in Phoenix, back when I'd still been human.

So had Archie seen this future way back then? Or had he originally been setting it up as some other kind of fall back. I did vaguely remember Archie telling me on the last day that I was a normal human that Edythe was coming to get me and take me somewhere safe. Had this money and identity been set aside for that?

I wished I knew, but unfortunately Archie wasn't around to ask.

Finally I heard paws in the forest, only one set, which meant whoever it was, had come alone. I went outside to wait, and the wolf stopped in the forest, I strained to hear something else, but for a moment I heard nothing and then finally I heard footsteps. Human this time.

I saw Julie only a second before she stepped out of the forest. Julie looked up, her eyes meeting mine. She breathed out an almost silent breath of relief.

"I was worried for a moment that I'd imagined you were still alive."

"Well, I was worried you were never going to show."

"I'm sorry, the elders had to spend time deliberating. They were worried that my judgment wasn't sound because of our old friendship, because of what we might have been if you were still human."

"What does that mean?"

"It doesn't matter because you aren't human and there's no way to know if it would have happened that way or not."

I wasn't sure what she was talking about, so I didn't reply.

Julie looked past me, inspecting the house. "I saw it in my sisters' memories, but it didn't do it justice. This place is huge." She looked at me, smiling wryly. "And this whole place stinks. It's worse than you smell by yourself."

"You don't smell all that great, either," I retorted.

Julie laughed, making her way across the yard, and coming up to meet me on the porch, her arms wrapped around me so suddenly I was shocked into stillness for a second before I returned the gesture, hugging her carefully, not wanting to break her.

"I didn't get to say it before, but I'm glad you're alive, Beau."

I closed my eyes. "I'm happy you finally found out about me. Bonnie told me you'd find out soon enough when I first met with her shortly after being turned. But that was eight months ago."

Julie let go, stepping back. "She couldn't tell me until I became a wolf. It's against the rules. Most of the tribe believes the tribal legends are just that. Only the elders, the wolves, and Kirk and Elliott know."

"You mentioned Elliott when you and Sam were arguing. Is he her boyfriend?"

"He's her fiance actually."

"Who's Kirk?"

"Kirk is with Jaelyn. They've been dating for approximately the last year. You may eventually get to meet him. Elliott too. It'll be awhile though. The elders have reluctantly agreed with my decision and opinions, but all of them, especially my sisters, are understandable reticent about you being around humans."

"So if you someday meet your significant other, you can tell that person about your secret?" I asked, not even commenting about they're fear about me being around humans. I couldn't blame them.

"It's a little more than just a significant other, and I sincerely doubt it will ever happen to me."

"What do you mean?" The way she was looking at me almost sadly confused the hell out of me.

"Can we go inside and sit down? I'll explain it to you."

I motioned her in, following her to the couch and sitting beside her.

"Elliot and Kirk are Sam and Jaelyn's significant others like you said. But they're actually more like their soul mates. Your kind mate for life, right?"

"We're supposed to." It was a bitter subject. I didn't want to think about  _her._

"Well we can do the same thing. Though it's supposed to be rare. It's called imprinting. Elliott is Sam's and Kirk is Jaelyn's. My mom and the other elders suspect that you might have been mine. If this hadn't happened to you. It's the only reason they think I was able to stop myself from trying to kill me. I shouldn't have been able to, not after my very first shift like that. They still aren't sure if it's causing me to be biased."

I stilled beside her for a moment in surprise, before I fought through it. "Wait just a second. I had a vampire mate when I was human. She may not be able to love this me, but she loved me before. I'm sure of that much. And I still love her."

Julie shrugged. "And that would have been alright. It would have been torture for me, truly, but it would have been alright. Imprinting is deeper than just finding a lover. For the imprinter, like Sam or Jae, they will be whatever their imprint needs them to be. Be it a protector, a friend, a sister, or a lover. If you had ended up being my imprint and you couldn't love me because of your relationship with her, then I would have been your friend. That's how it works."

I could, sort of, understand what she was saying. Wasn't that why I hadn't chased after  _her_? I loved her enough that I wouldn't disrespect her wish to move on without me. "And you really think that I was yours?"

"I can't be sure. It makes a sick kind of sense though."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now. Maybe some other time." She looked down, her eyes filling with tears before she blinked them roughly away.

Aside from my mom, I didn't know how to deal with a crying girl. I changed the subject fast. "So what happened after I left? Actually, better question, what was going on when you two were in wolf form?"

Julie smiled. "We talked about everything. Sam showed me her first time seeing you as a vampire, right after your funeral. She showed me the first time you met up with Bonnie. She showed me her decision to come snoop around this house, finding you, having you meet Bonnie again, coming out here again after she found your scent near the camp site, the fight you had with them... She showed it all to me.

"She wanted me to finish you off, you know. That's why she let you follow her to find me. It was stupid and reckless on her part, but that's why she did it. Even so, it almost worked."

"What is her problem with me, anyways? Aside from the obvious." The obvious being that I was a vampire and she was a wolf.

"It's not that she hates you, exactly. She blames herself for what happened to you. The tribal elders didn't want the Cullens to know that a new pack had been formed, but she always felt like she should have tried to drive them out of town – before the elders decided to do it because they thought the Cullens had killed you. Her own personal guilt over what happened to you is clouding her thoughts. She doesn't want to feel sorry for you, she doesn't want to humanize you, so she goes the other direction to the extreme."

"If the Cullens hadn't been here then I'd just be dead. At least three times over."

"I know, Sam showed me her memories of your entire conversation with Bonnie. And Sam understands, on some level, that you were telling the truth. But it's hard for her to think of vampires as ever being... not the good guys exactly, but humane, if nothing else."

"And yet, you want me to work with you?"

"I'm more willing to see two sides to this coin than the others are."

"Will the others ever be willing to accept me?"

"Maybe, in time. It's hard for us to ignore our instinct. But you do it by choosing not to hunt humans, right?"

"Yes, not that it is ever easy."

"Maybe not, but you do it anyway. If you can do it, then so can we."

"That's generous of you, Jules." The nickname rolled off my tongue, and I paused for a moment as a couple of vague human memories reminded me that I used to call her that. Somehow, amidst everything else, I'd forgotten. "But I have to leave by the end of the month anyways." I remembered Sam's edict to me. If I messed up... I wouldn't let it cost the Cullens their lives as well.

"You don't." She shook her head.

"No, you don't understand –"

Jules slapped her palm over my mouth. "I saw what Sam told you. Bonnie didn't know about that, and she wouldn't have agreed if she had. Not that that matters anymore. I have already told you that you can come and go as you please. I'm not conscripting you to some sort of a treaty. If something... unthinkable happens, we'll reevaluate then." She let her hand drop down.

I blinked, hard. "You do know what your saying, right? I may not completely agree with the treaty, but it serves a purpose. To protect you and your tribe."

She clenched her jaw together, looking at the wall, before finally replying. "I know, and the elders don't agree with me. But it's my right to make this edict." She looked me in the eyes. "Beau, if I enforced the treaty with you. I wouldn't be allowed to be here now. The treaty, the one that Carine Cullen agreed to with Emmaline Black, says this is  _your_  side. Technically, every single time Sam has come past the border, you could have killed her. You actually  _should_  have killed her. The treaty was designed with a bunch of absolutes to protect the tribe, but more than that, it was made because there were three wolves in that pack and there were five vampires here then.

"If our ancestors had went head to head against your Cullens... Our ancestors would have lost. It was a foolish treaty, because reality is that if the Cullens had decided to slaughter a bunch of humans in Forks and then leave afterward, we couldn't have even tried to enforce the treaty. We wouldn't have been here to try. And while I think they are monsters because they left you here alone, I do know, based on our history, on the conversations you had with Bonnie, and based on everything I see when I look at you, that they at least are trying to rise above their nature.

"On the other hand, there's now a hunter in these woods. A real killer. This vampire has already killed three people around Forks. We still haven't even seen this vampire. You can help us get rid of this threat, but not if we're being fools." Julie swallowed and closed her eyes. "I already told the elders all of this. Not quite as nicely as I'm explaining it to you, but this was how I got them to see sense.

"We have two choices in front of us. I can have you agree to the same treaty as the Cullens, I won't add any extra rules. I'll leave and you probably will never see me again. There will still be a vampire killing people in the forest. We won't be able to do anything about it, because this vampire is on your side of the border. I hate to think of how bad it could get. Or there's option two. We forget the treaty, at least where your concerned. I get to keep my friend. We gain an ally. And maybe, just maybe, we will be able to be there and help you if you get put in a situation that you can't make the right decision on your own."

"When did you get so smart, Jules?"

"About two days after I found out you were dead." Her voice was rough.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, grabbing one of her hands to squeeze it gently.

She opened her eyes, looking at me seriously. "So we'll go with option two, correct?"

"Yes."

"Good, then there's more you need to know." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small square of fiber. I recognized it as coming from the camper's tent. She held it out to me. "It's the cleanest scent that I found from the campsite. It smells different than you."

I took it and lifted it to my face, sniffing it, wishing she wasn't watching me like a hawk while I was doing it. The first thing I smelled was Julie and the denim her shorts were made of. I kept sniffing, determining the ambrosia scent of the camper and the polyester, finally I smelled what I was looking for. There were two distinct scents, one smelled of honeycomb and musk, distinctly masculine, the other was lavender and violet and obviously female. "I've never smelled them before. Not that I've been around many vampires aside from the Cullens."

"What do you mean,  _them_?"

"You can't tell? There's the smell of two vampires on this. One is a guy, he smells like honeycomb and musk. The other is a female and she smells of lavender and violet."

"No, I didn't realize there were two vampires. I think we just assumed it was one. I doubt any of us have smelled close enough to realize it. Of course, it does explain why the scent was so muddled."

"The only vampires I've met outside of the Cullens since I've been a vampire myself are Peggy and Carlson. I can tell you that this doesn't smell like them. I have no clue who these two are."

"We need to find them, and we need to stop them."

"I can probably help you find them, but I don't know if I'll be able to help you stop them. I have some decent brute strength, at least for a few more months, but whoever these two are? They're going to be older than me, that means they're going to have more skill than me. If Jessamine was still here, she could probably beat whoever these two are. But I'm not trained. I don't know how to fight. Not really."

"Then I'll help you learn to fight. You have a nice big yard for us to practice in."

"You want me to fight you? I could hurt you!"

Jules started laughing, hard.

"What?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes at her.

She just kept laughing.

Finally, after a good minute more of her laughing, she managed to pull herself together enough to reply. "Beau, I may not be made of granite like you are now, but I'm not exactly a piece of glass either. Any damage you manage to inflict on me, I'll heal from. Besides, I think if either of us should be worried about getting hurt, it's you. I've already broke your skin once."

I shook my head.

"Come on, you  _know_  you want to. Just pretend I'm Sam." She got up from the couch. I was still holding her hand, so she yanked.

I stayed sitting stubbornly, letting go of her hand.

She looked around the room speculatively, then looked at me with a decidedly mischievous glint in her eyes. "Well, I guess we could practice in here. Of course my claws will probably damage this nice hardwood floor..."

" _Fine_!" I got up, heading toward the door before she could threaten the house again.

She followed me outside and immediately jumped off the porch, landing a few feet in the yard. "Let me go into the forest and change. Then we'll practice." She walked toward the forest, looking back at me just before she went inside the tree line. "One more thing. Don't bite me. Your venom will actually kill me."

"What?" I asked loudly, my eyes widening.

She didn't reply to me and instead yanked her shirt off, giving me a view of her naked back, before she walked into the forest and went around behind a tree.

...

When she came back out of the forest about five minutes later, she was the russet colored wolf. She wolfed loudly, looking from where I was standing on the porch to the center of the yard. Her message was clear enough.

I jumped off the porch, feeling the brief weightlessness that came when I jumped, but it only lasted a moment before I landed in the yard – thirty feet away from the porch.

Jules snarled and charged at me, her head down.

I spread my legs and arms wide, preparing to catch her and shove her backwards, one of the the few moves I'd picked up from horsing around with Eleanor.

She was about five feet away from me when I suddenly heard Edythe's voice.

"Dive left now."

I was so surprised by the voice in my head that I straightened up like I'd been hit by a bolt of lightning.

Then I was slammed by Jules. I flew through the air, hitting the ground hard. The air in my lungs shoved out of me by the shock.

"I told you to dive," she said in my mind.

Jules barked sharply, a note of worry in the bark.

I took a breath. "I'm fine."

I got up and nodded at her.

There was only about ten feet of space between Jules and me, which she took advantage of, jumping at me.

"Hands out in front, Beau." The voice in my head was disorienting, but I obeyed, throwing my hands forward and catching Jules' weight.

"Now throw her."

I threw.

Jules flew fifty feet back into the yard, righting herself to land on her feet. She barked appreciatively.

I knew I didn't need to breath, but still I was breathing hard as if this was extremely physically exerting and I was still human.

"She's about to charge you again."

I really wanted to snark back that I could see that, but I suspected Jules would be concerned if I started talking to myself.

Jules charged. I didn't know if I should wait on the voice in my head to tell me what to do, or if I should make my own move.

Jules was dangerously close when I finally heard Edythe's snarled, "Move to the right."

I moved to the right which made Jules ram through air instead of ramming me.

"Spin and kick. Now."

I spun around, seeing that Julie had spun and was about to snap at me. I kicked her hard in the side, the force of which shoved her back several feet.

I flipped backwards, trying to put more distance between her and myself.

She growled loudly and charged again, this time throwing herself into the air when she got close enough, opening her mouth wide to try and bite me.

"Thrust your hand out and upward."

I started the follow the instruction the voice in my mind told me to do, but as I saw where my hand was going to hit, I pulled my hand back and twisted to the side at the absolute last possible instant.

Her teeth sunk deep into my shoulder. I screamed, falling to my knees.

In my head Edythe shouted, "Beau!"

Jules immediately released me, pulling back.

I let out a plaintive keen, the pain was worse than when she'd bit my arm two days prior.

She shifted back to human form, I averted my eyes.

"Beau! Why the hell did you stop your attack?" Her voice was shaken, she stepped right over to me, looking closely at my shoulder.

I closed my eyes to keep from seeing... well, from seeing, period.

"I don't know wolf anatomy, but if I had to guess, where that thrust I was going to make would have landed, would be somewhere similar to the clavicle on a human. As much force as I had in it, it would have likely not only snapped that bone, but done severe damage to your neck."

I grunted in pain as her fingers pressed against her teeth wounds in my shoulder.

"So instead you let yourself be damaged severely? If you were still human there'd be very permanent nerve damage because of this." She prodded at it some more, pressing down on my shoulder when I tried to shrug. "Don't even think of shrugging," she snapped. "About three inches over and a little up and I might have taken your  _head off._  Don't you dare make light of this."

"Better me than you. I can heal from something like that. You can't. You  _are_   _still alive_."

"And I'd be scared to death until you did heal. Don't do that again. Next time just pull the force behind the strike, not the entire strike."

"I'm sorry, okay. That thought didn't cross my mind. I was just worried that I might accidentally kill you."

"Well, I'll say this much. You may not fully know how to fight up here." She flicked my forehead. "But your instincts are spot on." She sighed. "Go inside. I'll go get dressed and meet you in there."

I did as she suggested.

…

It took six solid hours to heal from the damage, my skin once again perfect when fully healed. During that time, Julie used the house phone and called her mom. Their conversation was relatively short, but I could hear both sides of conversation and when Bonnie asked if she should get Sam to drive her over, I shook my head emphatically.

"She might know if you need something in your shoulder set. I don't." Jules said as she put her hand over the mouth piece.

"Absolutely not," I hissed the words. Julie had no idea how much more dangerous this wound was making me. It was taking the energy I got from feeding to heal it. Bringing a bloody bouquet to my front door would be a  _very bad_  idea.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she finally said into the phone. Apparently seeing something in my eyes.

After she got off the phone she came back over to me. "The wound is making you lose it, isn't it?"

"I'm fine. With you at least. But being around a human would be extremely dangerous."

"I think I can tell. Your eyes are almost black, and they were bright gold before."

"It's taking the energy from the blood I drink to heal this," I explained.

Jules frowned. "So would you even be able to heal if you were starving?"

"Yes. It would pull the energy from whatever source it needed. My muscles. My brain. Whatever source is available. It would make me stark raving mad until I fed enough to recuperate the energy loss."

"That sounds dangerous."

"It is."

…

That night I went out with her to patrol the forest. We patrolled side by side, her in wolf form, me running beside her. Just letting loose and really running for that time was exhilarating.

As it neared dawn, she shifted back to human right in front of me again. I spun away so fast that it was practically instantaneous.

"I'm gonna head home. You may want to hunt."

"Okay." If I was human I'd be blushing profusely. I'd been seeing far too much naked werewolf lately.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

She shifted back to wolf form and took off.


	10. Chapter 9 - Third Wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 9 – Third Wheel**

It the three weeks that followed, the practice sessions and the patrolling became a daily thing. Every day we would practice until, inevitably,  _her_ voice in my head would get more and more violent and I'd end up letting myself be hurt to prevent myself from harming Jules.

I did not understand why  _she_ kept talking to me, telling me what to do.  _She_  was gone, had left me to my own devices. I could think of very few reasons why I kept hearing  _her_ , and none of them were healthy. Unfortunately, the one being that might have known if it was possible for a vampire to truly go insane had left along with  _her._

So I delved into the patrolling, always only with Jules, the other wolves always patrolling in the opposite direction. The others didn't trust me, which was why they never came with us, and while I could understand them not wanting to be anywhere near me, I thought it was absolutely stupid for them to leave her alone with me if they truly believed I couldn't be trusted.

Unfortunately, while the constant modicum of practicing and patrolling did nothing to slow me down, I finally started to notice the exhaustion in Jules' face, smell the weakness in her blood, and sense it in the air. It was a dangerous feeling, for the predator in me.

Which was why when she arrived at my place, I stayed inside instead of going out to meet her.

"Beau," she called out as she entered the house.

"On the stairs," I called from where I was sitting, staring at her. I'd hunted early that morning, so my eyes were gold once again.

She looked over at me, relief feeling her face, and I realized it had worried her that I hadn't met her. "Why weren't you outside? We need to practice."

"How much sleep are you getting when you go home?"

"Enough, why?"

"I think you need to start getting more sleep."

"How much sleep did  _you_  get?"

"I can't sleep, you know that."

"And I can go on very little."

"Really? Then why did I start hunting you instead of just fighting you yesterday?"

"You were thirsty yesterday."

"I was. But that had nothing to do with it. The smell of your blood is naturally repulsive to me."

She glared at me. "What does that have to do with me sleeping?"

"I'm a predatory species, Jules. We both are. Your blood naturally deters me because you are in the same area on the food chain as me. But right now, you smell weak. You  _look_ weak. It's seductive. You have no idea just how dangerous it is for you to let yourself get this way." My voice was soft, smooth like velvet. It wasn't a conscious decision for my voice to take on that note, but even as I was trying to give her a very real warning, my instincts were wanting something very different from me.

She looked shocked by my words. "I'm not..."

"A predatory species? Of course you are. You hunt and kill my kind."

She frowned. "I guess I've never thought of it like that."

"You should sleep. Either go home or use my couch. I'd offer one of the beds upstairs, but none of the rooms have really been aired out." Except mine, but I wasn't going to offer mine. It felt very inappropriate to have her sleep in my bed. I didn't really understand why. "I'm perfectly stable at the moment, but I don't think us practicing is a good idea until you're better rested."

"Okay." She was still frowning. She shifted slightly. "I'll nap here." She went over to the couch.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the stair railing.

…

It was about four hours later before she woke up, her stomach grumbling as she did.

"I'm hungry."

I frowned, realizing that it was probably a part of what was adding to her state. She hadn't been eating in front of me the last two weeks, which meant she was only doing it at home. "There's food in the kitchen. Non-perishables like canned goods and crackers and stuff in the cabinets. I don't think there's anything that would still be good in the fridge, but there's probably steaks and stuff in the freezer."

Her brow furrowed. "Why do you have all of that?"

"They kept the kitchen stocked as part of the human facade they impressed upon everyone. The food would be sent to a nearby food bank and replaced before any of it ever went bad, but I haven't kept it up since they left. You're welcome to anything that is still good that you want."

"Okay." She got up, wandering that way. I didn't follow her, figuring she'd be able to fend for herself.

I heard her opening the freezer, and then a couple of the cabinets, before she shouted, "What the hell?"

I jumped up, racing into the kitchen and stopping short as I realized she had opened the pantry door and was looking at all the wrapped presents I'd hidden there.

She turned to me, waiving her hand at them as she did. "Seriously, what the hell?"

"They were given to me as birthday presents. It was on my birthday that everything started to crash and burn. I only opened one that night. Well actually two. After they left I had no desire to open the rest. I hid them in here because I didn't want the reminders." I shrugged.

She frowned. "You know, it's weird that they'd go to all that trouble if they always intended to leave."

"According to the letter, they'd always intended to leave me after my newborn year was up. They hadn't been expecting to leave so soon. Those were just part of the charade that they had fooled me with, I guess." I shrugged. I had no other way to really make sense of it. I stepped to the drawer where I'd slipped the letter and pulled it out. "Here. You read it." I handed it to her, then turned away from the letter, not wanting to remember what Edythe had written.

Of course I couldn't help but remember, the words were permanently imprinted in my mind. I could hear her voice in my mind saying,  _I do not love you_. Not the mental apparition that my mind used to cope this time, just my own imagination. I closed my eyes, trying to stave off any reaction that my own memories might cause.

Jules put her hand on my shoulder a moment later. "I'm sorry, Beau. I can't fathom their decision, but if they can't see how special you truly are then that is their loss."

I tried to smile, but couldn't quite make it work.

"And if Edythe was unable to see just how easy you are to lo –"

Her words caused a wrenching pain in my chest. I placed my hand on my chest, right over where my stone heart was, trying to remind my body that I was whole. "Julie, please." The plea in my voice was clear as I spoke over her, forcing her to break off.

"I'll stop." I looked at her then, her face was pained. I saw she had the letter still in her hand, but neatly folded so the text wasn't visible.

I looked at the unopened presents again, grimacing.

"Can I take this letter with me?"

"Why?"

"I want to show it Sam and the others. Bonnie too. I think it might help all of them to understand. Sam especially."

"I don't need their pity, Jules."

"It's not about pity. It's about understanding."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you can take it. I don't really need it anymore. It's all up here." I tapped my head.

"Good." She folded it again, and shoved it in her pocket. Then she looked back at the presents speculatively. "You know, I didn't get really any presents for my birthday. Well a half broken down motorcycle from my friend, Embrianna. But I don't have all the parts to fix it yet."

"Well, I don't think anything in those boxes will make a very good gift for you." But I did have cash that I could give her to fix her motorcycle with. If she'd let me give her the money to do that.

"We should open them anyways. Allow me to have the voyeuristic pleasure of seeing what you got for presents. We can burn whatever you don't like." I frowned at her. "Please, Beau?"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay."

She grinned widely, then turned to eye the boxes speculatively. Finally she reached forward and pulled out the second smallest wrapped present. It was a thin box that was just the tiniest bit wider than it was long – about the size of a CD case. She started to pass it to me, but I shook my head.

"This was your idea. Why don't you open them?"

She ripped the paper open in a way that made me grimace. I'd always been the sort to pull the tape up gently and then carefully unfold the paper. Inside the paper was a CD case, just as I'd suspected. She looked at it for a moment, frowning the longer she stared at it. "Huh."

"What is it?"

In answer, she turned the disc toward me so I could read it. It was a blank CD like you'd by at a store to burn a mix with. Except two words had been handwritten on it in  _her_  perfect print. _Beau's Song._  I closed my eyes, wishing I could forget what I'd just seen. A strange whine came from my lips.

I heard the drawer I'd pulled the letter from being slammed shut.

"It's gone, Beau," Jules said, her voice was quiet. I didn't want to open my eyes. "We can stop if you want, go practice fighting instead."

I opened my eyes, reminding myself why weren't outside. "No, open something else, please."

This time, she went the other direction, pulling out the largest box, which was wrapped in shiny red foil. Her brow furrowed. "This says it is from Royal. It feels empty though." She tore the paper off. Inside was a basic white box, with a red line around the bottom of the box. It had the word Focal on the box and images of speakers and some sort of stereo looking thing. "This is about a six thousand dollar stereo system. Or it would be, if the box wasn't empty." She sounded completely mystified.

I actually managed to grin, in spite of myself. "It was probably already installed in my car. In the garage." My mood soured immediately.

"What car? It better be a nice one. You don't put a stereo system like this in some random piece of crap." She was still looking at the box with covetous eyes.

"We can go to the garage and I can show you. If you like."

"Later. I want to go through the rest of these first. There's only..." She looked back, doing a quick count. "Fourteen more wrapped boxes. And one unwrapped. I'm guessing that's the one you opened."

I remembered how excited I'd been when I'd been told what it was for. A band shirt and a concert in the spring with  _her_ , the one person I'd thought would always be with me. Something that would never happen now. "Yes... We should burn that one." I wanted nothing to do with that memory. Wishing that burning the items would burn the memory.

"Got it." Jules pulled a trash bag off the top shelf of the pantry. She threw the unwrapped present with the concert tickets in the bag.

She pulled out the smallest box out, a box wrapped in a flat black paper. It was thicker than the first present had been, but it was only a couple inches square. Jules handed it to me without opening the packaging. I looked down at the paper. On it were the words in white ink,  _For Beau's Eyes Only._ It was in Earnest's basic print.

Frowning, I gently unwrapped the paper, vaguely noticing as Jules pulled out another package wrapped in dark purple paper. After pulling the paper off, I found a felt covered black box with hinges on the back. I opened it. My eyes widened as I took in the three items in the base. In the lid, a small note had been folded. I slammed it shut. Then I reached forward opening the drawer and dropped it inside without looking in the drawer. I shut the drawer furiously.

Jules stared at me like I'd grown a second head.

"It's nothing worth talking about," I muttered.

"Okay... well, this is. And I don't think I should touch them too much." I looked up at where she was holding three slim, hard-bound books in her hands.

"What are they?"

She handed them to me.

I took the three books from her. The cover of the first one said on it. Frankenstein; or The Modern Prometheus,  _Volume I_ , Mary Shelley. I knew without looking that the other two books would be volumes II and III. They had to be first editions. It was the only version that had been published in multiple books. "Who were these from?"

"It had Carine's name on the wrapping."

I wondered if they'd been in her collection all along, or if they'd been bought especially for me. I placed them gently on the counter. I had no idea of their value, but I knew I was keeping them.

Jules grabbed a small box wrapped in blue foil out of the pantry. She showed it to me so I could see Jessamine's name on the box. I nodded my head for her to open it, which she did with no huge amount of fanfare. Inside it was something I hadn't expected to see, a black leather bound notebook. I put it on the counter with the books.

"I know this shape of box," Jules said, pulling out one wrapped in gold and silver striped foil. "I'm certain it's a shirt box. It says it's from Archie."

"You're right. It's going to be clothes."

Jules tore the paper up and then opened the garment box. I saw the pink the same moment she did. "Uh... did Archie think you were a cross dresser?"

"No."

She pulled it out, unfolding it as she did. It was  _HOT PINK_ , with intricately woven pale pink and dark fuchsia designs on the front of the polo shirt. It was absolutely hideous. My eyes widened in horror at the sight of the ugly object.

"Put it in the stuff to be burned. Now."

Jules was trying hard not to laugh as she did so. "Did this Archie hate you a lot, or what?"

"If I was judging it on that thing. I'd say yes. In reality though, I have no idea. I thought he considered me a brother, or a friend at the very least." I shrugged. "He's not here though, so I'm guessing he didn't see me that way after all."

Jules pulled out another two garment boxes – one in the same gold and silver striped wrapping, the other in a simple green, both were smaller than the shirt box – looking at them. "You want to open the one from Eleanor, or the one from Archie."

"The one from Eleanor." I knew whatever Archie gave me would be in 'high fashion' and poor taste.

She handed me the green box. I unwrapped mine while she did the same with the one she had. She got the paper off faster than I did mine, not being careful the way I was. She opened the one she had. Inside was a canary yellow silk tie.

I pointed to the trash bag, not even wanting to vocalize my horror.

I finished getting my paper off a moment later as she tossed the article in the bag. I pulled the lid up. It took me longer than it should have to realize I was staring at a pair of briefs that had a bloody fang on either side of vertical fly. I slammed the box shut and put it in the trash bag without a word.

When I looked back up, Jules had her lips pinched between her teeth, the mirth in her eyes extreme.

"Don't you say a word, Jules. Not one word," I threatened.

She pulled out two more boxes, handing me a long slender one wrapped in the same blue foil that the notebook had been, it was from Jessamine. The one in her hands was a relatively flat box wrapped in a dark gray covered in a fancy damascus pattern.

"There's no name of who this one is from," she muttered.

I shrugged.

I opened mine in my careful process. Inside was another black felt box with a hinged lid. The last one had something I'd rather have not seen. I wasn't sure this one would be better. I cautiously opened the lid like it would bite me. Inside were four black pens – a blue sapphire on the end of each pen – by a company named Montegrappa.

I hadn't been paying attention to Jules as she'd opened the package she'd selected, but I looked up now as she was staring down at a picture frame. "Their eyes are gold..." she murmured, her voice disturbed. "Who are these vampires, Beau?"

She handed me the frame. I looked at the photo. As I stared at the photo, I heard the drawer open and shut, I didn't look up to see what she put in there. There were five vampires in the photo, four men and one woman. "I've never seen them before, but I'm relatively sure that these are the Denalis. They live in Alaska and are the Cullens cousins. They're the only ones I know who adhere to the vegetarian diet aside from the Cullens and myself. The three blondes should be Taavi, Kirill, and Ivan, the incubus brothers, and the other two are Elena and Cameron."

"Incubus brothers?"

"Yes, that's how they lived for almost a thousand years. They're creator, Sampson, made them for this sole purpose. I guess there's some sort of thrill to seducing humans females and bleeding them dry in the midst of passion. I don't know. It wasn't until they're maker was executed for making an immortal child that they gave up that lifestyle. Now the women they seduce, live."

Jules swallowed, looking sick.

I put the photo down. "Let's get the presents finished. There's only six left."

She turned back to the remaining boxes, pulling out two in white wrapping. They were similar in size. They could be garment boxes, some sort of picture in a frame, or anything else "They both claim to be from Earnest."

I held my hand out for one, which she gave to me. I could tell, even without opening mine, that it was made of wood. I could smell it. Once the wrapping was off of what I was holding, I saw it was a wooden sign like what you'd hang on a wall. A short inscription had been etched onto it reading:  **Don't be afraid to pick yourself up when you fall.**

I swallowed thickly, a strange urge to cry coming over me, I forced it away.

"The sign isn't wrong." Jules was looking at me seriously.

"You know what falling for someone like me means." I looked down at her hands, which were holding an open garment box, but instead of some sort of garment it was some folded documents. "Let me see that." I put the sign down on the counter.

Jules handed it to me then reached back into the closet, grabbing a box wrapped in red. I'd bet money that it was from Royal like the first one wrapped in red had been.

I unfolded the documents.

The first page I saw was a small note from Earnest.

_Beau,_

_I know you wondered about who we put in your truck when we destroyed it. There was very little info I was able to find on the person. But the following documents was what I was able to uncover for you._

_Earnest_

The next pages included a death certificate showing that the boy had committed suicide by drowning himself at only sixteen, some sort of paperwork that appeared to be from social services back in the late nineties that showed the boy had run away from the home he was in when he was only nine and never found again, and a birth certificate from 1989.

That strange urge to try and cry was back. I pushed it back viciously. I folded the papers and placed them on the counter with the rest of the stuff I wanted to keep. I'd look at them in more detail when I was alone.

"You should look at this," Jules exclaimed loudly.

I looked up. In her hands was a clear plastic case, inside the case was a black platform, and on the platform was a 1:24 scale, fire engine red, 1953 Chevy Pickup. I swallowed hard. "Is that what I think it is?"

"A model of your old truck? Yes. Look at this sticky note. It was on top." She handed me the sticky note even as she placed the model on the counter with everything else. She knew without asking that I'd want to keep it.

I read the sticky note. It was a very simple message from Royal.  _Everyone remembers their first car._

I closed my eyes. "Give me the present wrapped in green."

She handed it to me without a word as I opened my eyes back up, picking the one wrapped in dark purple for herself.

I unwrapped the box in my hands which was about thirteen inches long and about five high and wide. Inside the wrapping was a completely clean white box, or it would be if it weren't for Eleanor's writing on top.  _For until you actually get some._

I was afraid to open it. But I did for exactly one tenth of a second. Just long enough to see the flashlight shaped item, then I shut the lid again, throwing it in the bag with everything else to be burned. "If I  _ever_  see Eleanor again, I'm going to  _kill_  her."

I looked at what Jules was holding. She was holding a box for a laptop. I didn't need to open it to know that was exactly what would be inside it.

"It's a logical gift, anyways." Jules voice was wry.

"Yeah." I stepped closer, reaching in to the pantry to grab the final gift. It was in the same silver foil as the first gift Jules opened. That had obviously been from  _her_. So this one would be as well, if the pattern held. The present was almost the same exact size as the CD case. Except it was about two inches thick. I opened the wrapping, finding a simple black box inside. I opened the lid and the entire thing fell to the ground a moment later as my hand went slack from what I saw.

A twenty-four inch leather band fell out, knotted at one end to make a necklace. On the leather band was a single bottle cap, a hole through the center of the cap.

"Beau, what is it?" Jules' voice was concerned. I couldn't make my mind work right to reassure her.

"How... How could they all be so vicious, so cruel? If they had always been intending to leave at the end of the year. Why would they give me items like this, items to remind me of my past, items to help me in the future. Items symbolizing trust, faith and love. I don't get it." I looked at the necklace a moment before I bent down and picked up the necklace, dashing outside so fast that I knew it would rival  _her_  speed. My own betrayed anger pushing me to a new limit. The instant I was outside I hurled the necklace as hard as I could into the forest.

Then Jules was there. Right in front of me, her hands on my shoulders. "Beau, talk to me. What's going on?"

"It doesn't matter.  _I don't matter_." I shook my head. I had thought I'd hit rock bottom when they had left, but I was suddenly drowning with the emotional pain of betrayal and loss in a way I had never been before.

She shook me. "You matter to me." The words were half a shout and half hoarse at the same time.

I didn't respond, the pain slowly killing everything that was left of me.

She shook me again, harder this time. "Don't you dare give up, Beau."

I focused on her, using her steady, fear-filled eyes, to shove all the red-tinged, pain-filled emotions into a tight box. She calmed as she saw me steady. "Let's get out of here."

…

We patrolled until half way into the night, stopping when we reached a large clearing that I vaguely recognized as where the Cullens had come to play baseball when I was still human.

She shifted back to human form behind me, dressing before coming around in front.

"Beau, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Jules." I looked down as I said it though.

"You're lying. Talk to me, Beau."

I'd been thinking a lot while we'd been running. I looked up at her then. "There's something you should know, Jules. I don't think I'm going to be staying in Forks much longer. I have plans to use some money that was left to me to get a job offer for Charlie in another town along with an all expense paid move for him. When he accepts, and I'm sure he will. I'm going to follow him. I thought, for these last two weeks, that I could make it work. We could be friends, I could learn to work with you, to help protect Forks and your tribe. But I can't stay there, Jules. Not anymore. I can't keep being a third wheel, hiding on the outskirts of this town."

Jules started shaking slightly, my words upsetting her visibly. "Stay." Her voice sounded scratchy, like she'd been screaming for hours and lost her voice.

"I can't. There's nothing left for me here, Jules. I can't be among the humans here, the other wolves don't want me here, and the vampires..." I couldn't finish the sentence, just shook my head.

"Stay." Her voice was stronger this time. "If that house has too many memories for you, then we'll fix up one of the abandoned cabins on the outskirts of La Push."

"The other wolves won't like that."

"I don't care. If you leave, I'll be by myself. You're not the only third wheel here."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm a lone wolf, Beau. It's never happened before this way, but there's never been a time when a naturally submissive wolf has had the the will to rise to power the way Sam has."

I looked at her in confusion.

"Sam was the first of us to change, and when others started to change, there needed to be a leader. I'm the born leader. It's in my blood. Literally. But I was too young and a leader was needed then so Sam rose to power, filling the necessary spot. When I first shifted and she wanted me to kill you. Our wills met... And we broke something. I'm my own pack. Since there are no wolves following me. I'm a lone wolf. I have the power of an alpha, but no one under me."

I was horrified. "Did I cause this?"

"No." She was adamant. "You may have... sped things along. A little. But this would have happened no matter what. There can't be two alphas in a pack. And Sam and I are both alphas." She looked at the field around us. "That's why I run with you by myself, of course. I've seen you frowning as we've patrolled over these last two weeks. Sam and I being in close vicinity for any real length of time brings out real problems. I shouldn't run alone. But Paula and Jaelyn are happy with Sam. I wouldn't force one of them to join my pack. That's part of why I was so adamant on you patrolling with me."

"Jules..." I trailed off. I had no clue how to respond to that. How was I supposed to be responsible for keeping her alive?

"Just stay, okay. We'll find a way to make everything work."

"Charlie can't keep living here, Jules."

"Yes he can."

"You haven't seen how my death affected him. It's killing him, staying here like this."

"No." She shook her head. "What I mean to say is that while what you're saying is all true, the last time you spoke to my mom, you shamed her real good. She's trying to help him now. It's working. Let her have a chance to get through to him. Let them both have a chance at happiness."

I blinked, opening my mouth to reply when suddenly a wolf let out a piercing howl in the distance.

"That's not Sam or her pack. It's someone new. I have to go, Beau."

"Okay."

She must have seen something in my face, because she paused mid stride. "You promise me you'll be at your home when I take care of this."

I shook my head. Not a denial really, just a reaction.

She stepped towards me, putting herself toe to toe with me. "You promise me you'll be there, or I'm going nowhere."

"I promise."

"Good." She kissed the tip of my nose so quickly I was almost sure I imagined it. Then she spun around, running in the direction of the sound, yanking her shirt off as she ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Quick note. There was a total of eighteen gifts. One for each year Beau has been alive. There was two from each of the seven Cullens, one from the Denalis, the two from the family as a whole that he actually opened/got on his actual birthday, and the mysterious item from Earnest.
> 
> Who feels sorry for Beau?


	11. Chapter 10 - The Meadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 10 – The Meadow**

I returned home, but four days passed and she didn't come. By the fourth day, I was losing it. I'd agreed to stay, in spite of knowing how bad an idea it was. I'd agreed because she'd asked.

I closed my eyes, maybe I'd go out and patrol on my own tonight. As I'd told Jules, I could heal. So even if I met whoever the vampires were that we were hunting, it wasn't like I was in any life threatening danger.

Perhaps, without the stench of a wolf beside me, I'd even be able to run across these two vampires. Jules was great, a confidant in a way no one else would ever be, but for all that, she stank. Her scent alone was worse than a skunk after it released air. Add in the other three, now four, wolves and it was the equivalent of a party of skunks getting loose in a boys locker room.

Honestly, there was little wonder that we couldn't find these vampires. All they had to do was avoid the stench.

Her words about Bonnie and Charlie played over in my mind. Had she meant them the way I suspected? And if she had, what would that union mean in the area of Charlie's knowledge?

I wasn't sure if I could deal with him finding out I was still alive. How would I even look him in the eyes if he ever discovered I was no longer human?

I was lost in my turbulent thoughts, so it shocked me to the bone when I heard a car coming up the dirt road to this house. Perhaps they – whoever it was – made a wrong turn? I got up from where I was lying on my bed, heading over to my window. I peaked out, watching as the car headed up the drive.

It wasn't a vehicle I expected to see coming down this road, and yet, it was a vehicle I recognized. How could I not? I'd rode in it before.

The big clunky suburban drove close enough that I could no longer see it out this window. I let the window curtain fall shut, dashing out of my room and down the hall to Royal and Eleanor's. The only room on this floor with a window pointing to the front of the house.

I peaked out the curtain. The suburban was still pulling to a stop. As the engine stopped, I started to hear the voices.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Both of the front doors opened and Jeremy Stanley got out on the passenger side. The source of the voice. On the driver's side, McKayla Newton got out.

"Yes." McKayla Newton headed to the back of the Suburban. "You thought this sounded like fun a week ago."

"I didn't think you were serious!" Jeremy glanced around. "We should get out of here before we get caught."

"Who's going to catch us, Jer? They're gone. They've been gone for months."

"Do you know how much trouble we'll get in if we get caught doing this?"

McKayla pulled a duffel out of the back end. It looked full. "Caught doing what? Vandalizing abandoned property? I'm not sure it's even against the law."

I hissed quietly under my breath.

"If I get in trouble doing this then it'll end with us getting suspended, minimum. I'll lose the Valedictorian spot to Becca or Erica for sure."

McKayla looked towards Jeremy in clear exasperation. "And? Do you really expect me to believe that you have truly fooled yourself into believing that you're going to become some well known news anchor and return to Texas?"

"It could happen," he said angrily.

"Your gonna be a lifer in this town just like I am."

Neither of them were originally from Forks. That comment was just funny. Or it would be if they weren't talking about messing up the Cullens house. It was especially annoying because there wasn't anything I could do to stop them.

Oh, I could call the cops, but what if Charlie answered instead of the normal dispatcher? Besides, there was no way I was going to come out and answer a hundred and one questions, and there would definitely be questions.

"Some of us actually have dreams, Newton."

"Oh, I assure you, I have dreams. I just don't let fear stop me. Not anymore."

"Not since Beau died, you mean."

My breathing halted.

"Well, if we're going to get technical, yes. Realizing that life could end in a blink of the eye made me take a long hard look at my future."

"Some of us don't have the luxury of living in the moment."

"And some of us don't have the luxury of living in a future that will never happen."

"I want to leave."

"Then leave."

"You  _drove me_."

"Jeremy." There was exasperation in her voice. "You have two feet. Use them."

"You know. Your obsession Beau is why we broke up, right?" His voice was angry, bitter, taunting.

McKayla let out a short laughed. There was no humor in it. "Don't start. You and I both started our relationship with one foot out the door."

She pulled a couple of tire irons out of the bag.

"Are you going to help? Or not?" She held out one of the offending items.

Jeremy frowned, and for a moment I almost thought he was actually going to tell her no, then he stepped forward, reaching out and grabbing the tool.

I sighed. I didn't know what exactly they were going to do. The best I could hope for was that they would break some stuff on the outside of the house and leave. The worst thing they could do would be entering this house. Because then, they would die.

Oh, I wasn't out of control, but there was a lot of damning info downstairs. There were all the items in the kitchen, including the note addressed to me... and all the info about the boy who had really been in that truck.

Yes. If Jeremy and McKayla entered my house, they'd never leave again. There was no way I could avoid it. I stepped back away from the window and headed to the staircase – watching from the top.

A minute later, a tire iron smashed into the front window. It caused a spider web of cracks. But it didn't break, not with the first smash. I saw the tire iron being jerked back and then starting to swing forward before Jeremy's shout filled the air. "McKayla!"

The tire iron stopped halfway back to the window. But I couldn't tell what was happening past that.

I got up, racing back to the same window I'd been watching from before. I certainly couldn't watch from the window they cracked, after all. I was pretty sure it would freak them out to see a dead through the window if they happened to turn around.

What I saw from the upstairs window made me smile widely.

McKayla and Jeremy were side by side, and while I couldn't see their faces, I could imagine plenty well. It was all too easy to imagine. It wasn't that long ago that I'd gotten my first sight of one of the giant wolves – which was exactly what they were staring at.

Just barely coming out of the forest was a massive, solid black, wolf. Sam. I had to say, it was the first time I'd been happy to see her visiting me. She was going to be useful now. She took a step toward them.

I knew that I should feel sorry for them. They'd once been my friends, stilted and awkward, but still... Friends. But it was better that they be scared out of their wits and safe away from me than climbing into my house and ending up dead.

"I think we should leave, now." Jeremy pulled on McKayla's hand, trying to get her to move back to the suburban.

"Don't be afraid, Jer, wolves are friendly animals."

I couldn't help it. I laughed loudly, jerking away from the window so they wouldn't see me.

"Shit! There are ghosts in this house." McKayla again, this time her voice was a shriek. I heard the sound of panicked footfalls before doors were opened and slammed shut. A moment later the suburban's engine turned over and rumbled to life. I didn't move from my spot until I heard the vehicle speed away. I moved back to the window – noting that in the time I had to wait for them to leave, Sam had came almost to the house – I opened it and pulled myself out, dropping to the ground a moment later.

Sam's lip pulled back in a snarl as she jumped back several feet.

"Sorry," I said softly.

Sam looked at me for a moment, condemnation and contention still clear in her eyes. She turned her back to me.

"Sam, wait," I called. I couldn't believe I was doing this. "Thank you." The two words were fervent. "You quite likely saved both of their lives." I closed my eyes, hating myself for even saying it, but I knew it was true.

Sam growled loudly. I ignored it.

"But that isn't why you came all the way here, I'm sure. Is it about Jules?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly then she let her head fall forward sharply just once. I realized that she nodded, but the action looked completely foreign on a wolf's body.

"You can shift and come inside, if you like. We can talk."

I turned my back to her and headed toward the front door. I trusted Sam not to attack me, in spite of – or perhaps because of – what Jules had told me. She was honorable, even if she did hate me. She wouldn't attack me without a believed cause.

I went inside to wait on her. It took her a couple minutes, but she finally walked through the front door. "You really would have killed those two?" The judgment in her voice was clear, but there was also... concern maybe? I wasn't sure, and I didn't turn to look, sure that if I did, she would close up on me.

"If they'd come into this house..." I shrugged. "Yes. Mind you, it's not because I'm particularly thirsty or even that I'd want to, but because there's my stuff in this house, stuff proving I'm still alive. It's something that humans can't be allowed to find out."

"A secret shouldn't be more valuable than two human lives." This time all there was, was condemnation.

I turned to look at her then. "You're right. It shouldn't be, but it is. In fact, my secret, what I am... There are those of my kind – the rulers of the vampires to be exact – who would say it was worth thousands of human lives. McKayla and Jeremy aren't like me. They're both gossips. If they'd found out I was still here. They would have talked. And while it might have taken awhile to make any sort of wave, it eventually would. And when it did, those rulers would have come down and not only killed them and anyone else they'd told, but they would have killed me for letting them escape. And I don't even want to think what they'd do to you and yours." I shook my head. "So if the choice is two lives or dozens. Perhaps more. I'll take the path that will cause the smallest amount of damage."

"That's vile." There was still condemnation in her face, and horror, but for once, it wasn't directed entirely at me.

"Yes, it is." I didn't understand why I felt compelled to explain myself to her, perhaps because in some way I wanted her to understand me. "If they'd stayed outside and just vandalized this house, they'd have walked away. Any damage they did could be fixed and it wouldn't have been worth their lives, but I was worried they might not keep it outdoors."

Sam didn't reply to that, and it was hard to read what she thought about my words from her face.

"Where's Jules been?"

"She's helping Embrianna come to terms with being one of us. It's especially difficult for her."

I closed my eyes briefly in relief that Sam wasn't here to tell me something had happened to Jules. I snapped my eyes back open. "Why?"

"Embrianna was even less prepared than the rest of us. She didn't actually  _know_ the stories, not like us. She picked Julie instead of me, so Julie has to be the one to help her through this."

I didn't understand the first part at all, but figured I shouldn't push. It was amazing that she was sharing info at all, given her opinion of me. On the other hand, I was relatively certain that the second part meant Jules was no longer a lone wolf.

"What did you come to tell me, Sam?"

Sam reached into the pocket of her shorts and pulled out a colorful piece of paper. She started to unfold it, and it took me longer than it should have to recognize it as being a map.

"Jules wanted me to show you where the attacks have so far happened. Including one two nights ago." She pointed to four black x's on the map. "This one." She pointed at the farthest point away from Forks, easily over forty miles away in the midst of the Olympic Forest. "Was the first attack. We arrived late, after the humans had already trampled anything useful we might have found. Thankfully, the damage was sufficient enough for them to believe it was a wild animal."

She pointed much closer, a rocky formation about ten miles away. "Here was the second." She moved her finger to a spot that I knew all too well. It was where that camper had been. "This was the third."

Then she tapped her finger at a spot probably only a mile or two out of town. "This was the last one. But it was different. This wasn't like the others who were simply campers or hunters, all from out of town. This was a house. There were three people living there, though only two were found."

I looked up at her. "Who were they?"

"The two that were dead were an older couple, Mr and Mrs. Biers. They were in there seventies. The destruction was... It wasn't good. We burned the place with them in it. There was no way that one was being written off as a wild animal. Even with our prints everywhere."

"And the third?"

"Raven Biers. She's their granddaughter, moved up here almost two years ago from San Francisco after she graduated from high school. She helps them out when she isn't going to the Peninsula College in Port Angeles."

"Is that where she was when her grandparents were killed?" Somehow, I wasn't sure how, I knew the answer was going to be no.

"Her blood was at the scene, but she was missing."

"Did you try and find her body?"

"We traced the trail about five miles, but the trail ended there. It appeared that they had a car there."

I closed my eyes. "And there was no body cast off to the side of the road in that span?"

"No."

There really was only one reasons that they'd take someone with them. "How many days ago did you say this happened?"

"Two, why?"

"Maybe I can find them. Today. Before there's an actual newborn hunting Forks."

"You think they're turning her?"

"There's no other reason why they'd take her. We don't really kill for trophies. We kill for food." I looked at Sam then.

"Julie thought that was maybe what they'd done... I was hoping you'd tell me it was anything at all other than that."

"I can't see any other reason. Maybe if the Cullens were still here, they could think of another reason. But I just don't see it. Vampires are much more like sharks than cats. Once we smell blood, we attack and devour." Even as I spoke I was trying to think of another reason, but none came to mind.

"Will you be able to kill them, if you find them? Julie seemed concerned that you might not be able to follow through."

"That's just because I didn't want to seriously hurt her. I can follow through just fine," I grumbled, a small petulant note in my voice.

Sam's lips actually twitched at my words. "You can keep the map." She handed it to me then turned, heading towards the door.

I looked at the map again, trying to see if I could find a pattern from the four locations.

Suddenly she started to speak. I looked up, noting she'd stopped just inside the door, turning half back towards me. "Beau... there is no way for me to befriend you. It just isn't in me after all that I have lost. But I find that I must give you some amount of trust. So  _please_  don't destroy her."

She walked out the door before I could reply.

…

I was still thinking on her words, and the meaning behind them, when I decided to go out to patrol – leaving a note on the couch just in case Jules showed up. I planned to head to the location of the last murders and try to track them, but only a half a mile away from the Cullens house, I caught the scent of the female vampire. I followed.

It took a few minutes, but finally, as I realized what direction I was heading in, a sense of unease came over me. There was no Julie with me now, and there was nothing to distract me from the knowledge that I knew exactly where I was going to end up.

I could feel the bolt of betrayal rush through me again, burning my heart and lungs away so quickly that I was sure, if I were still human, the force of it would have killed me outright. I had never been so thankful that I didn't actually  _need to breath_  in order to move.

I saw the clearing a good half a mile before I actually reached it. The perfectly symmetrical and circular field where the wildflowers blossomed in the late spring and summer. After I became a vampire,  _she_  and I had made more than one trip to her meadow, and the memories that flooded my mind made me want to turn around.

There was no magic in this meadow now. In fact, if I wasn't mistaken, there would be a nightmare waiting for me. But Jules was relying on me, that's why she'd made me agree to her crazy harebrained scheme to begin with.

So I trekked on, pushing my way through the chest-high ferns and into the meadow. But the scent that I tracked here, ended inside this meadow, and yet, no one was here.

At least I'd come alone. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If Jules had been with me, then she'd recognize the breakdown I was having now. She'd been so terrified of my reaction after that last present I'd opened. I couldn't let her see me lose it. Besides, I could pick myself up, with enough time.

I sat down in the middle of the meadow – that had once been almost as special as the person I'd almost always come with – pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them as I did so.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that tomorrow would be exactly five months since the people I had thought of as my family had left. Five months since  _she_ had left. I knew I needed to get up and leave, return home – before Jules read my note and came looking for me. For her sake, I had to be strong enough to get past the loss that seemed to tear me in half whenever I wasn't careful enough.

I was, truly, alone. There was an almost grim satisfaction as I accepted that, the knowledge of no return.

At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north.

I recognized the scent first, and jumped to the balls of my feet. It took me far longer to recognize the the vampire as someone I knew. She had pale skin with an olive tone to it, and her hair was even a glossier blank than my faded human memory remembered it as. I'd never thought I'd see her again though.

"Lauren?" In spite of myself, there was an amount of genuine pleasure in seeing someone I knew... or had met before, whatever.

Still, I knew where this story was going to end. Her eyes were a deep crimson. She was one of the two killing humans.

"Hello, Beau."

"I'm surprised you remember me. I must admit." On a purely logical level, I knew how stupid the words were, I had the same type of memory she had. But I looked different from the last time we'd met.

She grinned. "I'm surprised you're still here, though Victor was insistent." She started walking toward me casually.

Which answered the question I hadn't dared to vocalize even in my own mind.

"Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."

She stopped a mere ten paces away, cocking her head to the side. I watched her eyes, knowing they were nowhere near bright enough to have fed only two days ago, which meant Victor had made that mess all on his own. Perhaps, even though it was clear that she was still hunting humans, she hadn't actually been killing the humans around here.

"You're right," she agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect... when I learned the rest of the Cullens had moved to Ithaca. I was sure you had to have gone as well."

"Oh." I bit my lip. This was information I hadn't expected to gain. Especially not from this source.

"Lie,"  _she_  snarled in my head. I could almost sense her glaring holes into Lauren. Purely my own mind going insane, still, I obeyed.

"Yes, they did. We decided it would be better this way. We're still very good friends though. Practically family." I couldn't keep eye contact, in spite of my best effort.

"Do they visit often then?" she asked, still super casual, but I saw her weight shifting slightly to the side.

I countered her move, shifting every so slightly.

"Keep lying." The insane voice in my head told me. I obeyed like my life depended on it. I was beginning to have a sinking suspicion that it just might.

My three weeks of practicing was not going to be enough to stand up to someone who'd been fighting for close to three hundred years.

"Now and again." I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. "It honestly doesn't seem like that long at all since their last visit..." I mentally smacked myself. No babbling, Beau.

"Hmm," she said again. "Then why isn't their scents all over the woods the way yours is..."

"You must lie better than that, Beau," the voice demanded of me.

I tried. "I'll have to mention to Carine that you stopped by. She'll be sorry they missed your visit." I looked down for a moment, masking it by making it look like deliberation. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to... Edythe, I suppose –" I winced on her name, completely ruining the lie. I promised myself, if I got out of this, I was going to take lessons from Jules on how to lie. She was better at it than me. "– she has such a temper... Well, I'm sure you remember. She's still touchy about the whole Joss thing." The very real anger in my voice was impossible to mask. As far as I knew, she could care less about Joss. But I definitely wasn't over it.

"Is she really?" Lauren asked skeptically, taking a casual step to the side, gazing around at the little meadow.

I once again mimicked her move in the opposite direction. She was not going to be stalking me without my doing the same to her.

"So how are things working out in Denali? Carine said you were staying with Taavi?" I could hear that note of babble in my voice yet again.

The question made her pause. "I like Taavi very much," he mused. "And his brother Ivan even more... I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult... I'm surprised that anyone can keep it up for long." She smile conspiratorially, even as she looked at my eyes appraisingly. "Sometimes I cheat."

I could see that. "Jessamine has that problem too." I moved a step to the side just as she did. I knew we were soon going to be circling each other. Royal and I had done this dance a couple of times, but the stakes had never been this real back then.

"Really?" Lauren seemed interested. "Is that why they left?"

"No," I answered honestly. "Jessamine is more careful at home."

"Yes," Lauren agreed. "I am too."

She took a step forward, trying to move closer to me. I stepped backwards and sideways at the same time.

I needed to stall her. I still couldn't hear, smell or see any of the wolves.

"Is that why you're here with Victor?" I knew it was a dangerous question to ask, but she'd already brought him up earlier.

"Some of it, yes," she said, hesitating for a moment. "But we're mostly here for you. He's actually going to be quite unhappy with me over this."

"Over what?" I stepped to the side, trying to circle enough to find an opening.

"Over me killing you. But this really was too easy. Getting you here. I don't think you're going to be near the challenge to break that he was hoping you would be. Besides, I really do want to go back to Ivan. And the sooner you're gone, the sooner I can do that."

The loud growl in my head, made me want to grab my head.

"And why does he want me dead so badly?"

"To avenge Joss, of course."

Another unspoken question answered.

"He though it more appropriate to kill you than Edythe – fair turn about, mate for mate. Obviously, if you'll walk into such a trap willingly, you aren't going to satisfy him nearly as much as he hoped. Well... you won't satisfy him at all, because his games are starting to bore me and if you're dead, they'll be done."

"Why are you even helping him?" I demanded as we started to circle each other in earnest.

"I told your Cullens that I'd help him if I was forced to choose a side."

"That wasn't what you said at all." I didn't remember everything from that night, but the blurry memories were enough for me to remember what wasn't said.

"It was implied!" Her step looked lighter, more normal, than I was sure mine did.

It didn't matter. I already knew what I had to do.

Though Iwas going to give one last attempt to getting her to leave, first. "You should go, Lauren. Walk away while you still have a chance."

She laughed, pausing her steps for a moment. I didn't

"Is that supposed to scare me?"

"It should. You stay here. You will die."

"By who? You?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" I wasn't sure where that bluff came from, or why I hadn't had that calmness a couple minutes ago.

She started to circle me again. "Maybe you would have a chance against me. If you were decades old instead of months. Maybe you'd be able to beat me if you were hunting humans instead of animals. Maybe you'd even win if you had even half a clue how to actually fight me."

The second to last line of  _her_ letter came back into mind. It had told me to flourish and be happy.  _I'm so sorry, Edythe. I wish I'd gotten one more chance to tell you I love you._ I already knew I was going to die. I supposed it was why I was willing to think her name now.

"All of that is true, but you forgot one thing." I felt the muscles in my body straining, preparing for the move I was planning to make.

"What's that?"

"During this conversation, I realized something. I don't have to live to make sure you die. I just need to survive long enough for my friends to arrive." I sprang away from Lauren, slamming into one of the trees hard enough to send it crashing down to the ground with a loud boom. I knew if any of the wolves were around, they'd hear it. Then I spun around.

This had been my big revelation, of course. At some point during the conversation, I'd figured it out, what Sam had meant. Jules thought of me as her lost imprint, her soul mate of sorts, and maybe it was true. But I knew she'd never be able to move on with her life as long as I was around. My mere existence would surely destroy her.

It was exceedingly easy to make a decision to die so she could live. I didn't understand why I was willing to, and I didn't have the time – or inclination – to examine the feelings behind this decision.

"What friends?" She looked around.

"You know who I'm talking about. You've smelled them all over this forest." I let my weight shift forward, preparing to pounce.

"Werewolves and vampires aren't friends!" she snarled.

I didn't bother to reply, diving at her. Her hands flashed forward and she caught me, one hand in a stranglehold around my throat, the other one in a far more awkward lower region. I barely had time to recognize it though, before I was thrown backwards.

I slammed into a tree several trees into the forest. It crashed to the ground about the same moment I did. I jumped back to my feet.

I was severely outclassed.

"You need to run, Beau!" Edythe shouted in my mind.

_I can't_ , I thought, deciding to embrace the insanity in my head. There was no point not doing it. Not anymore.

I darted through the tree, meeting Lauren halfway. My hands clasped with hers and I used my strength to shove her backwards hard. I knew it wasn't going to be enough, but I had to stall as long as possible. I had no clue where the wolves were.

I raced forward and once again Lauren met me head on, but I was prepared for it, bending slightly to ram my shoulder into her. My mouth lined up with her right bicep and I bit down, ripping backwards. Her arm went flying.

A moment later her teeth sank into my throat. I screamed. There was no other word for the noise that came out of my mouth. I pulled myself out of her mouth, using my strength to shove her backwards at the same time.

The force shoved me onto my ass. I could feel the burning in my throat. It was almost as bad as when I was changed, though not quite. Just then, a loud growl sounded as a massive russet colored wolf threw herself over top of me, landing a half dozen feet in front of me.

I closed my eyes for a moment. Opening theme up in time to see the others racing around me, including a gray wolf with black spots that stopped right in front of me.

Lauren got up, glanced at her arm where it had landed, before speeding into the forest.

Sam, Jaelyn, Paula and Jules took off after her.

I placed my hands on the ground, moving to get up, but suddenly the gray wolf in front of me nudged me in the chest.

"You're Embrianna, right?"

She huffed.

"I need to follow them. They may need help."

I emphasized that by trying to get up again, but the instant I did she nudged me, harder than the first time. She growled softly to emphasize her point.

"You want me to stay here?"

She huffed again.

"Okay. That needs burned." I pointed back at the arm.

Then I placed my hand over my throat and closed my eyes.

…

It could have been minutes later, or hours, I wasn't sure. I wasn't focusing on anything but the pain radiating from my throat.

"Are you alright?" Jules asked, her voice beyond concerned.

I opened my eyes, looking at where she was kneeling in front of me.

"I'll be fine."

"Beau, why were you patrolling by yourself? Didn't Sam tell you that I asked you not to?"

My eyes widened for half an instant. She hadn't told me that at all, just that Jules was concerned. I schooled my features so she wouldn't see it, but it was too late.

"Of course she didn't," Jules grumbled.

"Not that I would have obeyed if she had," I said pointedly. I looked around, but it was just her and I, the rest of them had already left.

She sighed. "Let's get you home."

…

When we got to the Cullens' house, there were two motorcycles parked in front of the house.

"Where did these come from?"

"Embrianna and I brought them over. I thought you and I could ride them. I thought it would be fun for Valentine's Day."

I blinked. Even though I'd recognized that tomorrow would be the fifteenth, making it the fifth month since I'd discovered that the Cullens had left, I hadn't realized what today was.

"Oh well, you gave me a much better Valentine's gift than this anyways. That was  _fun_."

If it didn't still hurt to move my head, I would have shook it vigorously at her words.


	12. Chapter 11 - Cult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 11 - Cult**

"Holy mother of pink! These are some sweet rides," Embrianna hollered as I took them into the outbuilding that passed for the Cullens garage.

It had been a week since they'd disposed of Lauren. I hadn't yet told them that the other vampire was Victor. Now that I knew who it was killing these people, I knew in the depth of my mind that it was my job to hunt down and kill him. Not theirs.

It was also my duty to try and help the human woman he'd ripped from her house and changed. If I could find her. If she could be taught. I remembered Jessamine's tale, her upbringing, which had been so much more violent than any of the rest of the Cullens.

According to what she had told me, some newborns were completely impossible to teach, some simply had to be destroyed. I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case for this Raven Biers. If I ever found her.

Ironically, once the three days were up there was no more dead campers, no house ripped up in town, no sigh of her at all. I'd been waiting to hear about something, anything, but all was silent. I almost wondered if Victor had taken off now that Lauren was dead. I just couldn't see it though. Everything I had learned about my own species taught me that when one of us was set on revenge, nothing in heaven or hell would stop it.

I imagined what my own reaction would be if I discovered something had happened to  _her,_  Edythe, and I knew that not even the pack of wolves would be enough to stop me from getting my own revenge. I forced the thought away, not wanting either of the two in front of me to see any of my thoughts. Jules was so very good at reading my thoughts merely by looking at my eyes. She was practically as good at it as my mother had once been.

I looked around the garage with them. It turned out, almost all the vehicles were still here. In fact, there were only two missing. Carine's Mercedes and Royal's BMW.

Parked on the right side of the garage were the black Austin Martin Vanquish and the silver Volvo S60R, both of which were owned by Edythe. Then there was the red Monster Truck Jeep Wrangler owned by Eleanor, for some reason, it looked bigger now that I was a vampire than it ever had when I was a human. Notably missing was the Mercedes which used to park between Edythe's two cars.

On the left side was the pearl white Audi A4 that Earnest owned and drove, and the Maserati Spyder with the purple/blue ChromaFlair paint job that belonged to Jessamine and Archie. I'd had the info about the paint job driven into me with a metaphorical hammer by Archie after I'd had a small freak out when the color changed my first time in here. Finally, there was my own car. The red Chevrolet Camero.

"Yes, they had fancy tastes." I walked past them to the Camero. "This was what they gave to me, for my birthday." I tried not to remember my reaction when they'd first shown it to me. If I'd been excited by it? Would they still be here? At least until my one year anniversary?

I shook the thoughts off. It was better this way, it had to be. I wasn't living in a lie of a relationship for almost an entire year this way. I was still in love with  _her_ , still loved them all in some way – even Royal – but the letter had made it clear, my emotions had been strictly one-sided.

"Well," Jules said, stepping up beside me. "It's no fifty year old run down pick up."

"It's swe-eet." Embrianna's eyes practically fell out of her sockets as she took in the car.

I snorted. Sweet? Maybe. A waste of money? Far more likely.

"I'm sure if you check, it will have the speaker system we found the box for," I said, looking at Jules.

"I'm sure you're right." She stepped closer to the car anyways, opening the door so she could look in. "Yes, the stereo system is in here. Have you driven her yet?"

I just stared at her, arching a sardonic eyebrow. My car was a her, was it?

She finally looked back at me, and proceeded to roll her eyes. "Of course, you haven't. Only you would waste an opportunity to drive a work of art like this." I didn't drop my eyebrow. "What?" she demanded.

"Her?"

"Well yes. Cars are  _always_  shes. Even my VW Rabbit is a she. You could call this beauty here Red, or Fire... I bet she streaks like fire."

"And what do you call your car?" I asked.

In spite of Jules skin tone, I still saw the blush that spread through her cheeks, even as Embrianna burst out laughing.

"Nothing of importance," she muttered.

Embrianna started laughing so hard she had to gasp for breath before she finally started to talk. "It's a Rabbit she could have called it a Rabbit. That would have been fine. Even Hare would have been alright. Hey, even if she'd went for her second choice, Bella, it wouldn't have been so bad. Though I'd personally never call a Rabbit beautiful. But no she called it –"

"You finish that sentence, and I'm gonna make you eat a shoe. Do you hear me?" Jules exclaimed, cutting her off.

It was too late though, the train of Embrianna's statement told me exactly what she must be calling it. "You named it Bunny."

"Err... no comment."

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "Isn't that a bit degrading to a car?"

"What? Bunnies are cute." She crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly.

"You aren't helping your argument against it being degrading."

She shook her head muttering a quick, "Sure, sure."

"Are we going to ride in it?" Embrianna demanded.

I bit my lip. It was almost too easy, to forget what had happened after discovering the car, while I was spending time with these two, but there was no way I could get in that vehicle. Not now, and perhaps not ever.

"Maybe we'll do that later," Jules stated as she watched me. "Let's go practice. I don't want Beau getting another scar." She frowned at my neck.

She hadn't realized, before it completely healed, that the venom of another vampire would permanently scar me. Oh, she'd seen both Edythe's bite mark and Joss's, but they had both occurred while I was still human, and she'd assumed it was different now that I was a vampire, as I'd healed from all the damage she'd done without any lasting marks.

…

I crouched, eyeing the two wolves that were stalking me from two different positions. I was outmatched with only one of them and I knew it. I just didn't have the skill that their own natural born instincts gave them. But If I couldn't beat two wolves that were just over thirty between the two of them, how would I ever beat a centuries old vampire?

I didn't have time to figure out how to answer that currently.

We'd been doing this for four days now, them tag-teaming me, and me getting my ass handed to me miserably. For the first few days after Lauren, Jules had been against even practicing with me one-on-one, afraid of causing more damage, but I'd managed to convince her it was needed.

Jules though, was much more cautious now, which annoyed me. Every one of the last four days, if it even looked like she was going to slip through my defenses and bite me, she pulled back. Embrianna, on the other hand, determined I wasn't very breakable and kept going at it. Even so, she wasn't as skilled as Jules was. There was only a few weeks difference between the two and their first shifts, but Jules just seemed to have more knowledge of fighting than Embrianna did.

Just then both of them jumped at me at the same time.

"Jump backwards,"  _she_ shouted in my head. Her voice came at almost the exact moment I started to flip backwards.

I knew it was going to be the only time I would hear her. Ever since I'd accepted my insanity, she only spoke at the start of our practice sessions. Maybe the insane part of me had finally realized that I was perfectly safe practicing with these two, I wasn't sure.

They smashed together and I smiled. Jules was the first to get her feet back under her and she spun to me, growling when she saw my smile.

I raised my hand, giving her a come here gesture. She growled again, racing towards me.

She threw herself at me and I knelt down, making her flying over top of me. My hands immediately went up, grabbing her. I threw her back at Embrianna, who had only just gotten up.

The both ended up sprawled out on the ground. I spun, racing towards the trees behind me, jumping high up into the closest one.

They both raced over to the tree, but couldn't get up it. I grinned widely.

This, jumping up into one of the older trees, was about the only way I could avoid them. The problem was that it wasn't actually a win, wouldn't do any good against another of my own kind, and really ticked Jules off.

Jules shifted back to human, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring up at me. "Cheaters never get anywhere, Beau."

Case in point.

I flipped out of the tree.

…

"I'm fine, Jules," I said for what felt like the hundredth time in the last half hour.

Jules looked at my waist again, but she could no longer see her teeth marks after I'd gone inside and gotten a new shirt so she would quit staring at it.

Embrianna rolled her eyes. "It wasn't even that bad of a bite. I did worse damage yesterday."

Jules focused on her then, glowering. "I remember."

"Oh, come on!" Embrianna smacked my arm, the sound of her flesh hitting my rock hard skin sounding similar to a loud report going off. "What's the point of him being an immortal self-healing rock if we can't take advantage of it?"

A part of me thought I should be offended by that. I wasn't.

"Ugh." Jules threw her hands in the air and started to march into the forest. "Let's get patrolling."

It was something else that had been different since Embrianna had joined our little party, instead of Jules shifting to a wolf, we went through the woods with them both in human form. It made Jules and Embrianna a little bit slower, but they could actually talk with me this way.

It had supposedly been Embrianna's idea, though I wasn't sure I believed that.

As we headed off, heading in a general southwest direction, Embrianna started to talk.

"It's so weird, you know, being part of this crazy cult now. Especially since it shouldn't be possible."

"Cult?" I asked, curious.

"It's what Quilla, Embrianna, and I called Samantha, Jaelyn and Paula. We didn't know they were werewolves. All we knew was that one day Sam cut off most of her hair and started acting like somebody completely different, then, almost a year later Jaelyn just joined her. A few months later, so did Paula. None of them used to hang out together. Frankly, we half thought aliens had overtaken them."

"Of course, when Jules here first cut her hair off, Quilla and I thought they'd gotten to her too. We didn't realize..." She cut herself off suddenly.

"Didn't realize what?" I asked. I remembered that her hair had already been cut when I met her on her first shift.

"She didn't realize originally that I did it for a different reason." Jules words were strained.

"What reason?"

Jules took a deep breath, but didn't reply.

Embrianna finally answered instead. "She was grieving. It's not specifically all that common of a thing to be done in our tribe, but plenty of tribes and different people around the world cut their hair off in a show of mourning."

"Grieving?" I felt like I was missing something very obvious.

"I thought you were dead, Beau." The agony in the words was beyond obvious.

"Oh." It was obvious.

"It makes sense now, of course. Her reaction. At the time Quilla and I didn't really get it. I feel sorry for Quilla, because she still doesn't get it, but that'll change soon enough. I'm sure. It'll be nice for our band to be back together."

"What do you mean, you didn't get it?"

"Well, like I said, it isn't really a common thing for our tribe to do. Our hair is important, a show of honor, a symbol of our people... So if one of us was to do that, then it would have to be an extreme reason, like someone losing the love of their life. Given that you probably were meant to be her imprint. It makes complete sense now."

"Oh," I said again.

"It was more than that," Jules grumbled. "Beau, when I read the paper that described your death... I know that truck. It just didn't make sense to me. Unless it was on purpose."

"Oh." Apparently my speech skills were lacking tonight. Suddenly what she said fully sunk in. "Oh! You thought I killed myself?" I was horrified. Was that how it had looked to Charlie as well? I sincerely hoped not.

"Yes. I now know it had to be done that way. But I didn't then."

I needed to change the subject. It was obvious it was a sore one. "You said it shouldn't be possible?" My half vocalized question was directed at Embrianna.

"My father, Timothy, and I moved here from the Makah Res when I was a little kid. I always thought my mother was Makah. My father had told me she died in child birth. That of course would have meant I was a hundred percent Makah. I couldn't have become this. Only descendants of Tahiya Aki can become wolves. I'm pretty sure my dad lied to me now about her being dead. She definitely wasn't Makah."

"Isn't it possible that the woman was just from this tribe? He could have been telling the truth about the rest."

I didn't turn around, but I could tell Embrianna and Jules were sharing a look.

"It's extremely unlikely," Jules finally said. "We know most of the lines that came from Tahiya Aki. There are several options available, but the most likely is Jordan Uley, Samantha's mom. We know that It wasn't my mom. We're born too close together, unless we're twins, but that just seems preposterous, I mean we were born six days apart. There's a slim chance it could have been Quilla Ateara the fourth's, but it would mean that Quilla was born about two and half months early at the minimum. Even then we'd be pushing it, and I just don't see that. We've certainly never been told Quilla was a preemie."

"Of course, if her mom was having an illicit affair with my dad, it would explain the vast majority of why we don't know anything about it." Embrianna pointed out.

"And that's why you weren't aware of the stories?" I asked, remembering what Samantha had told me last week.

"Yeah, by the time it became pretty obvious I was going to be one of them, they didn't want to risk explaining it to me ahead of time. It would have been too obvious to share the tales with me at that point."

"Frankly, it's stupid," Jules complained. "Sure, most of us know the stories, but none of us believe them. When we start shooting up almost a foot in height in less than a month they should be taking us aside and telling us what's going on, not waiting until we're freaking out because we suddenly have four paws, fur, and a tail."

"Well, given that Leland has shot up almost a foot in the last two months, it's no wonder that they don't."

My brow furrowed, I recognized that name. It was one of the Clearwaters.

"He's a guy, Embrianna. Obviously his sudden spring up is just a normal growth spurt. We all know that the wolf gene is only on the female line. The elders should still be taking us girls aside. It's going to be such a shock to Quilla and Sarah both. I wish I could let them know ahead of time."

"You  _could_ , you are the chief of the tribe now."

I arched an eyebrow in shock, but didn't interrupt.

"I've already made enough dictates for now. I don't think it would be a smart idea to push my luck past that at this point."

I knew, on some level, that she had to be talking about the fact that I wasn't being bound by a treaty and that I was helping them out.

"What I really wish is that you'd let me tell my dad everything." There was a wheedling note in Embrianna's voice. I had the distinct impression it wasn't the first time she'd brought this up.

"You know why we can't. He isn't part of the tribe, and in the long run it would only put him in danger."

"But if I told him, I could probably convince him to let me drop out of high school the way you did with your mom. As it is, I'm having to ditch. It's going to earn his ire sooner rather than later."

"Wait what?" I spun around to stare at Julie, shocked.

"There's no way I can juggle school and my other duties," Julie muttered. "Besides I was failing all my classes except for gym anyway."

"And your mom just let you drop out?" I didn't believe it. I couldn't see Bonnie letting her off the hook like that. Schooling was important... unless you had a perfect memory like myself.

Jules looked away, stalking past where I was standing watching her.

"She didn't have much choice. She either filled out the papers to let me drop, or I was going to just stop going. One way would get her in trouble and the other wouldn't."

I quickly caught up to her. "Why would you do that? Education is important."

"This is sort of a life sentence, Beau. Longer really. At least for people like me. Probably Embrianna too."

"What do you mean?"

"As long as we're shifting, we don't age. Sam and Jaelyn have a reason to stop. They have people in their lives that will grow old without them," Embrianna said from slightly behind me.

"In my case..." Jules continued. "Well, if we were meant to be imprints, then you're immortal now. I literally have no reason to ever stop shifting. As for Embrianna and Paula... well unless either of them find that someone, be it an imprint or just someone they genuinely love, neither of them will probably ever stop."

I frowned. "You don't think you'll ever find someone you want to settle down with?"

She glanced at me and the flash of pain in her eyes was quite clear. "I doubt it will ever happen, Beau."

I opened my mouth but then shut it. I knew Jules and I were going to have to talk, but not at the moment. It wasn't something I desired to discuss with Embrianna present. Still, Jules had to know that my heart and soul belonged entirely to Edythe. There was no future between her and I as anything other than friends.

I could feel Embrianna glancing between us before she finally spoke. "Well I certainly have no plans to settle down. If I settle down I'll have to deal with an annoying monthly cycle again and that's just disgusting really. Besides, it's about time a woman got to be a man's lady for a change. Hell, with our immune systems and the way we heal, it probably wouldn't even matter what diseases they might carry."

Jules took a long breath, the sound annoyed. "We have absolutely no evidence to back  _that_ up. So don't even think of trying it." She ticked off three seconds with her fingers. "And don't even consider rolling your eyes at me." She ticked off two more seconds. "Or sticking your tongue out."

I blinked. "Common reactions?"

"Well, we've known each other since we were three and she really is quite predictable." Jules jerked her head slightly as if telling me to look behind us.

I quickly twisted my head to check, and sure enough, Embrianna had her tongue stuck out at her. I looked back at Jules.

"Don't stick it out unless you intend to use it," Jules stated.

We continued on our patrol for a while in silence before finally my curiosity got the better of me. "So you can't get pregnant as long as you're shifting regularly?" I asked. I'd lived with Renee for the first seventeen years of my life. I knew what a cycle was.

"Oh, we can get pregnant alright. It's just a little... different for us."

I waved my hand in a slight flourish, signaling she should continue.

Embrianna continued instead. "We go into heat. Most of us it'll probably only be about once a year, but some of us might actually have it happen about twice a year."

"Wait. Heat? Like actual wolves?"

"Exactly like wolves." Jules' ears were red as she spoke. "It affects us in both forms, but our legends say it makes us go absolutely crazy in wolf form if we shift during that time."

"Since Sam doesn't already have a kid or two of her own, it can obviously be resisted," Embrianna pointed out.

I couldn't help but wonder, if it was so like the animal they changed shapes into, did that mean they tended to give birth to a litter too? I didn't ask it out loud.

"No," Jules said suddenly, she was eyeing me. "Usually we only get pregnant with a kid, just like normal people, normal pregnancy timeline too. Of course, twins are always a possibility, especially in my family where it runs in the bloodline, but we don't have litters."

Apparently I didn't have to say it out loud.

"You're almost as predictable as Embrianna."

…

It was the next night after a particularly trying practice session.

"Come on. Don't tell me you're afraid of getting on the bitch seat," Jules complained from where she was sitting on one of the two motorbikes. Embrianna was on the other.

I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. "It's usually the opposite order."

"Do you know how to use one of these things?" Jules asked.

"I know how to ride a bike. It can't be that different."

"I didn't think so."

Embrianna snickered.

"Why don't we just go patrol?"

"Because I want to have some fun. Besides there's no point. The male vampire and his new creation are completely absent. It's strange though, all our legends tell us that vampires are very possessive of their mates. I don't understand why he isn't trying to get revenge."

I looked away, feeling guilty, but I didn't say anything. Victor wasn't their problem. He was mine. I climbed on to the back seat of her bike before she noticed something in my expression.

"Finally." She started the bike and a moment later Embrianna did the same. "Hold on."

She didn't bother to tell me how, so I put one of my arms gently around her waist.

We took off, heading out of the Cullens private road and onto the highway, driving in the opposite direction of Forks. For about thirty minutes there was nothing but the sound of the bikes as we raced along the highway before Embrianna spoke, half shouting to make sure we both heard her.

"I wish there was a gulch around here somewhere that we could make these things jump." She was glancing our way, and added on as an afterthought. "One that wasn't so high it would kill even us if we messed up."

"If you want to be a daredevil then you have to actually be one," Jules said back.

It gave me a crazy idea. I put my hands on Jules shoulders, quickly getting my feet on the back seat and standing up, spreading my arms wide, allowing myself to use the balance that I'd gained after becoming a vampire in a way I'd never had the chance to do before.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jules demanded.

"Having fun," I said, letting my head fall back and closing my eyes.

"Are you out of your mind, Beau?"

Quite possibly, but I didn't say that. "I'm dead, remember? It isn't going to hurt me even if I do fall off."

Embrianna had a different reaction.

"Jump to my bike," she exclaimed.

"Don't encourage him!"

I opened my eyes, looking between the two bikes. I knew instantly that I could. I'd calculated the force and speed I'd need before I'd even really thought about it. The problem was, it would be too easy.

I flipped backwards off of the bike instead, landing in the road a moment later, creating a small pothole from the force of my landing. I laughed even as I heard Jules curse and pull to a stop.

It would be a long time before I realized the reason I enjoyed it so much was because it was the first time since I'd become a vampire that I had really and truly let myself go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Anyone notice the miniature tipped hat to the original twilight saga?


	13. Chapter 12 - Intruder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 12 - Intruder**

I sat in a tree near my father's house, watching. I was sure Jules and Embrianna both would be getting to my place soon and would be wondering where the hell I was, but I hadn't been able to help myself. I'd needed to see my dad because today, March Third, was my dad's birthday. He was officially forty-two years old.

It was weird, between the practicing, the patrolling, the random road trips on the bikes, and their genuine cheerfulness, time seemed to be moving ahead rapidly. In only a few more days, it would be six months since the Cullens had left. In another month I'd no longer be a newborn, and then, had they stayed until then like the letter insinuated had been their plan, they would have been gone anyways.

I still wasn't sure if that would have been harder or easier on me than the way they did do it. I closed my eyes, banging my head gently against the trunk of the tree. If only Charlie would come outside so I could see if he was alright and maybe open his mailbox so I could see his face when he saw the anonymous letter in it.

I'd spent the last weekend going to Seattle and using some of the money left in the bank for me to rent a luxury box for Charlie at the Seattle Mariners for the coming season. It meant that not only could he go to every home game he wanted to, but he could bring friends too. I'd told Julie that I was going on an extended hunting trip, but it had been a lie.

I'd just desperately needed to do this for Charlie, knowing that I hadn't given him anything last year. I closed my eyes as I waited, still hearing Charlie upstairs snoring.

It was late, for Charlie, at least, being that it was nearing ten in the morning, but I suspected he must have taken the day off. Not that he'd ever done it in years past, but it was like many other things, my death had a lot of long-lasting consequences. I supposed, I was grateful, that I couldn't see the effects it had had on my mother first hand.

A truck pulled up out front of my dad's place. My eyes flashed open. Parked out front was Samantha with Bonnie in the passenger seat. Samantha got out, her nostrils flared as she did it and she started looking around.

I heard her murmured, "There's a vampire nearby."

My lips twitched.

I heard Bonnie from in the truck. "It was probably Beau. He's admitted to checking on his dad in the past, and it is Charlie's birthday."

"She has me in one," I muttered the words, but I'd seen Sam's astute hearing in the past so I was relatively certain she would hear me.

A moment later, her eyes flashed up to me in the tree. "You're right." She turned then, ignoring me completely as she pulled a wheelchair out of the back of the truck and proceeded to go around to the passenger side. She quickly got Bonnie settled in the wheelchair.

"You can wheel yourself up to the car?" Sam asked.

I couldn't see Bonnie's face at the moment, but I knew I'd roll my eyes if I was her. "Of course I can, Sam."

Sam nodded and stomped directly towards my tree. I dropped to the ground before she climbed up it.

"What are you doing here?" Sam demanded.

"Checking on my dad."

"Why?" It was like the idea that I could actually still care was completely foreign to her.

"Because someone needs to," I snapped. I knew I could explain why, that perhaps I even should, but if she didn't want to believe there was any humanity left in me, then I couldn't force her. Honestly, I didn't even want to try.

"That's what Bonnie is here for. So you can leave now." She crossed her arms over her chest.

I sighed, but still heard Charlie's breathing pick up after Bonnie knocked on the door.

"Fine, I'm going." I raised my hands in mock surrender. "Make sure he gets his mail, will you?" I spun around and raced into the trees before she could reply.

…

I got back home before Embrianna and Jules arrived for the day and headed inside to wait. I just couldn't think of anything else to do. I didn't venture into the kitchen though. All the items we unwrapped were still there, including the three things that had been placed in the drawer.

I was curious what the third item was. I knew the one had been the CD and the other had been the box Earnest had given me. But I had no clue what Jules had dumped in there when I hadn't been watching. I didn't go to check.

Instead, I headed upstairs. I went straight into Royal and Eleanor's room rather than going into my own room or continuing to any of the others.

On the desk in their room was Carine's laptop, the one I'd found in the house before I'd opened the presents and discovered they'd given me my own laptop. I went over to the laptop, opening it up and pulling up the web page I'd saved. I didn't glance at the books I'd stacked on the floor under the desk. After I'd read them once I hadn't needed them again.

Still it had taken far more effort than I wanted to admit, hacking into Cornell University's website and getting the full roster of students. Even so, I'd done it. It was how I knew that Jessamine was studying Philosophy. I'd also found her student email.

So far, she was the only one of the Cullens I'd managed to gather information on, though I assumed that Carine was a doctor at a hospital in the area.

I'd once told Sam that I would never disrespect them by following them, and it was true, but now that I knew where they'd moved, I had to know they were alright. More specifically, I had to know  _she_ was alright.

Lauren had claimed that Victor thought it was more fair to kill me than Edythe, and maybe that was true, but I had to be certain, which was why, if I could not find proof of Edythe being alright via hacking or just checking websites in Ithaca, I would eventually cave and email Jessamine.

It was going to be my absolute last resort, but I would do it, because I  _had_  to know.

I did a search for other websites from that area.

…

It took several hours of searching, but I finally realized something was off. Julie and Embrianna both should have been here by now. I was, almost always, in the yard practicing by noon, which had passed more than two hours prior.

So the question was, where were they?

I shut the lid on the laptop, and got up.

In spite of Jules' assurances that I could come and go from La Push now, I hadn't been there – except when patrolling beside them- since Jules first shift. But it was where they both lived, so it was a place for me to start.

I headed out of the house, going through the forest in that direction. I could distinguish the differences between Jules', Embrianna's and Sam's scents, and the other two were Paula and Jaelyn, though I wasn't sure which of the two belonged to who. I just hadn't spent enough time focusing on either. Unfortunately, all fives scents were all over the forest and it was impossible for me to be sure if any trail was really new.

I definitely was not a tracker.

I started heading toward a direction where the scents seemed to be heavier, I wasn't sure where it was going. It seemed to be leading towards a spot where they all congregated, though. I found that strange as they weren't truly sisters, even if they did call themselves that.

Well, Embrianna and Sam might be actual sisters, but they hadn't verified it.

Finally I saw exactly what I was heading towards, a small house that was separate from the rest of La Push. I edged a little closer, but stayed in the forest, breathing in deeply where I was. It took me a moment, the wolf stench was exceedingly overpowering, but I finally realized it wasn't only the wolves that came and went from this house.

In fact, if I wasn't mistaken, there was a human at this house at this very moment. I took a step farther back into the forest. No matter what trusts Jules had given me, I did not belong here. Not at this house.

I would go find Bonnie and Jules' house, maybe I could track her from there.

As I took another step back, the sliding glass door on the back of the house opened and a man stepped out of the house. He was a few years older than me with shoulder length black hair that was tied back in a ponytail. His tan skin accentuated the sharp lines of his face. He could only be described as handsome, or he would be if it weren't for the three jagged scars than ran in a relatively straight pattern down the right side of his face from hairline to chin.

I'd never seen him before, and yet, I knew it was Elliott Young – the man that Sam had imprinted on.

Suddenly, I wasn't sure which would be worse, leaving without saying a word, knowing that Sam would smell my intrusion in her life, or talking to Elliott.

I decided to take a risk, and stepped forward, stopping just inside the forest. I would respect Sam and not go too close to her imprint. I understood Sam well enough to know she would see that as a threat.

So I spoke from where I stopped, loud enough for the man to hear me. "Hello, you're Elliott, right?"

He looked straight in my direction, and I knew he spotted me, because he didn't continue looking around. "Who's there and why are you hiding in the trees like that?"

"I think Sam would prefer if I kept my distance from you, which is why I'm back here." I didn't bother answering who I was. He'd either get it on his own, or he wouldn't. "I'm looking for Jules and Embrianna. They haven't shown up at my place today and I'm worried about them."

He didn't say anything for several seconds, his breath hitching and his heart skipping a beat as I was sure he realized who I must be. "You're Beau."

"Yes." I took one step farther, just so he could see me better, worried that being so hidden was actually scaring him more. "Do you know where they are? My friends that is."

"I'm not a hundred percent certain, but Sam took off about an hour ago to the south after Jaelyn howled for her. I do believe that Embrianna and Jules were with Jaelyn."

The information surprised me, but I supposed if Sam and Paula were both busy and Jaelyn still wanted to patrol then it wouldn't be out of the realm of reality for them to be with her.

"Thank you for the information. I'll be going now. I promise that I didn't mean to intrude on your life." I stepped back, intending to go back just far enough at a normal speed that he wouldn't see me when I really sped away.

He called to me before I got more than a couple steps backwards. "Wait... Beau."

I paused in my tracks, looking at him.

He took several steps closer to me. "They know that you know who this vampire is. Jules says you've been different since they killed the other one, and she says you have to have a good reason for not telling them. I don't know if she's wrong or right, but you have to understand that if you don't tell them who this vampire is, then Sam and the others will always see you as an enemy."

"I'm trying to protect them." The words were out before I thought to deny what he'd said to me about knowing who it was.

The half of his face that wasn't scarred actually smiled. "That's the way it's supposed to work, isn't it? Us men protecting the women folk?" I didn't reply, partly because I was surprised by his words and partly because that wasn't really what I'd meant. "Sadly, that isn't how our world seems to work. They're protectors, Beau, and you need to let them do that job. They won't be able to do that very successfully if you hold back."

I wasn't sure how to respond to his words, so I didn't.

"I'll let you take you're leave now. But I'm serious. They need whatever knowledge you're holding onto." He looked at where he was standing in the shadows of the trees for a moment longer before he completely turned his back on me and headed over to the garden next to his house.

I spun and took off in a southerly direction. At first, I just ran with no specific bearing, but after a few miles passed, a smell hit me. Spilled blood. It was recent, but old enough that it was at least starting to dry out and have an almost rotten note to it. I headed straight towards it. As I got closer, I started to note the wolf prints and knew I was heading where I needed to go.

A minute later I reached a camp site. The first thing I noticed was the man, or more specifically, a man from the shoulders down, blood covered the vast majority of his shirt and pants. It took me half a second more, but I found the man's head about twenty feet away. There was a tent set up in the little camp, and a fire that was still half alive. I shook my head in disgust.

I could almost hear Jessamine in my mind telling me that this was an extremely unnecessary show of brutality.

I swallowed, but looked past the immediate destruction. I took a few slow breaths, trying to parse over the smells of the wolves and Victor to understand what I was smelling, there was a sweet and floral note permeating the air that I was trying to determine the source of as I didn't think it was his blood, although it was similar, but I suddenly ran out of time to figure it out as I heard several loud snarls and a piercing howl.

I took off in the direction of the sound, and as I raced in the direction a genuine pained yip pierced the air. I pushed myself harder, noting out of the corner my eye a discarded stuffed bear that looked dirty. I didn't stop to examine it.

After about half a minute more, I cleared a small hill, and only had a mere second to take in everything that I was seeing. In front of me were Sam and Julie standing side by side, both of their mouths half open in ferocious snarls. A few feet to the left was Embrianna, crouched like she was getting ready to pounce, and to the right was Paula. They made up something similar in shape to a crescent moon.

None of them were actually moving though, and the reason why was Victor, who stood several feet in front of them, holding Jaelyn in his hands as if she weighed absolutely nothing. For Jaelyn's part, it appeared she'd lost consciousness. It was probably for the best given that I was relatively certain at least one of her back legs were broken.

Jules' words about our venom being deadly to her kind raced through my mind. If Victor bit Jaelyn, she'd die.

"Victor!" My voice bounced off the trees.

He looked at me and his eyebrows raised. Embrianna turned slightly to watch me, but the others didn't move from their positions.

"Well hello, Beau." His voice was deep, an extremely low bass.

"Let the dog go and come after what you're really here for." I forced my words to be cruel and angry.

"These things are not dogs."

I remembered a lesson that I'd been given by  _her_  over the summer, one telling me about the real children of the moon and how they were enemies to vampires. I'd more or less shoved it aside as useless information and not thought about it since.

I thought about it now. "Well, they aren't werewolves. It's the middle of the day after all." I threw my hands in the air, making a point – not that the sun was currently visible behind the heavy clouds.

"Then you know what they actually are?" I'd made him curious.

"Of course. They're mutts, animals that can change shapes and pretend to be humans, but all they are, are animals. For goodness sake, they even go into heat. So unless you're planning on a dietary change, they aren't going to satisfy you for anything."

He looked at the one in his arms suspiciously, but his grip had loosened and I knew he was halfway to letting Jaelyn go. I refused to even glance at any of the wolves in the crescent moon. I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep up the bluff.

"They killed my friend that I came here with."

I laughed, aiming for the cold laugh I used to hear out of Royal's mouth. I wasn't a hundred percent certain it was right, but I knew I was relatively close. "They didn't kill Lauren. I did. And they certainly aren't the reason that your mate is dead. I am."

For a moment, it looked like he was going to drop Jaelyn, then his grip tightened instead. "You seem awfully protective of them."

"Not really, but they are a useful food source. More blood than a normal animal. But the way I see it, if you want to kill me, you need to let her go. Or you can finish what you've started there and by the time you've dealt with all of them, or they've destroyed you... well I'll be long gone."

He narrowed his eyes, then a moment later, he threw Jaelyn hard to the left. I saw out of the corner of my eye Embrianna racing to get in between Jaelyn and whatever she might hit.

I didn't have time to watch because Victor started toward me, but he didn't get very far as Paula suddenly growled fiercely, Sam and Julie crouching to attack.

He looked at the three of them then back at me, hissing, before suddenly spinning and racing to the cliff about a hundred yards behind him.

I heard him hit the water a moment later.

The instant he was gone, I raced over to Jaelyn. Her eyes were half open and she growled at me when she saw me.

"He didn't bite you, did he?"

She snorted.

"I'll take that as a no. Can you shift back?"

She growled again.

A hand clasped on my shoulder then which I instantly recognized as belonging to Julie.

"I've never heard you lie that well before." Her voice was somewhere between concerned, bewildered, and angry.

"I wasn't lying for myself this time," I muttered the words. I knew it was true though. None of what I'd said had been to help me. It had all been to save Jaelyn, to protect them. "Besides, very little of what I said was an actual lie."

Half truths mixed with bluster mostly, not lies.

I looked at Jaelyn's leg. It looked broken in more than one spot. "I think I can help her get it set, if she returns to human form."

"We're not sure if her shifting is a good idea. We need to take her back to La Push. The elders will know better."

"I'll take her," I said, standing and reaching down to pick her up. "My cold skin may numb her some, though I sort of doubt it – as hot as all of you run."

Sam spoke then, further back. "Take her to my place, it's out of the way." She paused. "Besides, I think you have some questions that you need to answer."

I sighed. "Yes."


	14. Chapter 13 - Killer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: As with anything I write. Sometimes I write it... and sometimes it writes itself. This definitely fits into the latter category.

**Chapter 13 - Killer**

Jules led the way back to Sam and Elliott's house in her wolf form, turning back and narrowing her eyes as we got close when she must have recognized my scent in the area.

"You never showed up at my place," I muttered by way of an explanation.

She huffed at me before continuing on. I had no idea what she meant by it.

It only took a few more minutes before we reached the same house I'd been at before. She wolfed, motioning with her head toward the sliding glass door so I kept moving forward, giving her the time she needed to shift back and get dressed.

When I reached the forest line, I stopped, uncertain if I was supposed to carry Jaelyn inside or what. Jaelyn, for her part had been stubbornly silent since I'd started carrying her.

"Come on," Jules said a couple minutes later as she walked by me.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked.

She turned back to look at me, placing her hands on her hips. "You just saved Jaelyn's life, and quite likely her imprint's as well because it's highly unlikely he would have gone on without her. So yes, I'm sure."

In my arms, Jaelyn whined.

Talk like that would upset me too, if I was in her shoes, so I didn't blame her.

Jules spun around and marched the rest of the way to the house. In spite of the very seriousness of why we were here, I couldn't help that my lips twitched at her actions. I followed her to the house, going inside as she opened the sliding glass door.

The inside of the house was small, quaint. You could see clear to the small blue front door from the back doors I'd just come in. There was a small sitting room with a couch, a chair, and a tv; then a dining area with a large kitchen.

Elliott was in the kitchen, but he turned as he heard the sliding glass being shut. It was then that I noticed the same scars on his face, were on the back of his hand. He was wearing a long-sleeve sweater, so I couldn't see his arm, but I assumed the scars probably ran down it as well.

Elliott's eyes widened as he saw Jaelyn in my arms, and he quickly glanced at the dining room table but I shook my head. The wolf in my arms weighed far too much to be placed on the flimsy table that was in this house, I was quite sure.

Jules spoke softly. "Their bed is upstairs. Take her up there." Then she looked towards Elliott. "My mom is at Charlie's so we can't call her unless it's a last resort. Call Holly and see if she can come over. If she can't, then try Quilla."

Elliott immediately went over to the phone that was hooked to the wall. I headed upstairs as Jules told me to. If I thought the first floor was quaint... well this part of the house could only be described as tiny. I crouched slightly, worried about hitting my head.

There were two closed doors, and one open. It was obvious that the open one was the bedroom and I shuffled awkwardly through it in an effort not to bump Jaelyn before placing her gently on the bed.

"I wish I could help, Jae, but I don't know wolf anatomy." In practice, I didn't know that much about human anatomy either, but the truth was that the first months after I became a vampire, I spent almost every night reading Carine's books and I knew a lot about human anatomy as a result. Sure, it was a hundred percent theoretical, but I still knew it.

She eyed me, raising her lip in a slight snarl.

I sighed, shaking my head. I turned on my heel and headed back down the stairs. The others still hadn't arrived, but I knew they were taking care of the camp site. Elliott was just hanging up the phone as I reached the first floor.

"Holly will be here soon," He said to Jules, glancing at me as he did so.

"I assure you, I'm a hundred percent in control. There's no way anything smells appetizing given the heavy wolf stench."

Jules laughed.

I turned toward her. "That treaty between us. I think it should be instated. I should go home and you should forget I exist."

She sobered immediately. "Why do you say that?"

"So far Victor hasn't been in La Push territory, which mean if the treaty goes back into place, all of you will be safe. I'll deal with him. He's my problem."

She growled, the sound was far more wolfish than human. "No."

"Julie, all of you are safer away from me. Away from him."

Jules eyes flashed angrily. "Would you, for once in your dang life, stop being a martyr!" she shouted.

There was movement in the tree outside the sliding glass door. I was glad, because I was relatively sure that Sam would agree with me. I looked away from her, stepping over to the small window in the front of the house so I could look outside, "This is my fight, Julie. And what happened today... how much worse it could have been... is only proof that all of you need to stay out of this."

The sliding glass door opened. And I heard the others coming into the house.

"Unfortunately, that isn't how our job works." That was Sam.

I turned around to look at all of them. "Surely you can see the wisdom in what I'm suggesting, Samantha. Go back to following the bylaws of the treaty and you can keep protecting your people. I'll do what I can to stop Victor, or at very least lead him elsewhere."

"And what happens if he kills you?" Sam asked.

"Then I won't be your problem anymore, will I?"

Jules took a step toward me – trembling slightly – but Sam's hand flew out, grabbing her arm to stop her. "No. And tell me, Beau, what would have happened today if you'd already been dead?"

"He wouldn't have been here anymore if he'd killed me already."

"Are you a hundred percent certain that he won't stick around after you're gone? Or is it possible, that much like your Cullens, there's something about this area of the country that is just appealing to your kind and after you're gone he'll stick around anyways."

"He's after revenge. There would be no reason for him to stay?" The statement sounded like a question in my own ears, so I knew they could hear it too, because she was right. I couldn't say with a hundred percent certainty that he wouldn't stay. It didn't make sense to me though. Honestly, if I was him, after I was done with me, I'd go after the Cullens.

"What revenge?" Paula vocalized.

I looked away, turning back so I could face the window instead of them. It was easier to talk about it if I wasn't focusing on them. "He was the mate of the woman who bit me, Joss. I truly know next to nothing about Victor. The Cullens and –" I took a far less than necessary breath as I prepared myself to say her name "– Edythe specifically were never worried about Victor. They hadn't realized that Joss and Victor were actual mates. Mostly, I must assume, because Victor was so confident of Joss's abilities that it never occurred to him to be afraid for her.

"If Victor wasn't thinking of anything specifically emotional, like fear or love, then the Cullens never would have realized the connection. Frankly, if it weren't for the fact that Lauren had told me she was with him, it never would have occurred to me either."

"What does he want with you then?" Embrianna asked.

"According to Lauren, he feels it would be fairer to kill the mate of the one that killed his." I shook my head. "Which is ironic on all counts. I may never be able to stop loving Edythe, but if she truly saw me as her mate then she'd be here, instead of halfway around the world. It's even more ironic because she didn't kill Joss. Eleanor and Jessamine did that. Edythe was too busy trying to save my life at the time to have killed Joss."

"What would happen if you told him that?"

"I'm still the reason his mate is dead. Ultimately, if she hadn't been hunting me, the Cullens never would have gotten involved. Besides, after the trick I played on him to save Jae's life... Well he wouldn't believe me anyways. And on the off chance he actually did. Then he'd be going after them instead of me. And no matter how they left me... I'd never do that to me."

"So, what's your plan, assuming we did reinstate the treaty for you?" Sam asked, curiously.

"I don't know, I doubt I can kill him in a fair fight. I'm not a hundred percent certain of his age, but I believe he's at least as old as Lauren was, which makes him three hundred years old. Or more. The amount of skills he could have earned in that time..." I shook my head. "But there are places I could lead him to where he'd be as outmatched as I am at the moment." It would probably get me killed too, but I saw no point in mentioning that.

"Places like where?"

"Mexico or Italy. There's other places too that exist, like areas of China, but I don't know enough details about them to know how to use them to my advantage if I was to get him to follow me there."

"Why Mexico?"

"It's a turf war in Mexico. The vampires there would be none too happy if new vampires appeared in their territory."

"And what would happen to you, Beau?" Jules' voice was sharp, so I was relatively sure she'd already figured that answer out.

I shrugged.

"No. You may be alright with being a martyr, but it isn't happening on my watch." She was angry.

I shrugged again.

"Julie is right. There's no guarantee a scheme like that would work, and even if it did –" Sam paused, and I raised an eyebrow, not that she could see it "– Well, you have important work here. You're needed."

I spun so I could look at her. "Wasn't it you that offered to put me out of my misery at one time?"

"Maybe I was rushing to judgment."

I opened my mouth to reply, but I heard a truck pulling up out front so I shut it. As the engine stopped, I heard both doors open, and I turned again, wondering who was here with Holly.

"Young man with a wide face and broad nose. Eyes slightly smaller than traditional... perhaps I should go wait out back." My words were soft and spoken far faster then I normally let myself talk.

"That's Kirk, Jaelyn's imprint. You said earlier that you'd be fine, is that still true?" Julie said.

"Yes, as bad as this place smells, one of them could put a bleeding wrist under my mouth and I'd still be able to resist." That was probably a slight exaggeration, but it wasn't by much.

"Let's not test that particular theory, but it's good to know that we're that strong of a deterrent."

Holly and Kirk walked up to the door, neither of them even glancing at the window which I was right behind. When they opened the door and came in. Holly's reaction upon spotting me was interesting.

"Beau." She nodded and then proceeded up the stairs. Her heartbeat had never even changed in tempo.

Kirk, on the other hand, had a much more... appropriate reaction, as Eleanor would have said. He screamed, stumbling back into the corner of the house, his heart racing.

I laughed in genuine humor.

"Kirk, this is Beau. He's not going to hurt you. In fact, he saved Jaelyn's life," Sam said, I could feel the disparaging look she was giving me.

Kirk looked away from me, trying to pull himself together.

"I promise that you're perfectly safe," I said, muting my voice into a soft velvet, looking at him intensely until he glanced my way and his breath caught.

His heart sped up for a moment before settling again. I looked away – feeling wrong about what I was doing – breaking the glamour.

"What... was that?" Kirk demanded, his heart racing again.

"I'm an apex predator, and as such I have a glut of abilities in my repertoire. I'm fast, strong, venomous, visually attractive, smell appealing – at least to humans – and then there's the deeper buried abilities. I used to call it dazzling when she would do it to me. However, I've found that the more appropriate term is glamour." I looked back at the wolves. They're faces were a mix of disgust, supposition and intrigue. "After all, why should we have to chase our prey when we can simply make our prey follow us to the slaughter."

"That's freaky," Kirk muttered.

"As you cold tell." I looked back at him. "It didn't work all that well. You're male and obviously straight. There's some things that even our glut of abilities can't overcome."

"Have you done that to us?" Sam snarled.

I turned so I could face her directly. "I've never tried, and I doubt it would work even if I did. You're as much of an apex predator as I am." I shrugged.

Just then, a scream that had nothing to do with fear pierced the air. I raced up the stairs. Jaelyn was on the bed, clearly still unclothed, but thankfully a sheet was covering everything I'd rather not get an eyeful of again. Her leg was bent wrong, looking mutated in a weird way. Holly was a few steps away from the bed, probably having moved back so she could shift.

I pushed myself in front of Holly, kneeling down so I could look at her leg better, memories of the numerous books I'd read coming to the forefront of my mind. I ran my fingers over her leg gently, barely touching it as I tried to find the source of what, precisely, was wrong. "It appears to have healed partway in your wolf form, the wrong way, I might add."

"That's... pretty obvious," Jaelyn muttered through gritted teeth.

I could sense Sam crowding into the small room behind me. This room wasn't designed to even fit three, let alone four, which was making the room feel like a sardine can.

"I can fix it, Jae." I looked directly at her as I spoke. "It will be very painful because your bone needs re-broken and set so it heals properly. It's the same thing a doctor would do, but I'm just going to use brute strength to do it, instead of tools."

Holly spoke behind me. "Tell Sam where it needs broke, and she'll do it."

"In the amount of time it's going to take me to teach what needs done, her leg is going to heal even more, which wouldn't be a good idea."

Jae looked over at Sam for a moment, then looked at me. "Do it."

I reached forward, snapping the bone in the two places – where it had healed improperly – fast. I pulled her leg straight. She let out a string of curses that would likely make a sailor blush.

I stood up, looking away from her. "There's not much point in setting it in any sort of cast with the way you're healing. Just don't move until it's done healing."

I stepped towards the door, making Sam step back so I could get by and head back downstairs. I continued on to the back door. When I reached Jules, I stopped briefly, putting my hand on her shoulder. "I don't belong here. I should get going," I murmured.

It was so obvious to me that this wasn't my place. Both Kirk and Elliott were genuinely afraid, not that I could be really surprised by that. Embrianna and Paula were both tense, as were Sam and Jaelyn. Even Jules seemed unsure how to deal with me being in this abode. In fact, it seemed that the only one who wasn't all that concerned was Holly.

I continued to the sliding glass door, shoving it open and heading outside. The door slid shut behind me. I was just entering the forest when I heard the glass slam open and Jules racing after me. Since I'd been merely walking, she caught up to me almost too easily.

She grabbed my left hand with both of hers. "Stay"

"This place isn't for me, Jules."

"It's just going to take time for all of us to get used to you being around here."

I shrugged and continued walking, unlike her, I was physically able to pull her along even when she was resisting. She quickly let go and started walking along beside me, keeping pace with me.

"Beau, I'm not reinstating the treaty."

"You should."

"Why? Because you want to be some sort of martyr?"

"Because Victor and I are torn from the same cloth," I snarled angrily.

"Really? What makes you say that?" Her voice was flat.

"Were you not there when I put both you and the rest of the wolves down like it was second nature? Did you not see how quickly I reverted to being the monster in me with Kirk? Did you not hear how willing I was to put Jaelyn through pain?"

She stomped in front of me so she could glower at me. "You seem to have memory problems, Beau, because none of that is what I saw. I saw you risking your  _life_  to save the neck of someone who has treated you with nothing but contempt for months. I saw you trying to comfort someone in a way that was natural to you and when you realized what you were doing was wrong, you stopped. I heard you offering Jaelyn the quickest method to be relieved of pain, even if it caused a little more initially."

I shook my head and shouldered my way past her. "That may have been how it  _looked_  to you, but you have no idea how very easy it was for me. All of it. I may not be a killer yet, Jules, but the instincts are there. We should both go our separate ways before either of us gets any deeper into something that's never going to work." I wasn't a hundred percent sure I was just talking about the partnership we had.

"If you want me to let you go, then make me believe it."

And because I knew Jules so well, I knew she wasn't talking about making her see sense. Frankly, I knew I could talk until I was blue in the face – and my face would never turn blue – and I knew she'd never  _really_  agree with me. She was just too stubborn.

"I already told you, I don't think that would work on you."

"Then I guess you're stuck with me."

I spun, angrily, grabbing onto her shoulders as I looked into her eyes. I didn't think I could do it. I'd never deliberately tried to make someone obey me before, and yet,  _she'd_  done it to me, plenty of times, and I'd seen her do it to others as well. I could force the same intensity as she had, I was sure. "Julie, I want you to forget our friendship. I want you to let me go."

Jules stared at me, and for a moment, I was sure it wasn't going to work, but then her pupils dilated slightly and her breathing sped. She gave a small nod of acceptance.

I let go. I knew it wasn't going to last, the talent wasn't meant for her kind, it was meant for humans.

I took off, racing away from her as fast as I could.


	15. Chapter 14 - Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 14 - Family**

I raced away from Forks, from La Push, for the time being, I just needed to run. It was either run or freeze up, and I refused to let myself do the latter.

I made Goats Rock before I finally stopped. I wasn't really thirsty yet, but there were bears in the area and they did taste so much better than the herbivores that I usually feasted on. So I'd stay and hunt, and I'd plan, because I now knew, I couldn't stay anymore. No matter how much Jules though I should.

She was the closest thing to family that I had left, and I couldn't risk her.

As I'd told the wolves, there were places I could lead Victor to.

It would be for the best.

…

It was over two weeks before I finally decided to return home, a plan largely made up in my mind. I'd mostly just thought while I'd been at Goats Rock, ignoring the passing of time completely, but in the last day I'd glutted myself on the blood of carnivores, killing three bears and a mountain lion before deciding to come back.

A large part of me knew it was wrong, what I was going to do, but I couldn't see any other way. Victor was a threat to everyone here, especially the wolves. I'd seen that with absolute certainty. I would not allow them to die just to protect me. I was immortal and they weren't.

I had a whole newfound appreciation for the way Edythe had wanted to leave me back when I was human, though, it was still different. She'd had an irrational fear that she was a threat to me, it wasn't about some other vampire. The danger that I feared for the wolves had very little to do with me, and everything to do with Victor.

Julie and Embrianna would both be better off without me around and the others didn't want me here to begin with.

My house smelled heavily of Julie when I arrived at my house. She'd apparently camped out here, determined to wait me out. But she wasn't here now, probably out patrolling or back home in La Push dealing with things. It was hard to say.

Either way, I had time to put my plan into action.

I went upstairs, going right past my room and entering Archie and Jessamine's. I opened their closet door. It was still full of clothes, which I'd already known, as I'd gone through the closet when I'd been looking for a computer. Of course, I'd finally found one in Carine and Earnest's room, but I'd looked in this room first. After all, since Archie had left all the stuff for me, I'd seen no reason he wouldn't have known I'd have a need for a computer too... and since there was one in my presents, I suspected he had known it, after all.

I pulled a large luggage bag out of the back. It was relatively new, I could tell by the smell alone, but it was designed to look old, like one of those old-timey steamer trunk. This one had wheels though...

I was quite positive I could fit in everything I needed. I went to my room next, grabbing the two stashes of cash and dumping them in the trunk along with the box that had all the personal identification papers for the alias Archie had set me up with. Then I went into my own closet, pulling out several sets of the more reasonable clothes in the closet before folding them and putting them in the trunk as well.

I made a quick stop in Royal and Eleanor's room to get the laptop I had been using – adding it to the trunk – before heading downstairs with it to get the stuff out of the kitchen that had been given to me. Part of me felt like taking that stuff was a bad idea, but in spite of the very real pain the items had caused upon realizing the extent of the Cullens betrayal, I didn't resist.

I took all the items left on the counter and put them in the trunk. Then I opened the drawer with the items that I absolutely didn't want to see. I pulled out the jewel case with the CD that Edythe had made for me along with the box from Earnest that contained a set of wedding bands and an engagement ring. Then I pulled out what Julie had stuffed in when I hadn't been looking. It took me a moment, in spite of just how smart I was now, to realize what I was holding in my hand. It was plane tickets, two of them to be precise, to go to Alaska.

I blinked, confused by why Julie hid them, but I shrugged. These might actually be useful to me... if I survived dealing with Victor, first.

I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. The trunk hardly weighed anything to me, but I couldn't go hiking with it. If a human saw me they'd find it  _suspicious,_  which meant I was going to have to take a vehicle. Immediately, I knew that my vehicle was out. It was too, as  _she_  had once said, ostentatious. Though the word conspicuous worked too.

In fact, I could only think of two vehicles that I could use. The Audi... or the Jeep. Technically there was her Volvo too, but I couldn't do it. There was just no way. And if I was being honest with myself, the Audi was still a six digit car. Eleanor's Jeep it was then.

I headed outside, going straight to the garage and picking up the key to the vehicle of my choosing as soon as I got inside. I went over to the Jeep, pulling myself up into the driver's seat. This vehicle, of course, was it's own special brand of ostentatious, but as long as I stayed to areas more popular with hunters, off-roaders and the sort... it wouldn't be too bad.

I started the vehicle and the immediate sound of it's loud roar almost made me jump out of my seat. It was so much louder than I remembered it being when I was human. I drove it to front of the house, shutting off the engine, then got out and rapidly loaded the trunk in the back.

Then I went back inside and found pen, paper and envelopes. I sat down to write the two letters I needed to, the first to the family that had left me behind but I still loved.

_Cullens,_

_Unfortunately, I don't know which of you will come home first. I don't know if I should hope that you don't find this letter until you come back in a hundred years or that one of you got curious to see if I was still here and came back early._

_Either way, if it's you, Edythe, then please forgive me. I tried to do what you wanted, I tried to live and flourish without you... and maybe if I had a couple of decades to push the pain away that loving you has caused... I could. But I don't have a couple decades._

_Even as I write this letter, there's a killer stalking these woods. Victor is out here, in Forks, in La Push, and he wants revenge. He wants to kill the mate of the one that killed his and he believes that's me that needs to die. I guess he hasn't figured out that Edythe doesn't love me anymore._

_Don't worry, I'm not going to tell him anything. Even if he does catch up to me and torture me. I won't ever tell him. All of you did so much for me. I won't bring trouble your way ever again. I'm grateful, for what little part of your life that you shared with me. I wish I was going to have the chance to see all of you again, just so I could tell you how thankful I am that you ever gave me a chance. I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I wasn't a normal vampire._

_I'm going to lead Victor away from here... I may head south to Mexico, or possibly east to Volterra. Either way, I don't expect to survive this venture._

_And if you're finding this letter, then it will be pretty safe to assume I didn't._

_I'm sorry,_

_Beau_

I folded the paper, placing and sealing it in an envelope. I wrote their name on top of the envelope. Then I set it aside.

I pulled over another sheet to write out the letter to Julie.

~~_Julie,_ ~~

~~_I know that eventually, I'm guessing in a day or two, you're going to come looking for me again. I know you aren't one to give up. I want you to know, I'll never forget you, for these last couple of months you were quite literally the best part of my life, and while I'm not in love with you, I do love you. You've taken a small part of my unbeating heart and made it your own. It's for that part that I must do this._ ~~

~~_He's going to keep coming, Jules. And if he realizes that you are my weakness then he will use that against me, and I can't let him do that._ ~~

I stared at what I wrote for a minute before scratching out the entire thing and starting over:

~~_Jules,_ ~~

~~_I seriously doubt if you'll be surprised when you finally show up and discover I'm gone. You know me so well, better than just about anybody else, better than the ones who I once thought of as family. But now, you're the closest thing to family left in my life and I have to protect that. To protect you. The only way I can do that is by getting Victor away from here. Which means I have to go too._ ~~

I hissed, scratching that out as well, and starting yet again.:

~~_Jules,_ ~~

~~_This isn't forever, but you are the speck of light I still have in my life and I won't let that be destroyed. Not by Victor, and especially not by me. So it's time. It's past time. I should have left when they did. I don't belong here, and I especially shouldn't continue to be some sort of constant reminder in your life of something that can never happen. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to either of us._ ~~

I scratched it out again, starting over one more time:

_Jules,_

_I'm sorry._

_Beau_

I looked at it for a moment. It wasn't as eloquent or as pretty as what I'd wrote to the Cullens, or even as everything I'd scratched out above, but I knew Jules, and I knew it was all she'd need. She didn't need the long explanation because she just got me.

I started to fold the letter when a  _rock_  smashed into the kitchen. It was not the kind of rock that a human would be able to lift, let alone throw. The rock was easily a foot and a half across and it landed heavily in the kitchen, breaking the tiles and leaving a giant dip in the floor.

I looked through the now broken window. Standing a good thirty yards away was Victor. I saw red.

I raced outside.

He met me in the yard. I was thrown against a tree before I even knew what was happening. He was  _fast_. Faster than me.

I got to my feet, looking at my options. He came at me, I jumped straight up, landing on a branch high up. He jumped as well.

"Not a refuge against my own kind," I muttered under my breath, flipping backwards, landing back on the ground.

I darted into the forest, racing away from the Cullens house and away from La Push.

I could feel him behind me and I jumped back into the trees, springing from one to the other. It didn't really make me faster, in fact it slowed me down, but it kept him from being able to simply outrun me.

At first, I didn't know where I was running to, I just knew that I was running.

Why couldn't he have just waited til tomorrow to try something? By then he'd be chasing me out of town, because I'd have been long gone in the Jeep. The thought of the Jeep gave me an idea. The baseball field.

I changed directions, heading toward the location in my mind.

It was a fitting place to go. Hopefully I'd find a way to end it there, the same place that it had all started back when I'd been human. If I could just outsmart him... After all, it only took one slip up to change the outcome of a fight. If I'd learned anything from practicing with Jules and Embrianna so much, it had been that.

Of course, this wasn't practice and the stakes were very real.

He landed on the same branch as me as I was preparing to jump to another. I rammed my entire body into him, sending him falling to the ground, then I continued on.

I probably should have tried to follow him to the ground and take advantage of the brief success, but I wasn't an idiot, and the woods created far too many obstacles to successfully fight anyone for any length of time.

I pressed on, jumping from one tree to the next until I reached the baseball field. He was still close on my heels, it was impossible not to sense him, not to know that he was right behind me. At the moment, I was in a predatory overload.

I dropped seamlessly to the ground, racing forward into the middle of the field before spinning to meet him.

He was right there. My whole body hit the ground, his hand at my throat. I kicked out, knocking his feet out from underneath him and rolled away as his hand's hold briefly loosened. I jumped back to my feet. He was already on his.

He reached out, trying to grab me again. I flipped backwards.

"Being a vampire has made you foolish," he snarled.

I wasn't going to disagree with him, because his skills were clearly far greater than mine. He raced forward at me.

"Don't let him get your hands on you," Edythe exclaimed in my head.

I dived to the side.  _About time you showed up._ This insane part of my mind owed me that much, to be there for me as I was going to die, and I was quite sure that I was.

"Fight, Beau."

 _Thanks for the great tip_. My own desire to survive kicked the sarcasm into overdrive.

I spun around and slammed directly into Victor. His hand went around my throat again.

"Just how would you like to die?" The question was quite rhetorical.

I grabbed his hair and yanked, pulling hard. A section of his hair along with some skin ripped away. He screeched, pulling back.

I took advantage of it, wriggling away and kicking out, making him fly backwards.

"Ears first, please. That way I don't have to listen to you bluster," I snarked in anger.

"Don't antagonize him," Edythe snarled in the back of my head.

_Why not?_

As usual, she didn't reply. Of course, what could I expect? That the insane part of me would actually answer to the logical side? It was unlikely.

He charged me again. I ignored the shriek to get out of the way this time, instead, grabbing his hand as he reached out. I stepped into his attack, instead of trying to avoid, meeting the attack head on.

For a second, we were separated by mere inches and I didn't know which of us hated the other more. Since I was staring at him, I saw it in his eyes the moment he decided to try and strike. He leaned his head in to bite as I let go of his hand, spinning away from him.

"You have to fight better than that," Edythe's voice demanded of me

 _How?_  I demanded back. For the briefest of a second, I saw her, ghost-like and translucent, standing close to where I thought home plate had been. I let out a shocked laugh, making myself a promise to find Carine and determine for sure if insanity in a vampire was possible... if I survived this. I blinked and she was gone.

Next to me, Victor turned his head, likely to see what had made me laugh. I took advantage of his distraction, grabbing him and tossing him into the trees. He hit hard, falling to ground with a loud thud.

He didn't have a chance to get up, because without warning, a giant russet brown wolf landed on him. I blinked. Jules had arrived.

She opened her maw as she leaned down to bite his head off, but at the last moment his hand shot out and she snapped on it instead. She yanked, the metallic screech of his skin, muscle and bone ripping apart filled air.

As she spat something – about half of his hand, to be exact – away from her, he managed to kick her off of him, and she slammed into the tree behind her. I heard something loud snap. He jumped to his feet, darting to his lost body part, which he grabbed.

He looked between us angrily, though Jules hadn't moved yet from where she'd fallen. "We'll try this again, later," he finally spat and raced away from both of us.

I moved to speed off after him, but stopped, racing over to Jules instead. I dropped to my knees beside her.

"Where are you hurt? I know I heard something break."

She raised her head to look at me, whimpering lightly, which told me absolutely nothing other than it likely wasn't her back and she was in pain.

"Can you shift back?"

I noticed that the strap she kept around her rear leg didn't have any clothes bundled there which likely meant she had shifted on the fly, but at the moment I could care less that she was going to be naked.

She closed her eyes, shifting back to human a moment later. I glanced her over quickly, making sure I didn't see anything obviously wrong before looking away.

I saw out of the corner of my eye as she sat up.

"It's just a couple of ribs. They'll heal soon enough."

I yanked my shirt off, handing it to her without a word before standing up and walking a little ways away. "What are you doing here, Jules?"

I heard her get up behind me. "I went back to your place because I knew you'd come back sooner or later and I found your note. I also found the small boulder in the kitchen. Then I followed the scent." She stepped around in front of me.

Thankfully, my shirt covered everything that wasn't appropriate, falling to mid-thigh. Though it was impossible not to notice how long her legs were with it on. I looked away.

She grabbed my chin forcing me to turn my head to stare at her. "By the way, Beau. I don't accept." She clenched her jaw.

"Jules..."

"No, Beau. I'm serious. This. Here. Forks. It's your home, and you are staying here. Or by whatever power I have I am going to follow you and drag you back. I don't care that you think you aren't worth it. I don't care that there can never be anything more than a psychological relationship at most between us...

"Edythe Cullen," she stated sharply as I flinched. "May not have had the good sense to fight for the being right in front of her. But I will. I'm not letting you go, and certainly not so you can go get yourself killed."

She leaned forward pressing her lips tightly to mine for a second. I closed my eyes briefly. I could have jerked away. In fact, I probably should have. I didn't.

She pulled back a moment later. "If there comes a time when you find someone that you can actually be with. Well that's something different, Beau. We both know that. But I'm here, and I will fight, not only to protect you, but to be with you in whatever capacity I can be."

I looked at her again. "Julie, you know I can't reciprocate..."

"I know you aren't in love with me, Beau. But you can't tell me that you just think of me as a sister either."

I shut my eyes. "No, I can't."

"And that's alright. I get it, Beau, I do." She let go of my chin, her hand dropping to rest against my chest, right above my heart. "I know I don't own very much of your heart, that I don't have any claim on your soul, but whatever actually is between us... It's alright for us both to accept that it's there. There's no one stopping us, Beau. You know that."

I opened my mouth, to say what, I wasn't sure. I didn't get the chance to though, because I heard a rustling in the woods.

I already knew it wasn't an animal, they wouldn't deliberately come anywhere near while I was here.

I looked in the direction of the sound, stepping directly in front of Jules once I spotted what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Quick side note, Archie saw from the moment the rock was tossed into the house, right up to where Victor almost bit Beau before his vision went black. He looked farther into the future and something that made him assume the worst, you'll find out what in the next chapter. He's already heading back to Forks.


	16. Chapter 15 - Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: Some people may be upset that I didn't show any details in a specific spot. For that I'm sorry, but this story is rated T and I just couldn't see how to write that and leave it at a T rating.

**Chapter 15 – Pressure**

A girl, no older than eight years old, stepped out into the field. She wore, what had once been a white shirt, camo pants, and a pair of chucks. Unfortunately, they were now vastly stained with blood, a large portion of it was dried, varying in color from deep brown to dark red. Some of it was still fresh though. Her eyes were a vivid bright red. Almost pink.

She had black hair that fell to her shoulders in an almost perfect bob with the slightest of a curl at the bottom, and she had a button nose and perfectly rounded cheeks. Her hands clenched and unclenched in a rhythmic pattern, her forehead scrunched slightly.

She was, quite easily, the most beautiful and angelic being I'd ever seen, and I understood, with a sickening realization, why vampires had once turned – and fought over young children like this. She was older, than most of the immortal children Carine had told me about, but still far too young. It would be easy, to be enraptured by such beauty.

Behind me, Jules whispered, "Is she a vam–"

"Yes," I said sharply.

"She's so young."

"Trust me when I say that's the point. You need to leave, Jules."

"What? Why?"

"So I can take care of this." I swallowed.

"You mean..." She trailed off.

She tried to move from behind me, but I reached backwards, taking her wrist in my hand.

"Do not draw any attention to yourself."

I could feel her glaring at me, but she stopped moving. "Can't you teach her? She's just a child."

"That's precisely the problem. And I can't. She's too young to understand."

"But there are no born monsters." I could hear the stubbornness in her voice, and knew if I turned around, I'd find her jaw clenched and her shoulders set stiffly.

"Jules..." I shook my head. This wasn't the time or the place to have out an argument like the ones those words would bring about. "There's no point in you watching this. You should go."

The little girl was looking around the clearing, not paying too much attention to us. I knew that could – and likely would – change very soon.

"Beau, there's got to be..."

The sound of the piercing howls in the distance filled air. They were quite a ways off from where we were, but the urgency in the howls was clear.

In spite of my worry about what it might be about, I was grateful that they needed her. "It sounds like you're needed."

"But..."

"But nothing, I can and will handle this. Go."

I could sense her hesitation about leaving.

"I promise, I'll meet you in La Push, but you need to help them," I said just as another series of howls raised in the air.

I was relatively certain, if the urgency in the howls hadn't been so obvious that it even made the hairs on the back of my neck raise, then Jules would never have left. Instead, she briefly touched my shoulder, before spinning and racing away.

The sudden movement caught the little girl's attention. Her eyes locked on mine as I stepped closer to her to prevent her from going after Jules.

"Are you Beau?" She asked in a high and shrill soprano. It was different than any vampire I'd ever heard, a note of youth and innocence to it in a way that was almost disturbing. I imagined, if there were things like angels who actually existed, they're voice would be similar.

"Yes." I walked forward until only a handful of feet separated us, kneeling in front of her. "What's your name?"

"Dahlia." She blinked. "My friend Victor told me you'd help me find my dad. He said you knew where he was."

The instant she said the words, I knew exactly where her dad was or where he had been, anyways. I realized exactly what I'd missed at the time. Her dad had been the last victim of Victor's, I remembered parsing out a scent that was similar to her dad's but not understanding what I was smelling. Hell, I was relatively certain I'd even seen this girl's stuffed bear.

I truly was a fool.

"Yes, I can help you find your dad. But can you help me first?"

She looked at me for a moment, her eyes unfathomable before they brightened. "Okay."

I was definitely going to hell for what I knew I was going to have to do.

"You have fresh stains on your shirt. Can you tell me where they came from." I refused to say that it was human blood aloud, but I knew it was. I could smell it.

"Oh, this nice family thought that I was lost and stopped their car for me." She pointed behind her. "That way. They tasted good. But I'm thirsty again." The ethereal tone in her voice did not match the words she was saying.

"I'm sure you are." I schooled my features to keep from giving anything away.

"Can you tell me where you and your friend have been staying these last couple of weeks."

"Ummm..." She looked confused, her lip pouted out. "I don't know. Can we go find my dad now?"

"I'll help you get to your dad in just a minute. I just need you to answer one more question first. Can you tell me. Where you were at, was there anyone else with you? A woman about twenty years old perhaps?"

She tilted her head to the side for a moment, thinking, before she shook her head.

"Okay, kid. Let me take you to see your dad." I got to my feet. "He's that way." I pointed in a southwesterly direction.

I waited until she stepped past, silently begging for forgiveness for what I was about to do.

I stepped up behind her.

…

I felt dirty in a way that I was unfamiliar with. I looked backwards toward the baseball field, seeing the billow of purple smoke coming up. Of course, the scene in front of me wasn't exactly pretty either.

The little girl, Dahlia, had done a number on the vehicle and the passengers inside of it. It had been a full vehicle, four people, only two had been adults. It was a disappointing waste of life. It was also a waste of blood. I suspected at least half the blood had ended up painting the inside of the car red.

If I was a fan of macabre I might actually consider the sight to be art. It had that strangely, uniquely grotesque design to it that was ultimately similar to art found in macabre art galleries.

Personally though, I was disgusted. Not just by the sight but that Victor would go this route. Surely, if I knew the danger of immortal children, then so did he. The one law, keep the secret, had a million different aspects. One of the big ones though was that the vampire had to be cognizant enough to understand the need to protect the secret. Small children simply weren't able to understand that necessity.

Unless, of course, that was Victor's goal. He create enough of a mess and they would eventually come. I'd either already be killed by then at which point he'd die knowing he got his revenge... or I'd still be alive and they'd kill me for him.

The stories that Jessamine had told me of them coming to Mexico had made it clear to me that they were firm believers of guilt by proximity.

It wouldn't matter to the Volturi that I wasn't the being behind the idiocy, I'd still be blamed as much as he would.

I had to hand it to Victor, if that was his plan, it was a fairly ingenious one.

I walked over to the car and smashed my foot into the gas tank before opening the driver's door and starting the engine back up. I dashed several feet away, looking back to make sure it did what I wanted it to.

It, annoyingly, didn't do anything. Even though the gas was leaking out beneath, the engine itself was intact, and I hadn't waited long enough before starting it. Of course I really hadn't wanted to be that close when it caught fire.

I hissed under my breath. Then looked at the forest floor for something I could use, finally spotting a small gray rock with jagged angles, chert. It had been a common enough rock in Arizona that I actually knew the name of it. I reached down and picked it up, looking at the spill of gas at the back of the car.

I knew, in the back of my mind, I had to get this done. I could hate myself later for it, just like I could hate myself later for what I'd done to that girl. Preferably after I killed Victor as I found myself having a new found determination to see him dead in the worst way possible. He would pay for the pointless waste of life and destruction he was causing.

I threw the stone. My aim was perfect and it hit the edge of the pooling liquid, a single spark flying from the force of the landing. The fire started.

I stepped further backwards, watching for a moment, then I spun and raced away.

…

When I got to what had been the Quileute border that I used to not be able to cross, Embrianna was there, leaning against a tree about fifty yards down from me.

She laughed out loud. "I can't believe that she knew exactly where you'd end up coming over at. I bet her money that she was going to be wrong."

I arched an eyebrow. "Embrianna, what are you doing here?"

"Jules asked me to wait for you. She doesn't what you coming into La Push for the next couple days, there's all kinds of problems brewing over here. We need to sort it all out."

My brow furrowed. "What kind of problems?"

"Pack issues. Our friend, Quilla, changed about a week ago. That's why Jules wasn't waiting for you when you got back from wherever you went to brood. Quilla is doing well, excited to meet you actually. Of course, it's hard not to be once someone gets in Jules mind." She pushed away from the tree, walking over to me.

She stared at me, actually glared was more like it. Jules and I were almost the exact same height, no more than an inch separating us, but Embrianna was about three or four inches shorter than me. Even so, I couldn't help but feel like she was looking at me like a bug

"I'm not saying that what's between you two is right, not that I'm one to judge, but if you take off without warning it's going to destroy our pack. She'd already decided, before you came back, that if you left she was going to force Quilla and I to join to Sam's pack and she was going to follow you. So do us all a favor. And stay.

"Or... Hell, at least make sure Jules imprints before you take off."

"Don't you all believe that's what I'm supposed to be?"

"Yeah, and yet if that's the case it means  _you_  had two soul mates in your future – at least, had you not become a vampire. So if that's true... well maybe she has a second one out there somewhere. Or maybe we're all just fooling ourselves. Who knows?" She briefly looked backwards as several loud snarls filled the air, she shuddered, turning back to me. "Now that's just not nice."

"I thought you couldn't hear each other except in wolf form?" I was thoroughly confused.

"We can't, unfortunately I don't need to hear their thoughts to know what's going on. It's been ongoing since Jules got back."

"What has?"

"Two more people shifted. Saul and Holly's two kids... The shock gave Holly a heart attack." She frowned deeply. "She was rushed to the hospital, I haven't heard if she's been stabilized or not. We should all be at the hospital even now, but  _that's_  on going," she said just as another series of snarls filled the air again, closer this time.

"Isn't one of their kids Leland, a guy? I thought only females could shift." I was incredulous.

"So did we." She turned to look at the Quileute side fully as she backed up until she was standing beside me. "We didn't know that this was possible, now we're all playing catch up. Julie got Sarah to turn back easily enough. Quilla took Sarah to go be with her mom, but Lee doesn't want to shift back, and he's playing mental tag with Sam and Jules."

"What do you mean?"

"We can decide which pack we want to be a part of, and switch sides relatively easy... All we have to do is make up our mind that we want to be part of Jules' pack or part of Sam's. Or we could do like Lee is doing, refusing to make up his mind about either. He's sort of hopping from one mind set to the other, quite deliberately. It's preventing either of them from successfully managing to order him to shift back.

"He's panicked and not at all happy about finding out that the legends are all true, even more so because he's discovered he apparently wasn't good enough for Sam. That's made him all kinds of pissed off. So they're fighting, Sam, Jules, and Lee, as they probably will until Sam or Jules manage to assert dominance over him the old fashioned way."

As she spoke, a giant, light gray wolf hit a tree probably half a mile away from where we were standing. The wolf was easily as big as Jules in her wolf form.

"As you can see, he's massive," Embrianna muttered, taking another step backwards and going practically behind me as she did so.

"Are you afraid of him?" I couldn't help but find it a little humorous that she was hiding behind me.

"Let's just say I have a strong desire to keep my neck."

As I watched, Sam landed on top of Lee. I could tell she was about to bite him, but he shoved to his feet, knocking her off of him as if she weighed nothing.

Jules darted out in front of Lee, a little closer to us. She snarled loudly, her mouth snapping shut viciously. There was dried blood on her coat.

"Is that blood hers?" I asked.

"Yeah, this hasn't exactly been a smooth fight." Embrianna sighed dejectedly. "You should go back home, Beau. This has to be fought out between those three. If it didn't I'd already be in the foray, But one of them is going to have to dominate him. Only way this is going to work out happily. My money's on Jules being the successful victor here... but who knows. I mean I know whoever wins, in the long run Lee is going to choose Jules, but we'll see how it goes."

The three wolves raced deeper into the woods, Lee turning tail, Sam and Jules chasing... I lost sight of them.

"Okay," I said slowly, I felt guilty about not arguing over it, about not demanding that I help. And yet, all I really wanted to do was go home and take a scalding shower, or a freezing one, perhaps both. One of them had to help with the feeling of complete filth that I felt like. Any way I looked at it though, I just didn't have it in me to deal with anything else. Not at the moment. "Tell Jules I handled everything in the baseball field."

I left rapidly, wanting to be long gone before Embrianna decided that maybe I could help.

As soon as I was far enough that I couldn't be called back easily, I slowed to a walk. I was emotionally exhausted. It was a strange way to feel, for me, since generally, as a vampire, I tended to never get tired. But I was tired now, in a way I wasn't sure how to let go of.

In spite of the fact that I knew I'd done what I had to, all I could really see in my mind was the fact that I'd destroyed someone who looked like an angel. The two thoughts were incomprehensible to put side by side and in many ways, it was impossible for me to figure out how I was moving on from here.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about where my head was at. Oh, I was sure Jules would listen, but she wouldn't understand. I'd heard it in her voice that she'd been enraptured by the little girl, that she'd wanted me to help the girl. Of course, how much of that had been about the little girl... and how much had been about her desire to believe vampires could be good because of me. Perhaps it would be time well spent to tell her about Jessamine's upbringing as a vampire. Maybe then she'd start to understand that the Cullens and I were more of an anomaly than the norm.

I wasn't paying attention to my walk and what was in front of me.

It was the only excuse I had for the fact that I made it into the yard of my house before I noticed the black Mercedes parked right beside Eleanor's Jeep I'd left out – and that the trunk that I'd set in the back of the Jeep was no longer there.

I knew that Mercedes, I'd recognize it anywhere.

My nostrils flared as I breathed in the scents around the house. At the same time, the sliding glass back door slammed open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: For the record, the thing that Archie looked farther into the future and saw was the fire in the baseball field. When he arrived at the house he could see the smoke from there. He assumed he was too late to do anything as a result.


	17. Chapter 16 - Visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: If you have paid attention, then you will know that the chapters till now have been titled in the exact order of the New Moon chapters. This is the first variation to that. Chapter 16 was called Paris and 17 was Visitor in New Moon. Those two titles have been swapped in my book.

**Chapter 16 - Visitor**

Archie, who I'd only just scented, stepped out of the house, staring at me in shock. Well... if he was shocked then I was a hundred and ten percent flabbergasted. What was he doing here?

"Archie?" The shock in my question was clear.

"Beau... How are you here? Alive?" He walked down the steps of the porch as if in a daze. "I wasn't watching your future, Beau. I swear I wasn't. But just because I'm not watching doesn't mean I don't  _see_. And I saw you fighting Victor. It looked like he was going to kill you just before my vision ended. When I looked farther ahead I saw that there was a fire in almost the exact same spot.

"I came immediately, driving at break neck speeds to get here. I knew I was going to be too late, but I had to do something. I saw the smoke when I got here..." He trailed off. I now realized the misapprehension he'd been under, but I didn't know how to reply. "I don't understand. Did you manage to kill Victor? Did the wolves help or something? That was my sincerest hope when the vision just stopped, that the wolves had come to save you. But when I couldn't find your future after that...

"And of course when I arrived and found your letter plus all the stuff you'd planned to take with you, I was sure you'd gone and gotten yourself killed. Did you even stop to think what this would do to us? And my sister? Do you have  _any_  idea what Edythe –

I found my voice then, the instant he said her name. I'd let him go on, long after I realized the misconception he was under, just to be able to hear his voice a little longer, because I was certain he'd leave again now that he'd realized I was fine, but the instant her name came out of his mouth I knew he'd gone on long enough.

"Archie." He stopped talking. "As you can see, I'm fine." I stopped, but a new thought popped into my head. "Is this the first vision of me that you saw?"

He glanced away momentarily before looking back at me. "Well, you're a vampire Beau and I am quite attuned to you, so I've seen a few glimpses here and there, of you kneeling in front of the presents we left you, of you almost killing a human – but you pulled yourself away from that – of you visiting Seattle and your dad. It would be impossible for me to see nothing."

"So you're telling me that you saw me frozen like a statue on the living room floor, and you did  _nothing_? In fact the only time you decided to come back was after you knew I'd already be  _dead_?" I took a step backwards, intending to dart into the forest and leave, I wasn't sure where.

"Beau, please don't." He took a step forward.

I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to run, but I knew he'd follow and I was worried that if I ran onto the Quileute territory he'd foolishly follow me there and no matter how upset I was at him at the moment, I didn't want him to do something stupid like that. He didn't have the impunity that I did and I knew it. Meanwhile, the part of me that was angry wanted me to fight, but one just couldn't win against Archie. And then there was this third part of me – getting smaller by the minute – that just wanted to hug him and forget that the last six and a half months had happened.

So I did the only sensible option left. I froze.

"I know it's going to be hard to accept Beau, but we left for your benefit. It was the only way." Archie's eyes looked sincere. "If at any time in the last months one of the glimpses had ended badly I would have been back far sooner than this. But I knew you'd pick yourself up, Beau. You're strong enough to be on your own. I wanted – we all wanted – to give you a chance to believe it yourself."

"What do you mean?" I asked from unmoving lips.

"Beau... we could all see that we were stifling you by being around you so much. We wanted you to have the chance to experience life as much as possible. We never intended for this separation to be permanent – well maybe Royal wanted it to be, but that shouldn't shock you."

I took another step backwards, my eyes widening as his words started to really sink in. "Are you..." I licked my lips, lips that felt parched in my mind, though I knew they weren't. "Are you trying to tell me that abandoning me – leaving me alone and feeling betrayed – was some sort of experiment to you guys? Let's see how the newborn vampire reacts without any support system?" The desire to fight was starting to win out in my mind.

"It wasn't like that, Beau. I swear it. We just wanted you to have the freedom you desired."

"Then you give me a day to go hunt by myself. Allow me to choose what I'd like in my closet. Actually  _listen_  to me when I tell you I don't need a car... You don't just walk away like I was nothing more than trash on the side of the road!"

He grimaced slightly.

My mind was running through all sorts of conclusions though. All sorts of possibilities, none of them were pretty. "Did you know that Victor was in these woods all along? Did you guys know that he was going to be creating vampires? Including an  _immortal child_? Is that why Carine spent time telling me that particular history? So I'd know what to do? Since you guys had no intention to be here to _help_?"

"What do you mean an immortal child?" The shock in his voice couldn't be faked, and yet I wasn't sure how I could trust him after what he'd just admitted. He turned to look behind the house at the sky, but I knew he wouldn't see what he was looking for as the smoke and fire had already died out. He spun back to me. "Is that what the pyre was for?"

Wordlessly I nodded.

He said a word that didn't sound right coming out of his mouth. "Beau, I swear on all that I am that we didn't know. When we left, we thought you were safe here That the biggest problem you might have to deal with would be the wolves. There's no way that any of us would have left you to handle something like that on your own. I promise you."

In spite of the sincerity in his voice and eyes, I wasn't sure how I could believe him. After all, how could he have not known that Victor was here all this time? I prepared myself to run away.

He cursed again, more creatively than the first time. "Beau, please don't leave. I see you taking off and then your future goes black. That scares me, Beau. Badly. Just stay, okay? You can stay where you are, and I'll stay back here."

I closed my eyes, already hating myself for giving in so easily, and yet I couldn't see myself walking away when I could see the fear in his eyes. "Fine, I'll stay."

He closed his eyes for a mere moment and I knew he was looking into the future again. He let out a quiet sigh of relief. "That's better."

"Tell me that you didn't know Victor has been stalking these woods for months, Archie. Tell me that you didn't just stand by and do  _nothing_."

Archie frowned. "I saw a vision..."

I tensed.

"Mind you it was just one and it was the night we left Forks, of Victor chasing you through these woods at some point in the future, it was distant and semi-blurry and it was the only one I had until today. We didn't just ignore it either. Even now Edythe is trying to track Victor somewhere in South America. Obviously, if he's here then he must have slipped her trail, but I promise you that none of us knew he was here. Let alone been here for months. As I said, we thought the biggest threat to you was the wolves and figured they'd probably leave you alone as long as you left them be."

"He's killed no less than six people, changed at least two, and is responsible for the deaths of no less than four others." I was sure that the little girl had killed more than just those four, but I didn't know how many, and as no one had seen hide nor hair of the one called Raven Biers, I assumed that he must have had to destroy her himself. "If..." I couldn't even make myself say her name. "If one of you is in South America at the moment looking for him, then maybe they need their nose checked, because he's been here for  _months_."

"I'm sorry, Beau. We honestly didn't know he was here. We would have been here had we known."

"Lauren was here too. Unfortunately, she didn't make it."

"You killed Lauren too?" He was completely incredulous, as if he couldn't believe I was able to do it. I was sick of being underestimated... even if in this case he was completely right.

"No. My friends did."

His brow furrowed in confusion.

"You know. The wolves. Surely you can smell them all over around here." Well two of them specifically, but I saw no need to give him that detail. At least not yet, as I still wasn't sure I could – or even should – trust him. "That's probably why your vision of what was happening while Victor and I were fighting got cut off. One of them arrived to help me fight him off."

Archie's face seemed to clear a little. "So it was the wolf that killed the immortal child then?"

His lack of belief in my capabilities was starting to legitimately irk me. "No. My friend couldn't wrap her head around the idea of killing a child. Vampire or not. I really can't say I blame her." I turned away from Archie, looking off into the trees, really looking at nothing. "Her name was Dahlia and she was easily the most beautiful being I've ever seen, Archie. She looked sort of like a young Snow White or perhaps a young Alice. She  _looked_ innocent, and her voice... I've never heard anything like it before. I pray I never hear or see anything like her again."

I shook my head. "I did what I had to do, what I knew beyond any amount of doubt needed to be done... but frankly I don't think I could do it again, Archie. I feel  _dirty_ because of it. I'd honestly rather try to walk away from a human with an arterial bleed than try to do that again."

I heard Archie move forward, breaking his word to stay where he was. I let him. At the moment, I had no energy to even run, the fight that I'd felt when I first realized he was here having vanished while we were talking.

He stopped a few feet away from me. "I wish I had known, Beau. I guess I should have been actively looking for your future, but I wanted you to get a chance to live a little, I guess..."

I let out a truncated laugh. There was no humor in it at all. Even though what he'd said was honestly funny. I'd gone through the last six and a half months of hell because – if he was to be believed – they'd wanted me to be free, to live.

"Looking back, it sounds like it wasn't our smartest idea..." He took a couple steps closer to me, placing his hand on my arm. "I may have the gift of precognition, but as much as I'd often like to believe that it makes me a hundred percent omniscient... I'm not. Only hindsight is twenty/twenty, Beau. For what it's worth, I am sorry. I should have looked harder before we left, but some events would have been out of my control.

"If, for instance, Victor didn't know he was going to change a child until he actually did it then there would have been no way for me to see it months ago. And I feel relatively safe in assuming the child was changed recently as there hasn't been any major massacres in the area yet. I also probably wouldn't have known about any of the deaths, since as you know, I am not as able to see humans as well as vampires."

I shrugged his hand off. "Yeah, but you did know I was not dealing very well with you guys having left. You admitted to seeing me kneeling in front of that table. I was like that for four months, Archie, and I got lucky that it took five months for McKayla and Jeremy to decide and come out and try to vandalize the house. I don't even want to imagine what I would have done to them if they had come when I was thirsty like that. I could have, and likely would have, killed them. I was so thirsty that I almost killed Samantha... she was the one who found me."

I turned to look at him. "Do you understand that? That your decision, no matter how well intentioned in your mind, could have started a war with the wolves? And you certainly wouldn't have seen that. What would have happened Archie, had you guys decided to come back and discovered the wolves quite literally at your door?" I shook my head.

"Well, obviously I would have seen our futures disappearing... but I get your point. We made a mistake. I'm pretty sure we knew it wasn't the best idea even at the time we left, even though we couldn't see another way."

"What didn't you see? What caused you to leave? How long were you going to leave me on my own?" I could hear the pain and betrayal in my voice, could hear exactly how lost I felt, and I suspected he could hear it too.

"It..." He stopped, his eyes narrowing as he looked at my hands. It was the first time I really took into account how dark his eyes were. "There's blood on your hands."

It was only a few relatively small flecks and it was completely dried. I hadn't even recognized it when it happened, but it had to have been when I'd reached into the vehicle to start the engine. It hadn't smelled edible to me even then, already aging and drying, taking on a rotting note.

When I didn't answer him quick enough, he prompted, "Why is there human blood on your hands?"

"It was from the little girl's last victims. I had to take care of cleaning up evidence on top of everything else."

His eyes softened immediately. "We should have been here for you. Come on. Why don't you go inside to take a shower so you can get clean? I'll go hunt while you do that. It's been awhile for me, longer than I should have let myself go, but we were visiting the Denalis at their place and since there's really no humans in the immediate vicinity... Actually, I didn't go hunting with the rest of the family this morning. That was probably actually a good thing though. Now that I come to think of it."

"No one knows you're here then?" For some reason, the thought of him running off on his own shocked me.

"Royal knows as he didn't go hunting either, but he knows to wait until I get back before being an idiot. At least if he wants his BMW to survive."

I arched an eyebrow at him.

"I know you opened the rest of your presents. You saw the model of your truck, right? Right? Do you really think he'd put any effort into getting you a gift like that without some serious coaxing? The animosity between you two is enough to make hell freeze over, I swear... It's something we seriously need to work on in the future too." His eyes closed then opened them back up just as quickly. "Maybe it will  _eventually_  resolve itself. Who knows? It's not going to be today's problem though. We'll worry about that later."

"You said he knows to wait until you get back. So you're going to be leaving again?" In spite of myself, my foolish and stupid heart had actually started to hope that I would get them back in my life. After over half a year of abandonment... I probably should have known better. "Perhaps you should just leave then." I looked down, my shoulders deflating in defeat.

"I... don't  _think_  I'm leaving. There's stuff that you and I need to discuss. Stuff I need to figure out... But I  _think_ I'm staying." I looked at his face to find his eyes squinted like he was trying to do an extremely hard math problem. "I think your relationship with the mutts is going to be the death of me. So many  _blank spots_." He shook his head, eyes snapping to mine. "All of that's after I hunt though."

That foolish hope was back again. I tried to beat it into submission in my mind, but failed to quite do it. "You'll come back after you've hunted?"

"I promise, Beau. One hour and I'll be back. You won't even be done with your shower yet. I can  _see_  that."

I blinked, raising one finger, trying to figure out how to even respond to that. I gave up and just shook my head instead.

"I see a lot worse than showers, Beau."

I shuddered slightly.

He smiled, the glint in his eyes positively evil, before he spun and raced off into the woods.

I just stood there for a moment, uncertain how to react. I had missed him desperately. The lively, overly hyper attitude that he always had... And yet, a very large part of me just wanted to run away, to hide in La Push until he was long gone. Only two things stopped me from doing it. The first, Jules didn't want me in La Push at the moment. The second, Archie actually left before he saw me into the shower. It was... trust... however small.

I headed in the house.

Once I was in the shower, I turned the water as hot as it could go. I scrubbed my hands and arms until they felt raw, let the water wash over my face as I dug my nails into my hair, and finally – after facing the spray too long – I turned my back to the water, leaning my head and arms against the wall.

I stood there, as the water ran over the back of my head and down my back in rivulets and the water went from burning hot, to tepid, to eventually frigid; just trying to find a stillness in me that would let me forget, would let me put the events of today behind me.

I heard when Archie got back – while the water was still decently warm – my internal clock telling me it was five minutes and twenty-seven seconds before his hour was up. Still, I didn't move, though I was grateful that he didn't decide to come in and check on me.

Eventually, more than an hour after Archie got back, I finally pulled myself out of the shower, feeling no better than I had when I went in. I got dressed in silence before going downstairs and finding Archie on the couch.

"I can call Jessamine and get her down here if you want," Archie offered.

I hadn't even realized I'd truly contemplating asking until he said it, but I knew he was responding to some vision he saw in his head. I shook my head. "I don't think I can..."

"You're not ready to see any more of us. That's alright." He smiled weakly.

"I need answers, Archie. A lot of them." I shrugged. "I can't even consider letting you guys back in my life until I get them."

"So ask your questions and I'll give you your answers?"

I said the first thing that came to my mind. It was just one word, but there was a thousand meanings in the single syllable question. "Why?"


	18. Chapter 17 - Paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 17 - Paris**

Archie looked me straight in the eye. "If we'd stayed, you would have killed someone. I don't know who the person was, but the person's blood was potent to you, extremely so. The same way yours was to Edythe. You became... a different person because of it. I tried to find a way to circumvent it. The birthday party was supposed to fix it... but the drops of sand fell in the wrong direction, I guess. So I turned to my family for help after you ran off. I tried looking through every future I could think of to fix it, but nothing worked. Even when I decided to tell you the truth in an effort to try and stop it. You went and crossed the Quileute border. You might be friends with them now, but you wouldn't have been in that future I saw. They killed you for breaking the treaty. Of course, I didn't see the actual death, but I saw the pyre after the fact. That's why we left."

I was stunned. I didn't understand it.

"Why would killing one human have such a lasting effect? Plenty of you have killed before."

He shook his head. "I don't know the answer to that. Maybe it was the way we told you how good you were at being like us all the time, or maybe it was the fact that the blood was so potent. All I know is something changed you."

"According to Edythe, Eleanor has killed two that were like that for her."

"Yes she has, but –" Archie paused, frowning "– Eleanor isn't you. Don't take that the wrong way. She values human life, truly, but she's also slipped up many  _many_  times. Her outlook allows her to do that and then move past it. It isn't the same as if you were to slip up. You are just two very different people. Eleanor, Jessamine, Earnest, even me... we've all had our unfortunate lapses. We're used to making mistakes.

"It's not something we ever really discussed before, but had Edythe killed you on accident when you'd still been human – even before she fell for you – it would have completely decimated her. Yes, Edythe had a brief bout of rebellion back in the late twenties, but she returned to the fold before Royal had even been changed. She's never slipped up once since then. You're young, so one wouldn't think it would effect you the way it might her, Royal, or Carine, but we're your role models and you've stuck to the diet we've adhered you to. You've never even wanted to try a normal diet. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of mindset, it would effect the result if you accidentally killed someone."

"So all of this was because I'm some freak of nature vampire. Yet again." Why couldn't I have been a normal newborn? The more I found out, the more I wished I was.

"You are no more of a freak than  _any_  of us. Do you think any of us would stick to this diet for more than a couple of months if we truly didn't  _believe_  in the value of human life. We would all be nomadic or still in Mexico or members of the Volturi or  _something_  if we didn't truly believe in this cause. Just because you were able to adhere to it a little faster than most of us... Well who knows, maybe that's your gift."

My brow furrowed.

"That isn't anything that we ever discussed while you were around, but Carine mentioned it at some point. I'm not really sure I believe that, it doesn't feel right to me. I suppose we'll know for sure if you ever meet Elena. That's not the point I'm making here though. You may be a little more special than the rest of us in that your able to resist human blood so easily, but that doesn't make you a freak, it just makes you unique."

"So what does that mean though? If you left to stop that vision from occurring, where do we go from here?"

"Well, whoever that person was, I don't see them in your future anymore, but I'm also not seeing us yet. In matter of fact, I can't see the vast majority of your future. Your life must be extremely entangled with the wolves now. So I guess, where we go from here is up to you. I know that the letter was harsh, cruel even, it had to be written that way though as it was the only way to get you to let us go and not follow us –"

I cut him off. "I don't get that though, if the human, whoever it was, was here, then why would me following you guys have been a bad thing? Why didn't we all just move together?"

"I tried that, Beau. I mean, obviously I didn't try every possible city in the world, but every place I did consider us moving to...  _something_  drastic would always happen and the result ended the same. It just had to do with the timeline we were in. Sometimes, some of my visions are just meant to happen, sort of like you becoming a vampire. The only thing that would have changed that would have been if you had died – and the only way to prevent what I saw coming to fruition this time was us separating. It took a drastic change to prevent it, and I'm sorry that it hurt you doing it, but it had to be done this way. At least now that future doesn't exist.

"Edythe told you that the future is fluid, and it is, but some futures are just supposed to occur, to change those types of future, a person literally has to fight the tide. I know it wasn't fair to you, Beau. I don't deny that. I won't even begrudge you despising us for it."

My mind was reeling from his words. I didn't know where to go with them. "When were you guys going to come back?"

"In theory..." He shrugged. "After we'd taken care of Victor and the future was cleared up. Of course, as Victor was here..." He shook his head. "I wish I'd seen that he was here. I promise you, we all would have come back if I'd known."

"And you will all be coming back now?" It was the main thing that I needed to know. There was something else that I wanted to know even more, but I wasn't sure I could get up the courage to ask it, or how I'd handle the answer, no matter which way it went.

"I think that's actually up to you. There won't be much point of us coming back if you're going to move to La Push to avoid us, and that's about the only understanding I can make of all the blank space in my visions when it comes to you." He grimaced. "Why did you have to go and make friends with the other monsters in the woods, anyways?"

"They were here," I mumbled, looking away from him.

"Okay, we caused it then. I can accept that. It's just going to take me awhile to get used to it. Ignore any snide comments on my part. I just don't like being blind." I looked back towards him to find him still grimacing. "Anyways, like I said, it's up to you on what you want. We left without asking, it wouldn't be fair to force ourselves upon you if you don't want us in your life anymore."

I could tell he was looking for an answer, but I wasn't ready to give one. "I don't know, Archie. If I let your family back in my life, what guarantee do I have that next week, or month, or whatever the case may be, you won't just do it again. At least if you had told me and I had decided to kill myself, that would have been my choice, instead of what did happen. What all of you did? I had no say in, and you just want me to forget it happened." I walked away from the couch, going over to the sliding glass doors so I could look outside.

"What else do you want to know then?" I could hear it in his voice that it was killing him not to push me.

"When I faced off against Lauren, before the wolves came to my rescue, I discovered that your family moved to Ithaca. What have all of you been doing there?"

"Eleanor and Royal moved into a small house by themselves, playing the devoted married couple that they're so good at... too bad I couldn't convince one of the wolves to come with me if you decide to send me away. I could place the wolf at their place, it would be the most beautiful mute ever, I swear."

I realized what he was talking about and laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. Between the visual his words gave me as I imagined Sam standing – stoic as ever – in Eleanor and Royal's living room while they were doing that, and the fact of what he was seeing... It was amusing.

"It's not even funny, do you know how annoying it is to get constant visions of them going at it like rabbits? No matter how quickly I yank myself out of those visions... I still  _see_  far too much."

I kept laughing. "That's your own fault for your voyeuristic behavior."

"Trust me when I say that I'm an unwilling participant in it." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Anyways. Earnest has been refurbishing a couple of old houses. It's a passion of his, as you know, and it's easier for him to focus on that than the son and daughter he's missing. And he does miss you, Beau. A lot. We all do."

"Even Royal?" I knew the answer before I asked.

"Well... Royal is a little more indifferent than the rest of us, but he does miss Edythe. The only way we get her back is if we get back you as well. Royal hasn't quite figured that one out yet, but he'll get there..." I turned to look at him, seeing him frowning. "Though I have no clue when or how yet."

I wasn't ready to talk about Edythe yet. "What about Carine?"

"She on call as a temporary doctor at the Cayuga Medical Center, but she's off a lot, so she's been teaching a night course at Cornell University, though that is also a temporary job. She doesn't want to put down to firm of roots as we all planned to come back eventually.

"Jessamine has been studying at Cornell, trying to major in Philosophy, because we all know that's something that's impossible to make a career from. Especially when we'll never look to be more than a vicenarian. Then there's me...

"I found the insane asylum I was placed in. My name was Maurice Archibald Brandon." He grimaced, as if the name sounded wrong to him. "Mouthful, isn't it? I had a little brother named Clark. His son – my nephew – is still alive in Biloxi."

"Did you find out why you were put in... that place?" I knew it had been something he'd wanted to know since we'd found out from Joss that he'd been in an asylum.

He shook his head. "I couldn't find much about my parents, and they had to be the ones that put me there as I wasn't even eighteen when I was put in there. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents' engagement was there, and Clark's." The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. "My birth was announced... and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives, along with some other documents from that time period. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same. It means I was in that place for close to three years. It's little doubt why I remember nothing of my human life, between old fashioned shock treatment, ice baths and the gods only know what else... I'm lucky I have a functioning mind at all."

He looked down. "Amongst the items I filched was a staff sheet. A woman that went by Cerulean Smith was a nurse there. She stopped coming into work exactly three days before I woke up a vampire... As she never returned to work there, I can only assume she must have been the one who made me. At least based on what Joss said in that video. I even found an old black and white picture of her, though it doesn't tell me for sure if she was a vampire or not. It gives me a face, albeit no memories to go with it."

"Did you try to find any other info about her?"

"Yes, and I couldn't find anything other than the few pages that were in the asylum that I took. If it weren't for those papers I found there, I'd almost wonder if she had friends, a coven maybe. As it seems like anything else that might have proved her existence has been wiped. Of course, that could just be a sign of the time period. I mean Carine's history certainly shows that it used to be a lot easier to pretend than it is now. So much documentation needed anymore." He shook his head. "Enough about me though, what exactly has been going on here? How did you become friends with the wolves? They seemed adamantly against it before."

"Sam came, four months after you guys left. She was looking for the vampire responsible for killing campers in the area, just two at the time. I didn't know that it was Victor and Lauren then, and she was extremely unhappy to have found me alone. Though she couldn't deny that I was innocent of the murders given my black eyes. I met with Bonnie at her insistence... came closer to killing Bonnie that time than I did the first time I met with her too.

"Sam agreed to let me stay, with heavy stipulations that I was unhappy with. I was making the plans to leave when she came back, angry. Another camper was dead and she blamed me for it. It was then that things changed, or more specifically, Julie Black changed." I smiled. "I followed Sam and the others back to Julie, crossed the Quileute border to do it. They wanted to kill me, wanted her to kill me."

I ran my fingers over my arms where she'd bitten me that first time. "You should have seen her Archie. She was so glorious, so righteous. I have no words to truly explain the way she acted, because by all means, she should have killed me. I'm not sure I would have blamed her if that had been the decision she'd chose to make. She didn't, obviously. She saw something in me, I still don't know what for sure. She's been here for me, every step of the way since she became a wolf.

"I patrol with her and her friend, Embrianna, trying to find and kill Victor. She's pulled me back from a cliff that I'm quite sure I would have plummeted off of at least three times now without her. She defies her very instincts to have a friendship with me and I know, though I wasn't there, that she's stood up to the elders of the tribe in adamant defense of me. Truth is, between Lauren, Victor and my own grief... I'm quite certain I'd be dead now if it weren't for her."

Archie tilted his head to the side. "What aren't you saying?"

"Their kind do something that's called imprinting, it's sort of like mating for vampires, I guess, at least in some ways, different in others. She believes I was supposed to be her imprint, they all do actually. It's part of why she's fought so hard on my behalf."

"She loves you?" he asked slowly, quietly.

"Yes."

"And you love her." It wasn't a question.

I answered it anyways. "Yes and no. She isn't the one that I'm always wondering about, she isn't the one I miss, she's not the the one that my heart screams for... But she's here, Archie, she's real and tangible and in my life. And at some point between her almost taking my arm off and literally jumping over my head so she could get in front of me to protect me from Lauren... she's worn on me in a way that I don't fully understand."

"There can't ever be any kind of a future between the two of you, Beau. You and her aren't just different species, you're opposing species."

"I know that, Archie... I don't know if it matters."

"There's no Romeo & Juliet love story here," he said sharply.

"No, and frankly we aren't like that. There's never going to be some great and epic romance between us. I'll never see her that way, because at the end of the day she's not my everything, and there's no way for me to be hers. But sometimes sparks don't have to fly to make a relationship, Archie. I guess you could say I'm her Paris and she's mine." I shrugged. "I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it even makes sense. But the thing is, if I'd ran across that immortal child three months ago, I would have let it go. If Victor had decided to fight me three months ago... I wouldn't have fought back. Because three months ago, I had nothing left, and now I do. She gives me some sort of purpose, she's given me a reason to not just exist... but to live." Because I'd be willing to  _exist_  as long as Edythe was out there somewhere, safe and alive, even if it wasn't with me. I didn't say it, but I knew Archie got it.

Archie frowned deeply. "This makes everything more complicated than I expected."

"I can't change that, Archie. You all left – and more than that – you left me under an impression that I meant nothing to any of you. There's a price to be paid for what's gone down." I turned back toward the window. "And now you know where I'm at... and we've talked about everyone except one. I have to know, does she even love me Archie? Or was it just the idea of me that she truly loved?"

He responded immediately. "She's always loved you, Beau, just you. I promise you that. We shouldn't have left and perhaps before we left she went about the wrong way of showing that she loved you – honestly, perhaps we all did. But she definitely loves you. She's in the same pain being away from you that you are by being away from her."

"Then why isn't she here?" The desperation in my voice could not be faked.

"Because we made a mistake." He snorted, the sound was positively derisive. "No, let me correct that, I made a mistake. There had to have been a better way than this. I just didn't find it."

"And you won't leave again, if you guys do come back?"

"I promise. I give you my word that if something happens again, I'll tell you the truth from the beginning. I'll give you the choice that you want."

I leaned my head against the glass. "And you're telling me the whole truth now?"

There was a very brief pause, almost as if he was running over the conversation we'd had in his head. "I swear it."

"I pray I don't regret this, but okay." I closed my eyes. "I need to get out of here for a little while. I need to run, to think. I just need... a few days to wrap my head around everything. But okay, when I return, the rest of you can come back. I'll give everyone another chance, I'll forgive you all."

"Then I'll be waiting on you right here until you get back. We'll call them together. I promise."

I slid the glass door open and slipped outside, racing away from Archie.

I didn't realize it at the time, but he didn't actually promise that he'd told me the whole truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sort of a little tipped hat to something from the movie Eclipse, if anyone noticed it.
> 
> Also, anybody else feel like a strong wind needs to come through and blow over the stacked house of cards?


	19. Chapter 18 - Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 18 – The Funeral**

There were two sides to the story in front of me. On the one side, I wanted them back in my life. I missed all of them, not just Edythe, who – for the first time since I read the letter – I was letting myself think her name freely...

And yet, as I remembered everything written in the letter, I remembered how it had felt so final. It had felt so very real. That was the problem I was having. I knew why it had felt real too, but I tried to focus on the positive. I tried to remember all the times she'd told me that she loved me... most of those times had been when I was human. In fact in the five months that they'd been with me while I'd been a vampire, there'd been less than a dozen times that she'd said those words.

Instead, it had been,  _"You're doing so well, Beau," "You can't expect to be perfect yet," "You're very special for a newborn," "It's best if you don't hunt alone yet."_  There had been dozens of lines like that and often times one line would contradict the next.

Then they left, and the only thing I'd had was the letter.

I forced myself to focus past it, remembering Edythe's first hesitant kiss, remembering my first introduction to Earnest, that first awkward one-armed bro-hug with Archie, even the way Jessamine had made me feel at ease while she'd kept her careful distance from my sweet smelling blood.

And yet, even as I focused on the human happiness, the human love, my mind flashed to Joss's taunting words to me, I remembered Edythe's determination to keep me human, the months of constant doubting myself after I was changed... the letter flashed back into my mind.

I spun, ripping the nearest tree out of the ground. I dropped it. I closed my eyes and just tried to focus on the good.

…

Taking a deep breath, I headed back to Archie, no more resolved than I had been when I'd left him three days ago, but I knew I needed to get back.

What I arrived to find surprised me. I stopped in the tree line as I saw Julie's motorbike parked beside the Jeep and the Mercedes. The engine still smelled hot. She hadn't been here long.

I prepared to walk forward, but pulled up short when I started to hear them talking, loudly.

"You need to go," Julie said angrily.

"He wants us here."

"He doesn't know what he wants!"

"Then what right do you have to dictate his life for him?"

"Because I'm the one that's been here. Do you have any idea what your stupid actions did to him? It's obvious to me that at least some of you cared about him, what with the different gifts he received, but that just makes what all of you did even more despicable. If you could care for him the way you did and still walk away, then you don't deserve to be a part of his life."

"We had our reasons for leaving." I could imagine Archie crossing his arms over his chest angrily.

"It wouldn't have been good enough," Jules shouted. "I've seen, through Sam's memories, just what he looked like when she found him. He didn't look like he does now. The hunger, thirst... whatever you want to call it that your kind has, left him gaunt like a zombie because he hadn't fed in so long. He was like that because of the letter you guys wrote and left for him."

"It wasn't my idea to leave the letter. Edythe wanted him to have closure."

"Well he got that. In spades. And what was your idea, anyways?"

"To just leave, he would have wallowed here alone for awhile, but eventually he would have decided to chase after us and caught up to us after it was safe for us to be together again.  _That_  was what I saw. Unfortunately, my sister is as stubborn as he is and she would never have believed that leaving him without anything was  _better_." There was a pause, I had no clue if Archie was making some sort of gesture or what, but he finally continued. "Now, I have to do damage control. Do you know how hard it is for me figure out  _every single correct word_  when half of his futures end with him  _vanishing_."

"Why don't you try starting with the whole truth? He's usually more receptive to it than lies. Even if the ending is not what you  _want_ , at least you'll know he made an educated decision."

"Oh  _really_? Then why don't you and I talk about truths? He told me that you've convinced him you were meant to imprint on him, but that's impossible. Do you want to know why?" He paused, briefly, before continuing. "Because he was always either going to be a vampire or going to die young. My sister was an eternal optimist and didn't believe that those were the only two options available, but I assure you they were. There was only one vision I ever had of his story ending differently, and that vision didn't vanish suddenly as it would had it been with you.  _That_  vision ended with him married to McKayla Newton with a brood of kids and still dying relatively young from brain cancer."

"And you didn't give him the chance to explore that possibility, why?"

"Edythe didn't know about that one out of a thousand vision. I didn't want her to know, because to make those stars line up I would have had to have run a ton of interference. Edythe might have liked that option more, in theory, but the reality is that future had happened, I would have lost my sister in about thirty years, and I wasn't willing to let that happen."

"So instead all of you leave behind her so called eternal love in a mere five months? You realize how despicable that sounds right?  _She had him_. You all did. He's immortal just like you. That bloodsucker hunting these woods should be going after you guys instead of him. All of you deserve it."

I figured the argument had gone on long enough, so I headed toward the door and went inside.

"About time you got here," Archie said in exasperation, throwing me a withering glance that left me little doubt that he'd known I'd been outside for awhile.

"Let me talk to Jules alone. Okay, Archie?"

Archie glowered at me for a moment before sighing in exaggeration. "Fine, I'll be back when my vision returns."

He took off without another word.

Jules stared at me for several minutes, her eyes completely unreadable – the look reminded me a lot of Sam and I immediately hated it. "You should tell him to leave and never come back, Beau."

"This is their home. I can't do that." The answer was automatic and didn't really answer what she was talking about – and we both knew it.

"Then join me in La Push. If this is their home, as you're saying, then make a new one. Away from them."

I stared at her, my teeth clenching together.

"You aren't going to do that though." Julie reached forward, taking my hands. "They're going to end up hurting you again, Beau. A tiger can't change it's stripes. You have to know that."

"Is it wrong for me to want a family, Jules?" I asked. I could feel her hands as they tightened bruisingly around mine.

"No, but family isn't supposed to destroy you the way they did."

"Isn't it? Isn't that the very thing about family? Isn't everything supposed to be beautiful and colorful and vibrant when they're there, and the virtual opposite when they're gone? When they let you down?"

Jules frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe. In theory. But they're also supposed to avoid that stuff as much as possible. You can't stand there and tell me that there wasn't a better way."

"I agree with you, but I have to give them another chance, Jules. I have to try."

"Why?"

"Don't you remember what you told me, Jules. That whatever we were feeling for each other wasn't wrong, but it would be different if there was someone I could actually spend my life with? Well they're it. More importantly, she's it..." I looked down, trying to collect my thoughts as best I could, so I could properly explain something to her that I was only just barely beginning to understand. "I care about you, Jules. We both know that. I even love you as something more than just a sibling or a friend. It's not a platonic love. I can admit that. But it's also nothing like what I feel when I think of Edythe.

"She's my whole world. In many ways, it's as if the sun and the moon stopped revolving when she left. I could continue living because she's out there, somewhere, but she's it for me. At the end of the day, no matter what I feel for you, you aren't my mate. Maybe in a different life we would have had that kind of relationship. I don't know. But she actually is my mate. And if there's a chance that she reciprocates that, then I have to follow that to whatever end there is. Even if it's heartbreak, which, if I'm completely honest... part of me suspects that's how this story is going to end. You know I'd give you that same option, when you do find that person who is out there for you."

"I thought we already established you were that person."

I smiled weakly. "I think Archie's right, Jules. Part of me always knew what he had just confirmed. My fate was inexplicably tied with death from the moment I moved here. Over and over, Edythe saved my life, and I know she would have kept trying to save me. But be it a motorcycle accident, some other vampire, or just some random act of god... Eventually she would have been too late, and I'd be dead. Or where I already am. Some form of death was always to be my fate. And if you can't be imprinted to a vampire, then that means I'm not the person out there for you. And I do believe that someday, you will find that person."

I shrugged "And when you do, if you and I still have this strange and confusing bond... then I'd let you go, because it would be the right thing to do. And you need to let me have this chance, because she is it for me."

"I don't want to see you get hurt by them again, Beau," Jules said, letting go of my hands so she could cross her arms over her chest.

"And I love you all the more for that desire to protect me, but the possibility of being able to have my mate back is worth the risk of pain to me. I'll still run with you to protect the land with you if you want. At least until we get Victor." I frowned as a thought occurred to me. "Why are you here, anyways? With Archie being here. I thought it broke the treaty."

"I didn't know he was here. You should have called." She poked one of her fingers in my chest. "Not that the treaty would have stopped me. I think I've found a new respect in Sam's blatant disrespect of the treaty. I had a piece of my mind to share with them, even though it didn't do any good. But I'm here because it's the first time I've been free. Lee is a handful."

The fight I'd caught sight of flashed back into my mind. "So you won then?"

"Yeah. I'm starting to feel weird. And bad for Sam. I have a pack of five, to her three. But Lee would never choose Sam, not after she broke up with him the way she did. Even if, ultimately, there wasn't a choice in the matter. I almost wish he'd choose her pack though, there's so much pent up anger and hatred in him, it's painful to feel. I'm having to be there while he's in wolf form, which right now he... isn't."

I heard the careful inflection in her words. "Why, what happened?"

"Holly didn't make it. I think it was just too much for her to take seeing both of her children shift like that. She was expecting Sarah to shift of course. We all were. But none of us knew that Lee being a wolf was even a possibility. Even if the signs were there. Today's Holly's funeral, or the tribe's version of it anyways. I think the regular christian funeral will be in a couple of days for people like your dad who knew her. So Lee and Sarah are both at the funeral. I had to command Lee not to lose it during the funeral so he could go." She grimaced. "I'm not too happy about that."

"Shouldn't you be there?"

"I should, but I needed to check on you."

"Well, I'm alright."

"Yeah..." Her fists clenched and there was a visible shudder through her body. "I hate this, Beau. I really do."

I leaned forward, resting my forehead against hers, my hand reaching up and cupping the back of her head. "I know. Trust me when I say that I know. But as much as a small part of me might wish otherwise... there will never be any real future between us. I am, quite literally, deadly to you. Besides, my heart and soul belongs to someone else."

I pulled back and she immediately turned away from me, but I still saw the tear that was leaking out of her eye. "Well... I'll give you a few days to get stuff settled. Then I'll expect you in La Push so we can patrol together." She started to leave

Suddenly, the sliding glass door slammed open, and in that instant, everything changed.

"Beau, we have to go. Now!" Archie said urgently.

I spun to look at him. His eyes were dazed and far away, his face drawn and whiter than bone. His slim body trembled to an inner turmoil. If I didn't know Archie as well as I did, I'd say he was terrified.

"Archie, what's wrong?"

His eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.

"Edythe," was all he whispered.

I froze instantly, my body reacting to the way he said the word in pure instinct, fear causing my body to shut down tight even though my mind still had no idea what else Archie was going to say. I knew... I just  _knew_  it was going to be bad.

Behind me, Julie swore loudly. And suddenly she stepped in front of me, physically trying to shield me.

"What did you do to him?" she demanded angrily.

Archie ignored her, looking past her at me. "Beau? Beau, snap out of it. Now. We have to hurry."

"Stay back," Jules warned.

"Calm down, Julie Black," Archie ordered. "You don't want to do that so close to him."

I hadn't even noticed she'd been physically shaking.

"I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus," she retorted, but her voice was a little cooler.

"Archie?" My voice was weak. "What happened?" I asked, even though I didn't want to hear.

"I don't know," he suddenly wailed. "What is she thinking?!"

Archie was pulling a small silver phone from his pocket when I finally pulled myself out of my frozen state enough to focus on him. His fingers dialed the numbers extremely fast, almost blurring, even to my excellent eyesight.

"Royal, I need to talk to Carine  _now_." His voice whipped through the words.

I could hear Royal's voice on the other end of the phone. "Archie, you know, Carine's hunting. What –"

"Fine, as soon as she's back."

"What is it? I'll track her down and have her call you –"

Julie tilted her head slightly, which told me that she could hear everything too. Just like me.

Archie cut Royal off again. "No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edythe?"

"Well, yes, Archie. Actually. I did talk to Edythe. Just a few minutes ago." There was the briefest of a pause, but then Royal spoke again. His voice was angry and defensive all of a sudden. "You're wrong, Archie. Edythe wouldn't appreciate being lied to. She'd want the truth. She did want it. So I gave it to her. I called her... I called her a lot. Until she picked up. A message would have been wrong."

Archie listened silently with an expression that grew more appalled every second. His mouth opened into a little O of horror, and his grip on the phone tightened. For a moment I thought he was going to break it, but he loosed his grip after a moment.

"Why?" he gasped. " _Why_ would you do that, Royal? You promised you'd wait for me to return!"

"Because you took too long, and besides, the sooner she gets over this, the sooner things go back to being normal. It wouldn't have gotten easier with time, so why put it off? Time isn't going to change anything. Beau is dead. Edythe will grieve and then she'll get over it. Better she begins now than later."

"You always were a fool, Royal!" Archie snapped, his eyes livid. "And you're wrong. On  _all_ counts. So that would be a major problem, don't you think?"

My mind tried to make sense of exactly what Archie meant by  _all counts_.

In spite of my hearing, I almost didn't hear Royal's next words. "Beau's still alive?"

"Yes, that's right. He's absolutely fine –"

"Fine? But you saw him fighting Victor. You saw his pyre! You even called and confirmed that there was a pyre when you arrived there."

"I was wrong. It wasn't his."

"How?" I could hear Royal's incredulity through the phone.

"It turns out Victor's been making immortals."

"And Beau killed one?"

The surprise in his voice made my hands clench into fists. I opened my mouth to speak, but Archie shook his head at me.

"Well, you've made quite a mess, Archie," Royal said, his voice on the other end taking on an accusatory note. "Edythe is going to be furious when she comes home."

"But you're wrong about that part, too," Archie said through his teeth. "That's why I'm calling..."

"Wrong about what? Edythe coming home? Of course she will." Royal laughed, the accusation clear even in the laugh. "What? You think she's going to pull a Juliet? Ha! Like some romantic –"

"Yes," Archie hissed, his voice like ice. "That is  _exactly_ what I saw."

Royal's response was instantaneous. "No. She's not that stupid. She – she must realize that –" His voice trailed off.

I admit, part of me was curious what would have been the rest of his sentence. The rest of me still wasn't quite wrapping my mind around what was going on. I was relatively sure I was missing something obvious. Julie, on the other hand, was exceedingly tense, telling me she'd probably already gotten it.

Archie just waited, his eyes glittering molten gold in his anger.

"I – I didn't mean it like  _that_! I just wanted her to come home, Archie!" His voice was close to the screech.

"It's a bit late for that, Royal." Archie's voice was cold enough to freeze lava. "Save your remorse for someone who believes it." He turned off the call.

"I... I don't understand," I said. I knew it was right there, but my mind was stubbornly refusing to fathom what had been said in the phone conversation.

"Edythe thinks your dead, Beau."

"Yes, because Royal told her." I'd gotten that much.

"Yes," Archie agreed, his eyes flashing hard again. "In his defense, he did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for him to track her down to tell her this! Didn't he realize... or care...?"

I still wasn't understanding, even though the back of my mind was flashing a giant red warning light.

Archie looked at me strangely. "You're not upset."

"Well it's rotten timing, since if he'd just waited a couple more hours, he would have known I was alive and never told Edythe that, but we can just call her and sort this out..." I trailed off.

Why was he so panicked? Why was his face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it he had said to Royal on the phone just now? Something about what he'd seen... and Royal's remorse; Royal would never feel remorse for anything that happened to me. But if he'd hurt his family, hurt his sister...

"Edythe won't answer if we call. She threw her phone away the instant she knew you were dead because she believed Royal."

"I. Don't. Understand." Each word came out slowly, punctuated by it's own period.

"She's going to Italy."

It took only a moment to remember Edythe's words from the day of my horrible birthday party.

" _I knew, if you had died, that my siblings wouldn't help me to die. Even if they were willing... Carine would stop it, as would Earnest. So I thought about going to the Volturi." She looked up at me. "You remember the painting of Sulpicia, Athenodora, and Marcus. As I told you, they're the rulers of our world and I could have went to them to ask to die. Even if they didn't want to grant me my wish... I'm sure I could have convinced them. A car thrown through a department store window would work nicely."_

"NO!" I shouted. "She can't  _do that_. She  _left_."

"Even so, she'd never planned to continue living if something happened to you... Of course we all assumed nothing ever would."

"How dare she!" I was furious. I stepped around Julie, ignoring her completely. "What do we do? You said we had to hurry. Hurry how?"

His eyes flicked to Julie. "Beau... I don't think I can ask you to..." He trailed off.

" _Ask me_!" I said, my voice demanding.

He stepped forward, grabbing my arms. "We may already be too late. I saw her going to the Volturi... and asking to die." We both cringed. "It all depends on what they choose. I can't see that till they make a decision.

"But if they say no, and they might – Sulpicia is fond of Carine, and wouldn't want to offend her – Edythe has a backup plan. They're very protective of their city. If Edythe does something to upset the peace, she thinks they'll act to stop her. And she's right. They will."

I stared at him with my jaw clenched in frustration. I'd heard nothing yet that would explain why we were still standing here.

"So if they agree to grant her favor, we're too late. If they say no, and she comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we're still too late. If she gives into her more theatrical tendencies... we might have time. And even then we're going to have to be careful as it will be sunny out."

"Let's go!"

"Listen, Beau! Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. We will both be considered her accomplices if she is successful. Even if she isn't successful, we will all have risked exposure by being out in the sun like that. There's a very good chance that they will eliminate us all. No matter the initial outcome."

"This is what's keeping us here?" I asked in disbelief. "I'll go alone if you're afraid." Part of me couldn't completely blame him. He did have Jessamine to think of, after all. I could use the money they gave to me and go by myself

"I'm only afraid of getting you killed!" His eyes flicked to Julie again as he said it.

I snorted in disgust. "Were you not listening when I told you that Victor has been hunting these woods for the sole purpose of killing me for months now? I'm almost getting killed on a regular basis. Tell me what I need to do."

"Pack a small bag with clothes, including two of the capes in the back of my closet, one for both of us... don't ask why I have them... We don't have time to answer that question currently. And get the papers that I made for you."

I darted upstairs, going into my closet and getting a small backpack. The trunk I'd packed a few days ago was open on my bed. I pulled out the paperwork, the cash and some of the clothes in there.

As I did this, I heard Archie and Julie arguing below.

"You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you're taking him to –" Julie's voice was more of a growl than spoken word.

"Yes. You're right, dog." Archie snarled back. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind – they're the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I'm not unaware of that."

"And yet you're going to take him there like it's some kind of  _party_!"

"You think he'd be better off if I left him here alone, with Victor stalking him?"

"We can handle the redhead."

"Then why is he still hunting?"

I heard the sound of feet stomping up the stairs and knew it was Jules. I raced to Archie's room, getting two of the capes out of the back of his closet as he'd told me.

When I made it into the hallway, Julie was standing there.

"Don't go." Her voice was soft, afraid. "Please, Beau. I'm begging." The tears were back in her eyes.

"Jules, I  _have_ to –"

"You don't, though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For me."

I shook my head, knowing there was nothing I could say that would make this better for her.

"Don't die, Beau," she choked out. "Don't go. Don't."

What if I never saw her again?

I stepped forward and kissed her lips gently for one brief half of a second, then I pulled back. "I'm sorry, Jules. Bye."

I darted around her and raced down the stairs. When I made it outside, Archie was already in the Mercedes with the engine running. I hopped inside and he stomped on the gas before I even got the door fully closed.

I heard Julie's broken howl as we tore down the drive.


	20. Chapter 19 - Race

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 19 - Race**

We made our flight with seconds to spare, and then the true torture began. The plane sat idle on the tarmac while the flight attendants strolled – so casually – up and down the aisle, patting the bags in the overhead compartments to make sure everything fit. The pilots leaned out of the cockpit, chatting with them as they passed.

Archie's hand was hard on my shoulder, holding me in my seat while I glowered at the overtly perky flight attendants.

"This is faster than running, and not only will we get thrown off of this flight if you do that, but you'll get thrown in jail," he said to me in a quiet voice.

I turned my glower on him. Wasn't I allowed to have errant thoughts?

At last the plane rolled lazily from the gate, building speed with a gradual steadiness that tortured me further. I expected some kind of relief when we achieved liftoff, but my frenzied fear didn't lessen.

Archie lifted the phone on the back of the seat in front of him before we'd stopped climbing, turning

his back on the stewardess who eyed him with disapproval. I gave the stewardess a glare that promised pain when she started walking toward us and she stopped mid-walk.

I wanted to tune out what Archie and Jessamine were saying, but it was impossible, of course. My vampire hearing didn't offer me that option.

"Jessamine," Archie said lowly when the phone picked up.

"Come home," she replied immediately.

"I can't, I made this mess, I have to fix it. I should have verified the facts before ever telling Royal anything."

"Can you fix this?"

"I'm not sure." Archie glanced at me. "I keep seeing her do different things, she keeps changing her mind on what she wants to do. A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over her head in the main square. It's mostly things that would expose them – she knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction."

"Will you be able to make it before she does something?"

"There's a lot up in the air at the minute. It just depends on luck."

"I'm getting on a plane and meeting you in Volterra."

"No, you can't," Archie said urgently and immediately.

"Eleanor's already going to go."

"Tell Eleanor no –"

"She's already halfway to the airport with Royal."

"Well go after Eleanor and Royal and drag them back."

"Why? We might be able to stop her."

"Think about it, Jessamine. If she sees any of us, what do you think she will do?"

"She'll make a scene that much quicker."

Archie nodded. "Exactly. I think Beau is the only chance – if there even is a chance –"

"And  _is there a chance_?" The concern in Jessamine's voice was impossible to not hear.

"We're going to do everything that can be done. But prepare Carine and Earnest; the odds aren't very good."

"And if you're there when she succeeds –"

"I've thought about that –"

"You promise me right now that if there's absolutely no hope then you'll get out of there."

Archie replied too quickly. "Yes, I promise."

"I'm serious, Archie. I will be on the next flight out if I think this is a suicide mission."

"Don't follow me. I promise, Jessamine. One way or another, I'll get out... And I love you," Archie pleaded softly.

"Please come home. And I love you too."

Archie hung up the phone, and leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed. "I hate lying to her like that."

"Tell me why they can't come, Archie," I begged. "I don't understand. Why did you tell Jessamine to stop Eleanor, why can't they come help us?"

"Two reasons," he whispered, his eyes still closed. "The first I told her. We  _could_ try to stop Edythe by brute force – if Eleanor could get her hands on her, we might be able to stop her long enough to convince her you're alive. But we can't sneak up on Edythe. And if she sees us coming for her, she'll just act that much faster. She'll throw a Buick through a wall or something, and the Volturi will take her down.

"That's the second reason of course, the reason I couldn't say to Jessamine. Because if they're there and the Volturi kill Edythe, they'll fight them. Beau." He opened his eyes and stared at me, beseeching. "If there were any chance we could win... if there were a way that the five of us could save my sister by fighting for her, maybe it would be different. But we can't, and, Beau, I can't lose Jessamine like that.

"I can accept my fate, Beau. If it comes to that... because ultimately this is my fault. But I can't let her die like that. I just can't. "

I realized why his eyes begged for my understanding. He was protecting Jessamine, at our expense, and maybe at Edythe's, too. I understood, and though part of me wanted to, I couldn't think badly of him for it.

"Wouldn't Edythe know, as soon as she heard all of your thoughts, that I was alive, that there was no point to this?"

Not that there was any justification, either way. I still couldn't believe that she was capable of reacting like this. It made no sense! I remembered what she'd told me, of course. But she'd  _left_ , and the letter had canceled everything out that she had told me – forcefully.

" _If s_ he were listening," he explained. "But believe it or not, it's possible to lie with your thoughts. If you had died, I would still try to stop her. And I would be thinking 'he's alive, he's alive' as hard as I could. She knows that."

I ground my teeth in mute frustration.

"Beau, if there was any way I could do this without you, I would. It's very wrong of me, doing this to you."

"Don't be insane, if she dies I'll have no reason to live anyways." My words were blunt.

He took a deep breath, and then abruptly leveled a dark glance over my shoulder. I turned in time to see the man in the aisle seat looking away as if he wasn't listening to us. He appeared to be a businessman, in a dark suit with a power tie and a laptop on his knees. While I stared at him with irritation, he opened the computer and very conspicuously put headphones on.

After that, Archie started whispering. "Knock it off, Beau, or we're turning around in New York."

I began whispering my responses back. "You can't force me to go back to Forks, Archie. I'm as strong as you, and I brought my own cash." Technically it was his cash, but I saw no point in mentioning that.

"Do you realize how unique you are Beau? You actually have been able to form a bond with someone other that your mate or your maker. I know it isn't as strong as what you feel for Edythe, but in theory, you could possibly actually live on without her. For a reason other than just revenge. Do you know how rare that truly is? I only know a few other vampires that can do that."

"I can't though, Archie. I truly can't. The only reason that bond exists is because it's what she told me to do in that letter. She told me that she didn't love me and to flourish and be happy without her in that damn letter. So I tried and Jules is part of that, but at the end of the day... It's still Edythe who I love more than anything else, and I already know that I'd never be able to continue on without her out there somewhere."

"If I remember right, she wrote that she didn't love you the way you deserved to be loved. Not that she didn't love you at all."

"Archie... she wrote that you guys always intended to leave at the end of my newborn year. She then wrote that it wasn't me she loved so much as the idea of me. She continued by saying that I was an ideal mate – not that we actually were mates – just that I fit her ideal, while I was still human. After she wrote that since I was merely a soulless monster now, there was no longer any appeal. She finished it off by saying I do not love you." I looked at him and wondered if the storm that was brewing in my head was visible in my eyes. "And yes, there was a tiny qualifier at the end. But you tell me, in my shoes, what would you think? Because if it had been me, and I thought I didn't love her  _enough_  then I would have fought to learn to love her more, in fact that was exactly what I was doing. I was fighting with myself to get to a place where I felt that I loved her enough to let go of my insecurities about marriage. And at the very least, if I'd truly felt there was no way for me to ever love her enough, then I would have had the pair to tell her to her face that I was going to let her go because it was the best thing I could do for her.

"But she, as well as the rest of you, just ran off in the night like a bunch of cowards. Can you blame me for believing that she must not love me at all, given all of that? Truly?"

Archie looked away, muttering something very quickly under his breath that I couldn't quite hear before looking back at me. "I don't get it, why'd you ever ask her to marry you originally if you weren't ready?"

"I asked her on the day of my  _funeral_ , Archie. I was a bit overwhelmed. And that's if you can even call what I actually did, really asking. It was more like me waxing philosophical about the fact that she'd  _someday_  want that. Then suddenly she asked me if it was a proposal. What was I supposed to say? 'Not at this moment.' I mean... it's not like I didn't mean it. I did. I just thought we'd wait a normal amount of time – enough time for me to get used to the idea. You know most people are engaged for at least a year before they get married? I wasn't expecting the inquisition to start a week later."

"That would have mostly been my fault," Archie mumbled. "I may have gotten overexcited."

"That didn't mean she had to go along with it." I shook my head and changed the subject. "You said that you knew of a few vampires who could survive without their mates. Who?"

"Well, there's the obvious ones. The Volturi rulers, Sulpicia, Athenodora, and Marcus. There's also the old rulers, Stefania and Vasilisa... though one might argue that  _is_ for revenge with those two, but you know after over two thousand years that sort of seems like a pipe dream and nothing more. But among the vampires that I know who still have their mates. There's Siddhartha, you've never met him, but he's part of a trio of vampires in Ireland. If his mate, Lana, was to die, he'd still be able to survive with his friend Magnus. And... there's Jessamine. She would be able to live on without me. I've seen it."

He sighed. "Let me concentrate, now. I need to see what she's planning."

He placed his arm around me, letting his head fall back and his eyes go closed. He pressed his free hand to the side of his face, rubbing his fingertips against his temple.

I watched him in fascination for a long time. Eventually, he became utterly motionless, his face like a stone sculpture. The minutes passed, and if I didn't know better, I would have thought he'd fallen asleep. I didn't dare interrupt him to ask what was going on.

I wished there was something safe for me to think about. I couldn't allow myself to consider who we were headed toward, or, more horrific yet, the chance that we might fail – not if I wanted to keep from making some sort of scene.

I couldn't  _anticipate_ anything, either. Maybe, if I were very, very,  _very_ lucky, I would somehow be able to save Edythe. But, in spite of Archie's assurances before all of this that Edythe did love me... well, I'd already voiced my insecurities to him about it. And the closer we got to our first stop, the more worried I became. After all, had I been in Edythe's shoes, I would have checked, not just blindly believed second-hand knowledge. It made me wonder if there really was any hope for us.

Seeing her again only to lose her... I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save her life. I would pay it.

They showed a movie, and the person two aisles up got headphones. Sometimes I watched the figures moving across the little screen, but I couldn't even tell if the movie was supposed to be a romance or a horror film. I could have listened in, if I'd really wanted to, but I couldn't be bothered to focus on it.

After an eternity, the plane began to descend toward New York City. Archie remained in his trance. I dithered, reaching out to touch him, only to pull my hand back again. This happened a dozen times before the plane touched town with a jarring impact.

"Archie," I finally said. "Archie, we have to go."

I touched his arm.

His eyes came open very slowly. He shook his head from side to side for a moment.

"Anything new?" I asked in a low voice.

"Not exactly," he breathed. "She's getting closer. She's deciding how she's going to ask."

We had to run for our connection, but that was good – better than having to wait. As soon as the plane was in the air, Archie closed his eyes and slid back into the same stupor as before. I waited as patiently as I could. When it was dark again, I opened the window to stare out into sky, seeing the twinkle of the stars in the sky, dark gray clouds, and the ocean below... it should have been mesmerizing. It would have been, if I wasn't worried about what the next twenty-four hours held.

As I looked outside, quite likely as much of a statue as Archie was, I contemplated my future. Archie had said they'd all come back now, but was I destined to be an outsider yet again? He claimed that I was no more of a freak than the rest of them... and yet, here I was in a plane full of humans and not even out of my newborn year, and the blood, attractive though it smelled, didn't appeal to me in the slightest. Would they all go back to watching my every move if we made it out of this? Would I always be wondering if they actually thought of me as one of their own? Would Edythe even want me back? Maybe I didn't  _want_ to survive, no matter what happened.

Eventually, Archie reached over and touched my shoulder.

I turned my head to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

Archies's eyes gleamed in what almost looked like victory.

"It's not wrong." He smiled fiercely. "It's right. They're deliberating, but they've decided to tell her no."

"The Volturi?" I muttered.

"Of course, Beau. I can see what they're going to say."

"Tell me."

An attendant tiptoed down the aisle to us. "Can I get you gentlemen a pillow?" Her hushed whisper was a rebuke to our comparatively loud conversation.

"No, thank you." Archie beamed up at her, his smile shockingly lovely. The attendant's expression was dazed as she turned and stumbled her way back.

I felt sorry for the attendant even as I mentally groused at how easily Archie could do that.

"Tell me," I breathed almost silently.

He whispered back, "They're interested in her – they think her talent could be useful. They're going to offer her a place with them."

"What will she say?"

"I can't see that yet, but I'll bet it's colorful." He grinned again. "This is the first good news – the first break. They're intrigued; they truly don't want to destroy her – 'pointless,' that's the word Sulpicia will use – and that may be enough to force her to get creative. The longer she spends on her plans, the better for us."

It wasn't enough to make me hopeful, to make me feel the relief he obviously felt. There were still so many ways that we could be too late. Though, I knew, in spite of his belief that I could survive without Edythe that I couldn't. If Archie decided it was too late before we got to Volterra and somehow managed to stop me from continuing on... Well there were ways to make the wolves do it, no matter how much Julie didn't want to.

"Archie?"

"What?"

"I'm confused. How are you seeing this so clearly? And then other times, you see things far away – things that don't happen?"

His eyes tightened. I wondered what exactly I'd made him think of.

"It's clear because it's immediate and close, and I'm really concentrating. Plus it's clear because it's Edythe, who I'm highly attuned to. But there are also times when things are just meant to happen, those visions are pretty clear too. I wasn't lying to your friend when I told her that you,  _this way_ , was always meant to occur. In over a thousand visions I had of your future Beau, over sixty-five percent ended with you being turned. And all of the rest, except one, ended in you dying before you would have graduated high school... Either Edythe killed you herself, or you were going to be in a fatal wreck, or Jessamine was going to lose it on you, or some vampires were going to go through town. I even had one vision of an asteroid happening to hit exactly where you were standing. As I said, some things are just meant to happen.

"And fuzzy though it's always been, I still see you and Edythe getting married, I still see you two together forever. In the long run, though it might take awhile to get to that point. Except right now, I'm getting a couple visions of you staying in Volterra, for some awful reason... And this really random one of you joining a monastery in Mongolia. So whatever you're thinking,  _stop it_."

I blinked at the monastery comment as I knew I hadn't made that decision. "You're the one that owns the cloaks."

"And that was a part of my possible future. Years ago.  _Mine_ , not yours, Beau. If it had potentially been something in the cards for you, I'd have put one in your closet. I keep them as a reminder to myself that there was a moment when my life could have gone in a very different way. Now go back to watching the stars, I need to focus."

I wanted to ask details about that possible future, but as he was trying to focus on Edythe, I let it go. I turned back to the window, watching the stars.

I sat there, with him – on the aisle side – as much of a statue as me, for hours until the dawn started to break. I reached over and shut the window. I looked back at Archie then, needing to know what was happening.

"What's happening?" I muttered.

"They've told her no," he said quietly. I noticed at once that his enthusiasm was gone.

My voice choked in my throat with panic. "What's she going to do?"

"It was chaotic at first. I was only getting flickers, she was changing plans so quickly."

"What kinds of plans?" I pressed.

"There was a bad hour," he whispered. "She'd decided to go hunting."

He looked at me, seeing the incomprehension in my face.

"In the city," he explained. "It got very close. She changed her mind at the last minute."

"She wouldn't want to disappoint Carine," I said softly. Not after all these years of following that diet.

"Probably," he agreed.

"Will there be enough time?" As I spoke, there was a shift in the cabin pressure. I could feel the plane angling downward.

"I'm hoping so – if she sticks to her latest decision, maybe."

"What is that?"

"She's going to keep it simple. She's just going to walk out into the sun."

Just walk out into the sun. That was all.

It would be enough, because we sparkled like millions of little diamonds when we did that. No human who saw that would ever forget. The Volturi couldn't possibly allow it. Not if they wanted to keep their city inconspicuous.

I looked at the slight gray glow that shone through the opened windows. "We'll be too late," I whispered, my throat closing in panic.

He shook his head. "Right now, she's leaning toward the melodramatic. She wants the biggest audience possible, so she'll choose the main plaza, under the clock tower. The walls are high there. She'll wait till the sun is exactly overhead."

"So we have till noon?"

"If we're lucky. If she sticks with this decision."

The pilot came on over the intercom, announcing, first in French and then in English, our imminent landing. The seat belt lights dinged and flashed.

"How far is it from Florence to Volterra?"

"That depends on how fast I drive... Beau?"

"Yes?"

He eyed me speculatively. "How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"

…

Archie told me to wait for him here while he got a car. So I paced in front of the airport in annoyance as I waited – the hooded black cloak I'd donned swirling around my legs as I did so.

Five minutes later, a solid black vehicle screamed to a stop a few feet in front of where I paced. It was sleek, and low to the ground. The only identifying markers on the entire vehicle was the giant B on the back, and the word Bugatti on the badge on the the front. Everyone beside me on the crowded airport sidewalk stared.

Even though I knew that name, it took me a moment to realize exactly what type of car I was staring at.

"Hurry, Beau!" Archie shouted impatiently through the open passenger window.

I ran to the door and threw myself in, feeling as though I might as well be wearing a black stocking over my head... actually, I sort of was.

"Sheesh, Archie," I complained. "Could you pick a  _more_ conspicuous car to steal?"

The interior was black leather, and the windows were tinted dark. It felt safer inside, like nighttime.

Archie was already weaving, too fast, through the thick airport traffic – sliding through tiny spaces between the cars as I cringed.

"The important question," he corrected, "is whether I could have stolen a faster car, and the answer is no. I got very lucky."

"I'm sure that will be very comforting at the roadblock to stop us from getting away with a seven figure car."

He trilled a laugh. "Trust me, Beau. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be  _behind_ us." He hit the gas then, as if to prove his point.

I probably should have watched out the window as first the city of Florence and then the Tuscan landscape flashed past with blurring speed. This was my first trip anywhere, and maybe my last, too. But Archie's driving frightened me, despite the fact that I knew I could trust him behind the wheel, and that even if we did crash it wouldn't hurt us. I was too tortured with anxiety to really see the hills or the walled towns that looked like castles in the distance.

"Do you see anything more?"

"There's something going on," Archie muttered. "Some kind of festival. The streets are full of people and white flags. What's the date today?"

I wasn't entirely sure. "The Twentieth, maybe?"

"Well, that's ironic. It's Sister Dydime Day."

"Which means?"

He chuckled darkly. "The city holds a couple celebrations every year. One this month, and one next. As the legend goes, a Christian missionary, a Father Marcus – Marcus of the Volturi, in fact – drove all the vampires from Volterra fifteen hundred years ago after one of the sisters that followed him – history suggests they were secret lovers – was killed by a vampire. The story claims he was martyred in Romania, still trying to drive away the vampire scourge. Of course it's almost all nonsense – he's never left the city, and while his mate,  _Sister Dydime_ , was killed by a vampire, it certainly wasn't one of the Romanians. But that's where some of the superstitions about things like crosses and garlic come from.  _Father_ Marcus used them so successfully. And vampires don't trouble Volterra, so they must work." His smile was sardonic. "These days, the holidays have become more of a celebration of the city, and recognition for the police force – after all, Volterra is an amazingly safe city. The police get the credit."

I was realizing what he meant when he'd said  _ironic_. "They're not going to be very happy if Edythe messes things up for them on Sister Dydime Day, are they?"

He shook his head, his expression grim. "No. They'll act very quickly."

I looked away, fighting against my teeth as they tried to break through the skin of my lower lip.

The sun was terrifyingly high in the pale blue sky.

"She's still planning on noon?" I checked.

"Yes. She's decided to wait. And they're waiting for her."

"Tell me what I have to do."

He kept his eyes on the winding road – the needle on the speedometer was touching the far right on the dial.

"You don't have to do anything. She just has to see you before she moves into the light. And she has to see you before she sees me."

"How are we going to work that?"

A small red car seemed to be racing backward as Archie zoomed around it.

"I'm going to get you as close as possible, and then you're going to run, at a human speed, in the direction I point you."

I nodded.

The sun continued to climb in the sky while Archie raced against it. It was too bright, and that had me panicking. Maybe she wouldn't feel the need to wait for noon after all.

"There," Archie said abruptly, pointing to the castle city atop the closest hill.

I stared at it, feeling the very first hint of a new kind of fear. Every minute since yesterday – it had been only one fear. And yet, now, as I stared at the ancient sienna walls and towers crowning the peak of the steep hill, I felt another, more selfish kind of dread thrill through me.

I supposed the city was very beautiful. It absolutely terrified me.

"Volterra," Archie announced in a flat, icy voice.


	21. Chapter 20 - Volterra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 20 - Volterra**

We began the steep climb, and the road grew congested. As we wound higher, the cars became too close together for Archie to weave insanely between them anymore. We slowed to a crawl behind a little tan Peugeot.

"Archie," I groaned. The clock on the dash seemed to be speeding up.

"It's the only way in," he tried to soothe me. But his voice was far too strained to provide any amount of comfort.

The cars continued to edge forward, one car length at a time. The sun beamed down brilliantly, seeming to be already overhead.

The cars crept one by one toward the city. As we got closer, I could see cars parked by the side of the road with people getting out to walk the rest of the way. At first I thought it was just impatience – something I could easily understand. But then we came around a switchback, and I could see the filled parking lot outside the city wall with the crowds of people walking through the gates. No one was being allowed to drive through.

"Archie," I whispered urgently.

"I know," he said. His face was chiseled from ice.

I was sure mine wasn't much better.

Now that I was looking, I could tell that it was very windy. The people crowding toward the gate gripped their hats and tugged their hair out of their faces. Their clothes billowed around them. I also noticed that the white was everywhere. White shirts, white hats, white flags dripping like long ribbons beside the gate, whipping in the wind – as I watched, a shimmering white scarf one woman had tied around her hair was caught in a sudden gust. It twisted up into the air above her, writhing like it was alive. She reached for it, jumping in the air, but it continued to flutter higher, a bright speck against the dull sepia of the ancient walls.

"Beau," Alice spoke quickly in a fierce, low voice. "I can't see what the guard here will decide now – if this doesn't work, you're going to have to go in alone. You're going to have to hurry without attracting too much attention. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, and heading in the direction they tell you."

"Palazzo dei Priori," I repeated the name, immediately disliking how the words rolled off of my tongue.

"Or 'the clock tower,' if they speak English. I'll go around and try to find a secluded spot somewhere behind the city where I can go over the wall. By then, you will have hopefully found Edythe so she doesn't react rashly when she hears my mind for the first time."

I nodded.

"Edythe will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There's a narrow alleyway on the right, and she'll be in the shadow there. You have to get her attention before she can move into the sun."

I nodded furiously.

Archie was near the front of the line. A man in a navy blue uniform was directing the flow of traffic, turning the cars away from the full lot. They U-turned and headed back to find a place beside the road. Then it was Archie's turn.

The uniformed man motioned lazily, not paying attention. Archie accelerated, edging around him and heading for the gate. He shouted something at us, but held his ground, waving frantically to keep the next car from following our bad example.

The man at the gate wore a matching uniform. As we approached him, the throngs of tourists passed, crowding the sidewalks, some staring curiously – and others in open-mouthed shock – at the fancy Bugatti.

The guard stepped into the middle of the street. Archie angled the car carefully before he came to a full stop. The sun beat against my black tinted window, and he was in shadow. He swiftly reached behind the seat and grabbed something from his bag.

The guard came around the car with an irritated expression, and tapped on his window angrily. He rolled the window down halfway.

"I'm sorry, only tour buses allowed in the city today, sir," he said in English, with a heavy accent.

"It's a private tour," Archie said, flashing an alluring smile. He reached his hand out of the window, into the sunlight. I froze, until I realized he was wearing an elbow-length, tan glove. He took his hand, still raised from tapping his window, and pulled it into the car. He put something into his palm, and folded his fingers around it.

His face was dazed as he retrieved his hand and stared at the thick roll of money he now held.

The outside bill was a five hundred euro banknote.

"Is this a joke?" he mumbled.

Archie's smile was blinding. "Only if you think it's funny."

He looked at him, his eyes staring wide. I glanced nervously at the clock on the dash. If Edythe stuck to her plan, we had only five minutes left.

"I'm in a wee bit of a hurry," he hinted, still smiling.

The guard blinked twice, and then shoved the money inside his vest. He took a step away from the window and waved us on. None of the passing people seemed to notice the quiet exchange. Archie drove into the city, and we both sighed in relief.

The street was very narrow, cobbled with the same color stones as the faded cinnamon brown buildings that darkened the street with their shade. It had the feel of an alleyway. White flags decorated the walls, spaced only a few yards apart, flapping in the wind that whistled through the narrow lane. It was crowded, and the foot traffic slowed our progress.

"Just a little farther," Archie encouraged me; I was gripping the door handle, ready to throw myself into the street as soon as he told me to.

He drove in quick spurts and sudden stops, and the people in the crowd shook their fists at us and said angry words that made me glad I hadn't decided to read an English-Italian dictionary since I'd become a vampire.

In one of the brief stops, he handed me a pair of solid black, leather elbow-length gloves. I immediately put them on.

He turned onto a little path that couldn't have been meant for cars; shocked people had to squeeze into doorways as we scraped by. We found another street at the end. The buildings were taller here; they leaned together overhead so that no sunlight touched the pavement – the thrashing white flags on either side nearly met. The crowd was thicker here than anywhere else. Archie stopped the car. I had the door open before we were at a standstill.

I was immediately assaulted with thousands of smells – mostly the humans crowding the street – but in spite of all of them, the smells of dozens of vampires – that must roam these streets at all hours – permeated practically stronger than anything else. It almost completely overpowered my senses. Underneath it all was another scent that smelled similar to the wolves in La Push, albeit slightly different, but it was so subtle that I passed it off as my imagination.

He pointed to where the street widened into a patch of bright openness. "There – we're at the southern end of the square. Run straight across, to the right of the clock tower. I'll find a way around –"

"They're  _everywhere_ , Archie," I hissed the words. I wasn't sure if I was talking more about the humans... or the vampires.

He practically pushed me out of the car. "Forget about them. You have two minutes. Keep your hood up and go, Beau, go!" he shouted, climbing out of the car as he spoke.

I didn't pause to watch Archie don the other cloak and melt into the shadows going the opposite direction. I didn't stop to close my door behind me. I gently shoved a heavy woman out of my way and hurried in the direction I was told to go, head down, paying little attention to anything.

Coming out of the dark lane, I was blinded by the brilliant sunlight beating down into the principal plaza. The wind  _whoosh_ ed into me, and I immediately reached up so I could prevent the hood from flying backwards, extremely grateful for the gloves I'd been given. I still had my head down so I didn't see the wall of humans until I practically rammed through them. I pulled up short.

There was no pathway, no crevice between the close pressed bodies. I pushed my way through them furiously, even as I made a conscious effort to not be too rough. I ignored the words that were flung at me along with the glancing feather-like blows when people tried to force me back with their hands and elbows. The faces were a blur of anger and surprise, surrounded by the ever-present white. A blonde woman scowled at me, and shook her fist in anger. A child, lifted on a man's shoulders to see over the crowd, grinned down at me, his lips distended over a set of plastic vampire fangs.

The throng jostled around me, practically forcing me off course. I was glad the clock was so visible, or I'd never be certain of the direction I was heading. But both hands on the clock pointed up toward the pitiless sun, and, though I shoved viciously against the crowd, I knew I was too late. I wasn't even halfway across. I wasn't going to make it.

I hoped Archie would get out. I hoped that he would  _see_  and know that I going to fail, so he could escape and return home to Jessamine.

I listened, above the angry exclamations, trying to hear the sound of discovery: the gasp, maybe the scream, as Edythe came into someone's view.

But there was a break in the crowd – I could see a bubble of space ahead. I pushed urgently toward it, not realizing till I ran into a low brick wall, that a square fountain was set into the center of the plaza.

I could practically hear Archie in my head telling me not to draw attention to myself, but I was out of time. So I flung my leg over the edge and darted through the knee-deep water as fast as I dared to go. It sprayed all around me as I thrashed my way across the pool. The fountain was very wide; it let me cross the center of the square and then some in mere seconds. I didn't pause when I hit the far edge – I used the low wall as a springboard, throwing myself into the crowd.

They moved more readily for the  _pazzo in nero massiccio_ , as the people muttered around me, trying to avoid the icy water that splattered from my dripping cloak as I ran. I glanced up at the clock again.

A deep, booming chime echoed through the square. It throbbed in the stones under my feet.

Children cried, covering their ears.

"Edythe!" I shouted, knowing it was useless. The crowd was too loud, even for someone such as myself, to hear for more than a few feet in any direction.

The clock tolled again. I ran past a child in his mother's arms – his hair was almost as white as the flags in the dazzling sunlight. A circle of tall men, all wearing white blazers, called out warnings as I dashed past them. The clock tolled again.

On the other side of the men in blazers, there was a break in the throng, space between the sightseers who milled aimlessly around me. My eyes searched the dark narrow passage to the right of the wide square edifice under the tower. I still couldn't see much on the street level – there were still too many people in the way.

The clock tolled again, and I prepared to forget the human facade all together. I was not going to let Edythe be destroyed while I was this close.

A little family of four stood nearest to the alley's mouth. The two girls wore silver – not white – dresses, with matching ribbons tying their dark hair back. The father wasn't tall. It seemed like I could see something bright in the shadows, just over his shoulder. I hurtled toward them, wishing that I'd been gifted with a vision that let me see through physical objects. The clock tolled, and the littlest girl clamped her hands over her ears.

The older girl, just waist high on her mother, hugged her mother's leg and stared into the shadows behind them. As I watched, she tugged on her mother's elbow and pointed toward the darkness. The clock tolled, I was so close now.

Her father stared at me in surprise as I bore down on them.

The older girl giggled and said something to her mother, gesturing toward the shadows again impatiently.

I swerved around the father – he clutched the baby out of my way – and sprinted for the gloomy breach behind them as the clock tolled over my head.

"Edythe, no!" I shouted, but my voice was lost in the roar of the chime.

I could see her now. And I could see that she could not see me, because her eyes were closed.

It was really her, no hallucination or insane figment of my imagination. And I realized that my delusions were more flawed than I'd realized; they'd never done her justice.

Edythe stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. There were deep purple rings under her eyes – a very small part of my mind wondered if that was how mine had looked in January. Her arms were relaxed at her sides, her palms turned forward. Her expression was very peaceful, like she was dreaming pleasant things. She wore a white silk dress that had a visible gleam, it was held up with the barest of spaghetti straps, it stopped above her knees. I'd never seen her in anything like it before, and a part of me noted just how much of a goddess she really looked, even in this moment. I made a mental note to thank Archie for not warning me, but I didn't have time to admire her.

The last six and a half months meant nothing. The letter, and all the pain it caused, meant nothing. And it did not matter if she truly did not want me. I would never want anything but her, no matter how long my immortality was.

The clock tolled, and she took a large stride toward the light.

"No!" I shouted. "Edythe, look at me!"

She wasn't listening. She smiled very slightly. She raised her foot to take the step that would put her directly in the path of the sun.

I took a calculated risk, taking the last ten yards before her foot even had a chance to fall.

I used all my strength to shove her deeply into the alley, pushing her against the brick wall. In that instant, I didn't care if I was rough, just so long as it saved her life.

Her dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again.

She looked down at me with quiet surprise.

"Amazing," she said, her exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carine was right."

"Edythe, we need to get out of here, now." Even as I said it, I realized a big problem with my plan. She was as close to naked as I'd honestly ever seen her, far too visible to get away. I could give her my cloak though and she could leave with Archie. Perhaps Archie had seen me staying in Volterra for a reason other than my initial assumption.

She seemed bemused. Her hand brushed softly against my cheek. She didn't appear to notice that I was talking to her. The clock tolled, but she didn't react.

It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt  _well_. Whole. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off her skin. It was like the damning pain of the last months had never happened. I was perfect – not healed, but as if the time had been a mere figment of my imagination.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing – they're very good," she mused, closing her eyes again and pressing her lips against my neck. Her voice was perfectly melodious. " _Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_ ," she murmured, and I knew the quote of Romeo's well, but was surprised to hear it from her lips, knowing how much she despised that play. The clock boomed out its final chime. "You still smell and look like a vampire," she went on. "So maybe this  _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

I finally understood her misconception, and part of me understood with a deep sadness, that her words meant she'd rather I was still human, but I pushed it aside – accepting that I could deal with that grief later. "I'm not dead," I interrupted. "And neither are you! Please Edythe, we have to go. They can't be far away!"

She pulled back a little ways, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"What was that?" she asked politely.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi –"

Comprehension flickered on her face as I spoke. Before I could finish she and I switched positions in a move so startlingly fast, even my mind was shocked.

She stood in front of me, facing away, her arms outstretched as she crouched slightly.

I peeked around her to see two figures detach themselves from the gloom. Their eyes gleamed red as they stepped towards us.

"Greetings, ladies," Edythe's voice was calm and pleasant, on the surface. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" a smooth voice whispered menacingly.

"I don't believe that will be necessary." Edythe's voice was harder now. "I know your instructions, Fahima. I haven't broken any rules."

"Fahima merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," the other said in a soothing tone. They were both concealed within cloaks similar to my own – except theirs were smoky gray, instead of black. "Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you," Edythe said dryly. "Beau, why don't you go ahead and go."

"The boy comes to," Fahima said.

"I don't think so." The pretense of civility disappeared. Edythe's voice was flat and icy. Her weight shifted infinitesimally, and I could see that she was preparing to fight.

"No." I mouthed the word. I went to step forward.

He hand shoved me back. "Shh," she murmured, only for me.

"Fahima," the second, more reasonable one cautioned. "Not here." She turned to Edythe. "Sulpicia would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," Edythe agreed. "But the boy goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," the polite one said regretfully. "He broke the rules."

"You may make another vampire believe that, but I hear your thoughts. That family was from out of town and they were never going to make it back home. So I'm afraid I'll be unable to accept Sulpicia's invitation, Demeter."

Edythe's words made me glance past them. The family of four was gone. Other humans had already moved into the space that they'd been.

"That's just fine," Fahima purred, she was very big, tall and musculature. Her size reminded me of Eleanor.

"Sulpicia will be disappointed," Demeter sighed.

"I'm sure she'll survive the let down," Edythe replied.

Fahima and Demeter stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could come at us from two sides. They meant to force us deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. No reflected light found access to their skin; they were safe inside their cloaks.

Edythe didn't move an inch. We were both doomed if we didn't find an escape soon. I opened my mouth to agree to go with them as long as they let her go.

Abruptly, Edythe's head whipped around, toward the darkness of the winding alley, as did Demeter's and Fahima's. I didn't turn to look though, I recognized the footsteps.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Archie suggested. "There are humans present."

Archie stepped casually to Edythe's side. He had his black cloak on just like mine and he seemed almost too casual.

Demeter and Fahima straightened up, glancing at each other in discontent. Fahima's face soured. Apparently they didn't like being outnumbered.

"We're not alone," he reminded them.

Demeter glanced over her shoulder. A few yards into the square were three teenage girls varying in age. They all wore yellow sundresses and had wide-brimmed white hats on them. Another girl in the same outfit as them, closer to a woman than the rest, was next to the people in blazers and pointing our way.

Demeter shook her head. "Please, Edythe, let's be reasonable," she said.

"Let's," Edythe agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demeter sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

Six men in blazers now joined the girls as they watched us with anxious expressions – I was starting to realize the men must be part of the human police. I was very conscious of Edythe's protective stance in front of me – sure that this was what caused their alarm. I wanted to shout at them to run.

Edythe's teeth came together audibly. "No."

Fahima smiled.

"Enough."

The voice was soft, velvety... deadly.

I spun towards the sound just as a young boy came into view. His eyes were the same gleaming red as theirs. His cloak, unlike theirs, was almost black – more similar still to the ones that both Archie and I wore. He was short, about the same height as Archie, and he looked like a child. Was he even fourteen?

His size was insignificant, but I'd seen how both Fahima and Demeter had relaxed the instant he'd spoke before I'd spun to face this new threat. Just how powerful was this boy?

Edythe relaxed her position – the defeat clear in her pose.

"Alec," she sighed in resignation.

Archie folded his arms over his chest, his face impassive.

"Follow me," Alec spoke again, his voice a monotone. He turned his back on us and drifted silently into the depths of the alley.

Fahima gestured for us to go first, smirking.

Archie walked after the little Alec at once. Edythe wrapped her arm around my waist and we walked side by side almost instinctively. The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed. I looked at her with frantic questions in my eyes, but she just shook her head.

I could hear the others silently walking behind us.

"Well, Archie," Edythe said conversationally as we walked. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," Archie answered in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" Her voice was polite, as if she were barely interested. I imagined this was due to the listening ears behind us.

"It's a long story." Archie's eyes flickered toward me and away. "In summary, he did fight with Victor, but he had help and then Victor fled, but left a special kind of present for Beau to deal with."

I could imagine what she was hearing in Archie's thoughts now. My fight with Lauren, my encounters with Victor, my friendship with the wolves, my even more inappropriate feelings when it came to Jules...

"Hm," Edythe said curtly, and the casual tone of her voice was gone.

I could feel her eyes on me, but didn't turn my head to look at her. I didn't want to see what she was thinking at the moment, whether she was incredulous that I could kill or accusing that I did it. My imagination allowed me to visualize both, all without finding out which she was actually leaning towards.

There was a loose curve to the alley, still slanting downward, so I didn't see the squared-off dead end coming until we reached the flat, windowless, brick face. The little one called Alec was nowhere to be seen.

Archie didn't hesitate, didn't break pace, as he strode toward the wall. Then, with easy grace, he slid down an open hole in the street.

It looked like a drain, sunk into the lowest point of the paving. I hadn't noticed it until Archie disappeared, but the grate was halfway pushed aside. The hole was small, and black.

Edythe pushed me forward a little as I grimaced.

I eyed the hole dubiously, but stepped forward and dropped into the hole without any further prompting. There wasn't enough room for Edythe and me to go at the same time.

I touched the ground a moment later, barely noticing as I landed perfectly on my feet.

It was dim, but not black at the bottom. The light from the hole above provided a faint glow, reflecting wetly from the stones under my feet. The light vanished for a second, and then Edythe was beside me. She put her arm around me, holding me close to her side, and we began to head down the tunnel. I wrapped an arm around her waist in turn, and tried not to think of the gloomy walls and ground which I could see perfectly well.

The grate was closed behind us, removing the small amount of light from the tunnel, but it did nothing to stop me seeing how freaky this tunnel actually looked. Were these catacombs?

Edythe held me tightly. She reached her free hand across her body to briefly touch my face, her thumb sweeping across my lips. I realized that this was the only reunion we would get, and I clutched myself closer to her.

I was relatively sure, even if they let Archie and Edythe go, I'd sealed my own fate, no matter what Edythe had heard in their thoughts.

Even though her words above when she'd thought we were both dead had made her feelings about me clear, she still would reach out and touch me occasionally, and so I allowed myself to fall into the belief that, for now at least, she perhaps did still love me. I let myself believe that if we somehow got out of this, then I'd get to be with her forever. I knew it was a lie, but I still imagined it.

Of course, I didn't need to ask what my fate was surely going to be. I already knew what it was going to be all too well.

The path beneath our feet continued to slant downward, taking us deeper into the ground, and it made me claustrophobic.

I couldn't tell where the light was coming from, but it slowly turned dark gray instead of black.

We were in a low, arched tunnel. Long trails of ebony moisture seeped down the gray stones, like they were bleeding ink.

We walked through the tunnel at a brisk walk, and I heard one of them sigh behind us, as if we were moving too slowly for her preference. Well, it was Alec that was setting the pace.

At the end of the tunnel was a grate – the iron bars were rusting, but thick as my arm. A small door made of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. We ducked through and hurried on, to a larger, brighter stone room. The grille slammed shut with a  _clang_ , followed by the snap of a lock. I didn't dare look behind me.

On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick – I could tell because it, too, stood open.

We stepped through the door, and I glanced around me in surprise, relaxing automatically. Beside me, Edythe tensed, her jaw clenched tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Per Google Translate: pazzo in nero massiccio = crazy man in solid black. I in no way guarantee the validity of that.
> 
> For Alec and Jane, rather than gender-swap and give them new names, I merely power-swapped.


	22. Chapter 21 - Verdict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 21 - Verdict**

We were in a brightly lit, unremarkable hallway. The walls were off-white, the floor carpeted in industrial gray. Common rectangular fluorescent lights were spaced evenly along the ceiling. It was warmer here, both literally and metaphorically. This hall seemed very benign after the gloom of the ghoulish stone sewers.

Edythe didn't seem to agree with my assessment. She glowered darkly down the long hallway, toward Alec, standing by an elevator.

Edythe walked on one side of me, and Archie walked on the other. The heavy door creaked shut behind us, and then there was the thud of a bolt sliding home.

Alec waited by the elevator, one hand holding the doors open for us. His expression was apathetic.

Once inside the elevator, the three Volturi guard relaxed further. They threw back their cloaks, letting the hoods fall back on their shoulders. Fahima and Demeter were both of a slightly olive complexion – it was similar to Lauren, but perhaps slightly less defined. Fahima's black hair was cropped short, but Demeter's waved halfway down her back. Under the cloaks, their clothes were modern, pale, and nondescript. Archie threw his hood back as well, his body language showing a forced relaxation. Edythe, on the other hand, remained tense – never taking her eyes off Alec.

The elevator ride was short; we stepped out into what looked like a posh office reception area. The walls were paneled in wood, the floors carpeted in thick, deep green. There were no windows, but large, brightly lit paintings of the Tuscan countryside hung everywhere as replacements. Pale leather couches were arranged in cozy groupings, and the glossy tables held crystal vases full of vibrantly colored bouquets. The flowers' smell reminded me of a funeral home.

In the middle of the room was a high, polished mahogany counter. I stared in astonishment at the man behind it.

He was tall, with dark skin and green eyes. He would have been very handsome in any other company – but not here. Because he was very human. I could hear his heartbeat and smell his blood as it pumped. I couldn't comprehend what this human man was doing here, totally at ease, surrounded by vampires.

He smiled politely in welcome. "Good afternoon, Alec," he said. There was no surprise in his face as he glanced at Alec's company. Not at Edythe in her slip of a dress, or Archie and me with the cloaks that masqueraded us as being part of the Volturi.

Alec nodded. "Gavin." He continued toward a set of double doors in the back of the room, and we followed.

As Fahima passed the desk, she winked at Gavin, and he grinned widely.

On the other side of the wooden doors was a different kind of reception. The pale girl in the blood red dress could have been Alec's twin. Her hair was ashy-brown, and her lips were plumper, but she was still as definitive as him. She came forward to meet us. She smiled, reaching for him. "Alec."

"Jane," he responded, embracing the girl. They kissed each other's cheeks on both sides. Then she looked at us.

"They send you out for one and you come back with three," she noted. "Nice work."

He laughed – the sound sparkled with delight like a young child in a candy store.

I resisted the urge to shudder.

"Welcome back, Edythe," Jane greeted her. "You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," Edythe agreed in a flat voice. I glanced at Edythe's hard face, and wondered how her mood could have possibly been darker before.

Jane chuckled, and examined me as I held tightly onto Edythe's hand. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" she asked skeptically.

Edythe only smiled, her expression contemptuous.

I stopped paying attention to the casually veiled insults and comments being passed because I caught the same scent I'd smelled in the streets. This time, there was no way for me to claim I was imagining it, because it was far stronger in this building than it had been on the streets.

I narrowed my eyes.

"It's not a shape-shifter, Beau," Edythe said, softly.

I looked at her. "What is it then?"

It was Jane that answered, her voice full of contempt. "It's a child of the moon. Actually it'll eventually be two. Then it's be one again, when we dispose of the woman. We only need her for the child she carries."

Her words were sickening.

I didn't care that they were our enemies, my temper flared at the thought of what they were planning. Both Archie and Edythe grabbed onto my arms as Archie must have seen my plan.

"I'll explain what's going on in detail later, Beau," Edythe said softly.

"Sulpicia will be so pleased to see you again," Jane said, as if nothing had passed.

"Let's not keep her waiting," Alec suggested.

Edythe nodded once.

Alec and Jane, holding hands, led the way down yet another wide, ornate hall – would there ever be an end?

They ignored the doors at the end of the hall – doors entirely sheathed in gold – stopping halfway down the hall and sliding aside a piece of the paneling to expose a plain wooden door. It wasn't locked. Alec held it open for Jane.

I wanted to groan as we walked through. It was the same ancient stone as the catacombs below.

The stone antechamber was not large. It opened quickly into a brighter, cavernous room, perfectly round like a huge castle turret... which was probably exactly what it was. Two stories up, long window slits threw thin rectangles of bright sunlight onto the stone floor below. There were no artificial lights. The only furniture in the room were several massive wooden chairs, like thrones, that were spaced unevenly, flush with the curving stone walls. In the very center of the circle, in a slight depression, was another drain. I wondered if they used it as an exit, like the hole in the street.

The room was not empty. A handful of people were convened in seemingly relaxed conversation.

The murmur of low, smooth voices was a gentle hum in the air. As I watched, a pair of pale women in summer dresses paused in a patch of light, and, like prisms, their skin threw the light in rainbow sparkles against the sienna walls.

The faces all turned toward our party as we entered the room. Most of the immortals were dressed in inconspicuous pants and shirts – things that wouldn't stick out at all on the streets below. But the woman who spoke first wore a long cloak. It was pitch-black, and brushed against the floor. She appeared to have long dark-brown hair. And though I'd only ever seen one painting of her, I knew her at once to be Sulpicia.

"Alec, dear one, you've returned," she said in pure delight.

She drifted forward, and the movement flowed with such surreal grace that I gawked, my mouth hanging open. Even Archie, whose every motion looked like dancing, could not compare.

I was only more astonished as she floated closer and I could see her face. It was not like the unnaturally attractive faces that surrounded her – for she did not approach us alone; the entire group converged around her, some following, and some walking ahead of her with the alert manner of bodyguards. One specifically, walked with his hand practically touching her back. Unlike everyone else, he wore a solid white cloak. I couldn't decide if Sulpicia's face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect. But she was so different from the vampires beside her, as well as every other vampire I'd ever met. Her skin was translucently white, like onionskin, and it looked just as delicate – it stood in shocking contrast to the long dark-brown hair that framed her face. I felt a strange, horrifying urge to touch her cheek, to see if it was softer than our skin, or if it was powdery, like chalk. Her eyes were red, the same as the others around her, but the color was clouded, milky; I wondered if her vision was affected by the haze. She glided to Alec, took his face in her papery hands, kissed him lightly on his full lips, and then floated back a step.

"Yes, Mistress." Alec smiled; the expression made him look almost ethereal as Dahlia had. "I brought her back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Alec." She smiled, too. "You are such a comfort to me."

She turned her misty eyes toward us, and the smile brightened – became ecstatic.

"And Archie and Beau, too!" she rejoiced, clapping her thin hands together. "This  _is_ a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

I stared in shock as she called our names informally, as if we were old friends dropping in for an unexpected visit.

She turned to our hulking escort. "Fahima, be a dear and tell Athenodora and Marcus about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Mistress." Fahima nodded and disappeared back the way we had come.

"You see, Edythe?" The strange vampire turned and smiled at Edythe like a fond but scolding grandmother. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Sulpicia, I am," she agreed, tightening her arm around my waist.

"I love a happy ending." Sulpicia sighed. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Archie?" She turned to gaze at Archie with curious, misty eyes. "Your sister seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible." He flashed a dazzling smile. He looked perfectly at ease, except that his hands were balled into tight fists. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"I would be quite interested in the full story." She held out her hand, palm up.

Archie grimaced and suddenly Edythe's head snapped towards Archie before looking back at me. Her eyes were... freaked.

Archie stepped forward, placing his hand in hers. Almost a minute passed before Sulpicia moved. When she did, it was to look directly at me.

"It's so interesting to know all the secrets they choose to keep from you. All the lies they tell you."

My whole body stiffened.

"I wonder if I can help point you in the direction of one particular future. But we will get to that in a moment."

Archie stepped backwards, retaking his spot to my right.

Just then, Sulpicia looked over our shoulders. All the other heads turned in the same direction, including Jane, Alec, and Demeter, who stood silently beside us.

I looked as well. Fahima was back, and behind her floated two more vampires in black-robes.

Both looked very similar to Sulpicia with their faces having the paper-thin skin, chalky complexion and milky red eyes. The female had blond hair, while the male vampire had long hair that was almost as black as the cloak he wore.

The trio of leaders from Carlisle's painting was complete, unchanged by the last three hundred years since it was painted.

"Marcus, Athenodora, look!" Sulpicia crooned. "Beau is alive after all, and Archie is here with him! Isn't that wonderful?"

Neither of the other two looked as if  _wonderful_ would be their first choice of words. The dark-haired man seemed utterly bored, like he'd seen too many millennia of Sulpicia's enthusiasm. The other's face was completely aloof.

Their lack of interest did not curb Sulpicia's enjoyment.

"Let us have the story," Sulpicia almost sang in her feathery voice.

The fair-haired ancient vampire drifted away, gliding toward one of the wooden thrones. The other paused beside Sulpicia, and he reached his hand out, at first I thought to take Sulpicia's hand. But he just touched Sulpicia's palm briefly and then dropped his hand to his side. Sulpicia raised one brow. I wondered how her papery skin did not crumple in the effort.

Edythe snorted very quietly, and Archie looked at her, curious.

"Thank you, Marcus," Sulpicia said. "That's quite interesting."

I realized, a second late, that Marcus was letting Sulpicia know his thoughts.

Marcus didn't  _look_ interested. He glided away from Sulpicia to join Athenodora, seated against the wall. Two of the attending vampires followed silently behind him – bodyguards, like I'd thought before. I could see that the two women in the sundresses had gone to stand beside Athenodora in the same manner. The idea of any vampire needing a guard was faintly ridiculous to me, but maybe the ancient ones were as frail as their skin suggested.

Sulpicia was shaking her head. "Amazing," she said. "Absolutely amazing."

Archie's expression was frustrated. Edythe turned to him and explained in a swift, low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

Sulpicia smiled. "It would be so very convenient to hear the minds of others from a distance, as you do," she stated. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

I looked at Marcus's dead face, and I believed that.

Sulpicia looked toward Edythe. "Still, in spite of the mate bond you two have. It is almost impossible for me to understand how you could resist his blood as a human." Her head turned to me. "Such a waste of a perfectly good  _La Tua Cantante_."

"It was worth it," Edythe said.

Sulpicia smiled. "Was it? Weren't you the one that was thinking just yesterday that you'd have rather continued trying to drain him at the risk of killing him, than having let him changed, because at least then he would have died  _human_."

If I could have made my head move, I would have turned to stare at Edythe in shock, but I was still a statue.

"You're taking my thoughts out of context," Edythe snapped.

"Am I? Or am I putting them in exactly the right context."

"I meant that in reference to his soul, because that way he'd at least have found heaven. Even if it was without me. You know that."

Sulpicia raised one eyebrow at her. "You remind me of my friend Carine with your strange adamancies – even if she was never quite so angry."

"Carine outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carine bested for self-control of all things, but you put her to shame."

"Hardly." Edythe was getting more aggravated as time passed. It concerned me as to what was to come.

"I mean no harm by my thoughts or comments, Edythe. You know better than most that one cannot always control such things. But I am  _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." She eyed me with bright interest and avarice. "May I?" she asked eagerly, lifting one hand.

"Ask  _him_ ," Edythe suggested in a flat voice.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Sulpicia exclaimed. "Beau," she addressed me directly now. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edythe's impressive talent – so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try – to see if you are an exception for  _me_ , as well?"

I found the ability to move so I could step forward. I was quite sure, in spite of the politely worded request, that I would very much have to do this. I placed my hand in hers when I stepped forward.

As our hands touched, I realized just how fragile her skin was. It was colder than mine, and I was quite sure I could rip through it with ease if I truly desired.

Her eyes smiled at me, the filmy look was mesmerizing in a strange and disconcerting way.

Sulpicia's face altered as I watched. The confidence wavered and became first doubt, then incredulity before she calmed it into a friendly mask.

"So very interesting," she said as she released my hand.

I immediately backed up so I was beside Edythe and Archie again.

"A first," she said to herself. "I wonder if he is immune to our other talents... Alec, dear?"

"No!" Edythe snarled the word. Archie grabbed her arm with a restraining hand. She shook him off.

Little Alec smiled up happily at Sulpicia. "Yes, Mistress?"

Edythe was truly snarling now, the sound ripping and tearing from her, glaring at Sulpicia with baleful eyes. The room had gone still, everyone watching her with amazed disbelief, as if she were committing some embarrassing social faux pas. I saw Fahima grin hopefully and move a step forward.

Sulpicia glanced at her once, and she froze in place, her grin turning to a sulky expression.

Then she spoke to Alec. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Beau is immune to  _you_."

I could barely hear Sulpicia over Edythe's furious growls. She moved forward, trying to hide me from their view. Athenodora ghosted in our direction, with her entourage, to watch.

Alec turned toward us with a beatific smile.

"Don't!" Archie cried as Edythe launched himself at the little boy.

Before I could react, before anyone could jump between them, before Sulpicia's bodyguards could tense, Edythe was on the ground.

No one had touched her, but she was on the stone floor writhing in obvious agony, while I stared in horror.

Alec was smiling only at her now, and it all clicked together. What I had been told about the guard's  _formidable gifts_ , why everyone treated Alec with such deference, and why Edythe had thrown herself in his path before he could do that to me.

"No!" I shouted, my voice echoing in the silence, jumping forward to put myself between them. But Archie threw his arms around me in an unbreakable grasp and ignored my struggles. No sound escaped Edythe's lips as she cringed against the stones. It felt like my head would explode from the pain of watching this.

It was then, as I stood there, that I felt something in my head that almost reminded me of a rubber band. And I knew, I just  _knew_  that I could use it. I shoved it forward and behind me until it stretched in an invisible, but practically semi-permeable in my mind's eye, band around both Edythe and Archie.

Edythe stopped struggling suddenly, her eyes snapping to mine.

Alec crouched, his eyes glittering in anger as he glared at me.

"Alec, stop," Sulpicia said softly with a flick of her hand and he immediately pulled up straight, his eyes looked through me.

The strange band dropped almost immediately.

Sulpicia was looking at me even more clearly now, the avarice in her eyes more obvious than before.

"I find you quite interesting, Beau. Do you know why that cloak fits you so well? It clearly isn't Archie's, it's much too long for him."

I shook my head, though I was quite sure she was planning to tell me.

"You see Archie had a vision, five years ago. Before the Cullens moved to Forks... before he convinced them that it sounded like a nice place to move. He had a vision of you. That vision showed you being turned by a nomad that I understand is now dead. You called her Lauren. After you were turned, you would have woke alone, and after obliterating almost half of Forks... it wouldn't have been your fault, no one would have taught you better, you'd have eventually found your way to me. You would have been a personal guard to me, much like Reinaldo here." She pointed at the man behind her. "So, when Archie told you that it was his future and not yours, he lied. At least in the case of the cloak you have on."

"I didn't lie because I stopped it from happening," Archie snapped.

She ignored him. "But more recently he's had far more disturbing visions about you. He's seen you becoming a serial killer that hunts down couples and when we step in to stop you, we killed your mate there by accident because she showed up and tried to stop us from dealing with you, and so you hunted down our sworn enemies to get revenge on us. And because of that gift of yours, you might actually have been successful in that future. More disturbing than that, of course, is one that started the same but ended far differently, with you leading a massive army in Mexico beside a vampire I'd been assured was dead."

She paused to send a withering glance towards a menial female vampire near the back of the room. I vaguely recognized the vampire as the one called Mele from the painting. Mele casually slid to a door right near where she was standing and exited through it.

"The most interesting thing about all three of these visions is that, in all of them, you had very bright red eyes. You must have quite an insatiable thirst for human blood, and I could definitely help you take care of that thirst. With no repercussions." She looked at me expectantly.

"I'm not interested," I said as soon as I realized she was offering me a job.

"Hmm, that is too bad... I mean your recent actions do not give me much hope for you making the right decision later. When I think of the information that you've told Archie. That you are actually helping an enemy species to kill your own kind."

She seamlessly glided across the floor, heading away from me, even as she made the slightest motion with her hand that looked casual, but I was sure it wasn't as Demeter left the room immediately.

"Of course, given that the vampires you've been helping them with are actually after you, I suppose some lenience could be shown and I  _could_  let you go. I think I'd almost be willing to let that happen, just to wait and see if you'll join me on your own in the future. There's only one small problem."

"What?" I asked, mostly mouthed.

"Patience Beau, I'm first most curious about something else." She turned her head to Archie. "And you, Archie, would you perhaps be interested in pursuing that position you originally saw yourself in, back in the early thirties?"

Archie tilted his head slightly. He didn't answer immediately, but when he did, his words were weighted. "I'm not saying it's a never, but it certainly isn't going to happen today."

Sulpicia nodded her head in acceptance and then started to look toward Edythe, but stopped on me because of her speaking.

"No, Thank you," Edythe said quietly, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Archie grimace.

Just then I heard Demeter coming back, but she wasn't coming in to the room alone. I heard the beating heart and smelled the flowing blood. If all that hadn't been enough to tell me she had a human with her, the words being screeched were an obvious give away. It sounded similar, but not quite the same, as the words shouted at me back on the streets. A different dialect maybe?

"This brings us back to you, Beau. You broke the law, and we had to clean up that mess, which should have been your job. I fairly admit that killing the young ones might have been... unfortunately difficult. Especially given your recent experience with an immortal child. So... if you want all of you to leave, what I need for you to prove that you are a normal vampire that accepts responsibility for their actions, and kill this one human. Prove to everyone here. Including the two that stand by your side, while both secretly thinking you're far too human to ever be truly good at being a vampire, that you are very much a vampire..." She trailed off, looking at me thoughtfully, "Or don't and forfeit their lives. You'll still be able to go though. I'm curious enough that I want to see what comes of your future – and I simply can't do that if you're dead."

Edythe opened her mouth, "Let –"

"I'll do it," I said dangerously, cutting Edythe off. I knew what she'd been about to say, what she'd been about to offer, but even if it wasn't my mess to clean up... I'd never let her do that instead of me. Besides, apparently Edythe thought I was too human to go through with it, so I'd prove her wrong, Archie too.

"Beau... don't," Edythe whispered.

I glanced at her, letting her see the anger I was feeling at the moment – she flinched slightly. "It's my choice."

Sulpicia waved her hand towards the center of room. I realized with a sickening feeling exactly what that drain was for, but stepped towards it anyways. I stopped when I was standing over it.

Demeter came to me and placed the woman in front of me as Sulpicia glided back far enough to watch me. I locked my eyes with the ancient vampire as I reached forward and grabbed the woman – the mother from the family of four.

I bit into her throat.

My eyes slid closed of their own accord as I swallowed the first mouthful. There was no proper description for drinking the blood of a human after living for almost a year on only animal blood. It was sweet, rich... a pure ambrosia the likes of which I'd never tasted before. I didn't even notice the woman's struggles in my arms, because nothing registered other than the blood that was quenching my thirst in a way nothing else ever had.

And for the forty-five seconds it took to drain the woman dry, I admitted, only to myself, just how powerful in me that monster was. I used the rubber band in my head to shove the monster into a tight corner the instant I was done.

Then I dropped her to the ground.

My eyes snapped open and I stared at Sulpicia again.

"It didn't work." My voice was cold

She tilted her head to the side. "What didn't?" she asked politely.

I wasn't fooled. "This." I swept my hand toward the body on the floor. "Your goal to sway me to your side. There's one thing you failed to account for in those visions. In none of them were the Cullens apparently an active part in my life. Even if in one, Edythe showed up to try and save my life, she clearly wasn't there before that. And you see, I don't care that they might see me as their weakest link –" I did, but I was not giving her the satisfaction of admitting it. "– nor do I care that they have lied and plotted behind my back. Because I can't imagine just how miserable my life would have been had Archie not intervened and moved to Forks. Because of what he did, I've met a woman that I love. Edythe, who didn't know me from Adam the first day I was in Forks, strived to be strong enough to no kill me, in spite of me being her  _La Tua Cantante_ , as you called it. She continued to fight against her nature for  _me_ , until I was changed and became this. Because of her and the love she has given me, I have the will to fight to be better than some cheap bloodsucker that's only desire is it's next meal. Because of her, I will always be strong enough to walk away from _this_.

"Now. May we leave?"


	23. Chapter 22 - Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 22 – Flight**

Sulpicia frowned thoughtfully. "Very well, but you should consider one thing, Beau. You have been lied to and manipulated by all those who you consider to be your closest confidants – I am the only one that has been completely honest with you. You should seriously think about that."

I quickly backed up to Edythe and Archie, not looking away from Sulpicia.

There was a gleaming certainty in her eyes that I absolutely despised.

Edythe grabbed my wrist the instant I was close enough. She squeezed reassuringly. I could feel her try to look at my face and see if I was alright, but I let my head fall forward enough that the hood covered all of my head completely.

As Edythe started to pull me back toward the door, Sulpicia added, "Oh and please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

I heard Fahima grumble something softly in Italian that I couldn't understand.

"Patience, Fahima, Hammond will be here soon."

"Then I think it's past time that we were going," Edythe said suddenly.

"Yes, we wouldn't want to test poor Beau's control more than we already have." She laughed softly. "But first" She made a motion with one finger. Fahima came forward at once, and Sulipicia unfastened the gray cloak the vampire wore, pulling it from her shoulders. She tossed it to Edythe. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

I didn't watch, but I could hear as she put it on.

She sighed. "It suits you."

Edythe chuckled, but broke off suddenly, glancing over her shoulder. "Thank you, Sulpicia. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends," Sulpicia said, her eyes bright as she stared in the same direction.

"Let's go," Edythe said, urgent now.

Demeter gestured that we should follow, and then set off the way we'd come in.

Edythe kept ahold of my wrist as we quickly sped back in that direction. Archie was close by my other side.

"Not fast enough," he muttered.

I caught both the sounds and the scents a moment later. The carefully crafted wall in my head crumbled instantly. I'd  _always_  been able to resist the call of human blood, but I'd also never before known what I was missing, and now I did. And more than a little of me wanted it again.

"Hold your breath, Beau. It'll make it easier," Edythe murmured softly.

I cut off all air immediately.

The babble of voices started to become coherent words and sentences as they entered the other end.

"Well this is unusual," a man's coarse voice boomed.

"So medieval," an unpleasantly shrill, female voice gushed back.

A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stone chamber. Demeter motioned for us to make room. We pressed back against the cold wall to let them pass.

The couple in front, Americans from the sound of them, glanced around themselves with appraising eyes.

"Welcome, guests! Welcome to Volterra!" Sulpicia said loudly, her voice carrying even above the din of the people talking.

The rest of them, maybe forty or more, filed in after the couple. Some studied the setting like tourists. A few even snapped pictures. Others looked confused, as if the story that had led them to this room was not making sense anymore. I noticed one small, dark woman in particular. Around her neck was a rosary, and she gripped the cross tightly in one hand. She walked more slowly than the others, touching someone now and then and asking a question in an unfamiliar language. No one seemed to understand her, and her voice grew more panicked.

This group of people were lunch. I realized it almost immediately and I was disgusted by the thought, but I shoved the emotion away immediately. I had no right to judge anymore and I knew it.

As soon as the smallest break appeared, Edythe pushed me quickly toward the door.

The ornate golden hallway was empty except for one tall male vampire. He was taller than me with long and thick mahogany hair that fell down his back in waves. He wore black leather pants and a half unbuttoned shirt, revealing a well muscled chest. He reminded me of that one model for book covers from the eighties. He had that kind of sizzling heat. His eyes were also the strangest shade of purple.

"Welcome home, Hammond," Demeter said softly.

"Demeter," he replied, his voice was smoother than any other vampire I'd ever heard. People would willingly follow a voice like that anywhere.

"Nice fishing," Demeter complimented him, and I suddenly understood completely. The physique, the clothes, the hair... even the voice. He was the rod and lure both.

"Thanks." He flashed a stunning smile. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

Hammond nodded and ducked through the door.

We continued briskly, but we still couldn't get through the ornate door at the end of the hallway before the screaming started.

…

Once in the reception area – where Demeter warned us not to leave until dark – I sat down as far from the receptionist as physically possible, not wanting to be anywhere near the human with the flowing blood.

"There's no way I'm going to be able to get back on a jet with people," I said after I took a shallow breath. I put my head in my hands.

I wasn't looking, so I couldn't see, but the pause was long enough that I could easily imagine Archie and Edythe sharing one of those looks they were so good at.

"You'll be fine, Beau," Edythe said softly.

My eyes snapped to hers fast.

She showed no visible reaction to the red that I could see reflected back at me from her black eyes.

"Don't start with that, again. For just once, accept that I know my own mind, because if you don't it's not going to be my sanity you're risking this time. It's going to be the lives of humans, and potentially a lot of them. So trust me when I say that I am not alright. At all."

I let my head fall back in my hands, trying to make all knowledge of the human in the room with us go away.

There was another poignant pause.

"We'll figure something out, Beau," Archie said.

Another silence, if I was at a place in my mind where I could bring myself to care, I'd snipe at them like Eleanor always did when they had silent conversations with each other.

"I should have killed that person."

"She wouldn't have let you," I mumbled. I knew that, thanks to Archie. Not that I would have let her do it anyways, after what Archie had told me a few days ago. I could accept killing a human and destroying my life because of it. I wouldn't let her life be destroyed though. And especially not for me.

"Beau's right. It was the only way were getting out of there alive," Archie said.

"You saw that?" Edythe asked.

"Yes." Archie said.

A moment later Edythe snarled, "Why didn't you show me that before?"

"I assumed that it was something us being in his life would cause and we were leaving. It wasn't important."

But it had been important. In fact, it had been so important that Archie had left it, as well as over a dozen other obscure notations, on a piece of paper at the bottom of all the documents. At the time, I hadn't paid any attention to the note, it had been one of hundreds of things I'd memorized in a glance since becoming a vampire, then simply shoved aside in my brain for later knowledge.

I heard the receptionist walking around. "Does he know what goes on here?" I asked, mostly to change the subject.

"Yes. He knows everything," Edythe told me.

"Does he know they're going to kill him someday?"

"He's knows it's a possibility," she said.

That surprised me.

"He's hoping they'll decide to keep him."

"He wants to be like them." There was no shock or surprise in my voice.

"Immortality is a heady gift to many, Beau."

I didn't respond. Who was I to judge anyways? Apparently if it weren't for Archie's continual interference in my life, I'd have been in there feasting like the rest of them. I didn't know how I felt about that.

Edythe and I sat mere inches apart, but I could feel a separation of miles in my mind. I just didn't know how I was going to continue forward from this. Especially with her. I was starting to understand the monastery vision though. Would I be able to find peace again in that kind of an environment?

"We'll be home soon. I'll see Jessamine in less than twenty-four hours," Archie said in a forcefully cheerful voice.

"And how are we going to get home?" I asked.

"Don't you worry about that. I'll arrange it all once we're out of here." This time, the cheer wasn't forced. Whatever Archie was planning, he was going to enjoy doing it.

We all drifted into silence for awhile. I wanted to know about the werewolf but decided to wait to ask about it.

Eventually, after the ticking clock let me know we'd been sitting in silence for almost two hours, though I was sure Archie and Edythe had still been conversing between each other – they had the art of silent conversation mastered – that Archie finally asked something aloud.

"What was that about  _La Tua Cantante_?"

""They have a name for someone whose blood smelled as Beau's did to me. They call it a singer – because his blood sang for me. It's basically unheard of, one like him surviving meeting the vampire he sings for."

We reverted back to silence, but eventually the light footsteps of one of the twins could be heard. I briefly looked up to check before letting my head rest in my hands again. It was Jane.

"You're free to leave now," Jane told us, her tone so warm you'd think we were all lifelong friends. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

Edythe made no answering pretense; her voice was ice cold. "That won't be a problem."

A moment later, I heard Jane's footsteps as she left the way she came in.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gavin told us as we got to our feet. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now," he added pleasantly. I wondered if his competence would be enough to get him what he wanted.

I noticed as Archie shot him a dark look.

We left through a tastefully luxurious lobby. I was the only one who glanced back at the medieval castle that housed the elaborate business facade. I couldn't see the turret from here, for which I was grateful.

The party was still in full swing in the streets. The street lamps were just coming on as we walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker.

The party was darker, too. Our longs cloaks did not stand out in the way it might have on a normal evening in Volterra, or even as they had this morning. Many of the humans were in long black satin, red, gray or even white cloaks now, and the plastic fangs I'd seen on the child in the square today seemed to be very popular with the adults.

I cut off my airways completely, not daring to breathe – the sound of the beating hearts alone was enough to drive me to madness.

"Ridiculous," Edythe muttered once.

Archie left abruptly, heading in a different direction than us. I looked after him to figure out where he was going to.

"He went to retrieve your bags from where he stashed them this morning and to get a car for us."

I nodded in understanding.

Edythe took my hand and led me through the thrall of humans, her hand in mine being the only deterrent I had that was preventing me from trying to massacre the humans partying on the streets.

I happened to look up as we headed through the dark stone archway. The huge, ancient portcullis above was like a cage door, threatening to drop on us, to lock us in.

There was a tan Peugeot waiting right next to the gates. The vehicle looked suspiciously familiar.

I climbed in to the back seat, expecting Edythe to sit up front with Archie, but instead her hands gently pushed against my side and so I scooted over and she got in with me.

"Is this the same car...?"

"The asshole driver of this vehicle almost made us late. She deserves having to report her vehicle stolen. Especially since the Bugatti is long gone." He sighed in genuine disappointment.

"You can hardly expect to find a second like that one, Archie," Edythe said softly as she leaned into me. I put my arm around her in pure instinct.

He whined, "But I wanted to keep it."

"I'll get you one for Christmas," Edythe promised.

"Black."

I closed my eyes as Archie drove us away from Volterra.

"Why are they keeping a captive werewolf? How is a werewolf born? I thought they were a created species like our own." I couldn't resist asking any longer.

"We like to believe ourselves an apex species because we can make more of us so easily, and we often – and by we, I really mean the Volturi – see the children of the moon as a lesser species. You see, the vast majority of werewolves are made, just as I told you, and the process of that creation is an arduous one, because the werewolf has to bite a human on the full moon without killing them. And since they are lead entirely by instinct, it's... difficult at best. If the human isn't killed outright, then they have to survive the month long infection which has similar symptoms to rabies. About seventy percent of the humans that are bit, die in the month. Of the thirty percent that makes it to the full moon, less than half survive their first change.

"But that's for made werewolves. Do you remember when you were human and you asked how vampires got their start? Well, the truth is, we don't know. But werewolves do know, because the first generation of werewolves were born many millennia ago. And if they breed with another werewolf that was born, then they can have a child. Those types of wolves often times call themselves lycanthropes – or pure bloods. The Volturi have hunted the lycanthropes to near extinction. The theory being that if they cut off the head of the snake than the rest will eventually die off. And they would be right, of course. Because only werewolves who are born that way, are immortal.

"Most werewolves, being mostly human, live a mere sixty or seventy years. However, among the pure bloods, some have gifts, talents. In many ways, it's similar to our species. Some of them are healers, some are gorous – those that are able to change on the new moon instead of the full moon – and occasionally... one is a seer. The woman that they have captured is a carrier of the seer gene, though she herself doesn't have that talent.

"They think that her child might, and if the child has the gift, then Mele is sure that she can rip the power from the child. It will likely kill the child as her gift is meant to be used on vampires, not werewolves. Of course, the Volturi don't care if the child is killed as long as they get that rare gift."

"A seer? Is that like Archie?" I looked at Edythe now.

"Sort of... and sort of not. Archie see possible futures, but his visions are subject to change. At least usually. Seers don't predict the future so much as predict prophecy. What they see,  _will_  come to pass. Of course, it is Sulpicia's belief that if she could harness such a rare power then perhaps she'd be able to prevent things she didn't want to occur... like her own downfall for instance. She'd be wrong, of course. All she'd end up doing is helping to fulfill it. There's a reason that most prophecies are called  _self fulfilling._ "

She answered a couple, more specific questions as I asked, but then we reached Rome and I had to stop asking questions as we got out of the vehicle and I was once again assaulted with something I desperately wanted.

Archie somehow talked and bribed his way into clearing out the entire first class. I ignored the money passing hands, while I tried not to feel guilty for asking for this, as I knew it was for the best.

It was a straight through flight to Seattle – and Archie made a brief call to Jessamine to let her know where we'd be going. But as we boarded the flight and I took one thin breath of air, I realized that the scents were still too potent, so I cut off my air completely for the entire flight – looking out the window at the stars and clouds until the sun came up. Then I closed the curtain.

It shouldn't have, after the call Archie had made, but the reception we arrived to at the Sea-Tac airport shocked me. Jessamine was the first one I saw – she didn't seem to see me at all. Her eyes were only for Archie. He went quickly to her side; they didn't embrace like other couples meeting there. They only stared into each other's faces, yet, somehow, the moment was so private that I still felt the need to look away.

Carine and Earnest waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metal detectors, in the shadow of a wide pillar. When we made it over to them, Earnest came forward to hug me, but I instantly stepped back and shook my head adamantly.

I still wore the cloak, though both Archie and Edythe had taken theirs off during the flight – and the irony that I didn't have any bloodstains on it hadn't escaped me. The thing was that it protected my eyes from being easily seen as long as I kept the hood up. Well at least they weren't easily seen by humans. Earnest noticed them pretty much immediately and squared his shoulders and hugged me in spite of my first attempt to stop him.

"It'll get better," he whispered fiercely.

The problem I was having, I didn't believe I deserved for it to get better. I just looked away.

He moved over to Edythe then and threw his arms around Edythe, and he looked like he would be crying if that were possible.

"You will  _never_ put me through that again," he nearly growled.

Edythe grinned, repentant. "Sorry, Dad."

Carine too, noticed my eyes, and she looked at me, not in disappointment – which I would have agreed with and accepted – but in forgiveness.

It made me hate myself even more.

If any of them could hear how badly I was raging on the inside to kill more humans, they'd know just what type of a monster I really was... I clenched my hands into fists under the sleeves of the long cloak.

Suddenly a hand landed on my shoulder and a calmness seeped through me.

"We should get out of here," Jessamine said softly.

Of course, though my thoughts were my own, she would still feel the inner turmoil going on for me. It had to be why she stepped over to me.

"Certainly, no need to draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves," said Carine.

When we got outside, Royal and Eleanor were waiting next to the BMW. Earnest wanted us to ride with them at first so Royal could try to make amends, but then Jessamine stepped forward and suggested I ride with her and Archie.

So Edythe and I got into the back seat of the Mercedes while Carine and Earnest got in the BMW with Eleanor and Royal.

The ride home was, thankfully, silent.


	24. Chapter 23 - The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 23 – The Truth**

The instant we got back to the house, Edythe asked me to come up to her room with her, so I followed.

When we reached her room and she shut the door, she reached out and unhooked the cloak I still had on. It dropped to the floor.

"That looks better."

"Does it?" I asked. I could see my eyes reflected in the wall of solid glass.

"Come on," she said softly, taking my hand and tugging gently until I followed her to the little day bed that she had in her room. There were a couple minutes of complete silence in her room as she looked at me closely, her fingers, very gently, tracing under my eyes.

Below us, I could hear Carine and Earnest on the first floor, along with Eleanor. I couldn't hear Royal, but was relatively sure he was in the garage at the moment. Jessamine and Archie were both in their room on the second floor, and I heard Archie's muttered warning about setting a TV back up tonight being a bad idea.

"It doesn't look all that bad, Beau. And it'll fade back to gold far quicker than it did when you were a newborn. If you can manage to go about three weeks without blood, your eyes will be completely black. I'm not recommending you wait that long, mind you, but if you did, your eyes would be back to gold after that first feeding."

I flinched at the thought of even trying to wait that long. She misunderstood the flinch.

"Beau... you killed one human. It was a small snafu."

I could hear Archie's teeth snap together on the floor below.

I went through the possible definitions for that word in my head and came up with one conclusion. "You think me deciding to kill a human so we could walk away because you were too foolish to bother to come to Forks and check to see if I actually was dead first was a  _mistake_?"

"Wrong word,  _very_  wrong word," she said softly. "What I mean is that while, yes it's horrible – chaotic even – that you killed that human, it's not the end of the world. Most of us have killed... many times. It's an inevitable part of being a vampire."

"So, tell me. What would you think of me if I decided to become a nomad?"

"You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. You aren't that kind of a person, Beau."

"Just like you knew I wanted a car? Because, you know, I totally would have run away like that if that was something I'd actually desired." My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

She winced slightly. "I admit, I didn't use the best judgment when it came to that." She sighed. "I know that there's a lot we have to talk about. I can get the family to go away for now and we can talk. Just you and me."

"No. They need to stay. I don't trust myself at the moment, Edythe. And given how none of you ever trusted me when I was in control, you definitely should be on full alert now."

"Beau..."

"Don't. Just don't, Edythe. Please understand that I know my mind enough to know I'm far from in control currently. Besides, even if they did leave, it's not like it would actually give us privacy. Archie will see it all before it's even played out. And he's proven quite adept at telling what he sees to everyone except the people it's actually about."

"Hey!" Archie shouted from somewhere below.

Edythe actually snorted. "In Archie's defense, he does the stuff that he does because he truly believes he's doing what's best for everyone. He wasn't able to predict how badly things would go when we left. He just saw it not ending as disastrously as if we'd stayed."

"Isn't that precisely the problem?" I looked at Edythe. "We all rely on him, and yet, as we both found out in Italy, if he was truly accurate all the time then I wouldn't even be here now. I'd be a member of the Volturi guard. And not just any guard, no, I'd be one of Sulpicia's personal guards. At least I assume that you found that out the same time I did. Or is that why you were really interested in me to begin with? Because you knew I was meant to be part of the Volturi?"

"No. I was as surprised by that revelation as you were. But if you'd actually been meant to be part of the Volturi, then you would be. Like I told you in Italy, Archie sees possible futures, but they are subject to change. We moved here and it changed it."

"And why did that future need changed?"

Archie replied from below. "It wasn't a nice vision, Beau. I can't even say that you would have been happy in Volterra, but I thought when I first got it that maybe you were going to wake up without any memories, the same way I had – it would have accounted for the massacre I was so fortunate to witness. I figured maybe if we were here, then we could help you after you were changed. I didn't know at the time that the real reason I had it was because you were meant to be Edythe's mate. I didn't even have the slightest idea about that until Edythe saved you from Taylor's van."

I nodded in ascension, though he couldn't see me at the moment.

"Edythe, I know you guys leaving was as much my fault as it was yours. I accept that. I should have tried harder to understand how much my own inaction was hurting you, but I wasn't ready. And now you're all back and you expect me to do, what? Just forget. We all know I can't. It's literally impossible."

"I won't speak for the others, Beau. But I can tell you what I want. I want another chance. I'm sorry that us leaving hurt you, I'm sorry that you had to do something you never wanted to. And I'm sorry, more so than you can possibly imagine, that Sulpicia has left a seed of doubt in your head."

I closed my eyes, already knowing I'd give her that chance. I was incapable of not doing it. "Then please explain to me, why. I need to understand... I need to know what really happened."

There was more teeth grinding below.

Edythe sighed. "I'm going to tell you what I knew at the time we left, because that was what I was told at the time. It turns out there were even more details than what I was told. But I didn't know that. Archie showed me a future where you and I got married back in January after you killed someone. I now know that person was your singer, as the Volturi called it, I wasn't made aware of that then. You married me at a justice of the peace because of several reasons that I don't fully understand. I  _think_ that maybe in that future I was getting worried that you were starting to decide you didn't really love me and was worried you were going to leave me so I manipulated you into it. I don't know though. I can only guess as to what my reasons were.

"Anyways, eventually at some point after that, things changed. You still loved me, but a long term relationship developed on anything other than trust is destined to end in disaster, and though Archie didn't have an actual vision of us separating at some point. It was obvious it was heading that way. I've had enough time these last few months to actually try to understand why it happened that way. The only thing I can understand is that you've never really believed I love you... and there's my own issues as well. Neither of us would be blameless in that future.

"Before we decided to leave, Archie tried to find a way to fix it. We contemplated telling your dad that you were alive to give you a link to your human life, but that ended in bitter disaster. I decided to leave and the rest were going to stay to help you, but that was the vision that ended in you going to the Romanians after I, apparently, was killed by the Volturi. I still don't get a hundred percent what happened in that future. Though love and hate often keep close company so I'm almost wondering if, because I left, you grew to hate me and that was what led to that future. Though it wouldn't explain why you were trying to avenge me."

She shook her head. "In another version, Archie decided to tell you what he was seeing... you decided to martyr yourself to prevent it from happening altogether. I just don't know, Beau. I'm sure there were things we didn't try, but leaving seemed to the best possible future at the time."

"Did Archie check to see how I'd react if you were the one that told me instead of him?"

"I'm not sure." She paused, probably listening to Archie's thoughts. "That would be a no. Archie assumed it would be the same no matter who told you. I admit, we should have checked to see what would happen if I had told you... if we'd just sat down and figured this all out from the beginning. I'm sorry we didn't."

"I'm sorry too." I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry that I've had... difficulties with believing that you love me. I'm sorry that I'm having a hard time trusting that fact."

"Can you explain to me why?"

"You know, when I was human, I knew it. I truly believed it. Even though we didn't spend all that long together as an actual couple. I  _knew_  that you loved me. It was obvious in your actions and in how you said it to me. But those memories are blurry and faded now. I have to focus to even remember the most basic of conversations from then. I remember the lion and the lamb comment. I remember telling you that I loved you that Sunday morning... but what I remember better than anything else is the words Joss told me. And then she bit me... And you showed up..."

"And I tried to suck the venom out."

"Yes."

"And I almost killed you outright in doing so."

"That's true... but I understand that need for blood better than ever. So I'm not going to judge you for that. Perhaps my biggest issue is that you asked me if I'd rather die."

"I wanted you to have a choice, Beau. None of us ever had one."

"I know that, at least on one level. But I still remember it and there's this part of me that thinks that maybe you secretly wanted me to choose the other option. I know that thought process is wrong, Edythe. I truly do. But it's where my mind has been stuck. I was trying to move past it. I was even partway there, before you guys left. I had a plan, but when I got back from my brief run about... you guys were just gone.

"And of course, there was that letter."

Edythe sighed. "And now you've actually managed to fall in love with a shifter."

She must have pulled it out of Archie's mind, or he'd showed her my conversations with him.

"I'm not in love with Jules, Edythe. I love her, yes, but it isn't like that. I don't see her the way I do you. But she was here when I was metaphorically drowning. She was the one that pulled me out of that hole. I hate to think on where I'd be now without her. Probably heading on a one-way path towards one of the more volatile visions that Archie had seen though."

"But it's not platonic."

I immediately glared at the floor. "That conversation was supposed to be private." I sighed. "No, it's not. I'm not sure I can describe it the right way, Edythe. She sees me as being some sort of lost soul mate, and whether that's true or not... she's always there. She stopped me from losing it after I opened all those presents, she saved my life when I fought with Lauren, and again when I fought with Victor. She's the one that helped me to realize that there was something I could maybe live for after you were gone. I figured, as long as you were out there and happy somewhere, then I owed it to you to follow your request to flourish without you. So I tried."

"It shouldn't be possible, what you've done."

"According to who? If vampires like Sulpicia and Athenodora exist, who actually ordered the execution of their own mates... It seems unlikely that  _I'm_  a singular case. It may be unusual for someone with a mate to find some other type of love, but we all know I'm a freak. And besides, you weren't here. I did what I had to in order to try and fill the void that was left."

"Of course, it would have been completely avoidable if you'd just listened to me from the beginning."

"What do you mean?"

"Edythe, do you know how hard it is to believe someone truly loves you when every time you ask for a little bit of space they just crowd you more. Every time I said I didn't want expensive clothes, I'd find another rack of it in my closet. I said I didn't need a car – there was already seven I could have used whenever I needed something, I didn't need my own personal vehicle. And even if I was to someday choose one. You had to know that I'd never choose something like a Camaro..."

She cut me off. "Just because you wouldn't ask for it, doesn't mean you didn't secretly want it."

"I'm not that complex. If I'd wanted a Camaro, I would have made some sort indication, even if I didn't outright ask for it. But you've never trusted me."

"Of course I trust you, Beau."

"Then tell me, had you just accepted that I actually knew my own mind and listened to me then would any of Archie's visions that you were so worried about actually have occurred?"

Edythe looked unsure for a moment at my words, not denying what I'd just said. "I'm sure Archie checked that."

I could hear Archie downstairs in his room, pacing.

Suddenly Edythe jumped up from the bed, her fists clenching. "What do you mean that that would have worked."

Archie's voice came up from the second floor. He sounded strained. "It was the one sure way to have fixed everything. But you wouldn't have believed it, Edythe. I tried to guide you in that direction, if Beau opened the rest of the presents, it probably... maybe would have happened. But if I'd told you, you just would have hovered around him even more until he would have snapped. That vision was worse than all the others."

I laughed out loud. There was no humor in the laugh. "So we have it from the omniscient one himself. Your mistrust in me was so great that even you wouldn't believe in the one able to see the future. I'm not sure what that says about you. Or me."

I got up from the bed, walking over to Edythe's giant window. I shook my head. "I don't know how either of us can move on from this." I laughed again, bitterly, seeing my own red eyes reflected in the glass.

"What are you saying, Beau?"

I pressed my hand against the glass. "I'm saying that I love you, Edythe. But there's so many issues between you and I that I don't see how love will ever be enough. We don't trust each other, and I have no clue how to overcome that. You've never respected me, and I don't know how I'll ever respect you again. We're polar opposites, Edythe. When I look at you, I see a visual representation of a goddess, and I know quite well what I look like. You're the sun and the moon and everything that is good and light in this world and me... I actually am a monster. You have the world at your feet, and without me around I'm sure you'll be able to find someone to love and trust you the way you deserve. I, on the other hand, will just continue to tear you down... Maybe we could have made it work. If I was still human, if you'd never left, if I'd never killed... I don't know. There's no way for us to ever know now. "

I took a slight breath. "I guess what I'm really saying is that I should go back to Volterra by myself and embrace that path. It's where I belong."


	25. Chapter 24 - Vote

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: Vote - an act of expressing a formal indication of choice.

**Chapter 24 – Vote**

"If you go back to Volterra then I'm going to go with you, Beau," Edythe said stubbornly, stepping up to the window beside me.

"That defeats the entire purpose of it."

"Beau, I made one mistake and left you. I'm not letting you run away now... not when I know what it feels like to believe you're actually dead."

I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the window. "Edythe, that isn't..." I didn't know how to explain what I'd realized about myself. I didn't know how to make her understand that I was fighting every instinct in my body just to stay and talk with her, because a very large part of me wanted more blood, and it wasn't animal blood I desired.

I knew that maybe I just wasn't looking at it objectively, after all... Almost every vampire in this house had killed humans before. As Edythe had said, it was just part of being a vampire. But the bloodlust, in my head, felt more encompassing than how even Jessamine described it, and I didn't know what it meant. Maybe it was because it was so new to me, and it would fade in time. I wasn't sure.

Oh, it was true, the very first time I got in close proximity with human blood – Bonnie's as it had so happened – I knew that I wanted it, and I wanted it badly, but I'd been able to resist. And I didn't think I could anymore.

Beside me, Edythe suddenly said, "Oh, that's an excellent idea."

I opened my eyes, turning my head slightly to look at her.

"Carine is mentally suggesting that perhaps we have a family meeting. There are choices to be made and options in front of us. Maybe it'll help you figure out what you want to do."

"Okay," I agreed.

…

Archie and Jessamine made it downstairs to the dining room table before Edythe and I did. Carine, Earnest, and Eleanor were also seated around the giant table, which only left Royal, who came in from outside a moment later. He was in a pair of jeans with oil stains on them, confirming what I'd assumed.

"I want to be the first to say that leaving was wrong. We shouldn't have done it, no matter how legitimate our reasons. We're a family unit, and you are part of this family," Carine said as she stared at me.

I nodded in acceptance of her words.

"And we're sorry." The words were heartfelt, and clearly honest. No one could doubt that she meant them.

And yet, I wasn't ready to accept them. So I looked away and didn't reply. There were several seconds of dead silence, while I saw Archie open his mouth only to close it again a moment later, out of the corner of my eye.

Finally Jessamine spoke, "Beau feels betrayed over the fact that we left. He's also overwhelmed. I don't think he's ready to accept that apology."

I stiffened for a moment but then let my shoulders deflate. I remembered one the first family meeting we'd had after I became a vampire and I'd been given fair warning at the time that they only worked when everyone actually talked when they were supposed to.

"And that's fair. But we now need to decide what we should do next," Carine said.

"I say we should stay here. There's no point in us moving, at least for now," Royal said.

"What do you think the wolves will do if they see Beau's eyes as they look right now, Royal?" Edythe snarled.

"I would think that would be his problem, wouldn't it? He didn't have to kill that human."

I placed my hand over Edythe's just as she stated, "You're right, you could have bothered to actually think about the consequences that your actions might have caused, because if Beau had actually been dead, then so would I. Likely Archie too, who never would have just let me die."

"I couldn't have possibly known you would pull some sort of modern day Iseult, Edythe." His words were both angry and contrite at the same time.

Edythe opened her mouth, but I beat her to talking. "No, he's absolutely right. It wasn't like I slipped up. I made a choice. I could have told Sulpicia no and watched you and Archie be killed. I could have chose not to even rescue to begin with. There's a whole lot of could haves, not the least of which is the one where you guys could have never moved to Forks to begin with. And perhaps that's what should have actually happened."

"I wouldn't have seen that vision if it was meant to happen like that, Beau. Do you know how weird it is for me to have a vision about somebody I don't know, living in a town I've never been to, and following that up by getting attacked by a vampire I've never met. It's not like it was a vision about one of us or the Denalis or any of the vampires that we actually know. It was about a vampire that, at the time, I'd never seen before. Joss never inferred that Lauren was with her at the time that she attacked me so I have no reason to believe I even knew Lauren as a human.

"And though I knew of Forks, because of the treaty and the interesting story there, I'd never actually been to Forks. This town meant little more to me than a sunny day in Florida would. And I had no relationship to you, Beau. You aren't a descendant of one of our human families, you aren't somebody who I accidentally bumped into when you were child, and you aren't famous. There was no reason for me to have a vision of you, unless I was meant to do something about it.

"I admit, I didn't know that you were meant to become a part of our integral lives, at the time. I just thought it was something I was meant to take care of. It wouldn't be my first vision like that. I do occasionally get a vision of some future that has nothing to do with me, and it's always because it's something that's changeable – preventable even."

"And yet no one knew?"

"I knew Archie had seen something, and that was why he wanted to move here so badly, but I didn't know the details of the vision," Jessamine said.

Carine sighed. "Since Archie and Jessamine joined our family back in 1950, we've moved a few times based on Archie's recommendations, because of what he saw. Usually it has had to do with potential danger where we were at before the move. So I'm not saying that I was unaware we were moving on his suggestion. I just accepted that there was a good reason."

I couldn't be angry with such practicality.

"Archie, I am grateful that you interfered, truly. I got to know all of you because of it, I got the chance to learn a bit about what love is... I even got to meet someone who, in a different life, one where perhaps I'd had a chance to grow up a little more, that maybe the mate bond would have been enough. But if so many of your visions end with me being some type of actual monstrosity, then this isn't the place for me.

"I think, subconsciously, I always knew that I was balanced on a knife's edge. It might be why I was so good at resisting human blood before. But I don't see myself being able to anymore, because something up here feels very different." I pointed a finger at my head.

"Beau, you also used your gift consciously for the first time," Edythe stated matter-of-factly. "I was still able to hear Sulpicia's thoughts when you did it. She seemed to think, based on how you stopped Alec's assault on me, that you're a shield, similar to the man behind her that she pointed out to you. Reinaldo. He's a physical shield and can stop physical attacks. He can make a small invisible circle around him that can potentially protect him and maybe two others. It's not a very big circle, and it's a very subtle gift in that what it does is really just encourage people to turn around and go the opposite direction if you get too close. You're shield can obviously expand farther than his. But Sulpicia suspected, and I'd agree, that it's purely mental. Alec's gift doesn't actually cause someone physical pain. Instead, it's a mental illusion that causes the being pain. When you pushed that shield around me, it stopped his mental attack.

"It's possible the reason you feel different is because you stretched a muscle you didn't even know you had before now. I should have figured out that was your gift a long time ago, but it never occurred to me until her mind essentially spelled it out."

"That doesn't make sense though. You don't have more of a bloodlust just from reading people's thoughts." I wanted to believe her, because it would make my life so much easier – since, if it was a matter of learning to control a skill, I could practice until I did – but it wasn't jiving for me.

"I've always been aware of my gift, Beau, as have Jessamine and Archie, for that matter. Well Jessamine didn't know what she was doing when she was a young vampire, but she was aware that she was able to influence those around her. All three of us have always used our gifts, as do most vampires. It's hard not to be aware of a gift pretty much immediately when it's something like what we do. And I guess, in a matter of speaking, you've always used yours as well. Even as a human, your mind was protected from me. But you've been completely unaware of what you were doing. The reality is this is the first time you've ever consciously put it to use. That pretty much means that our experiences are moot if we use it as a comparison. It's an apple and an orange. Perhaps if you talked with Kirill, he might know better than us."

"You really think that could be why?"

"Yes, I do. Is it true that some vampires have stronger bloodlusts than others? Absolutely. But you've been fine for almost a year. It doesn't make factual sense that one taste of human blood would change you so completely."

"Okay." I wasn't sure I believed her, not because I didn't trust her judgment on this subject, but because it didn't feel like it was because of the use of my talent.

"So no running off to Volterra?"

"I won't, I promise."

There was a brief pause.

Finally, Carine spoke, "We'll discuss the matter of you having a gift later. But now that we've determined you aren't leaving, we should figure out what is better here. If we stay we do risk the wolves ire, but we also risk the fact that Beau will eventually be recognized by someone eventually, and perhaps it would just be better for us all to start fresh elsewhere... Even if you decided against starting in a new school at this time, Beau."

"I don't see us leaving," Archie said.

"I don't care, but if we're going to move again, then can we get it done. We've already move twice in less than a year," Eleanor said, amusement in her voice.

"I think I should stay. I can't speak for any of you," I said quietly.

"If Beau's going to stay, then so am I."

"We should move. It makes the most logical sense. But if Archie doesn't seeing it happening, then I'm not going to argue with him," Jessamine stated.

Carine sighed. "That makes a majority. I guess I'll work to get my old position back at the hospital."

"They'll give it to you. They still haven't filled your spot," I said, remembering a newspaper I'd read from about three weeks ago.

…

After that we all went our separate ways. Royal returned to the garage to finish whatever he'd been working on, while Archie and Jessamine went back upstairs. Carine and Earnest decided to go hunting, while Eleanor headed upstairs as well.

Edythe and I found ourselves on the living room couch.

"Why do you want to stay so badly, Beau?"

"Once my eyes are gold again I want to go back to patrolling the forest with Julie so that we can kill Victor. I need to try and find some sort of atonement for killing that human, as well as someway to find my humanity again. While you were gone, patrolling reminded me of what humanity stands for. Besides, Victor wouldn't be here if it weren't for me, and it's also personal for me now."

"No!" Edythe stated sharply.

"What?"

"I don't want you putting yourself continually in danger. I've already thought I lost you once. I won't go through that again."

"Edythe, I'm as immortal as you are and I'll have Jules and probably at least one member of her pack there any time we patrol. It's hardly dangerous."

"Then why do you have a scar on your neck, Beau? If they're always there then how did Archie have a vision of you fighting Victor? How come you were the one that killed that immortal child and not one of them?"

"I was patrolling on my own when I ran into Lauren. In part because I didn't realize who the vampires were, and in part because I was being foolish. As for Victor, he attacked me here. It wasn't like I was out asking for it." I didn't comment on the third question.

"Well he won't be attacking you  _here_  again, with all of us back. You going out hunting him down on the the other hand is just asking for trouble."

"Like what? He needs to die, Edythe. Surely you can't deny that. He's either going to continue coming after me, or he's going to start targeting you or someone else in the family. You can't be willing to let that happen."

"If he's that desperate for revenge then he'll eventually come here. Let him make that mistake and show up here where we can all fight him. There's strength in numbers."

I didn't understand what her problem was. She knew I was immortal. Unless... "Are you  _jealous_ of Jules?"

"Of course not. This is entirely about your safety."

I could hear the pique in her voice as she replied though. I grabbed the first thing I saw, one of Carine's heavy medical books – as it so happened. I threw it as hard as I could and it smashed through the screen of the television that Eleanor had put up. I remembered Archie's comment then.

My hands squeezed into fists as I turned to her. "Edythe, there's no way we're going to make a second chance work if we're going to revert back to what were doing before. You have to know that."

I stood up and dashed up the stairs. Slamming the door to my bedroom the instant I was inside.

…

Edythe knocked on my door about an hour later. Of course, I would have known it was her even if her knock wasn't so unique. I'd heard her light footsteps as they'd come up the stairs.

"Come in," I said.

She stepped inside and stepped over to where I was sitting on the bed, sitting down beside me, and taking my hands.

"You're right. I am jealous. You have something with Julie Black that we currently don't have, and I know it's partly my fault. I left and there's cause and reaction for everything, even this. I caused something that I didn't think was possible. And I'm not asking you to stop your friendship with her, I'm truly not. But please, don't expect me to be okay with the idea of you spending hours with her every day, because there's no way for me to be okay with that."

"Okay, I understand." It wasn't a full acquiescence, but it was as much as I could give at the time.

She smiled softy. "Come up to my room with me? We can listen to music tonight, or talk, or just hold each other."

I smiled back weakly. "Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow." I leaned forward and kissed her delicately on the lips, trying to infuse as much as I could into the kiss so that she'd understand that I loved her still, but I just needed a little bit of time.

She kissed me back before slowly pulling away. "I'll hold you to that."

She left my room, closing the door behind her. The instant she was out of my room, I reached down into the trunk I'd set on the floor and pulled out the small jewelry box.

I opened the lid and removed the note inside, unfolding it so I could read it for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So here's the deal. If you are looking for a Beau/Edythe happy ending and have no intention to read my next book, Rebirth and Affliction: Eclipse Reimagined, then this is your stopping point. The last chapter and the epilogue are going to completely negate the small amount of progress made in their relationship in this chapter. Because unlike in the original fantasy of The Twilight Saga, I much prefer real life where there actually is real growth and change and development in characters and in their relationships. So as is generally true for most budding relationships, for every one step forward there's two steps back. You've been warned.


	26. Chapter 25 - Treaty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 25 – Treaty**

In the week that followed, I spent every night except that first one in Edythe's room. She'd play different music from her large collection and we'd talk about everything except what was important. We weren't really moving forward so much as we were merely getting to know each other again. It was some of the best days I'd had since I was changed, because she was there, and we were communicating. And the longer we were side by side like that, the more I accepted that the entire reason she left was because of my own inability to let go of preconceived notions that I'd known were wrong all along.

I was happy, with her. She was the light that I'd missed after they'd left, and because of the little things she said, telling me that she loved me, telling me that  _we'd_ get through this, telling me we were stronger together... I started to believe that there was hope for us. I let myself believe we could move forward from this, let myself not only accept her love but actually started to accept that it was alright to love her in kind.

Our kisses weren't quite as restrained as they'd been before they'd left, occasionally her hand would roam under my shirt, or she would grab my butt, while I myself was still careful, not wanting to push too far too fast.

It wasn't perfect,  _we weren't_ perfect, but it was better. And for a time, I had hope.

I still had hope, even after the fourth day when I went out on my own and tried to hunt a deer only to spit the blood out immediately. The taste had been truly disgusting, and I'd decided that once I felt like trying again, I'd go farther away, to somewhere I could possibly find a bear or a cougar, anything that might have a flavor that I thought I could possibly stomach.

And, though I still wasn't talking to Archie, still couldn't stand to be in the same room as Royal and barely was able to be near any of the others, except Eleanor, I was trying. Jessamine was hard to be around, because I knew she could feel the emotions that I was keeping on lock down – the fear, the bloodlust, and the guilt – but she could also feel the good stuff too, the love, happiness, and hope, so I tried to accept it as a good thing that she didn't flee the room every time I was near. Maybe it meant I was hiding the darker emotions better than I thought. Earnest was worse than Jessamine, because I could see his compassion and understanding and I knew I didn't deserve it. Then there was Carine, and she had questions to which I couldn't answer, because in spite of what Edythe had stated, that it had been my doing that had protected her – which I completely believed – I had no clue how I did it, and no clue how to use it again. I'd seen Edythe in danger and I'd reacted, simple as that.

Still, in the back of my mind, there were two voices that were getting louder every day, and neither had anything to do with my shield. The first one, was a voice that was demanding blood, and not animal blood either. I could almost push that voice completely away while Edythe was there because I knew she saw me as being better than that, so I was striving to be what she saw me as. I wanted to deserve to be the love of her life, and the only way I could do that would be if I pushed past that part of me.

But it was the second voice that I really couldn't get past. It was the part of me that demanded killing the human I hadn't even known had been wrong. It was the part of me that screamed that because of  _my actions_  a family of four, including two very young children, were dead. It was that part that said I wasn't doing  _anything_ to try to make it right – not that anything ever would. It was the part that felt dirty every time I thought of what I'd done to Dahlia. And while some piece me recognized that it was some strange mix of guilt, grief and shame... I didn't know how to move past it. So every day, I tamped it down tight, trying to ignore it completely, and every day, it got a little louder and screamed to be recognized. But how was I supposed to explain to any of them that I actually felt guilty over doing what I had to in order to save Edythe and Archie's lives? How could I possibly justify the emotions I was feeling when what I'd done had saved the life of the woman I loved and a man that – while I was currently upset with him – I deeply cared for? How would anyone else be able to understand it when I myself didn't?

So everyday, I fought to ignore it. And everyday, it got a little harder.

…

On the eighth day after we'd returned, the wolves – or actually a wolf – descended.

We all heard the motorbike as it rode up the drive to our house.

"It's your friend, Julie. She wants to talk to us all, and she wants to see you, Beau. She wants to make sure you're alright."

I shook my head. "She can't, not while my eyes are like this." I knew how Julie would react if she saw me at the moment. There may be no born monsters, as she'd once claimed, but I'd become one now, and I knew that if she saw me like this, with my eyes a deep burgundy, she'd realize that her friend was gone forever. I knew how much that would hurt her, and I couldn't do that to her. Somehow, after my eyes were gold again, I'd find a way to lie believably so she and I could keep our friendship – so she wouldn't lose me completely – even though I knew our friendship would be different now.

"I'll tell her you're out hunting," Edythe said softly. "You can stay up here." She leaned forward, kissing me briefly, my hands knotted in her hair almost instantly, but she extracted herself as she got up.

"She wants to meet with all of us," Edythe said loudly after leaving her room.

I heard my family go outside as I slid down off of Edythe's day bed and to the floor, just in case Julie got curious and came around to the back of the house. If she figured out I was deliberately hiding from her then she would know why immediately.

Outside, I heard Carine ask, "Why's she coming?"

I could almost hear the slight frown in Edythe's voice as she replied, "I think I'll let Julie explain that. It's nothing bad though."

About fifteen seconds later, the motorbike pulled to a stop out front and shut off. I heard the stand being kicked down and Jules getting off the bike.

"Where's Beau?" she asked.

"He's out hunting," Edythe replied immediately.

Jules response was sharp. "You're allowing him to hunt by himself with the red head hunting him?"

"As long as you aren't involved, I can see his future perfectly fine, so I know he's safe at the moment," Archie said angrily.

"She's concerned because two people were killed on the reservation while we were in Italy," Edythe said softly. "I'm so sorry for the loss to the tribe."

"Yeah... well it was our own fault. We weren't prepared for that type of an attack..." There was a noticeable pause before Jules continued. "Look, can you tell Beau that if he's been staying out of La Push in an effort to protect us, then it's too late for that. The bloodsucker is clearly broadening his horizons."

"That's mostly my fault," Edythe said.

Jules sounded positively irked when she replied this time. "Why? Are you afraid of a little bit of friendly competition."

"Not even a little bit. I'm just concerned for Beau's safety."

Jules let out a sarcastic laugh. "Well you needn't worry, because he made it clear that as long as there's a chance you two can make it work then he won't pursue anything with me. And if you're really that worried, you can come to La Push too."

I blinked. What did she just say?

"That's why I'm here, of course. The elders don't agree with my decision, but it is mine to make. The treaty is void, as long as you guys don't kill anyone, you are free to come and go between La Push and here as you please."

I wanted to run to a front window and check people's expressions, but I didn't because I knew Jules' hearing was almost as acute as ours and she would hear me if I moved from my hiding place.

"Thank you for –" Carine started.

Jules cut her off, her voice harsh as she spoke. "Make no mistake. I'm not doing this for any of you. I'm doing this for Beau. He believes that you aren't monsters and as we've both been dealing with a real one for months, I am going to accept that he knows what he's talking about. Besides, I'm relatively sure that it is going to take us working together to stop Victor."

"Why do you believe that?" Jessamine asked.

"He's slippery. We've caught Victor's scent twice in the last week since the attack, but he's never actually there. On top of that, the two women that were killed, couldn't have both been by him. I was nearby when he attacked and killed Kelly. I actually drove him off before he could kill Kelly's daughter too. The attack on Jana occurred at the same time. When I checked the scent there... it was different. I can't parse them out the way Beau can. All of your scents smell like frozen bleach and ammonia to me, but I'm relatively certain the scent was feminine and familiar too. I think it was the woman that Victor stole over six weeks ago now, Raven."

I pressed a hand to my mouth to keep from vocally reacting. It was all my fault. If I'd done my job better than I would have found Raven before she was fully turned or at least shortly after. I could have shown her the ropes... or taken care of her if that had proved impossible, but instead she was still out there.

And here Julie was, trying to make things work for my sake because she trusted in me. And if I stuck with my plan, to try and keep some sort of friendship with her after what I'd done, I knew I'd be betraying that trust. I was as much of a monster as Victor and Raven. Perhaps I was even more of one than them, because unlike Victor, who clearly had no conscience – and Raven who was probably only doing what his instincts told him to – I'd known when I killed Dahlia how despicable it made me, and I'd known when I'd killed the human how wrong it was. And wasn't that the definition of a true monster? Someone who knew what they were doing was wrong but did it anyways?

I'd done those things, and yet here I was like I was still good, like there was still anything redeemable about me. I was moving forward with my life with Edythe like I still deserved her and yet it was so obvious that I didn't. Yes, she'd killed people in the twenties – murderers and rapists – but she'd truly believed what she was doing wasn't that bad as they were vile creatures. She'd probably actually saved more lives than she'd taken, and when she realized what she was doing was wrong, she had stopped. On top of that she'd had almost eighty years of atonement. And as for the rest of the family when they had killed in the past, it was instinct, slip ups...

I, on the other hand, was just pretending, because what I'd done was a conscious decision.

Even though I was no longer actively listening to the conversation, I still heard as Jules asked Edythe to tell me to come see her the instant I was back from my hunting trip, and I heard as they said their goodbyes. I also heard when the bike started back up and took off.

I darted down to my bedroom, picking up the small jewelry box off my bedside table, leaving the note on the table. The last words from the note helped to give me purpose; ' _find the closure you need to help move you to the place you need to get to_.' It wasn't the rings I needed to give me closure, but they were a place to start.

I'd once told Archie that I'd have the courage to tell the truth to Edythe's face if it came to it, but part of me wished I did have time to write a note and flee in the night... it would be an easier way to deal with it.

Suddenly Edythe was in my room. "Beau, what's going on?"

I stepped forward, grabbing her hand and placing the jewelry box in it. I wrapped her fingers around the box. "I need to go, Edythe. I need to find some sort of... recompense for the things I have done. You don't want me patrolling with Jules and I can accept that, but if I can't find it here, then I need to go somewhere that I can. And I can't do that at the same time that I'm with you, because when I'm with you, all I want to do is just forget what I've done so that I can be there for you. And that's unfair to both of us. I'll never be able to truly find attrition, to truly atone, while I'm wrapped up in our life. And I'll never be able to give you a hundred percent of me until I do find that.

"So I need to take myself out of this picture, at least for now. We're immortal, and someday, I'll come back. Someday I'll find a way to be the man that you want me to be. Someday, I will be able to love you with my whole heart because you're worth it. Someday, I'll be able to get down on one knee in front of you and truly mean it. But that day isn't today. Today, I need to go. I need to find someway, somehow, to become that person. So for now, I need you to keep this." I looked at the box in her hand. "That way, when that someday finally comes, you'll know."

Her face looked completely heartbroken by my words, and I wished I could take them back, but I knew I needed this.

"No, Beau. I told you, if you leave, I'll follow."

There was a hitch in her voice that made me hate myself even more.

"Don't. Please, Edythe, I need this. I love you, I will always love you, but this isn't our time. I have to find a way to truly move on with my life after the things I've done... and that answer isn't here, with you. So please, if you love me the way that I know you do, let me have this. Let me leave for now. I  _will_ come back to you. I will find a way forward from here. And even if it takes me time to find that and you all have moved on to a different town by then... I'll find you. I promise."

Edythe closed her eyes, and a small sob broke from her chest.

I reached forward instinctively, pulling her close to me and and holding her there. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I whispered.

She pulled back enough to look at me. "Come back to me." Her words were barely a whisper, the acceptance of my request to leave causing her clear anguish, but they were fierce all the same.

"I will, I promise," I repeated.

I leaned down, kissing her hard, promising with my lips to come back even as I was saying goodbye with them.

…

Once I'd packed a backpack with some clothes and the cash and documents that Archie had made for me, I walked down the hall to Archie's room, knocking on his door.

Archie opened it, his face upset. "I know what you're going to ask. And I promise to try to not look for your future while you're gone. But I want you to know that I see you in Mexico in a year with this path that you're currently on."

"Then I guess we both know I won't be in Mexico in a year, given how your visions about me are always wrong," I said acerbically.

He stuck his tongue out at me, then quickly stepped forward, hugging me tight. "I'll miss you. No matter how short of a time you're gone."

"Bye Archie." I stepped back. "Tell Jessamine I said goodbye." She'd decided to go hunting while I'd still been packing my backpack.

"I will."

Then I went downstairs, saying goodbyes to both Earnest and Carine before heading to the garage. Both Royal and Eleanor were there. Eleanor was holding the Jeep up with one hand as Royal was stretched out underneath it.

I grabbed a set of keys from the wall.

Royal pulled himself out from under the Jeep right after I came in and Eleanor set the Jeep back down.

"I'll see you later, Eleanor," I said, coming over to her and hugging her for a quick second before I stepped back.

"Don't expect me to tell you goodbye," Royal said.

"Don't worry, Royal. I hate you too."

We stared at each other for several seconds before I finally turned away from him and went over to my Camaro. I threw my backpack in the passenger seat after opening the driver's door. I got in the car, starting it up for the first time since I'd been given it.

I didn't look back as I drove down the drive heading away from the Cullens property.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The two that were killed were Kelly Littlesea, mother to Colette Littlesea, Julie's thirteen year old first cousin, and Jana Fuller, mother to Brandy Fuller, Lee and Sarah's thirteen year old second cousin. Brandy and Colette's Twilight counterparts would of course be Brady and Collin.


	27. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: Fair warning, depending on emotional state (hormonal pregnant woman here) this may be a slight tear jerker before the end.

**Epilogue**

It had been three and a half weeks since I'd left the Cullens, and I was finally returning, or I had returned to Forks, anyways. I was on foot now, my Camaro had found it's way into the ocean when I passed through Northern California... I really didn't feel guilty about drowning my car, because running on foot was faster.

After that, I visited my mom in Florida for a couple of days, not that she knew I was there. I had watched as her and Phil filled out a portion of a mound of paperwork to adopt a child one evening. And I had watched – on a surprisingly cloudy day – as Phil had coached little league at the elementary school my mom was now teaching at.

I didn't regret killing the man down the street from where my mom lived that had been running a meth lab. It had been a choice, a conscious one, just as that woman in Volterra had been. But unlike the woman, who'd likely been a loving mother that had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, the man had been a pig. Making the house explode after killing him had been only too easy.

Then I spent three weeks in Europe. The two humans I killed there, I also didn't regret. In fact, I'd actually hunted them down specifically. Edythe had used her mind reading to choose which humans to kill, and I could appreciate that, but as I didn't have that gift, I'd used what I did have – including a quick mind and a sharp nose.

It was the other things I'd done while in Europe that I'd begun to regret. Oh, I'd gone there with the best of intentions, but the road to hell was exactly that.

Because now, I still felt the grief from killing Dahlia, I still felt ashamed of destroying that car with the dead family, I still felt guilty for killing that woman in Volterra. And now... I also felt dirty from what I'd done while in Europe in a way I couldn't begin to explain. No amount of bathing – no amount of prayer – would ever cleanse me again.

So I snuck into my dad's house to check on him and say goodbye, because I knew I was never going to check on him again. I slipped into the house using my window as I had the first time I'd snuck in. My room was once again exactly the same as it had been. I stepped over to my computer and went online, erasing my search history. Then I shut the computer off.

As I exited my room, I noticed immediately how much cleaner it smelled. My peek in the bathroom revealed that the sink was medication bottle free.

I crept over to my dad's room, opening the door quietly. He was once again sleeping on his stomach, but there were no bottles of whiskey in the room, and for a change, he looked better.

He wasn't to where he'd been before I died, but he looked like he'd put some of the weight back on. He looked like he was getting healthy again. I was happy for that.

"I wish I could tell you this when you were awake, but I can't because I'm supposed to be dead. So I want you to know, I love you, Charlie, and I miss you. And I hope that you find happiness and peace. I'm sorry I won't be here to see it."

I shut the door and then left the way I came in.

…

I made my way through the forest to a center point. There were two options in front of me, two paths, but I wished those paths were different. I wished I was still the man I'd been two months ago.

Because, you see, if I was still good... I'd be standing in the forest, halfway between two destinations for a different reason. I'd be here because Julie was my sun, while Edythe was both my day and my night.

Edythe brought me to life in a way that no one else ever could. She completed my heart, quite literally the other half to me. She was everything I could ever want, everything I desired in my life. She could raise me up to heights that no one else ever could... and she could tear me apart with a single word. She was the one that made everything right, the best thing in my life... and the worst.

Julie, on the other hand, did not set my metaphorical heart aflutter. I could never kiss her, never be intimate with her, and in many ways, the love we shared was merely half of a shell. But she was the safer path, and perhaps the healthier one, because even if she did someday turn me away, it would not destroy me.

If that was the two choices in front of me still, I'd run towards Edythe, risk to my heart be damned.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the set of choices in front of me.

My choices were much more complicated... and much simpler at the same time. I could live a lie, or I could die.

If I went back to Edythe now, I knew I'd never be able to give all of my heart to her, I knew I'd never be able to truly love her the way I should because I'd always be holding a part of me back – as I knew I could never tell her the truth of what I'd done. If I did go back to her and tell her, she'd hate me, and I couldn't deal with that. So if I went back now, it would be with only half of myself, and she deserved better.

My other option was to go to the wolves, where they would surely kill me, because my eyes were a vivid red. It was the only form of atonement available for me though... which made it the only real option that I had left.

I knew that if I went to Edythe now and told her to let me go, she'd realize what I was going to do and she wouldn't let me, or she'd try to follow, and I didn't want her to die. I'd left her believing that there was hope, and I thought, with me going to the wolves to die, she'd continue to believe it, because she'd never know. I hoped that by the time she realized I'd never come back that she would be ready to move on with her life, that perhaps she'd believe I'd done the same with mine and not even look for me. I hoped that by telling her nothing, she'd be able to find love again and live on, without me, the way she deserved.

I took a step back.

And the reason I knew she wouldn't find out was because it was obvious that Archie truly wasn't looking for my future anymore, because if he had been, they'd have been there before I'd done what I'd done. I was a hundred percent certain of that. So no one but the wolves would know what happened to me, and they'd keep it a secret because they wouldn't want to start a war, the odds would be too even and the wolves would know that.

I took another step back. Then I spun and raced to the edge of what had been the Quileute border before Julie had dropped the treaty.

I fell to my knees there.

It took almost an hour, but finally a chocolate wolf eventually came up close to me. I didn't recognize her so I knew it had to be Quilla or Sarah, unless even more had shifted. She was bigger around the girth than Embrianna, but otherwise about the same size as her.

I knew my pitch black sunglasses protected my eyes so she currently wouldn't be able to see my eye color yet.

She let out a strange mix of a whine and a bark. I had no clue what it meant.

"You have to be Quilla or Sarah, I'm sorry I'm not sure which. Get Sam. Please." I reached up and pulled my glasses off so she could see my eyes. So she could know.

She looked at me for several seconds before she turned and raced away.

I bowed my head, closing my eyes as I waited.

…

Twenty minutes later, the sound I heard wasn't paws, it was feet.

I also knew who was coming toward me wasn't Sam.

The feet stopped in front of me, but I didn't open my eyes.

"No," she said, adamantly.

I opened my eyes then, looking at her so she could see for herself what the wolf had already seen.

She bent down and took my hands, yanking on my hands until I stood up the way she wanted me to.

"No," she said again as she pulled me over the border.


End file.
